Deceptions, Lies, and Butterflies

As John and she made their way back to the hotel, he couldn't help wondering if everything was okay. Melissa had said she didn't feel well and she didn't look it. Could she be coming down with something? Or was it really something else? He frowned at the possibility and then pushed those thoughts aside. No. They had a very busy day and she was probably just exhausted. When they arrived back at the hotel, they parted ways going to their respective rooms. Although he hadn't said as much, John planned on checking on Melissa in a few hours.

Melissa hadn’t even gotten the door closed behind her when she started to cry. By the time she made it to her bed she was sobbing. How could she be so awful? She was lying to John about who she was, and she was lying to herself about her feelings for him. It was more than just affection and she knew it. And he was so wonderful to her and treated her so perfectly and all she had done was lead him to believe she was someone else. She should have been up front with him from the beginning. No, she should have never even come. Then she wouldn’t be hurting both of them. It would have been better for him to have been disappointed in the beginning.

Finally falling into a fitful sleep, Melissa dreamed of losing John. In one dream he found out the truth while they were in Sydney and he hated her, truly hated her, for her betrayal. In another they were back in Los Angeles when he found out the truth; again, his animosity was evident as he laughed at her and asked her how she ever thought he could love her. The last dream had them in a fiery plane crash and only she survived. He was gone, leaving her alone in an unfamiliar place. She kept calling his name over and over, and tried to find him, yet he never answered.

Melissa had been resting for several hours and John thought it would be a good time to check on her. He had eaten a light dinner and had room service send up some soup for her. As he approached the door to Melissa's room he heard her crying out.

"John! John!"

What was wrong? John quickly yanked open the door. Melissa was still in bed and appeared to be having a nightmare. "Stacy?" he said, shaking her. "Shhh. It's okay," he whispered, as she started to wake. "I'm here. It was just a bad dream." He could see that she was shivering and rubbed her back in an attempt to calm her.

“John?” Melissa woke from the dream to find that John was there and it had indeed been just a dream, albeit a bad one. She took a minute to catch her breath and let her heart rate return to normal. She fingered the necklace she was wearing, the one he had given her. Tears started anew as guilt washed over her.

"Shhh," John said again. He then lifted himself onto the bed next to Melissa. "It's okay," he said, taking her into his arms. "I'm not going anywhere." John didn't know what she had dreamed about, but knew it must have been very scary for her to be so upset. He kissed the top of her head, while stroking her hair.

Melissa allowed herself to be comforted. It felt so good to be in his arms. She wrapped her arms around him and snuggled closer, held him tighter. As the tears faded she longed to be even closer to him. She tilted her head up to him and captured his mouth in a kiss.

Her statements at the ice cream shop had continued to nag John until this moment. Closing his eyes, all of his previous worries faded away as he savored the kiss they shared. As their kisses increased in intensity, John maneuvered their position so that he was now on his back, with Melissa lying across his chest.

Melissa let her hands roam over his chest and his arms. As they continued their exploration she slowly undid the buttons on his shirt, wanting to be closer to him. She briefly wondered how far they would be able to go and then decided that she should let him set the pace.

Continuing to kiss Melissa, John moaned as she ran her hands over his chest. He tugged at her top until his own hands were on her back, enjoying the feel of her warm skin. After a few moments, John reached around and undid a couple of the top buttons on her blouse, kissing the exposed skin.

Melissa felt a low groan escape her throat as he continued to trail his kisses along her collarbone. She stopped him long enough to pull her blouse over her head, not taking the time to bother with the buttons. She recaptured his mouth as she pressed against him, tugging at the hem of his t-shirt.

Returning her kisses once more, John could feel her pulling on his t-shirt. Gently pushing her so that he could free himself from his button down shirt, he then pulled the t-shirt over his head. Melissa was now sitting bare-chested, except for her bra. She was so beautiful. He reached up and caressed her breasts.

At his touch she closed her eyes and titled her head back. She had never wanted to be with anyone as badly as she wanted to be with John, right now. She said his name in a moan, her breath hitching when he began teasing first one nipple and then the other. “John… I don’t know… how far…” She didn’t know how to finish her question without embarrassing them both but she honestly didn’t know what he was capable of physically.

Misunderstanding what she was saying, John replied, "Only as far as you want." He caressed her cheek, smiling up at her. "You're so beautiful," he added.

Melissa’s heart ripped in two at his words and she shook her head. She didn’t feel beautiful at all; she felt very ugly. She squeezed her eyes shut in an effort to keep the tears at bay. She looked away and realized he was waiting for a reply. When she looked in John’s eyes she let all the anxiety wash away. She whispered, “I want to be with you. As much as possible.”

Her words said one thing, but John couldn't help notice Melissa’s body language. "Are you sure?" he asked tenderly. "Whatever you want is okay," he assured her. John brushed the hair out of her face.

In answer to his question, Melissa reached back to unhook her bra, allowing him complete access to her breasts. She pressed up against him and began kissing him with a passion she didn’t know she had.

When she removed her bra, it was more than enough of an answer for John. His body was on fire, as her flesh met his. He moaned, while exploring Melissa’s mouth with his tongue.

Without thinking, Melissa allowed her hands to continue exploring his body. As her hand brushed across John’s crotch she was startled to find that he was hard. She looked at him in surprise, not knowing what she expected from him. She hesitated before touching him again.

John saw her stop and glance up, uncertainty etched across her features. "It's okay," he said. "I...." He had never been with a woman since being in the wheelchair. He had always felt embarrassed about his disability. Until Melissa. He had no feeling, whatsoever, below his waist and he desperately wanted to experience everything with her. But he knew he just had to accept what he could have with her. The notion that she even wanted to be with him - that she wanted to touch him - turned him on in a way he never thought imaginable. "I can't feel... there," John finally explained, his face flushing slightly. What if she didn't want to follow through, after he told her? However, he knew he could only be honest with her. "But I can... I can still do everything." He found he could not bring his gaze to meet hers.

“John….” Melissa whispered his name and smoothed his brow. “I am happy with whatever you have to give; whatever you want to give. Just being with you, here, now, like this, is enough. I love…” Melissa hesitated a fraction of a second before continuing, “being with you.”

Pulling her back to him, John kissed Melissa’s forehead. "Thank you," he said barely over a whisper. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to have her. "It's okay if you touch me," he finally said. "I'd like that." Even if he couldn't feel it, John knew just knowing she was touching him would mean the world to him.

Melissa wanted to give John everything that he needed from her. He deserved to be happy, and for the moment, she wanted to be happy too. She sat back and unbuttoned his pants, slowly lowering the zipper. She slid her hand under his boxers and ran it up and down his length. It was amazing that his body was still able to respond, and she loved the way he felt. As she continued stroking him she began covering his chest with kisses before making her way back to his mouth.

Moaning at her touch, John was only mildly surprised at how good it felt, in spite of his lack of feeling below his waist. He had always known that one of the biggest pleasures from sex was in the mind. John kissed Melissa deeply, as she continued to stroke him. He then tugged on her waistband in an attempt to finish undressing her. She took over, standing up beside the bed and slowly removed her pants. Standing there in just her panties she looked at him on the bed. John could feel his heart racing and his breathing becoming more ragged, as he watched her undress. He wanted her more than anything in the world.

Melissa ignored the little voice in her head that told her to stop and instead she smiled at John. She moved to the end of the bed and removed each of his shoes and then tugged his pants off. Next she slowly removed his boxers, running her hands along his shaft as she did so. Finally, she very seductively removed her panties and settled back on the bed, but rather than lay beside him she lay on top of him relishing the feeing of his skin on hers.

A low groan emitted from John’s throat as Melissa pressed herself against him once more. He desperately wanted to be inside her. Kissing her, he then lifted her slightly lowering her onto him so that he filled her. As he did so, another moan escaped his lips.

Melissa loved the feeling she had as John entered her. Sex had always been just that – sex. But with him it was different. She felt the emotions behind the physical actions. She had a connection with him that she had never experienced before. It was like he was made to be with her. She moved her hips in a rhythm that soon had her moaning in ecstasy. Her body rocked with her climax.

Watching her motions aroused John in a manner he had never dreamed possible. The look of pleasure on Melissa’s face made him feel like he was in heaven. In spite of his limitations, he had been able to please her and that was all that mattered to him. Just knowing he had that capability made him happier than he had ever felt. Not simply for himself, but because he had experienced it with her. As she reached orgasm, he closed his eyes enjoying the rocking motion. He thought about how it felt to make love, before his disability. All of the feelings and emotions. Concentrating on this and her actions, he was pleasantly surprised, as well as delighted with the result. As Melissa came, he felt his own orgasm as he, too, climaxed and called out her name. When Melissa was done, he pulled her to where she was laying on his chest once more. Lazily stroking her hair, he soon drifted into a peaceful sleep.

With the steady rhythm of John’s breathing indicating sleep, Melissa rolled to his side to face away from him. What had she just done? His calling her by her sister’s name once again reminded her of the lie she was living. And now she had made love with him – it was making love, she knew. Simple sex had never been that good. The connection they shared was more than just physical. The way she felt with him inside of her.... A horrible thought suddenly occurred to her. They hadn’t used any protection. Oh God. What if she was pregnant? How would she ever explain to him that not only was she not who he thought, but that she was going to have his child? No matter what, he was going to hate her. She had never in her life felt so miserable. She couldn’t stop the tears from flowing as she considered the consequences of her actions.

John had been sleeping rather soundly, when he was suddenly awakened. Opening his eyes, he realized Melissa was crying softly. Pulling himself to where he was turned slightly toward her, he reached over and stroked her hair. "What's the matter, Stacy?" he asked. Was she now regretting what they had done? The thought caused his heart to ache. But wouldn't she have left the bed, if that were the case? Perhaps not. "Look at me," he said gently, urging her to roll over.

Melissa shook her head. “I can’t.” The tears flowed more strongly now. John was being so kind and she didn’t deserve his kindness. She whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

John had continued stroking Melissa's hair, but when she spoke those words he hesitated. What was really going on? Shifting a little more, he rolled her onto her back. "Please, talk to me," he persisted, hurt showing in his eyes. He was genuinely concerned about her, at the same time; something continued to nag at him.

Melissa looked in his eyes, longing to tell him the truth. Instead she voiced her concern about their lack of protection. “John, we didn’t… I mean, what if I get….” She squeezed her eyes shut again as the tears continued to fall.

What if she got what? John then realized what Melissa must have been thinking. "Pregnant?" he said, finishing her sentence. His face flushed slightly, as he glanced away. "You can't. I mean..." He looked at her again. "I can't have children." Lowering his eyes once more, he thought about what he had said. He had known that his disability prevented him from having children, but the thought still made him sad. He then returned his attention to Melissa. "But, I should have offered to use protection, anyway." If nothing else it would have prevented any anxiety. “And... well, they did lots of tests on me. So, I can promise you won't get anything from me," he assured her. "Since..." John glanced away again. "Well... I haven't been with anyone since... Helen." He hated bringing up his former lover in this awkward situation, but he felt it was best to be as upfront as possible.

Reaching up to caress his cheek, Melissa whispered his name. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know….”

John leaned into her touch. "It's okay," he said quietly. "I didn't expect you to."

Glancing up at John, Melissa kissed him very tenderly. She snuggled next to him, wrapping her arms around him. Still, she couldn’t stop the tears from escaping. “I wish things were different. I wish I could give you everything you want. John, I…” she took a deep breath before continuing, “I’m in love with you.”

He was about to reply to Melissa's first comment, when John her heard her last words. She was in love with him? Had he heard correctly? His mind was racing and he suddenly was finding it difficult to breathe. What was the matter with him? He knew he was head over heels for this woman. He knew he was falling hard and fast. But was he ready to give his heart to her completely? He had not felt this way for any woman besides Helen. He realized he felt it even more with Melissa. He had never felt so connected to one person. That it was so right. But, even after all these years, his heart still ached from what Helen had done to him. He just couldn't bring himself to say those words. At least, not yet. Glancing at her beside him, he replied with another kiss.

Even though he didn’t respond verbally, Melissa didn’t regret telling John that she loved him. She wanted him to know, just in case… No, she wouldn’t think about what would happen if he found out the truth. She would instead concentrate on the here and now. She returned his kiss with passion before snuggling as close to him as possible. She wanted to remember every kiss, every touch, every sight and sound and scent. She looked in his eyes and murmured, “Please don’t let this ever end.”

Wrapping his arms tightly around Melissa, John smiled. He had no intention on letting it ever end. "I won't," he said softly. "I'm the luckiest man alive," he added, before kissing her on top of the head. Closing his eyes, he took in her scent. Moments later they were both fast asleep.