Old Ghosts and New Friends

Disclaimer: I don't own The Dukes of Hazzard or The Magnificent Seven, not making any money; just cheap thrills.


Warnings: Slash, Incest, Established Couple, Angst, Graphic Discussion of Rape Involving a Minor


Pairings: Bo/Luke Duke and Vin Tanner/Ezra Standish


Rating: FRAO


Archive: Yes


Make me happy, please read and review.

Old Ghosts and New Friends
Chapter 6


"Another nightmare?" Luke asked, slipping his arms around Bo.


"Yeah," Bo whispered, as he looked out the window of their room. Enjoying the feel of Luke's arms around him, drawing strength from his lover, Bo leaned back against Luke. "I just wish it would stop, every time I think I'm past it something happens and then the nightmares start again. When is it gonna finally be over? How long will Jeff Miller be a part of my life?"


"I wish I could tell you the answer to that darlin. I'd give everything I have if I could take away your pain." Hesitating for a moment, Luke wasn't at all sure how his suggestion would be taken. But knowing he had to do something, he went on, "Bo have ya thought about talking to Josiah? I know you're not real comfortable with the idea of talking to somebody you don't really know. ...Josiah may be right though when he said it's easier to talk to a stranger."


"Believe it or not Luke, I have been thinking about it, pretty much what you just said too. It might be easier to talk to him, I mean with Josiah I don't have to worry about upsetting him. Don't have to be afraid he'll start feeling guilty, I just wasn't sure how you'd feel about it. I don't want to upset or hurt you Luke, you're my life and hurting you is the last thing I'd ever want to do," Bo softly stated, surprising Luke with his words.


"Bo, I don't want you to worry about that," Luke assured him, tightening his hold on his lover. "All I want you to worry about right now is yourself. If you do what is best for you, what will help you to deal with the past, ya can't help but make me happy darlin. Come on back to bed Bo and tommorrow you can talk to Josiah,... if you want to."


The next morning after chores were completed, Bo slipped away and climbed into the hayloft. Sitting in the loft, watching out the door as his family moved about the place, he wondered if he could really do this. Would he be able to tell Josiah about the things Jeff had done to him? How detailed would he have to be? Bo had never had any experience with counseling, the closest he'd ever gotten would be talking to Uncle Jesse or the preacher. Somehow he didn't think talking to Josiah would be quite like that, but Lord he was so tired of fighting the memories over and over again. He supposed if talking to Josiah would help get rid of the nightmares, he knew nothing would ever get rid of the memories, but if it would get rid of the nightmares, he'd talk to Josiah. Heck he'd talk to whoever he had to, anything to make the nightmares stop. Making up his mind, Bo climbed down from the loft and went in search of Josiah.


"Josiah could I talk to you, privately?" Bo asked quietly, as he came up to where Josiah sat watching the chickens milling about the yard.


"Sure Bo, how about we go for a walk?" Josiah suggested, coming to his feet.


As they walked neither man said anything at first. Josiah was simply waiting, not wanting to scare Bo away. For Bo's part, he was just trying to work up his nerve, not sure where he should start. When they got to the creek, Bo sat down on a large rock and began skimming stones across the creek, trying to decide where to start. "Um...how much did Uncle Jesse tell you?"


"Not much Bo, he only told us that you'd been hurt when you were fifteen and that it was somebody you trusted. He didn't tell us anything other than that, I swear."


"Right, you told us that the other night, guess I forgot. ...So what exactly does talking to you mean? You said you have training, but I ain't never been to any kind of counselor, what's it like?" Bo asked nervously.


"I know you're nervous Bo, but it's really nothing to be scared of. All we'd do is talk, like we are right now. We could talk about anything you wanted to, we don't have to talk about whatever happened to you unless you want. Of course normally counseling is done just a couple of times a week, but I'll only be here for a couple of weeks, so I think we'd need to meet, say every other day. And Bo, you need to understand, no matter how much we accomplish, this is just a start. This won't make everything magically go away, but hopefully it will put you well on the road to dealing with your past." Seeing that Bo was looking a bit overwhelmed by what he'd told him, Josiah realized he needed to relieve some of Bo's fear. "I don't think you should worry about it too much Bo. I've been watching you, I think you've already done a lot of healing on your own. Talking about it may not be easy, but you've done so much on your own that I'm sure you can handle it. So did you want to start now or do you want to start tommorrow?" Josiah asked, laying a supportive hand on Bo's shoulder.


For several minutes Bo didn't answer, just kept skimming stones. "I guess we might as well start now, ...so do I just start talking or do you ask questions?"


"Tell you what, I'll ask a couple of questions to get you started. I think once you start it'll be a lot easier, the first step is always the hardest." After Bo nodded in agreement, Josiah got started. "Who was it that hurt you?" he gently questioned.


"It was...it was a boy named Jeff Miller. He was, well I thought he was my friend. Luke was in the Marines and he'd already been gone for a year when I met Jeff. See me and Luke had always spent a lot of time together, even though he's older than me. I had asthma when I was little and that made it hard for me to run and play with the other kids. Well Luke, he wouldn't let me just sit and watch everybody else having fun. He always found some way to include me, I loved him for that, but it also meant that my friends were also Luke's friends. So when I was fifteen, all of my friends were off working, or like Luke, they were in the military and I was about as lonely as I'd ever been."


"That when you met Jeff?" Josiah asked, when Bo stopped and turned away from him.


"Yeah...yeah that's when I met Jeff. He was the same age as Luke, but he didn't have to work much, his mom took care of him. His mom grew up in Hazzard and she had moved back here after his dad passed on. She opened a bakery and Jeff only had to help her with the opening each morning, then he had the rest of the day free. We started hanging out with each other, we spent every day together, except Sunday, Uncle Jesse insisted I spend that day with family. Those first few months it was just after school and on Saturday, then school let out and we were together all the time. It...it," Bo couldn't go on, couldn't seem to breathe right as he tried to tell Josiah about the start of his nightmare. Taking a deep breath, and then another, he went on, "It was mid-June and it was a hot day. We'd been helping Uncle Jesse that morning and by noon we were both pretty hot. Soon as we were done with the fence work, Uncle Jesse said I could take off. We ended up going down to the swimming hole to go skinny dipping. A little while after we got there Jeff got out and went over by his clothes. He just laid there watching me, I didn't think anything about it, we've all lots of times let the sun dry us before we got dressed. When I got out of the water, I headed right for my clothes, but before I could get there..." jumping to his feet Bo took several steps away from Josiah.


Watching Bo stand by the creek, his arms wrapped around himself as though trying to get warm, Josiah's heart ached for the younger man. "You're doing fine Bo. Can you tell me what happened next?"


"Jeff tackled me,...I didn't even get the chance to fight back, he had a knife that he put to my throat."Bo began again, keeping his back to Josiah. "Said if I fought he'd kill me, I could feel him against me. I hadn't never been so scared in my life, but I didn't want to die, so I didn't fight. ...When he was through raping me, he told me to get dressed and he'd take me home."Bo told him, staring at the ground, while the feelings of shame washed over him.


"Bo, look at me please. You have nothing to feel ashamed of, you did the only thing you could've in that situation. If you had fought back he would've killed you." Josiah assured him. "When did you tell your Uncle?"


"Five years later, I didn't have any choice. Jeff said he'd kill anybody I told, I thought he was just bluffing. When I got home, he didn't bring me up the drive, just dropped me at the end. When I walked up to the house, Uncle Jesse was outside by the porch, sharpening his ax, so I started to tell him. Before I could say anything there was a gunshot, it hit the edge of the porch. Uncle Jesse thought it was just a careless hunter, but I knew better, knew it was Jeff. So I kept my mouth shut and was forced to do what he told me to." Bo finished, tears streaming down his face.


"What do you mean, you had to do what he told you? Did this happen more than once?" Josiah asked. Bo nodded miserably, unable to go on with his story right then. "Thank you for tellin me about this Bo, I know it was hard for you to share that. I think that's enough for today, why don't you stay down here and I'll send Luke down to join you. You can tell me the rest next time. Until then I want you to think about how it made you feel. Not just the surface feelings but deep down, it won't be easy but it's necessary. Will you do that for me Bo?" Getting a nod, Josiah gave him a friendly pat on the back and went to find Luke.


Bo startled when Luke sat down beside him and wrapped an arm around him. "You okay?"


"No, but I will be. You'd think it'd get easier to tell, as many times as I've had to."Bo told him, leaning into Luke's comforting embrace.


"Aw Bo, I wish I could take away your pain. I guess maybe that's why it's still hard to tell the story. Even though you told me, Uncle Jesse and Daisy about it, and you've done great at moving on, you've never really dealt with the pain. I just hope Josiah can help you with that," Luke told him as he rubbed gentle circles on Bo's back.


"Maybe, ...I sure hope so. He wants to talk again in a couple of days, and he wants me to think about how it made me feel deep down inside. ...Luke can we stay down here for a while? I just want to be alone with you right now. I'm not sure I can handle being around anybody else right now, and Luke when we go back, could we not tell anybody that I'm talking to Josiah about it, okay?"


"Sure we can Bo, if that's what you need. Whatever you need darlin, whatever you need," Luke said, brushing a gentle kiss across Bo's lips. For the next hour the two of them sat watching the water rippling as they took turns skimming stones and just enjoying the time alone.


A couple of days later, Josiah and Bo again met down at the creek. At first neither man spoke, Bo had expected Josiah to start with a question, like last time. After several minutes, when he didn't, Bo knew he would have to start. "I told you before that Jeff raped me and threatened to kill anybody I told. What I didn't tell you is that...he also said I was his...his whore. He said I was his property and that he expected me to keep hanging out with him every day just like before. Except now he expected me to let him use me, whenever and however he wanted to. I didn't want to, but after he took that shot at Uncle Jesse, I knew I didn't have any choice. So I did what I was told, I met him every day and I learned the rules."


"Rules?"


"Yeah rules," Bo spoke bitterly, "I couldn't talk unless he asked me a question or he said I could. I had to do whatever he said and if I didn't, I'd be punished by having to watch somebody I love die."


"How long did this go on Bo?" Josiah asked, shocked at what he was hearing. He had certainly never expected Bo's story to be as bad as this.


"Six months, the six longest months of my life, it only stopped then because his mom moved off to Atlanta. She'd found a boyfriend and wanted to be closer to him, when she moved she took Jeff with her and I was finally free."


"That must have been horrible for you, I can't begin to imagine what that would have been like. Can you tell me how it made you feel?" Josiah asked, knowing the question would anger the younger man.


"How it made me feel? I felt angry that's how I felt. Angry and scared and...and...worthless. I hated him for what he was doing to me, but I hated myself too. Hated myself for letting him get away with it, so much that I even thought about killing myself." Bo ended with a whisper, so quiet Josiah almost didn't hear him.


"What stopped you?" Josiah asked, not really surprised he'd thought about it.


"Luke mostly...I knew if I killed myself it would hurt Uncle Jesse and Daisy, and I didn't want to do that. But what really stopped me was the thought of disappointing Luke, of letting him down. I mean there he was in the Marines, fighting in a war, how could I be a coward when Luke was risking his life every day?"


"Have you ever told Luke?"


"Are you kidding? No way, he already feels bad because he wasn't here to protect me. Because even when he was here, he couldn't protect me, not even from.... I 'm not about to add to that by telling him I thought about killing myself."


"Do you ever think about it now?" Josiah asked, concern evident in his voice.


"No, I haven't thought about that in a while now."


"How do you feel right now, with all of these memories coming back up?" Josiah asked, glad that Bo no longer thought of suicide.


"I'm not sure. ...No that's not true, I'm angry, as angry as I've ever felt in my life!"


"What exactly are you angry about Bo?"


"I'm angry about all of it. That man who kidnapped Michael and the pictures he took of those other boys. How could anybody do that to a little kid?" Bo began to angrily walk away from Josiah after asking this question.


Stopping and turning suddenly, he went back to the creek bank, where Josiah stood waiting. "You know what I'm really angry about though? Jeff! I'm so mad at him for what he did to me, and I'm mad cause I can't get rid of the memories. Every time I think I've dealt with it, I find out I'm wrong, and that makes me mad at myself. Why can't I let go of it? Why do I have to keep reliving it? WHY?" Bo screamed as he fell to his knees.


Allowing Bo a few minutes to pull himself together. Josiah carefully considered what to say next. "That's the problem right there, I know you think you've been dealing with it, only to find you haven't. What you have to realize though is that you have dealt with it, amazingly well. However something like this, never goes completely away. Bo for six months Jeff raped you, almost every day and that will always be there. It's a part of who you are and though you hate that, you'll have to learn to live with it. I think what's been giving you so much trouble is that all these years you've been fighting that reality."


"Then what's the point of talking to you, if I just have to learn to live with it? Is this just your idea of fun? Ya want to hear all about it? Is that it?" Bo yelled, growing angrier by the second. "You want to know how it felt when he forced his dick inside of me? It was the worst pain I've ever felt, and I thought I was going to die. Then I was afraid I wouldn't die and I thought that was the worst thing he could ever do to me. But I was wrong, there was worse, for six months he showed me just how much he could hurt me. Cause he didn't just rape me, that would have been bad enough, but it wasn't enough for him. He forced me to use my mouth on him. He held a knife to my throat and forced me to beg him to fuck me, to let me use my mouth on him. And every day, every time he was finished with me, I had to say thank you and ask if I could come back the next day. Is that what you wanted to know Josiah? I should've known you weren't trying to help, you're just one more person who wants to use me."


As Bo sat on the ground shaking from anger, Josiah sat down next to him, unaware Ezra was watching. He hadn't meant to listen in, he had been down by the creek when Bo and Josiah showed up. Before he could make his presence known they had started to talk, and when he heard what they were discussing he couldn't stop himself from listening. Shocked at what he had learned, and suddenly ashamed of having listened in, he began to leave, when he heard Josiah speak again.


"Bo, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. Nobody should ever have to experience something so horrific, especially a child. You asked what the point of talking is, it's not what you just suggested. I'm not doing this to get some sort of sick thrill out of it, I just want to help you son. Now while it's true that what you went through will always be a part of you and you'll never forget it. What therapy will do is help you deal with the feelings that experience caused. Feelings you've never really dealt with before, the deeper feelings of anger, the feeling of worthlessness, the fear and the guilt." Pausing a moment to let that sink in, Josiah asked his next question, before Bo could get lost in thinking about Josiah's statement.


"Bo you said I was just one more person to use you, did somebody else hurt you like Jeff did?"


"Not exactly, sort of, but I don't want to talk about that, please?"


"It's alright we don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. Bo did you ever get the chance to confront Jeff?" Josiah asked, seeing that Bo wasn't ready to talk about anybody else who had hurt him.


"Well in a way I did. Six years after that he came back to Hazzard and kidnapped me. It took Luke three days to find me, three days for Jeff to hurt me and rape me. This time though, this time he was arrested and I testified at his trial. I didn't get to talk to him and telling a room full of strangers about what he did. ...That was almost as bad as going through it again, but I did feel better afterwards, like a load had been lifted," Bo said, finally beginning to calm down.


"That's good Bo, I'm glad you made sure he was punished for what he did, ...and I think that's enough for one day. I want you to go home and take a nice long shower and a nap. Before we talk again I want you to think about what we discussed today. I want you to think about what you're feeling, and most importantly why. Why are you angry? Why do you feel worthless and guilty? What exactly are you afraid of? We'll talk about that next time okay?" Receiving a nod from Bo as he helped him to his feet, Josiah let Bo head back to the house first, following after him a few minutes later.


TBC