Infinity

TITLE: Infinity (5C/?)

AUTHOR: Master F&M

FANDOM: Law and Order: SVU

RATING: Everything from PG to R—just like life.

SUMMARY: A Fin fic— to give him a life that the show refuses to give him

DISCLAIMER: L&O: SVU and all its characters belong to Dick Wolf, NBC, and whomever

                          else puts the show out for our enjoyment. I just get to play with them.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Sam is a character of my own creation. She does not exist on the show.

FEEDBACK: Please give some. If no one likes what or how I’m writing, then I should stop

                      posting. But if you do like . . . then let me know so I will keep going.

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.......Fin stared at her in silence, seeing nothing of the girl he had once wanted to marry. He had let
her go, then, without another word on the subject, and it was several months before he or Dorian
saw her again.

CHAPTER 5C

                       With Charlene gone, Fin took time to consider his life and where he was headed.
He knew he had no real future with Charlene, but worried over what would happen to Dorian. He
wanted to be the one who raised their son, but knew he would never win a custody battle if
Charlene chose to fight him. He really didn’t think she would, but didn’t want to risk it should her
parents get involved.

              Exasperated, he even went to his father for advice, knowing he would first have to endure
a litany of “I told you so’s.” His father counseled him that the only way to fight the Carvers and
not lose his son was to be in equally good standing. Go to law school like I told you to, he
admonished, and build a respectable life for yourself. You wanted the responsibility of raising a
child, Vernon told him, now you’re going to have to do it well or lose him.

              Fin had taken his father’s advice to heart and gave up his desire to become a cop. When
Charlene returned from Europe, he discussed with her the possibility of him, too, attending
Columbia Law after he graduated the following semester. She had been delighted. She was glad
to see him getting his priorities straight, she enthused, and thought maybe they would have a
successful life together after all.

               Fin had said nothing at the time, but from that day forward began secretly wishing that
she would just pack her things and leave. It was obvious to him that she cared little for their son,
and thought it would be best if she simply signed over custody and went on her own way. She
didn’t, though, and life for them developed a fairly smooth routine: Fin took care of Dorian and
the apartment, and Charlene signed them up for all the important events they needed to attend to
make the right contacts. Though they rarely shared a bed anymore, she seemed happier at this
point than she had in quite some time, and celebrated the end of her first year in law school on
Dorian’s third birthday.

            Fin’s college graduation had taken place the previous January and was marked only by a
small party his parents had thrown for him to celebrate his commencement as well as his
acceptance into Colombia Law the following fall. He would be one academic year behind
Charlene. Until that time came, Fin spent every moment he could with Dorian. The boy was
thrilled to have his father around all day, and it seemed that everyone was finally happy with the
way things had turned out. Everyone except Fin.

            He did well in law school, determined to make the best of the situation. Charlene had
been pleased with the interest several prestigious firms showed in him, but Fin couldn’t shake the
feeling that he was being dragged some place he didn’t want to go. He had derived no pleasure
from the high marks he scored on his exams, and had to continuously work to suppress his doubts
about his chosen field. He spent every moment he could studying, only occasionally taking time
off to spend a few hours with Nanna or to take Dorian to the circus. As a result, at his graduation
Fin had his choice of several positions within respected firms that were contingent only upon him
passing the bar exam- a feat everyone expected him to accomplish even more easily than Charlene
had the year before.

            Charlene’s father had secured a position for her within a good firm where she would be
able to quickly advance, and had made gestures indicating that he could do the same for Fin. His
father, Vernon, had made gestures, too, pointing in which direction he thought his son should go
and to which firm. For her part, Charlene had begun shopping for a home near her parents, and
had dropped several hints about possible honeymoon sites.

            It was during a quiet afternoon with Dorian, who had then been seven, that Fin found
himself again. His son had looked at him, beaming, and told him that he wanted to be just like his
dad. In that moment, Fin knew he could not continue to live his life as he had. What example
would he be to Dorian if he lived his life for everyone but himself? Would he want his son, like
him, to choose a path that was successful by some standards, but made him unhappy? Wouldn’t
the best choice be the one where he was true to himself and that allowed him to follow his own
dreams? He had not wanted to be a lawyer, and still didn’t. He had grasped at the option out of
fear and desperation, but knew he could not allow it to go any further.

            That night he had gone to his parents’ home and had quietly explained to them that he
would not be taking the bar; that in a few weeks he planned to apply to the NYPD academy and
hoped to become the cop he had wanted to be. He was sorry that he had wasted the past four
years, and though he couldn’t and wouldn’t blame them for being disappointed, he hoped they
could at least understand why he had to do what he was doing. Unfortunately, the storm he had
been expecting broke, and his family railed against him. Through her tears, his mother repeatedly
asked why he insisted on ruining his life, while his sisters (both now in college) said he was selfish
and an ingrate, and called him everything from stupid to a future deliquent. His father, whose
reaction Fin feared the most, told him he believed his son was a failure and a fool. He said he was
disgusted with him and that he no longer held out any hope for him. Fin was then asked to leave
the Tutuola home.

            Ripped by his family’s rejection, Fin had managed to hold his emotions in check until he
was home. He broke down there and had to keep reassuring himself that he had done the right
thing, the best thing for himself and for his son.

            Home did not provide much of a haven, however, when Charlene returned and Fin broke
the news to her. She had been livid and flew into a rage, screaming at him about having wasted
years of her life on him. It was not long after that Fin lived the day that would continuously haunt
his dreams.

            Shortly after his acceptance into the police academy, Fin had come home and found the
apartment he still shared with Charlene empty. She had completely removed anything that could
have even remotely been associated with her or Dorian: clothing, toys, furniture, mementoes.
Even every photo of either of them had been taken. Nothing was left except Fin’s clothing and
his own personal belongings. He had stood in the doorway in shock and disbelief, then frantically
searched each room for any sign of where his son might have been taken, but to no avail. Dorian
was gone. Waves of guilt washed over Fin as he remembered all the times he had wished
Charlene would leave, never expecting she would take Dorian with her.

            Fruitlessly, he checked each room again and again, until, resigned, he sat staring at the
only picture he had left of his son; the one he always carried in his briefcase; the one of the two of
them at the circus.

— ---- — ---- — — — — — — — — — ---- ---- — — — — — — — — — — — — — ---

            Fin fidgeted in his sleep as he came to the part in his dream where he begins to search the
rooms of his old apartment for signs of his son. Always in his nightmares, though, he can hear
Dorian crying and calling out for him.

            “Daddy! Daddy, where are you?”

             He runs through each room, calling back, trying to reassure Dorian that he will find him,
but suddenly his apartment is enormous and there are an infinite number of rooms to search.

            “DAD! DADDY, HELP ME!”

              As Dorian’s cries become louder and more fearful, Fin anxiously begins to run. Now
some of the doors are locked and he cannot get through. He pounds on them helplessly before
hearing Dorian’s screams coming from another direction, and turns to follow them.

            “I need you, Daddy! Please! Help me! I don’t wanna go!”

              As the pleas become more desperate, they also grow more faint. Fin sobs, as he
somehow knows that if he cannot get to his son now, he will never see him again.

            “NO! No! ...no...”

            In an utter state of panic, Fin flings open another door only to find the room empty.
Straining to hear Doriaw, hw, he begins to turn another knob when he is jolted awake by the ring
of his cell phone. Momentarily dazed, he is confused as to why he’s in bed, then realizes that he
had been dreaming.

            He reaches for the phone while roughly wiping the tears from his face.

            “Tutuola.”

            “Sorry to wake you, partner, but ink ink we might have another victim. A little girl was
snatched while walking home from a friend’s house. It was only half a block away.”

            “Shit. What the hell were her parents thinking, making her walk home alone while there’s
a fucking pervert on the loose!”

            Munch paused, confused by Fin’s anger and not sure where it was directed. “No one
made her walk by herself, and believe me, her parents are feeling more than enough guilt as it is,
so are you coming out here now, or what?”

            “Yeah, I’ll be there. What’s the address? Okay, got it.”

            Fin hung up the phone, then laid on his back, trying to settle himself before he went out to
deal with the girl’s parents. Why didn’t everyone keep an eye on their kids at all times? Didn’t
they know how easily they could lose them? He sighed, then hauled himself out of bed. Some-

times, he thought, I really hate this job.