Golem

Julian overslept after having stayed up exceptionally late writing and editing. For the most part he could do as he liked, having no set working schedule, but he tried to keep his life organized and departmentalized. Lately he had been in the habit of getting up early and visiting the Liberty Diner before the breakfast rush hit. Today, however, he had slept later than planned and was running a little late.

Luck was on Julian's side. He managed to find an empty booth fairly near the front of the diner. He slid into the seat, facing the door and front windows as he always did so that he could people-watch when he wasn't tied up in conversation with the wait staff.

Before he even had time to settle in properly, Debbie was there, coffeepot in hand.

"So you did decide to grace us with your presence this morning," she teased him good-naturedly.

Julian beamed a smile up at her. "You know I could never go a day without seeing you, love," he responded, pasting on his best love-struck expression.

Debbie laughed and waved away his flattery. Someone from another table called her, and she shouted back for him to hold on to his ass a minute. She took Julian's order quickly and moved on.

Julian watched Debbie as she flitted around the diner, talking and laughing with the patrons. They had been friends of a sort since the first time he set foot in the diner the day he had moved to Pittsburgh to be with Nicky. She constantly doled out unsolicited advice and was always interested in knowing what Julian - who she knew as Ian - had been up to. For months, his early morning conversations with Debbie had been one of the better parts of his new life in the Pitts. He had been more than a little shocked when he found out that Debbie was the mother of Brian's boyfriend. Julian worried sometimes what would happen to his friendship with this dynamic woman when Brian finally decided he was ready to take the next step.

Debbie returned with his order, and he bantered with her a little more before she had to move along. He turned to his meal, letting his eyes wander to the world beyond the diner windows. He watched as an angry-looking man stalked into the diner and marched past Julian's booth to settle in the one behind him.

"Michael...sweetie...what's wrong?" he heard an almost-effeminate male voice asking. The mention of the name 'Michael,' common as it might be, grabbed his attention.

"Fucking Brian!" another voice exclaimed angrily. Julian set his fork aside and waited, listening intently.

"What did he do this time?" a third, deeper, male voice asked.

"He fucking cheated on me!" Michael snapped.

"Are you sure?" the deeper voice asked, sounding concerned.

"I went to his office yesterday to take him to lunch, and I saw him. He was kissing some other guy. When I confronted him last night, he even told me the guy's name - Julian."

"Michael," the deeper voice said, "I know you don't want to hear this..."

"Then don't say it," Michael told him.

"Michael, honey," the effeminate one said, "If you need a place to stay..."

"Thanks, Em," Michael said, sounding genuinely grateful. "I'm not sure what I'm going to do right now."

"The first thing you're going to do is get tested," the deep voice reasoned. "You should never have..."

"I know," Michael snapped. "Brian says he never fucked the guy, but it's not like I can trust him."

"I have to go," Em said abruptly. "Duty calls. Let me know if you need anything," he added.

Julian looked up as the man walked by, committing the man's face to memory. His appetite gone, he fished out enough money to cover his tab, shrugged into his jacket, and left. Fuming, he grabbed a cab and headed for Vangard.

*

When Brian arrived at work, Julian was waiting for him in his office.

"You look like shit," Julian told him.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Why didn't you call me?"

Brian slumped into his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Call you for what reason?"

"Jesus, Brian, cut the bullshit," Julian snapped. "I know Michael knows," he said more gently.

Brian dropped his hand and stared at Julian.

"I was at the Liberty Diner this morning. I overheard him telling some people that he saw us together and that he confronted you last night." He paused for a moment, then asked again "Why didn't you call me, Brian? You didn't have to face it alone, you know."

Brian smirked. "Who said I was alone? Besides, I can take care of myself. I don't need your help - or anyone else's."

"Right. Because you've done such a damn good job of looking after yourself so far," Julian replied heatedly, stalking across the room to lean threateningly over Brian's desk. "Your way of dealing with a crisis is still getting drunk, getting high, and getting laid, isn't it? In spite of all your pretty words about wanting to change, wanting to be a better man. Well, as surprising as it may seem, you've never going to change unless you really want to, Brian. You have to want to, and you have to be willing to admit that you do, occasionally, need help." He straightened, the fury in his eyes replaced with sorrow. "I have to go," he said. "But... I just want you to know, to understand, that even though I'm completely pissed off at you, I'm still here for you if you need me." He turned and was almost to the door when Brian's voice stopped him.

"Thanks," was all Brian said, but Julian was satisfied - for now. He knew Brian would think about what he had said.

*

Three days later, when he still hadn't heard from Brian, Julian began to feel less sure of himself. Twice he talked himself out of dropping by to check on the other man. He felt if Brian was ever going to become the man he swore he wanted to be, then he would have to start now, by making the first move towards smoothing things over between them. He had to be willing to continue being open with Julian, but he also needed time to come to grips with the recent upheaval in his life. Julian told himself time and again that he would hear from Brian when Brian was ready.

On the fourth day, Julian considered calling Cynthia and asking after Brian. He got as far as dialing the number before hanging up the phone. He would wait.

Later that day, he was awakened from a restless catnap on the sofa by the sound of hushed voices. Brian was at the door, talking quietly to Nicky. Julian shifted slightly on the couch but never opened his eyes, hovering in the grey area between sleep and wakefulness. A moment later, he got just a hint of Brian's cologne and then felt a gentle hand brush the hair back from his face. "He hasn't been sleeping well the last few days," Nicky said, trying hard to mask the accusation she couldn't quite keep from her voice.

"I won't wake him, then," Brian replied. "Can you tell him I stopped by?"

"I'm awake," Julian muttered groggily without opening his eyes. He fumbled a hand out to blindly caress Brian's face and the side of his throat. "Glad you're here." He could feel Brian's smile under his fingertips.

"I just wanted you to know that you're wrong," Brian said.

Julian heard his sister walk out of the room. He warily opened his eyes. "About what exactly?"

Brian's eyes flickered down and then back up to meet Julian's gaze. "I didn't get drunk, get high, and get laid the other night."

His gut knotting with guilt, Julian dragged himself into a sitting position and motioned for Brian to sit beside him. Brian shook his head slightly and remained seated on the floor at Julian's feet.

"It wasn't because I didn't want to," Brian admitted. "I did go to Babylon, and I did have a couple of drinks...okay, more than a couple. But I've stayed away from anything stronger than pot since Michael and I got together. Drugs always made me too unpredictable, too...out of control. I couldn't take the risk that I would do something to fuck up what I had with Michael." He paused, looking troubled. "Fuck it up anymore than it already was, at least. Anyway, I didn't see any of my old connections last night."

"Good," Julian said. "You should only do that shit with your friends around."

"Because they're the only ones that give a fuck about you," Brian said seriously. When Julian took his hand, he threaded their fingers together, grateful for the silent support.

"Well, that's two down. Did you manage to get laid, or has everyone forgotten your legend?" Julian teased.

The comment surprised a genuine laugh out of Brian. "If you call a couple of sub-par blowjobs getting laid, then I guess I did." Julian chuckled and shook his head. "I wanted to tell you that all of this is none of your fucking business," Brian admitted.

"You're right," Julian said. "It's not. Not really. But...I don't want to see you get hurt, Brian. And I especially don't want to see you hurt yourself."

Brian bit back some sort of smartass comment, shook his head slightly. Never letting go of Brian's hand, Julian slipped from the sofa to sit on the floor beside his friend. "Have you talked to any of your friends?"

"Lindsay called a few days ago to remind me that Michael and I were supposed to have dinner with her and Melanie on Friday. She hadn't heard Michael's side of the story yet."

"Did you tell her your side of it?" Brian gave him a look, and Julian sighed. "No, of course you didn't. What did you tell her?"

"That Michael had moved back in with Deb." He hesitated, glancing down at their joined hands. "And I told her that there is someone I want her to meet."

Julian flashed him a wide smile. "I bet that threw her off."

"I'm sure it did, but she didn't let it show. She just told me to bring you with me on Friday."

"Ah. So that's the real reason you decided to make peace. So you could feed me to the wolves," Julian teased.

"Better you than me," Brian replied.

Julian sighed exaggeratedly. "The things I do for...like," he said.

Brian chuckled and leaned in to rest his forehead against Julian's. He wasn't ready to admit it, even to himself, but he was pretty sure that whatever was between him and Julian was more than just 'like'. It wasn't the same as what he had felt for Justin, but there were similarities. That very thought scared him more than he liked to admit.

"One thing at a time," he thought to himself. "First we get through tonight, then we get through tomorrow, then we get through dinner on Friday. You can do this," he told himself.

A short time later, he left for home. He was exhausted - Julian wasn't the only one who hadn't been sleeping well. Now that he knew Julian was still in his corner - and, as far as he knew, might be the only person in his corner - he felt certain he would be able to sleep for a change.

The loft seemed so empty, though, after years of sharing it with Michael. Once, he had cherished his solitude. He could remember telling Justin that the loft was only big enough for one person - Brian. But regardless of the sham that his relationship with Michael had been, it had changed him. He thought that once he slipped the bonds, he'd want to go right back to the wild ways of his youth. But it simply wasn't true. At least not entirely. He didn't mind the thought of being able to go where he wanted, do what he wanted, fuck who he wanted - but he had liked having someone waiting at home for him, someone sleeping beside him in his bed at night - even if that person was Michael. He wasn't yet ready to consider how much more he would like it if the man sharing his bed at night was Julian.