Medical Attention

Chapter six. Relapse.

***

Dr John Carter and Dr Luka Kovac are supposed to be talking today. Talking about what happened last night. With the bath jerking and the oily massage. They are supposed to be talking about their feelings, what it means to both of them, where they are gonna go from here. Whether they are going to be an exclusive couple or just casual sex partners. Whether the women in their lives, or out of it, are going to be a problem. Whether they are going to go public with their affair or have it remain their secret. Whether they are even going to keep seeing each other or not. They really need to talk about that.

However, it’s kinda hard to talk when your mouth is full of someone else’s cock.

Carter wakes up before Luka and spends a good three quarters of an hour just looking at the dark haired Croatian sleeping on his back beside him. Kovac’s half of the sheet has slipped down and his upper body, his stomach and his magnificent manhood are on display. Carter can’t help looking at that last one. Especially because it is erect, as tends to happen to most men in the morning, whether they are dreaming about sex or not. It’s a reflex thing, happens out of their control. It happens to Carter all the time. He’s so used to waking up with a woody, it would worry him if he didn’t. And he has a woody right now. But, unlike most other mornings, it’s not going down. It’s staying hard and that’s because John is perving on Luka’s nakedness, eating him up with his brown eyes while the older man is completely unaware. There’s something very exciting about watching someone without their knowledge. It’s a voyeuristic thing. Like you are peeping in their bedroom window at night. Difference here is, John is IN Luka’s bed and it’s morning. Damn, John muses to himself, following the line of Kovac’s straight nose and sensually-shaped lips, the masculine curve of his whiskered jaw, down past his Adam’s apple and collarbones, the flat nipples surrounded by sprinkles of black hair, the chiselled planes of his chest and stomach. Luka is incredibly handsome. How has he been able to resist him for so long? He must have been wearing those horse blinkers not to notice the rugged sexiness of the guy. Or maybe he has just been purposefully ignoring him. Well, he shall ignore no longer.

He stares at Kovac’s long, thick cock, nestled amongst ebony curls, the tip pointing towards Luka’s belly button. Kovac’s balls are nestled in those curls too and as Carter watches, they tighten, as if the sleeping man is getting rather horny. He doesn’t know what Luka is dreaming about, or even if he dreams at all, but John sure is getting horny. Even more so when he thinks back to last night and what he let Luka do to him. Holy Moses, that was intense; having Kovac’s skilled fingers inside of him, pleasing him in a way he’s never experienced before. He’s been experiencing a lot of new pleasures this year and it all started when he first followed Luka into that supply closet. He could have just as easily not helped the older doctor “find what I’m looking for” (to quote Luka’s lie). He could have just said, “Sorry, too busy,” and walked past the door and none of this would have happened. When he thinks about it, he must have known, on some subconscious level, what Luka was up to. It’s not normally a doctor’s job to fetch supplies. That’s what nurses are for. Yes, Luka did get him in the closet under false pretences but he’s not mad about it. He’s glad he did go in that door. He is also glad he let Luka administer “medical attention”. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And who’s to say that Kovac has in any way changed the way Carter’s life has turned out? Who’s to say that Abbey wouldn’t have left him anyway? Or Kem? Women are fickle and unpredictable creatures and it’s most likely that things would be exactly the same as they are now, Kovac or no Kovac. Abbey most likely would have said no to his marriage proposal regardless of his affair with Luka. She probably would have said no because she’s an insecure, bitchy head case who doesn’t know what’s good for her. And jungle-girl Kem probably would have left because she couldn’t handle being a pampered rich doctor’s wife. Carter would probably still be without a woman anyway. But who needs women? At least now he has someone else. Someone who actually wants to be with him. Someone who isn’t going to dump him for some stupid reason like class or mental instability. Someone who is not going to get pregnant and run off with his baby. Someone who will be there for him, no matter what. Someone with whom he shares passion. Someone who understands him and his needs and the frantic, challenging world he lives in. Someone who is both a male and a doctor, like him. Could they BE any more perfectly matched?

Carter allows himself to fall deeper into his imagined future. Perhaps they could come clean with their relationship. People would accept it eventually. They wouldn’t have any other choice but to accept. Abby would get over it and perhaps she’d realise what she’s missed out on. Not that Carter would ever take her back now. He’s given her too many chances already. And he won’t lose his job. He can’t get fired for his sexual preference. Perhaps, like Kerri Weaver and her girlfriend, he and Luka could live and work as a same-sex couple, maybe even move in together. Not right now, of course, but later. Perhaps they could buy a house and get a dog. A dog is no substitute for kids, though. Carter has always envisioned kids as part of his future. But hey, they both like kids and maybe, they could adopt a couple of them. It’s allowed now. Who’d say no to two wealthy doctors wanting to adopt needy children? What better parents can you get than that? Carter knows Luka misses his dead children badly. He knows, just from the way he treats his young patients, that Kovac was a brilliant father, and still could be. They could go on expensive tropical holidays together, as long as it’s not to Africa. Anywhere but there. Maybe a cruise ship or two. Some of those drinks with the little umbrellas in them. It’s been a while since he’s had a good vacation. It’d be even better if Luka came with him. John sighs happily. Maybe he can have the white picket fence life he wants, just with one tiny twist. No wife or wedding. Wait - there’s nothing stopping them from getting married. That’s allowed now too. Wow. A wedding. Would Kovac propose to him? You know, he just might. If Luka can call John his sweetheart, among other mushy sentiments, he can propose marriage. The guy’s a walking romance novel. Carter is optimistic this morning, which makes a welcome change. He’s optimistic about his future for once, instead of worrying about it. All thanks to this tall, dark man from Croatia with the velvet voice and alluring accent.

Lying there propped up on his elbow, staring dreamily at his partner, John impulsively wants to give Kovac something back for giving him this sense of peace, the first real calmness he has felt for a long time. He wants to give Kovac his thanks. And the first thing he thinks of involves his mouth and Luka’s dick. Nothing says thank you like a blow job. He knows that Kovac wants one. Fuck, ALL men want blow jobs. They’re awesome. Especially first thing in the morning. He slides down further on the bed so his face is at groin level, peeks back up at Kovac to make sure he’s still in slumberland, takes a steadying breath and carefully eases his fingers under and around Luka’s dick. Luka stirs a little but doesn’t wake. John doesn’t want him to wake yet. If he looked up and saw Luka’s intent blue eyes focused on him, John couldn’t do it. He couldn’t put Luka’s dick in his mouth if the guy was watching. He’d feel too self conscious. Plus he has no real idea of what he’s doing. He’s never done this before. So, he’s going to do it while Luka is asleep and hopefully by the time he does open his eyes, Carter will have quickly learnt Blow Jobs 101 by hands-on experience and will have gotten over his shyness.

Before he chickens out, John lifts Luka’s weighty cock up, swallows his nerves, and then engulfs the head of it, closing his lips around the bulbous reddish tip, closing his eyes at the same time. He closes his eyes when he’s going down on a woman so why should this be any different? It wouldn’t feel right doing it with his eyes open. It’d be like kissing with your eyes open; it wouldn’t feel natural. John circles his tongue around the glans of Luka’s penis. Hey, he’s a doctor; he can use the word “penis” if he wants. He is entirely comfortable using the word. As he licks around Kovac’s silky penis-head, it sort of feels like running his tongue around a big helmet-shaped Chupa Chup. With a big motherfucking veiny stick attached to it. He discovers the small slit on the very end and when he flicks his tongue over that, he scoops up a drop of pre-come. He rolls that around his mouth. It’s slick and salty and doesn’t taste like a woman’s familiar secretions. It’s unusual but not at all a turn off. In fact, knowing the liquid belongs to Luka is quite the turn on. He attempts to slide his lips down Kovac’s shaft, gets only halfway before concluding that is far enough and slides back up again, leaving his saliva gleaming on the stiff flesh he is holding. He hears Kovac groan and move on the bed as if he’s restless but Carter is too scared to open his eyes. He keeps them tightly shut and continues what he is doing, hoping Luka is not quite awake and that he has a few more minutes to perfect his technique before coming under the scrutiny of the older, more knowledgeable male.

Meanwhile, Luka is not awake. He is having a wonderful sex dream. The delectable Dr John Carter is slurping and slobbering on his pole like a street hustler. He moans softly. Man, what a fabulously realistic dream this is! He can feel everything, Carter’s warm, moist mouth, the strokes of his smooth tongue, the gorgeous friction and suction as the younger male works his way up and down the hardened length of Luka’s cock. With a small jolt, Luka realises this is not a fantasy; this is really happening, and snaps out of his dream, joining the world of the unsleeping. He cracks one eye open. Yep, that’s Carter going to town on his swizzle stick all right. Guess he doesn’t want to talk about last night, then. Surprised but very, very pleased, he opens the other eye. John is fully occupied with the task at hand, cheeks concave, eyes shut, head bobbing, and doesn’t seem to realise the recipient of his experimental sucking is wide awake now.

“So,” Luka begins, his voice raspy from sleep. “You wait till I’m asleep and then take advantage of me?”

John freezes. He slowly takes his mouth away from Luka’s privates and gingerly lifts his eyelids, turning his head towards the unexpected voice. He licks his lips, feeling guilty for doing what he was doing to a person, who for all intents and purposes, was unconscious and did not consent to such an act. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. What if Luka is pissed at him?

“I…uh…I’m sorry,” he stutters, blushing. Luka can see the guilt in Carter’s brown eyes and chuckles.

“No, no. I LIKE being taken advantage of.” He makes an encouraging motion. “By all means, please continue taking advantage of me.”

Seeing Luka grinning at him soothes Carter’s anxiety. He smiles abashedly and glances down at Luka’s prick, which he is still holding. “I dunno if I’m as good as you,” he says doubtfully. “But I’m trying.”

Luka reaches out and ruffles Carter’s pillow-hair, which is all sticking up in a cute way. “I’ve only done it once myself, remember? Besides, you’re doing just fine,” he reassures the younger man. “It’s not a difficult piece of machinery to operate, as you well know. Pretty much anything you do to it feels good.”

“That’s true,” Carter agrees. He bites his lip. “So, I’m doing okay for a rookie?”

“Yes, ljepota, you are,” Luka again reassures his younger lover, squeezing his arm. “You are making me very happy.”

As Carter, buoyed by Luka’s uplifting words, sucks the surgeon’s dick back into his wet willing mouth, Kovac groans, “Very, very happy…”

Kovac almost can’t believe his own eyes. Here he wakes up to find his fellow medical practitioner sucking him off like some kind of far-out fantasy. Getting John to suck him was number two on his “to do” list and he really thought he’d have to work at that one. He thought he’d have a lot of coaxing to get innocent, naïve, recalcitrant John-boy to do it. He didn’t think John would do it all on his own, without being asked or even given a hint or a suggestion. This is much more than Luka could have hoped for. And now that Carter was doing this, of his own free will, it only left one item on his list. The big one. Getting to fuck Carter. The kid has been racing though his list at a speed Luka had not anticipated. He had not expected this to happen so fast. He got to do number three last night, putting his fingers into John. Of course, it has been a while since number four, getting John to touch him. Since he achieved that, there was the whole sojourn in Africa and the thing with Kem which so annoyingly interrupted Kovac’s plan of seduction. There has been a bit of a gap in the list proceeding. But Africa was only a minor break. Kovac knew sooner or later his beauty would come back to him. And he did. He came all the way to the Congo to save Kovac’s life, didn’t he? Must care about Kovac a lot. Maybe even love him a bit? But love is a big thing. Big. Huge. Kovac isn’t even ready to go there yet. And he doesn’t know for sure if John loves him. He hasn’t said so. For now, caring and lust will do. Speaking of lust, John certainly is showing that; abandoning his reservations about man-love and diving head on into his first blow job with relish. He’s also showing a lot of care because he is being very careful not to hurt Kovac with his dentist-whitened, porcelain capped teeth. He is taking a lot of care with what he is doing, just as he does on the operating table, and this reinforces Kovac’s conviction that Carter is one of the most sensitive, compassionate, thoughtful individuals he’s ever known. He adores Carter because of those qualities.

“My udvarati,” Luka breathes, sinking his hand into Carter’s mussed brown locks as the younger male’s head moves in time with his sucking. He groans in bliss at the feeling of Carter’s lips and tongue on his heated rod. Carter knows what that foreign word means. It means “sweetheart.” As well as speaking fluent French, being the object of Luka’s affection means that John is picking up a little Croatian too. Might come in handy one day. At being called sweetheart, John’s heart swells. He likes these small endearments. They make him feel special. He endeavours to increase his pace and starts dipping his head faster and sucking stronger. He is rewarded with an exclamation of heightened arousal and another pet name.

“Oh! Oh, yes…Udvarati…That’s so nice…” Luka shivers, thanking his lucky stars that he is the one on the receiving end of Carter’s soft, eager mouth, not Abby or Kem. The thought of Carter with either of those ungrateful women causes a flash of angry jealousy to tear through him. In a mildly threatening tone he adds, “Don’t you ever leave me again, you little bastard.”

John answers with a short muffled noise that could have been a laugh, but he doesn’t stop worshipping Luka with his mouth. His shyness has long since dissipated and now all he wants is to make his older lover climax. Giving a blow job is not as hard as he thought. Suck, swirl, slide. Repeat. Whatever part of Luka’s dick he can’t swallow, he grips with his hand and moves the skin back and forth, making sure all of the shaft is stimulated. He had wondered if he would be able to pull this off, no pun intended, but he’s not worried about that now. Listening to Luka groaning and moaning is proof enough that he’s doing an adequate job. He feels empowered that he is able to do this, that he is able to give Luka such ecstasy and on top of that, he is enjoying it almost as much. Funny how giving pleasure to someone also gives YOU pleasure. He loves the feel of Kovac’s hard, throbbing organ in his mouth, the glossy, shiny head against his tongue, the tangy-sweet taste of his lubricating fluid, Luka’s fingers entwined in his hair, the way Luka thrusts his hips upward as if he can’t get enough. Most of all he loves the breathy, throaty sounds that Luka is making, the gasps, the moans, the hisses and sighs. He is that turned on at hearing Luka’s audible rapture that his hard-on is swollen and aching and leaking with slippery pre-come. He almost feels as if he could come just doing this to Luka. Almost. Spontaneous orgasm is not something that usually happens to Carter. Least not when he’s awake.

Exotic curse words issue from Luka’s mouth in direct proportion to the amount of pleasure he is attaining. The closer he gets to release, the more frequent the words. Carter doesn’t understand exactly what he’s saying but swear words are pretty universal. Fuck, shit, damn, son of a bitch. It all means the same no matter what dialect they are spoken in. But one thing Luka will never do, in any language, is demean his lovers. Especially not Carter. He will never call John Carter any name that is disrespectful. He has never called any of his lovers “bitch”, “slut” or “whore” and he is not about to start now. If someone is generous enough to put parts of his body in their mouth, he is appreciative and thankful, not inclined to degrade them. He may swear but it is not AT them. It’s just swearing in general. It’s just a way to express the inexpressible. Sex, in all its forms, feels so unbelievable that no words can do it justice. Kovac alternates swearing with his particular terms of endearment, his romantic nature breaking though with flowery names that he calls his chocolate-eyed boy. Names like “darling” and “honey” and “baby”.

The passionate sentences passing through Luka’s lips incite Carter even further and he begins to moan in his throat, the deep sound resonating around Kovac’s cock, driving the older man further towards his pinnacle. John is now rapidly moving his lips along Kovac’s shaft and back up again, his hand matching the tempo of his mouth. It is very wet inside John’s mouth from a mixture of his own saliva and Luka’s pre-come, which is soon about to turn into present come. His jaw is beginning to get sore but this doesn’t hold him back. He sucks and jacks Luka as hard and fast as he can and suddenly feels Luka’s hand clench tight in his hair.

“I’m going to come, Carter,” Kovac grits out, giving his partner ample warning as he knows that the abruptness of ejaculation can be a bit of a shock to the oral sex giver who is unprepared. Prepared or not, Carter keeps sucking and fulfils his goal. The nude muscular doctor beneath him bucks his pelvis up as he sprays his seed onto John’s receptive mouth, crying, in English, “Ah, ahh…John! Oh, heavenly fucking Father…”

Luka has faith and believes in God but obviously doesn’t believe that taking the Lord’s name in vain is a sin. It’s not like he’s dissing God at all. Rather, it’s like thanking Him for creating such wonderful physical joy. As he is coming, he thrusts just a little too far into John’s mouth and the younger male gets a sharp uncomfortable feeling at the back of his throat and hurriedly retracts. At the same time, he feels hot fluid spilling onto his tongue and flowing into his mouth with alarming quickness and quantity. Shit, what should he do? Swallow it? But there’s so much of it! And it tastes kinda weird, faintly like salty metal coins with a hint of bleach. Not to mention gooey, like raw egg white. Spit? But that would seem rude. And where the hell do you spit it? Back on Luka’s belly? Do a dash for the bathroom sink? What is the correct thing to do? Okay, he thought he was ready to cope with having a guy jizz in his mouth but the reality of it is not quite what he anticipated. It’s totally not like honey. He didn’t realise he’d have to make a spur of the moment decision right after the act. You don’t have to do that when you give oral sex to women. That’s because most women don’t ejaculate. Carter has heard that some ladies can achieve a female ejaculation but he’s never personally witnessed the phenomenon. Luka, having just released his load and swimming in a fantastic afterglow, has let his hand fall from Carter’s hair to beside his own thigh and is lying there all sated and relaxed, eyes closed contentedly, a half smile upon his lips, and doesn’t look like he cares much what John does with his semen so John decides to do the bathroom dash. Without appearing like he’s in a hurry to get rid of what’s in his mouth, Carter gets up and strolls butt naked to the bathroom, shutting the door after him. First thing he does is spit in the basin. He places his hands on the edge of the sink and gazes at himself in the mirror. Besides having a horrible case of bed hair, he is in dire need of a shave and a tooth brushing. He feels icky if he can’t brush his teeth in the morning. Once, when he was in Africa, he had to evacuate camp due to a midnight attack from rebels and had to leave his toothbrush, and many other personal items, behind. It was awful. He tried scrubbing them with grass, like the natives do, but still felt like they were growing fungus every day. When he got back from the jungle, one of the major things he had to go do straight away was get a thorough clean and polish from his dentist. He could probably borrow Luka’s toothbrush this morning but being a doctor, he knows it’s not the most hygienic thing to do. His brain butts in with, And sucking someone’s dick is? Carter peers at the thick white stuff slowly sliding down the black marble basin toward the drain hole and starts to feel a bit sick. Not because of the taste of cum -it’s not that gross, or the hygiene issue, but because it hits him full force what he’s just done.

He has given in to his addiction again.

Instead of feeling proud of what he’s accomplished this morning and last night, of how far he has expanded his comfort zones and embraced his changing sexuality, he just feels nauseous. In the light of day he realises what a massive mistake he made getting into Luka’s car. He feels weak and pathetic and starts to seethe with anger and self-loathing. He can see the shame and disappointment in his own eyes. He hates this feeling. It’s the same feeling that many a junkie must feel when they waste their last twenty dollars on a hit. It is the same feeling he got when he was addicted to painkillers. He has lost his self control and given in to something that he knows is bad for him. It doesn’t matter how good Luka can make him feel at the time; Luka IS bad for him in the long run. He is destructive. Just like a drug. Every time he indulges in the drug called Luka, something bad happens. Things start to go awry in his organised, planned, appointment booked life. If he keeps seeing Luka, he is never going to have the kind of life he desires. He is never going to have children running down the hallways of his palatial mansion, is never going to be able to take his beautiful wife to functions and balls or go yachting with the Joneses. He is not going to have a wife at all because every time he gets a girlfriend, she discovers his secret addiction and packs up and leaves. He can’t see himself being open about his relationship with Kovac or taking him to the lavish functions given by his wealthy business associates and friends. God, what would his family think? If Gamma knew he was having an affair with a man, she’d probably turn in her grave. One thing Gamma wanted for her favourite grandson was for him to get married and give her lots of great grandchildren. That’s never gonna happen while he’s seeing Kovac. If his rich relatives and snooty, champagne-swilling acquaintances found out he was this far away from being a homosexual, it would ruin him. He’d be an outcast. Fuck, and what about the hospital? What about all his co-workers? Thank Christ Romano is not around. If he knew, boy oh boy, Carter would never hear the end of it. Admittedly, he does miss Romano’s caustic, stinging humour at times but it’s not so funny when YOU are on the receiving end. Abby knows about Luka and him, quite by unfortunate accident, but he’s fairly sure she’s going to keep her trap shut. She’d better, if she doesn’t want trash her chances of becoming a doctor. If she blabs, Carter would personally see to it that she never passes her exams. He has connections. Back to the issue at hand, there ARE a few gay people working in the hospital already so it’s not like it’s a new, outrageous thing. For example, Kerri Weaver came out of the closet as being a lesbian but that didn’t come as much of a surprise to everyone in the E.R. Absolutely nobody, not a soul, would expect that baby-faced, nice, polite, professional Dr John Carter was a cock sucker. How could he look anyone in the eye if they knew? And sucking the cock of Luka Kovac of all people? He knows nobody would get over the shock if they found out he’d fallen for the charms of lady-killer Luka. He’d be so embarrassed he’d have to move to another state and go work in a hospital where nobody knows him. If anyone but Abby knew about his addiction, his life would be fucked.

Yet, he doesn’t blame Kovac entirely for his predicament. That’d be like blaming the painkillers for the disintegration of his life. The painkillers aren’t the problem, just like Luka isn’t the problem. It’s John’s weakness that is. Luka is who he is. A charmer. A seducer. A lover and a leaver. John knows the way he is. He has known that all along. Knowing Luka is there, whenever John wants him, like pills on a shelf – that’s the problem. John can’t help himself and wants, needs, to have him, regardless of the cost. One prime example of this is Kem. Because of Luka, Kem left while heavily pregnant and now he has lost his baby, his future wife and family life, something he has desperately wanted since he hit twenty two. That’s not what he was thinking only minutes ago. Just mere minutes ago he was blaming Kem, not Luka, for leaving, and he was contemplating how great it would be being Luka’s boyfriend, but he deliberately dismisses his former thoughts as being caused by the high that Luka gives him. Now, alone in the bathroom, that high has worn off, his prick has deflated, and all John Carter can think is how disgusted he is with himself. Why does he want Luka? He’s only going to end up hurt. Everyone in his life that he cares about seems to leave him and he knows Luka will leave too, despite his declarations of…what? He hasn’t declared anything, not love, that’s for sure. He has declared that he wants Carter but that is all. Yeah, so Luka wants Carter right now but what about the future? It’s not gonna last. John Carter is just being a fucking idiot who wants someone to fucking love him and the fucking person he has chosen is a fucking male slut. He’s setting himself up for his own downfall. Why can’t he stop seeing Luka? Why can’t he just get rid of Luka forever? Go cold turkey. It’d help a lot if there were Luka-patches he could stick on his arm to control his cravings but alas, there are not so he must rely on his own self-discipline and willpower to beat this addiction. That’s how he beat painkillers. Just stopped taking them and when he wanted them, gritted his teeth and said, “No!” Why can’t he do that with Kovac? Why can’t he be tough? Why does he keep failing?

“What the fuck are you doing, John?” he mutters to himself, still staring in the mirror. “You’re so goddamn WEAK.”

While Carter is waging war with himself, Kovac is still lying on his bed, still languishing in the lovely lethargy that a good blow job can provide and imagining all the wonderful ways he can return the favour to his sexy little rich kid. Not that Carter’s wealth is a drawcard for the older male. Kovac isn’t exactly poor himself. Have you seen his apartment? Even if Carter lost all his money and had to go bankrupt, Luka would still have the hots for him, big time. The attraction goes beyond what the guy owns or the figures on his bank statement. It even goes beyond looks and appearances. It’s something more than that. Something that Luka can’t explain and is perfectly content not to. He doesn’t need explanations. He wants John and that’s just the way it is, baby.

Inside the bathroom, berating himself for being such a useless, hopeless excuse of a man, Carter’s fingers find the pinkish scar on his lower back and unintentionally trace the healed tissue over and over. Being stabbed with a kitchen knife by a loon was the catalyst for him becoming hooked on painkillers but he has no excuse for becoming hooked on Luka. Everything was going fine when he started indulging in that particular brand of narcotic. Since indulging, that’s when everything started to go haywire. That can only mean one thing and that is what he has been telling himself all along: Luka = bad. He must quit and he must quit NOW.

His decision made, Carter turns on the faucet and washes Luka’s spunk down the drain, then splashes water on his face. He decides he also better take a pee and is glad his erection has gone down ‘cos it’s damn hard to pee with one. He wets his fingers and tames his wild hair. As an afterthought, he rinses his mouth out with water but his mouth still doesn’t feel clean. A search through Kovac’s wall cabinet reveals Listerine and he gladly swishes a capful around his mouth and then expels it in the sink, the powerful mint green liquid disinfecting any Luka-germs still lurking at the back of his tongue. Feeling a bit more in control, and a lot fresher, Carter draws in a fortifying breath and curls his hand around the bathroom door knob. Then he realises he has no clothes on and will have to walk out there in front of Luka naked and the thought makes his new-found resolve wane somewhat. One tends to feel very vulnerable when undressed. How can he be firm and tell Kovac this has to end when Kovac will most likely be lying there ogling his slender, nude form and not paying any attention to anything he says? Fortunately, he spots his clothes, lying on the floor where Kovac had discarded them before putting John in the bath. Picking up his clothing with relief, John dresses himself. Even his shoes are there. Nakedness covered, hair neat, breath minty-fresh? Check, check and check.

John can now confront the enemy.

When he yanks open the door and comes face to face with a most unexpected naked, hairy man, where there should only be empty space, Carter is momentarily startled. “Shit!” he yelps, his heart tripping. “Don’t do that to me, man! What are you doing standing in the doorway? Listening to me?”

Nonplussed, Kovac scratches his head, his brunette hair hanging over one side of his forehead. “Just wondering what was taking you so long.” He scans his long-lashed eyes up and down Carter’s body, noting the clothes. “Do you gotta go to work already? I thought you were on night shift.”

“No, I’m not going to work,” John answers impatiently. “I just have to-”

He is cut off by Kovac grabbing him, shoving him against the wall and nibbling on his neck. “What’s the hurry then, hmm?” Kovac murmurs. “Come back to bed and let me undress you.”

“No, Kovac,” John protests, pushing at the bigger man’s furry chest. “Stop it! I gotta-”

“Gotta do what?” Luka asks huskily, biting Carter’s throat softly, his stubble prickling the delicate skin on John’s neck. “You got somewhere more important to be?”

“Not exactly. I just have to…Luka!” Carter’s eyes widen with alarm as Kovac’s hand untucks his shirt and begins to work on his belt. He grabs Luka’s wrist, feeling an odd sense of déjà vu. This is not the first occasion he has fought off Luka’s advances. He gets a premonition it probably won’t be the last, either.

“Don’t be so uptight, John,” Kovac coaxes, running his tongue along Carter’s earlobe, making the young doctor’s blood fizz with unwanted sexual heat. “Come back to bed so I can make love to you.”

“I can’t…” Carter argues, even as his groin responds to Luka’s massaging hand, his limp dick turning into a semi. He wills that semi not to get any bigger. He tries pushing at Luka again but it’s like pushing stone. The dude is solid. And very strong. He knows what he wants and he’s not gonna stop till he gets it.

“Let me go, damn you!” John is getting frustrated. Here he was, all psyched up to dump Luka’s addictive ass and now his resolve is steadily being tested by Luka’s addictive groping and ear-licking. If tested much more, Carter might lose his resolve altogether. He may as well stick his arm out and wait for the needle. He doesn’t want that kind of weakness as part of his personality anymore. He needs to kill the weakness.

“Kovac, if you don’t let me go right now, I swear I’ll…I’ll…” For the life of him Carter can not think of a threat that would have any effect on Luka, who could surely kick his ass black and blue if so inclined. Let’s face it; John Carter is a tennis player, not a boxer. His physique is lean and light. He’d be on his back in three seconds flat. And on his back, under Luka, is not where he wants to be right now. Not ever.

“All right. You’ve had your fun. You kidnapped me. You got your dick sucked. Game over. Now can you let me go?” he grinds out between clenched teeth.

Kovac, knowing from past experience how mixed-up John is and how he tends to go all hot and cold on him, is not letting his loverboy get away that easily. He is confident that he can get Carter back into his bed and turn him into his writhing sex slave. All he needs are the right words. Anyway, getting reluctant, wound-up Dr Carter to cave is what makes this so entertaining. He grins wolfishly and presses even closer against John so he can feel Luka’s unrestrained hardness on his hip. Luka has recovered from the blow job and is ready for round two.

“I can’t let you go, doctor. You’re still in intensive care, remember?” With a jerk of his wrist, Kovac has John’s belt on the floor. He could have bound John’s hands with the strip of brown leather but even he would say that was taking the game too far. John is freaking out enough already. Kovac aims to change that freaking into begging. If he pushes all the right buttons then John will be begging for it. He unzips Carter’s pants and then purrs right into his prisoner’s ear.

“I am going to make love to you, John. I am going to make love to you and I’m going to make it so good, you will never leave my side again,” he pledges, his voice tinged with his erotic accent. “I want you. You WILL be mine. I am going to have you. All of you. I want to be inside of you.”

Carter despairs at his own body’s instant awakening, blood rushing to his cock and cramming into every chamber and vessel, causing his semi to spring into a full on diamond-cutting tool. He can’t get any harder than he is right now. Dammit! That honey-tongued son of a bitch! How does he know the right things to say? Tis a gift. Or in Carter’s case, a curse. Don’t listen, he tells himself. Don’t listen to Prince fucking Charming. He probably says this to all his conquests.

“Shut up,” he whispers, making a superhuman effort not to let Kovac’s sweet-talking get to him. His body may be weak, but his mind doesn’t have to be.

“Stop touching me, Kovac.”

Kovac doesn’t obey the command. He invades Carter’s Calvin Klein underwear with his fingers, locates the kid’s near-bursting dick and wraps his fingers around it with surgical precision. The ensuing tugging nearly causes Carter’s knees to crumble under him. Forget how great it feels, he orders himself. You are not supposed to give in. Don’t give in! Your world depends on it!

As if Kovac’s earlier words weren’t persuasive enough, the subsequent ones almost render Carter helpless.

“I want you underneath me, Carter,” Kovac says, his breath hot on Carter’s ear and his hand hot on Carter’s prick. “I want your legs around me.”

“Luka, for Chrissakes…Shut up!” John begs, battling his own overwhelming instincts, trying to resist the lure of the older male’s animal magnetism. Once more, Luka is not participating in active listening.

“I want your nails scratching down my back,” he demands, rubbing his own erect member on John’s jutting hipbone. “I want you panting and sweating. But you know what I want most of all?”

“I don’t want to know,” Carter groans, but Kovac tells him anyway, his voice darkening to a growl.

“I want you moaning my name while I fuck you.”

A lightning bolt of pure, uncut sexual need carves through John’s midsection and he loses his breath, eyes rolling back in his head. He is dangerously close to coming just from Luka’s captivating voice alone. He is one heartbeat away from pleading, “Oh, please, Luka. Do it. Take me. Fuck me right now. Please…”

But he doesn’t. From somewhere far, far within him, he drags out a hidden reserve of mental strength and manages to override his body’s base wants and desires. He says something, something almost inaudible and Kovac doesn’t hear it at first. The blue eyed male halts and pulls back, squinting at Carter questioningly.

“What?”

“I said, do you care about me at all?” John repeats calmly.

Kovac frowns. “Of course I do, John. You know that.”

John keeps his chin up and meets Luka’s gaze unwaveringly. “If you really care about me, Kovac, you will let me walk away now.”

The frown remaining on his brow, Kovac shakes his head a little. “I don’t understand.”

“You don’t have to,” John answers cryptically. “If you care about me in any way, shape or form, you will not stop me from leaving this room. And you will not pursue me anymore. You will let me go and you will find someone else to occupy your time with because from this moment on, it’s not gonna be me.” The determined look in John’s chocolate eyes and the firm set to his jaw shows Kovac that he means it. He is looking his addiction square in the face and is not scared of it. He is taking back control of his life.

Kovac stares at John, clearly still not understanding but he backs away. “Uh…Go on then,” he says with a small uncertain wave of his hand. “You’re free to leave.”

“Thank you,” John replies quietly, bending down to retrieve his belt from the floor. At the same time Kovac moves and John steps back, giving him a suspicious look.

“Just getting my shorts. Don’t shoot, officer,” Kovac quips with a humourless smile, holding up both of his hands, the offending item clutched in one of them. He steps into the black silk to bring some sense of decency to the situation and watches as Carter fixes his pants up.

“Y’know, I have no idea what your deal is, Carter and I’m not going to pretend I do.” There is exasperation in Kovac’s tone but also respect. He places his hands on his hips. He would have put them in his pockets but his silk shorts don’t have any.

“I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours but it’s because I care about you that I won’t stop you from leaving nor will I ask you why you want to.”

“Good,” is John’s short reply.

As promised, Kovac makes no move to hinder the younger MD’s plan of action. Carter doesn’t say any more. He doesn’t even look at Kovac again; he just gathers his coat and bag and exits the apartment.

For a whole minute, Kovac stands there in dumbfounded amazement. He shakes his head again. What the bloody hell is wrong with Carter? Luka only wanted to make love to him, not kill him. Jesus. Though he is not fond of the Psyche Ward, he might recommend Carter go make a visit there. The kid definitely needs some kind of help. Whatever is wrong with him, Kovac can’t diagnose it. And he’s seen just about every ailment there is. He flops onto his bed with a heavy sigh and scrubs his stubbled face tiredly with his palm.

“Dear, dear John,” he muses to the ceiling. “Why don’t you just stop fighting it, you silly boy?”


***