Carry On My Wayward Son

Chapter 6

 

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He's your oldest and your best friend

If you need him, he'll be there again

He's always willing to be second-best

-Beautiful Loser

Bob Seger

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Sitting at the table in the hotel room, Dean was doing something all but unthinkable; ignoring the delicious raspberry pie that was sitting by the laptop. Right now he didn't think he could eat it, his stomach was far too upset for something like that. Sighing, he rubbed his eyes in a weary way then once more went back to reading what Bobby had sent him about the seals. Well, mostly he was paying attention to what was said about the first one. 'A righteous man spilling blood in hell'... God, he felt sick! Scrolling through the paragraph about it detailing all the references that Bobby and Sam had used to find it and the explanation of how they thought it applied to the situation. Though Bobby hadn't mentioned it when he talked to him earlier, he was certain that everything said was pointing to him. After all, he had broken while in hell then tortured souls, spilling blood. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he felt the bile rise once more but fought it down. Oh God, this wasn't good!

 

Scrolling to the end of the document, he looked at the last seal. 'The first demon is the last seal'... Brow furrowing, he read through all Bobby and Sam had put together on it. From what they were finding that meant that Lilith's death was the final seal to free Lucifer. Once more, he felt his stomach clench. If this was the real deal someone should have told him about it long ago! Dammit! Hell, Sam had made it his mission to off the white-eyed bitch and he, himself, was going to do just that if he ran across her. Cas even knew that! He didn't like what that could mean. And, honestly, he felt he deserved to know the truth if these were right or not.

 

Staring at the computer screen, not really seeing what was there, he tapped his fingers on the table, trying to think. His first thought was to call Bobby and confirm all this via the phone. But the old hunter had the sources listed for it so he wouldn't get any further than that. Second option was to get hold of Sam and do the same thing. Quickly, he discounted that as well. After all, Sam had helped with this so it would lead down the same path. And Sam was proving to be right about all kinds of things he had found. Hell, Cas had confirmed that whole eye thing for him several days ago so if he had helped come up with this chances were it was dead on. No, he needed some way to confirm it beyond that. The only being that he could think might be able to do it was Cas. Slumping in his chair, he tried to debate that.

 

On one hand; this was needed information. At this point, the more he knew about everything, the better off he was going to be when it came to being able to stop this juggernaut! Right now, from all he was seeing and hearing, the seals were breaking and hell was moving close to its goal. So it was imperative to do something to stop it. But that was balanced out with the fact that he really didn't want to know if he was the one that had broken the first seal. The guilt he still felt over what he had done in hell was very raw at this point. Those were memories that he could easily do without ever remembering but they were there and he had no way to make them go away.

 

Sitting there, he debated the whole thing for a good half an hour, then he made his decision. No, he really didn't want to know if he had broken the first seal but felt that he had to. That trumped any awkward feelings he had on the topic. Plus it would go a long ways towards explaining things he didn't understand, such as why he was singled out for getting out of the pit when others were left. Then he would find out if the last seal was right. If both were, there was a certain angel that had a great deal of explaining to do!

 

Sighing once more, he scrubbed a hand over his face then began to call for Cas. He just hoped that the dick Uriel wasn't with him. That asshole wasn't someone that he wanted to talk around. This was all better done one on one with Cas.

 

Within a minute or so the angel popped into his room. Looking at him, Dean let out a soft sigh then said, “I have some questions for you, Cas, about the seals.”

 

Nodding, looking his normal grave self, Castiel deadpanned, “I will give you all the information I can.”

 

Turning the laptop to where the angel could see it, he asked, “Is what is there right?”

 

Seating himself, the angel quickly read through the document, brow furrowed, then said, very quietly, “Yes, it appears to be correct. Where did you get this?” A troubled look flitting across his face, he gazed back at Dean, eyes taking on an intensity that wasn't there before.

 

Ignoring the question, Dean scrubbed a hand over his face then asked, voice very quiet, without its usual intensity, “Am I the one that broke the first seal? Is that why I was rescued from hell?”

 

Staring at him, Castiel wasn't sure how to answer that question. At some point, yes, it was going to come out, he just didn't want it to be now.

 

Staring intently at the angel, Dean felt his gut clench at the silence, certain that meant he was dead-on right. “Answer me, Cas!” He barked out, tone far more forceful.

 

Lowering his eyes slightly, Cas nodded, “Yes, you broke the first seal.”

 

Standing up, Dean began to pace the room, scrubbing a hand through his hair in an agitated way. After several minutes of trying to order his now chaotic thoughts, he rounded on the angel then demanded, “Why didn't you tell me this, Cas! I had a right to know!”

 

“It would come out eventually, I knew that. Right now, I needed you to focus on the task at hand rather than worry about what you can't change.” Castiel replied evenly.

 

Glaring at him, Dean shook his head. Oh yes, he wanted to scream and yell over this but didn't. He was going to talk to Sam later, he would blow off steam then. Changing the topic slightly, he asked, “The last seal... that is right? It's Lilith? Her death opens the final seal?”

 

“Yes, Lilith is the final seal. She's the first demon.” Castiel nodded, trying to gauge Dean's reaction to that. As upset as he was already, he wasn't sure what he could do to calm the situation down if it grew worse. The being he answered to wasn't going to be happy about this knowledge becoming known right now but he didn't feel he could just deny Dean the answers he was demanding.

 

“What the hell, Cas?” Dean exploded. “You knew Sam wanted to off that bitch but said nothing! You also knew I planned to gank her if I had the chance! Why wouldn't you tell me this is a seal? Were you just going to let it break? Shit, this is the most important one but you said nothing! What is wrong with you? And why wouldn't you all protect that one most of all? It's the most important after all!”

 

Sitting there, staring at him, Castiel said nothing. He wasn't sure how to answer that question. He hadn't, up until this point, questioned the orders he had been given but what Dean said made sense to him. But he said nothing.

 

Pacing faster, Dean kept shooting him glares but said nothing, trying to figure this out. He was pissed, oh yes he was! But he didn't know what to do! Finally, he plopped back in his chair, slumped down and glared at the angel. “You know what? Your faction of this pissing contest wants my help, right? That was the whole reason for pulling me out of hell?”

 

Nodding, Cas replied, “Yes, we need your help. The one that started it is the only one that can finish it.”

 

Filing that last part away, deciding it was something that needed to be thought about later, Dean then pressed on, “That's all well and good but if you dumb asses don't start giving me the right information I'm not going to help with shit! I can't work this way! You either tell me what I need to know or you're on your own!”

 

Face taking on a hard look, Castiel stated, firmly, “We don't answer to the demands of humans!”

 

Face turning red, Dean then snapped, “Then you aren't getting my help! It's as simple as that, Cas! It's your choice! Hell, it's not like you're trying to help anyway! All you do is show up out of the blue to tell me there is a seal in danger of breaking then help me. If you would tell me what the fuck they are maybe I could prevent it before it happens!”

 

“This is how it was deemed things would be done so it's how I’m going about it, Dean,” Cas responded.

 

“I don't fucking care, Cas! You want my help, we do it my way!” Dean shot back, tone deadly.

 

Realizing that arguing with the hunter wasn't going to work, Castiel nodded then said, “I will pass that along.” Glancing back at the computer, he asked, tone slightly distracted, “Where did you get this information anyway?”

 

Glowering at him, Dean hissed out, “Bobby and Sam. They've been researching for me. And are a helluva lot more help that you are!”

 

“Sam? You've been talking to Sam? Where is he?” Cas asked, knowing the whereabouts of the other Winchester brother was information that those he answered to wanted, badly.

 

“Yes, I've been talking to Sam!” Dean spat out then looked at the angel, eyes narrowing. “I don't know where he is though. We've been talking on the computer. Even if I did, I wouldn't tell you!”

 

“Dean, Sam is needed in this. You must know that. Getting him back where he belongs, with you, is something that needs to be accomplished,” Cas stressed.

 

“Why is Sam needed?” Dean asked bluntly. “You said only I could finish it.”

 

“He is needed for part,” Cas just replied, unwilling to give details.

 

“Not good enough, Cas. Tell me,” Dean demanded.

 

“I don't answer to humans,” the angel shot back, eyes hardening.

 

“Then we aren't going to be talking for a while!” The older Winchester shouted. “Get out and don't come back until you're willing to answer my questions!”

 

With that, the angel then stood and vanished without another word.

 

Scrubbing a hand over his face, Dean glared at the place where the angel had stood. Oh, he was pissed! Not only that, he was suspicious over some of what was said and a lot of what wasn't. Running through some of it again, he sat down to think it over and see if he couldn't suss out what it meant. He wanted an idea of what was what before he brought it up to either Sammy or Bobby.

 

After about an hour, he gave up, thinking it was best to move on and resume tomorrow. Besides, he was in serious need of a drink right now. With the mood he was in, he was sure that getting drunk was in the picture as well, something he was craving. Standing up, he went over to the mini-fridge and grabbed a cold one. Checking to make sure that he had enough to tie one on, he nodded when he saw he did. Cracking it open, he took a long pull from it before walking over then flopping back in his chair. Rubbing a hand, wearily, over his eyes, he sighed.

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Sitting at the computer, Sam was pleased to note that he only had a couple more e-mails to slog through before he finally had them all cleaned out. He had been a bit backlogged so it had taken him most of the day to get through what had accumulated. That pleased him a great deal. He didn't like to get behind on such things but it had been inevitable. Yesterday he had a favor to do for the medicine man on the reservation, something that had taken most of the day, that put him way behind when it came to things on the site. But, in less than an hour, he would finally be caught up.

 

Taking a drink of his coffee, he glanced at messenger to see if Dean was on yet. When he didn't see the name, he just shook his head. Though he worried about his brother, something that came with the territory, he wasn't worried about him not showing up yet. He assumed that Dean had either gone out or was doing something. Sooner or later he would pop online. Since starting contact on the computer, there wasn't a night that went by, other than ones he was told about ahead of time, that Dean didn't come on. Even if it was for just a short time to tell him he was fine, he made sure to log in.

 

An hour later, just as he was finishing everything up, Dean finally showed up online. Sending him a PM, he then sent the video chat invite. Sticking his headset on, he waited until he could hear his brother before saying, “Hey, Dean, how was your day?”

 

Snorting, Dean took a long pull off his latest bottle of beer then said, “It's sucked, Sammy.” Though he had gone for getting drunk, he couldn't quite accomplish it. All he had been able to manage was a small buzz, nothing more. The numbness that came with pure drunkenness was going to elude him tonight.

 

Looking at his brother closely, seeing the shape he was in, Sam was concerned. “What happened?”

 

Shaking his head, Dean sighed, “Got into it with Cas tonight. I don't want to go into that but I can confirm that your list of seals is right, including the first and last one.” Stopping, he took another drink then waited.

 

Nodding, Sam replied, “Good, at least you know what you're working with now.”

 

Snorting, Dean took another drink then said nothing for a couple minutes. Finally, he said, voice very quiet, “The first seal... I broke it, Sam.”

 

As gently as he could, Sam replied, “I figured it was you, Dean. It's the only explanation for why you were pulled out of hell.”

 

Unable to look at the screen or into his brother's eyes, Dean just shook his head. “I started it, I kicked it all off.” Though not one for 'chick flick moments', Dean felt he had to get this off his chest. It was much easier to do this way than in person.

 

“No, I don't think so. I think plenty of others are more to 'blame' for this than you. Only thing you did was walk yourself into their plan. The ones that set it up then executed it are to blame, Dean.” Sam told him firmly, not wanting to be argued with.

 

Giving a small ghost of a smile, Dean lifted his head and looked at the image of his brother that was showing through the computer then nodded. “True, I guess I can't take the whole blame, can I?”

 

Chuckling, Sam shook his head then snorted out, “No, you can't, Dean. You might have a big ego but even you can't claim this one.”

 

Grinning slightly, the elder Winchester brother shook his head then took another drink before leaning back and sitting the bottle down. Shaking his head, he said, “There is more to it than that, Sammy. There was a lot said and more unsaid that bugs me.” Quickly, he did a rundown of the exchange, detailing the questions that weren't answered when he stopped and answered the myriad of questions his little brother had about it.

 

Sitting there, gut clenched tightly, Sam was sure that most of what was said confirmed his worst suspicions. Making a cryptic note on the tablet that was by the computer to call Bobby with the information the following day, he then leaned back in his chair and stared at the screen, not sure what to say about any of it. Knowing that if he didn't say something soon Dean was going to start questioning what he knew about it, Sam said, sounding thoughtful, “I've taken some notes so I'll get with Bobby tomorrow and see what we can come up with or piece together. When we talk tomorrow night I'll fill you in, alright Dean?”

 

Liking that his little brother was 'on the case', Dean nodded. “Good. If anyone can figure out what's going on, you two can.” Stopping, he looked down and sighed then said, “You know I don't like us being apart. I'd rather have you here where I can keep an eye on your but after tonight I think it's best that we are apart. I don't know what those dicks are up to when it comes to you but it's giving me a bad feeling, Sammy. It's bad enough I'm involved in this shit, I don't want you getting yanked in too. It sounds to me like that's what they want to do.”



Without saying anything, so that he wouldn't be forced to lie to Dean, Sam just nodded.

 

Downing the last of his brew, Dean tossed the bottle into the trash then leaned back, “Enough of this shit... let's find something more pleasant to talk about, alright?”

 

 

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About midnight, Dean was sprawled out on the bed still talking to Sam. They were avoiding any topics that had to do with what was going on so were having a good time joking and B.S.ing about all kinds of shit. Though he wasn't drunk like he wanted to be, he still had that small buzz going, something he kept nursing, and was feeling no pain. Sitting there, staring at the screen, seeing his brother in his sleep pants and t-shirt, those feelings he was having for him came back full force. With all the liquid courage that he had ingested that night, he thought it might be a good opportunity to start dancing close to that subject with him. No, he wasn't going to reveal anything he was doing, he wasn't ready for that, but he thought that he might have a way to segue into the whole thing that wouldn't raise too much suspicion. Though doing so when he had been drinking probably wasn't the best of ideas, he thought that it was probably going to be the only time he had the balls to attempt it.

 

Shifting around to get into a more comfortable position, he stared at the image of his brother on the screen, waiting for an extended silence. When it came, he sighed then said, “Sammy, there is something I really need to talk to you about. It's not hunting related but personal...”

 

Leaning back in his chair, Sam took a long drink off his bottle of water then crossed his legs. Sensing this was something serious that Dean didn't feel he could bring up when he was sober, he said, “Sure, Dean, what's the problem?”

 

“Shit, it's not really a 'problem' just something I've been hiding from you and I want to come clean about it is all,” Dean explained.

 

Nodding, Sam said nothing and waited to see where Dean was going with this.

 

“Look, you know how much I like women, that's been kinda' obvious over the years. But there is this guy, another hunter...” the elder Winchester trailed off, trying to figure out how to word this so he didn't lie.

 

Figuring his brother was probably very uncomfortable with the topic he was dancing around, Sam asked, softly, “Are you trying to tell me you're bisexual, Dean?”

 

“Maybe that's the right term, I don't know. It's just this one guy but it's definitely a sexual thing,” Dean told him, running a hand nervously through his hair. Glancing at the screen, he said, “Look, I don't want you to think of me any different...”



Cutting him off before he could finish the thought, Sam told him firmly, “It doesn't matter, Dean! You're still my big brother and I still love you. Whether you’re straight, bi or gay doesn't matter!” Grinning slightly, he added, trying to make light of it, “As long as the guy you are talking about isn't the late Gordon Walker I'm good with it!”

 

Grinning from ear to ear, thinking that had gone much better than he had expected, Dean shook his head then went with the joke, “Trust me, this has nothing at all to do with Gordon! There wasn't a damn thing sexy about that bastard.”

 

“Then it doesn't matter, Dean,” Sam reiterated. Stopping, he thought over his own situation. Knowing revealing something like that had to be hard as hell for his brother he let out an internal sigh before saying, very quietly, “I suppose this is as good of a time as any to say that I'm bi too. But I rather prefer men over women.”

 

“That's cool with me,” Dean nodded. Giving an internal cheer at how well that had gone, and the fact that he hadn't had to lie about anything, Dean chuckled then said, “Shit, Sammy, I wish you would have told me. If I had known I wouldn't have shoved all those damn women off on you. I'd have found a good looking guy or two to do that with.”

 

“I am very capable of finding one myself, Dean,” Sam laughed.

 

Still grinning Dean then asked, “How long have you known, Sammy? Me, well, it's not been long.”

 

“Since I was a teenager,” Sam told him truthfully. “Just... well, it was one of those things that hit me out of the blue and I knew.”

 

Nodding, Dean agreed, “Yeah, that was kinda' the way it was for me too. It was just there one day....” Looking up at the screen again, he asked, “You're sure you're cool with this, Sammy? I mean, you've always known me one way...”



Cutting him off, Sam reiterated, “I don't care, Dean! It doesn't matter at all to me.”

 

Letting out a relieved sigh, Dean admitted, “I was worried about telling you. I mean, shit, our relationship is fucked up compared to most brothers but I don't want you uncomfortable around me, you know?”

 

Since he could understand where his brother was coming from as he had felt the same way for so many years, Sam wasn't going to let it continue. “Like I said, you're my big brother and stuff like this doesn't matter. I know and it's nothing to be uncomfortable with, Dean.”



“Good,” Dean nodded. Grinning, he then asked, “So, tell me, Sam, what kind of guys do you like?”

 

Laughing, Sam shook his head, “Well, you are definitely comfortable with it, aren't you?”

 

“Damn right, bitch!” Dean laughed. “Now, give it up, Sammy! I have to know what kind to find for you!”

 

“Jerk!” Sam shot back automatically. “And, like I told you, I can find my own!”

 

Rubbing his hands together, Dean replied, “Tell me! Gotta give you help here and there you know! I wouldn't be a good brother if I didn't!”