Reclamation

A/N: ANGST, Emotional bloodletting. Sasha needs to talk about her abduction and abuse. Derek does his best to be there for her. WARNING: Detailed talk about Rape.

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Chapter 6

The bath was a tense and emotional affair. Sasha seemed to trust him not to molest or ogle her. He was humbled by the trust she showed even in her fractured mental state. He kept her bandaged foot dry while she worked with a wash cloth.

Derek had to take over, Reid began sobbing and trying to scrub her skin off. He was gentle and soothing, washing her hair and making sure she was clean. When he helped her to her bed, after she was dried and dressed in pj's, he carefully tended to rewrapping her foot.

Sasha was strangely quiet as he did this. He looked up at her often, trying to gage her mood.

When he finished, he pulled a sock over her uninjured foot, to keep it warm. The sock was bright orange with little black bats on it. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed and brushed her damp hair back. Her face was still marred by the dark bruises. He knew the damage went much deeper.

"You want to sleep or maybe eat something?" he asked softly. Reid shook her head and turned toward him. She reached out a shy hand, searching for his as it sat on the bed between them. She wasn't sure he could welcome her touch, she brushed her fingertips on his thumb.

"Will you lay here with me?" she asked in a whisper. He felt a pang at the fact she had to ask. Moving to lean against the headboard, he waited for her to come to him. He wasn't going to push her at this point. That would come later. After the shock had passed and the psychological defenses kicked in.

Reid shifted to lay her head on his muscled thigh. Her honey eyes turned away from him. She brushed her fingers on the denim of his jeans.

They sat in silence for a while. Derek combing his fingers in her wet hair and Sasha fidgeting with the fabric on his thigh. Suddenly she began to speak. Her voice was cool and in a way removed form what she was saying.

"When I split up from JJ, it wasn't a sound choice." she said and her flat voice filled the silence. Derek continued to carefully stroke her hair.

"It was dark, so visibility was low. There was movement in the corn. Sound was strange because of the audio dampening created by the stalks." She was relating to the story like she would a case about some one else, not her.

Derek knew it was a distancing tactic and part of the acceptance process. He just had to be strong, face his own demons, in order to help Sasha with hers.

"The shots from the barn made me turn back. That's when he jumped me. He got my gun and, after having a fight with the Charles persona, he stuck me with the butt." she clasped her fingers to his thigh.

"Next thing, we were in that shack, the burning fish guts were noxious. Charles was rough and condemning, Raphael cold and detached. The psychotic split became more pronounced as he ranted. Tobias was the one who was kind. He tried to help in the only way he knew how. The drugs were strong, hallucinatory. The beatings were targeted to break me down." she shifted her legs, drawing them to her chest.

"It was hard to keep a rational thought. The mind games were extremely complex with three personas. The drugs made my mind dull. I could have devised a faster clue for the team, had Tobias not 'helped' me." she sighed, as if irritated at his actions, instead of devastated.

"Watching him kill that couple was horrifying. Charles was sure I was a sinner and a witch. I was attempting to appeal to him on his terms but then he changed suddenly. Flying into a rage and calling me whore." The word was the first time her monotone voice wavered.

Derek ran his hand from her hair to her shoulder, rubbing in small circles. If she needed to get this out, he would endure. He really didn't want to know, after having to witness it by audio. But she needed to vent or purge air, just speak it, so her brilliant mind could work on accepting it.

He knew she was strong, he knew she was beyond intelligent. But he also knew she was often at the mercy of her emotions when they got out of hand.

"I can see now that challenging him calling me whore, with declaration of my v-virginity, was another bad choice." she said. Her grip on his thigh tightened.

"When he threw me down, I still couldn't b-believe it was happening." Derek noted that her detachment was slipping, there were emotions creeping into her words. She was holding on to him like he would pull away.

"I was fighting so hard, but my hands were cuffed and I was w-weakened by the drug, the dehydration and the beatings." She tried to get back to the profiler side of her mind. It wasn't working.

Derek moved his hand to the spot on her back that hovered over her heart. He could feel the thumping beat of the frantic organ.

"I-I was thinking such emotional things." she said, her voice getting low with the thickness in her throat. Her chest tightened and she curled her arm around his leg.

"I kept th-thinking that it was all--all wrong. I didn't want him...I-I had chosen y-you." The words were growing breathy and pained. "I f-fought but it was futile." She shuddered a little and Derek was still. His own memory playing along side her recitation.

"I didn't want him to--- f-fuck me!" she said, her voice louder suddenly, there was anger in it this time. "When he started--fucking me, I thought-- I was going to die." She spoke through clenched teeth.

Derek noticed she refused to say rape. It spoke of how she was trying to distance herself from the victims they dealt with. It also showed she was in the throws of blaming herself for letting the assault happen. All very typical reactions to this type of trauma.

He knew he would have to help her face it soon, before she used her big brain to hide the feelings. That would only give her more problems down the road. Sasha's unraveling control was clear in her shaking voice and vice like grip.

"His h-hand was over my m-mouth and it was hard to breathe---s-screaming..." She was crying now. A warm wet patch was growing on his thigh where her head rested. Derek felt like his guts were being pulled out.

"It hurt more than I thought it would, he f-fucked me so hard. And all I-I could think was-- now D-Derek will never want m-me." she sobbed. He was stunned and torn by her words. She wasn't through however.

"It seemed l-like it went on forever but finally h-he --finished. I felt him c-cum." The confession was wrenched from her with a anguished sob. Derek was breathing shallowly through his gritting teeth.

"I hurt so bad. He left for a while. I-I d-don't know h-how long, think I blacked out. He was still fighting with the other personas. He was ranting and throwing things. I couldn't hold back a scream when he shattered a bottle close to where I lay." She trembled with the overwhelming emotions. "That brought Charles' attention back to me."

Derek wanted the images in his head to stop. He wanted to scream at her to shut up, he didn't want to think about what that monster had done. But he couldn't give into his pain here. This was for Sasha's healing. It was difficult because her agony stirred up his own scars of sexual assault.

"The expression on his face was murderous. He came over and hit me some more. Then he-- fucked me again. This time, he choked me while doing it. I thought, now I will die." The last word was gasped out in abject misery. Derek's eyes clenched tight at the discovery that she had been assaulted twice.

"When he got off me, he shifted to Tobias. He pulled me up and put me in the chair again. I was numb." she finally turned toward Derek and her eyes were swimming.

"Tobias was so upset over what his father had done that he injected me again." She was sucking in short little breaths and shaking so badly.

"It was so hard to get out of the things running in my head. I think i gave in and confessed to being a whore and a witch, it's all muddled." she pressed her cheek to his chest, still crying.

"He called the team a coven and demanded I chose the first one to die, after me that is." she was starting to shift, her body rocked by the emotional purge, while being drawn instinctively to his for comfort and protection.

"The clue I hoped Hotch would get was all I could come up with in that state." She finally crawled into his lap and pressed her face to the crook of his neck. Her tears were still falling but the sobs were decreasing.

The bulk of the agony, brought out by her confession, had passed. Now, she was bleeding emotionally, cleansing the wound in a sense. Derek held her in his arms and rubbed her back.

He wanted to hug her tight, to block out the pain and shield her from all that was tormenting her. He knew he couldn't. He knew the tight hold would panic her. So he just let her cling to him and offered gentle touches to safe non sexual areas.

"Sweetheart, you did brilliantly. Hotch got it right away." he assured her. Sasha quietly finished her recollection. She told him how she got the gun. How Tobias had spoken to her just before the team reached her and he died.

"I didn't want to kill Tobias. He hadn't wanted to hurt me." she whispered out and breathed in his scent. The comfort it brought was soothing to her.

"I wish I could forget." she hissed, her breath hot on his neck. "But every time I close my eyes, I see him." she wrapped her arms around his torso and shivered. "Please, don't leave me. I know you probably don't want me anymore, but I don't think I could deal with being a lone right now." she said, so low he almost missed it. He stiffened and cupped her bruised face in both his hands.

"Look at me, Sasha." he said, his voice shaking with all he felt. "What did I tell you in the hospital?" His dark eyes were bright with his passionate emotions.

"I love you. I am not going anywhere. I'm not leaving you." he vowed again, knowing it wouldn't be the last time he had to repeat the words. Sasha looked into his eyes trying to find a flicker of dishonesty. She found none. Letting out a shuddering sigh she pressed her cheek to his collarbone and shivered.

"I wouldn't blame you if you did. But thank you for being here." she said and fell silent at last.

Derek stared out the window at the night sky. He wanted to break things, he wanted to scream. He wanted to break down and weep.

Instead, he held her and hoped he would be enough.

TBC