The Bermuda Triangle

Chapter 6

Rose Tyler awakened with the mother of all hangovers.

She felt completely disorientated, aware of nothing but the state of her own existence. Gradually she realised that she felt sick, and her head was pounding. She managed with great difficulty to open one eye, which immediately watered as what little light there was in the room hit her. She groaned and thanked God that she’d remembered to shut the curtains the night before. It suddenly dawned on her that she was not in her own bed, either at home or on the TARDIS, but in her mother’s.

Then she remembered.

Brief flashes of the night before hit her like the bullet from a gun.

“Wakey, wakey.”

Rose’s world shattered as she heard the voice speak, for it meant that it hadn’t been a dream.

“I take it you feel as rotten as I do?” Jackie’s young voice was weary and tired. “I’ve only been up for ten minutes. Woke up about an hour ago but couldn’t move for the life of me, my head was thumping. Do you want a coffee?”

Despite her own pounding headache, Rose pulled back the bedcovers and got up as quickly as she could manage. She looked at Jackie, standing before her in her pink dressing gown and holding a cup of coffee.

“It’s a good thing we didn’t wake up him next door last night. Walls are like tissue paper!” Jackie laughed. “God, look at you! You should’ve worn my waterproof mascara!”

Still stark naked, Rose ran past Jackie as fast as she could, without saying anything, and burst into the bathroom. She collapsed to her knees in front of the toilet bowl and was violently sick.

“Oh darling,” she heard Jackie say behind her, and the next moment she felt Jackie’s hands holding back her hair as she continued to vomit.

Jackie grabbed a handful of toilet paper and handed it to Rose, who took it and shakily wiped her mouth.

“Maybe you should put some clothes on?” Jackie suggested. With a twinkle in her eye she added; "Not that I mind..."

Rose looked serious, and Jackie’s expression gradually changed to match.

“Look, about last night…” she began, “you don’t regret it do you?” She had put Rose’s reaction down to her obvious hangover.

Rose said nothing, just stood trembling.

“Oh look, you’re shaking,” Jackie said, as if now imploring her to cover up. “Well?” she prodded, after waiting for an answer, “’cause I don’t, not at all. I think we…” she stopped in her tracks, clearly trying to think of something to say. She felt content, more so than she had been since her husband’s death. She had laid awake for about an hour last night, despite her fatigue, just holding her new lover and stroking her hair until she had happily drifted off to sleep.

“I’m sorry…” Rose whispered. It was all she could say.

“What for? Are you saying it shouldn’t have happened?”

Rose looked at her with sadness in her eyes, but said nothing.

Jackie visibly deflated, and her eyes filled with tears, but she fought them back and sighed. “Your clothes are all washed and ready,” she said quietly. “I’ll go and get them.”

With that, she turned and exited the bathroom. Rose pulled the flush and struggled to her feet, feeling dizzy. She wasn't certain but she thought she might have fainted rather than fallen asleep last night. Certainly, after last night's heavy drinking she desperately needed to empty her bladder. She did so and pulled the flush again, then quickly washed her mouth at the sink and walked back into Jackie’s bedroom, finding it a struggle to put one foot in front of the other for it felt as if she were wading through treacle. She found herself unable to look at the bed, and she didn't know how she’d be able to look her mum – or her own reflection – in the eye again.

A few minutes later, Jackie appeared with the clothes Rose had arrived in neatly folded in her arms. She had obviously laundered them. “Here you go,” she said quietly, placing them on the bed.

“Where’s Rose?” Rose found herself asking. A good question, she considered.

“In her room, still sleeping,” Jackie answered. “We woke her up.”

“I know,” Rose replied guiltily.

“It’s half-past-twelve. I think she needs it.” Jackie's voice was flat and lifeless.

Rose nodded sheepishly, and began to get dressed. Just then, they heard a noise from Rose’s room, suggesting that the child was in fact now awake and wanted attention.

“Speak of the devil,” Jackie said, and went to see to her daughter.

Rose finished getting dressed, and went into the living room. Her natural instinct was to get the hell out, but first she badly needed some water. She went to the kitchen sink and ran a glass from the tap. She downed it quickly. The glass seemed to shake as she drank, but she quickly realised that it was she who was shaking, from head to toe. As she set the glass down beside the sink, she heard a beeping noise from somewhere in the room. She initially couldn’t locate the sound, but then it hit her.

The Doctor’s calculator-device… the thing that was supposed to detect readings to do with that Russian guy whose name she now couldn’t remember. She had hidden it under the sink.

She retrieved the device, which was indeed giving off some kind of signal, probably, she realised, to signify that the effect of the Doctor’s device had now worn off, or at least was beginning to. She couldn’t focus on that right now, though. She knew that it was probably dangerous now to be around her younger self, but she suddenly found herself rooted to the spot, still in shock at recent events.

That was when she heard it. She thought she was imagining it at first, but then it began to grow louder and louder. The unmistakable sound of the TARDIS, as if approaching from a distance, and that was all the motivation she needed to move.
* * * *

Jackie jumped as she heard the front door slam shut. She knew immediately that Rachel had left.

Scooping Rose up in her arms, she went into the living room and looked around. “Rachel?” she called, but there was no reply. She didn’t know why she had even called her name.

Wishful thinking, she supposed.

A single tear rolled down her cheek. She sighed, held her daughter tightly in her arms and kissed her on the cheek.

“Just us now,” she said.
* * * *

The door slammed shut behind her. Out of the corner of her eye, Rose caught sight of Arthur Utterson glaring at her disapprovingly as if she were an alien.

"Not her bloody sister, then," he sneered, obviously having heard their ‘performance’ the night before. Rose ignored him. He had probably gotten off on it, the dirty old man.

Rose peered over the balcony and spotted the familiar sight of the battered old police box, exactly where she had last seen it. She made her way down the stairs toward it, not even bothering to rush.

As she approached the TARDIS, the Doctor – her Doctor - was walking towards her. “Ah! There you are!” he beamed.

There I am? she thought incredulously, saying nothing.

“It’s daylight,” he observed. “Sorry, was I a few hours late?” Then, as two punks walked past in leather and studs, both with green Mohican hairdos and one carrying a huge boom-box on his shoulder, he added, “Ooooh, yeah… I got the flight a bit wrong again, sorry about that. You look terrible.”

Rose crumpled, no longer able to hold back the tears, and began to sob.

The Doctor’s expression turned grave. “Come on,” he said sincerely, “into the TARDIS.”

Taking her under his arm, he led her into the box, which disappeared a few moments later.
* * * *

The Doctor activated the controls, sending the TARDIS hurtling through the vortex, then turned to face Rose, whom he had left standing a few feet away from the door, leaning with one hand against one of the coral buttresses for support, while he ran to the console. She appeared to have composed herself, but looked stunned, and so deathly pale that he worried she might pass out.

“What happened?” he asked.

Rose continued to stare straight through him, as if somewhere far away, lost in thought, then she clasped a hand to her mouth and broke down again, reminding him of her reaction the very first time she entered the TARDIS. He went to her and placed his arm around her shoulder, guiding her to the pilot’s chair. When no answer to his question was forthcoming, he said, “It’s alright, just take your time.”

While he waited for her to open up, he explained what had happened. “You see, I was only gone for a few minutes, well, from my point-of-view at least,” he said, “but when I dematerialised I accidentally prodded the TARDIS forward…” he checked the controls, “….a week or so. We just left December 6th.”

Rose sat very still with her legs up against her chest, resting her chin on her knees and hugging her shins. Her mascara had been running down her cheeks as she had been crying, but he could tell that those tears were several hours old, for the make-up had dried on her face. He suspected that she had encountered her mother in this time period, as she had set out to do the first time he had taken her to 1989, and that whatever had happened had affected her on a very deep, personal level.

“I shagged my mum,” Rose’s voice suddenly broke the silence.

The Doctor’s expression froze, and then he looked at her with a mixture of shock and incredulity. “I’m sorry?” he said, choosing to be deliberately obtuse, “I didn’t quite catch that…”

She let out a despairing sigh, and repeated, “I shagged my mum.”

There was an awkward pause, before the Doctor replied, “Riiiiiight… That’s what I thought you said...”

* * * *

Saturday, January 27th 2007

Jackie Tyler heard the sound of something tearing a hole in the universe, which she immediately recognised as the TARDIS, and her heart leapt.

“Rose!” she exclaimed, and jumped up from the sofa. Leaving the Cheese-on-Toast she had been enjoying, she ran outside onto the balcony. Sure enough, the old police box was standing where it usually parked whenever Rose came home to visit, and she immediately saw her daughter emerge and start walking toward the flat.

“Oh, bloody hell,” she swore under her breath as she realised that she hadn’t tidied up or put the Hoover 'round. Not that it mattered, of course, for Rose was hardly a guest. Nevertheless, she quickly tidied up a few magazines and placed them in a neat pile on the coffee table.

“Oh, bugger it,” she said. The rest could wait.

After a few minutes, she heard Rose’s key start to turn in the lock and sprinted to the front door to save her the trouble.

She flung open the door and beamed at her daughter. “Hello sweetheart!” she exclaimed, and planted a sloppy wet kiss on her cheek. She felt Rose jump and recoil slightly.

“Oh, don’t be silly,” she said. “You should know to expect this every time by now! I don’t see you very often.”

Rose said nothing, and Jackie suddenly noticed that her daughter looked a mess.

“Are you all right? What’s wrong?” Off Rose’s look she said, “Rose? What is it? You’re scaring me.”

“Mum,” she began, taking a deep breath, “come and sit down.”

She walked past Jackie and walked into the front room.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Jackie said worriedly. “Just tell me!”

She joined Rose on the sofa. Rose stared at her for a long while, and Jackie could see in her eyes that there was something troubling her greatly.

“What is it? Is it the Doctor? Is he all right? Am I all right?! Is the world coming to an end…?!”

“No… mum, just listen.” Rose closed her eyes and took another deep breath to steady her nerves. “Mum… do you remember, back in 1989…” she trailed off.

“What?” Jackie prodded.

“Do you remember… a girl called Rachel?”

Jackie stared into her eyes, and Rose saw the realisation begin to dawn instantly. It was as if Jackie’s eyes suddenly went dead. The blood drained from her face and her jaw literally dropped.

She gulped, and opened her mouth to speak but no sound came out.

“Mum, say something, please…” Rose urged.

There was silence, until Jackie finally spoke, her voice barely a whisper; “It’s you,” she said. “My God… it is you!”

She then moved faster than Rose had ever seen her move, and ran to the toilet, heaving. Rose heard her wretch and throw up, and fought the urge to do the same as the reality of it hit home once again.

She sat in silence for a few minutes, then the toilet flushed and Rose heard Jackie cross the hallway and enter her bedroom. Clearly her mum couldn’t face her, and right now she felt the same. Rose sat silently, listening to the sound of the ticking clock in the kitchen. Half an hour must have passed before Rose finally steeled herself to go to her mum.

The door was wide open, and Rose walked in to find Jackie sitting on her bed, staring into space.

Rose sat down beside her, but refrained from putting her arm around her. A single word escaped Jackie’s lips. “Why?”

Why? Why had she done it? “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?! Don’t be so stupid, you knew who I was!”

“I was drunk…”

“Oh, do me a favour! You don’t… do that, no matter how drunk you get!”

“I’m sorry!” she pleaded.

“Huh!” Jackie huffed, loudly.

“Please… don’t shout,” Rose said, holding up her hand to stop her, “I’m still not quite over the hangover.”

Jackie looked at her with her mouth open once again. She looked exactly as she remembered Rachel… Green, wasn’t it? Even down to the messy hair, swollen eyes and running mascara. “Oh my God… It’s only just happened for you, hasn’t it.” The statement had not been phrased as a question but her tone seemed to invite an answer.

“Yes,” Rose replied, unable to look her mother in the eye.

There was a short silence before Jackie asked, “Well, what possessed you?”

She considered the question. “I thought we both needed it.”

Jackie stared at her for a moment, then turned away. “Well, I’ve heard it all now…” she said with a hint of sarcasm. “And 'Rachel Green'. Bloody Friends!”

Rose couldn’t suppress the hint of a smile. “First thing that came into my head.”

Jackie rolled her eyes and sighed. “What were you even doing here back then in the first place?”

“Long story. Basically, the Doctor took me home to visit,” – not strictly true but close enough for simplicity – “only he got the wrong time and had to leave and I got stuck.”

Jackie’s brow furrowed. “So he left you there?” she said angrily.

“He had to. He came back.”

“Yeah, a few days later! Honestly, he’s a nightmare, that man…”

Jackie seemed to be taking out her anger on the Doctor.

“No mum, it’s not his fault. It’s mine. I let things get out of hand.”

“Yes you did!” Jackie bit her lip. “Although…” she considered, “I suppose I did come on to you…”

It was true she had to admit. “Yeah, what was that about?” Rose asked.

Jackie looked down. “Oh, I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “I was probably just needy, and willing to settle for anything – straight, gay, whatever…. I was horny and stressed. After all, I hadn’t had any since your father and, well, you were a handful!”

Rose smiled. “I know.”

“Of course you do,” Jackie realised. “What was that like? Meeting yourself as a toddler?”

“Surreal,” she said simply.

Jackie nodded. “I suppose it would be.” She thought back to the night ‘Rachel’ had walked into her life. “No wonder you were so good with… yourself. I didn’t think I was ever gonna stop you crying that night. Hey, I don’t feel so bad now!”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you know, about ‘Rachel’ sorting you out so easily. I felt terrible… like, ‘what am I doing wrong’, you know? Only, now I know it was you…” Her words trailed off and her smile faded. “You know, there was one night last year when you were missing, I was out putting up posters and handing out flyers…”

Rose grimaced. She knew how tirelessly Jackie had campaigned to find her during that year. How she had never given up hope.

“I looked at one of those posters, at your picture and I thought… how much you looked like her.”

They sat for a while, not saying anything. Rose remembered that she had drunkenly poured out to Jackie all about Jimmy Stone, and she wondered what her mum must have thought when all that had actually happened.

Thankfully she'd probably forgotten the story by then.

Finally Rose broke the silence. “Do you remember what I said to you just before we… you know?”

Jackie shook her head. “No.”

When Rose’s face fell, Jackie added, “well it was nearly twenty years ago for me. I think I'd repressed it all, to be honest.” She suddenly realised the truth of that statement; She had all but put those few days into a quiet, distant corner of her mind, burying the pain of losing the first person she had loved after Pete.

Rose nodded. “I can barely remember it myself,” she said referring to her dissipating hangover and how drunk she had been, “but I think I said something about how I’d never appreciated you before… and how seeing you with me then made me realise just how great you are.”

Jackie’s eyes filled with tears as the distant memory stirred within her mind. “Oh, Rose…”

“I meant it. I guess… I guess I needed to show you… how much I love you. Somehow, getting to know you then, it was like you weren’t my mum, but you were… and right then I could be anything to you. I could make you happy, I could give you what you needed.”

“Sweetheart…” Jackie said softly. She considered that actually, Rose was right. What had happened between them had been what she'd needed. In fact, it had been she who had plied Rose with alcohol in the hope of getting her into bed. Well, it had worked.

“I felt such a connection to you,” Jackie said, “like we were soul mates. And it wouldn’t have mattered whether you were a bloke, a woman, or whatever. I loved you.”

Rose shivered and looked away, unable to meet her mother's gaze. "This changes everything," she said under her breath.

"No," Jackie said quickly and forcefully, "no it doesn't. You're still my daughter and you always will be." She paused and considered her next words carefully. "Remember when you were little, and we used to watch Snow White together? You used to lie with your head on my lap and I'd stroke your hair and you'd fall asleep. I used to have to carry you to bed. Do you remember?" She half-smiled at the memory.

Rose nodded, and Jackie brushed a stray lock of hair from her daughter’s face.

"There are times when I'd give anything... anything... to hold that little girl again."

Rose nodded, crying.

“Oh come here,” Jackie said as she embraced her daughter. They sat for several minutes with their arms wrapped around each other, crying softly.

Eventually, Rose broke off the hug. “Oh God,” she sniffed.

“I know… I know.”

Jackie wiped a tear from Rose’s face and looked at her long and hard – her beautiful face… her eyes… her lips... her body. Jackie looked her up and down as if remembering every detail. She noticed Rose’s eyes wander, apparently doing the same. “It’s all gone a bit south since then,” Jackie said of her own body.

Rose forced a smile. “Nah, you’re still beautiful. Must be where I get it from!” She did that cute thing with her tongue that must have driven all her boyfriends crazy.

Jackie caressed her cheek. “Quite right,” she said. “You are gorgeous. You’re amazing! Not to mention incredible…” she indicated the bed with her eyes, but thought better of finishing the sentence.

Mickey’s a very lucky boy, she thought.

Rose blushed. “You were pretty flexible yourself,” she said, lowering her voice to reflect her disbelief.

“Don’t sound so surprised. Sorry if I embarrassed you just then, it’s what mums are for!”

Rose’s heart skipped a beat. “Not like that…” she said.

“No…” Jackie agreed, nodding solemnly. “Hold on.” She got up and went to the bathroom, and Rose heard the sound of running water. Jackie returned to her room with a wet flannel, sat down and proceeded to wipe all trace of smudged make-up from her daughter’s face. Rose closed her eyes and let her do it without saying a word. When Jackie had finished, she returned the flannel to the bathroom and returned to sit next to Rose. She then took Rose in her arms once again, and they sat in silent embrace.

When Rose opened her eyes, she saw the Doctor standing in the doorway. She didn’t know how he had managed to enter the flat silently, but somehow she had known he was there. She nodded to him, and without saying a word he walked up behind Jackie and placed his hands on either side of her face, with his thumbs on her temples. He closed his eyes, and Jackie gasped.

Rose caught her mother’s limp body as she blacked out. Looking up at the Doctor, Rose said, “She’ll be alright, yeah? You haven’t just erased the last twenty years completely?”

“No,” he replied shaking his head, “she’ll wake up with no memory of what happened. She’ll just assume she went for an afternoon nap. As will you. I’ll take you back to the TARDIS, you won’t remember a thing.”

Rose nodded. “Better that way,” she said.

He couldn’t begin to understand what had happened between them, but he could do this to help them now. “Yeah,” he said simply.

Rose gently lowered Jackie to the bed and with the Doctor’s help, put her into a comfortable position. Rose bent down and gently kissed her mother on the forehead, and then turned to the Doctor.

“Do it.”

Closing his eyes, he placed his hands on her face, and their minds touched. In the split second before she lost consciousness, Rose felt his mind reach out to her, and she knew instantly that he loved her and that in a heartbeat she would forget.

But she would always love him.

Always.
* * * *