Love is Suicide

A/N: nearly there now. if there's anyone out there actually reading/enjoying this, then read/enjoy further!

POV: Howard
I open the door to the flat. It’s dark, no lights on. A little odd, but I decide that Vince probably went to bed early.
“Vince? Are you still awake?” No answer. Probably asleep then. I go into the kitchen to grab a drink, switching on the light as I go. I stay there for another ten minutes, and then go out again.

I enter the bedroom. Sure enough, Vince is in there, but as soon as I step in I feel something isn’t right. Vince is in bed, lying on his back. I look closely at him. He looks very pale, and is breathing very shallowly.
“Vince? Vince!” I say, beginning to feel fearful. I cross the short space to Vince’s bedside and shake Vince’s shoulder. No response. “Oh God Vince, what have you done?”

I pull back the covers, finding Vince fully clothed and next to him lies… oh God… a bottle of extra strong painkillers. I begin to cry. “Vince! What – why have you done this?! Why didn’t you talk to me?” I rush to the phone and dial 999.
“Hello? I need an ambulance – my boyfriend has taken an overdose and I’m so scared for his life…” I give the address and stay with Vince, holding his hand tightly, praying that he would make it through.

Soon I hear the siren of an ambulance and go out to meet the paramedics.

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POV: Vince
I open my eyes. My head starts throbbing. Ow. Everything is hazy, fuzzy round the edges. Have I died? Am I in heaven or am I still in bed at home?
Slowly my vision focuses in and I see whitewashed ceiling and, out of the corners of my eyes, green painted walls. I think that only one place could have a colour scheme as bad as this… am I in hospital? How have I not died, I took ten times the maximum extra strength painkiller dosage.

I hear a movement to the right and turn my head slowly, painfully to see what it is. Howard is sitting at my bedside, staring at me in a mixture of concern and relief.
“Oh Vince, you came round, the doctors told me your heart was in serious danger of stopping – Vince” he says, looking serious, “Why did you do it? Why couldn’t you talk to me again? You know how I’d do absolutely anything for you.”
I open my mouth to speak and realise I only have the energy to talk in broken sentences.

“Voices… heard voices… told me bad things… told me I was horrible… you hated me.” A single tear runs down my cheek. “But, voices… gone now… all over… love you so much… sorry.” I mumble, looking deep into Howard’s eyes. He sighs in relief. To him it is finally over.
“Yeah, all over. Why don’t you get some sleep, little man?”
As I drift into dreamless, heavy sleep, I feel Howard lean his head on my chest.

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POV: Howard
I wake up to the sound of birds singing and daylight. I sit up, realising where I am, and look at Vince. He lies, eyes closed, peaceful… something is wrong. I can’t see his chest rising and falling in time to his breathing. I lay a hand on his chest. No heartbeat. I become increasingly desperate.
“No… Vince… little man, come back to me, please, no, don’t have died…” I begin to sob as I lay a hand on my electro-poof’s cheek. It is still slightly warm but cooling rapidly.
“Vince!” I cry. “Oh Vince, why did you have to do this to me? You slipped away at the last minute, just when it was all OK again! What am I going to do without you, Vince? You’re my life, my everything, and now, I’ve got to go through it all alone.”
I slowly turn and, still weeping, walk out of the room to find someone.

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I stand up shakily and survey the congregation.
Vince’s only relative, Bryan Ferry, Naboo and Bollo with some of the council of shamen are there and some of his friends.
The church is beautiful, white marble and white drapes everywhere. I walk up to the podium and address the gathered mourners.

“I, ah… I would first like to say, thank you for coming today. Vince always loved big parties in his honour so that side of things, I suppose, doesn’t change.
I would also like to say, what a beautiful person Vince really was. He was sweet, caring and perfect in every way… he loved, and all who met him instantly liked him. Vince was everything to me, and…” My voice breaks as tears begin to run down my cheeks. “…And I don’t know if I’ll find someone who I could love as much as I did Vince. Nor do I think I’ll find as good a friend as I did in him. It’s my only regret that he didn’t talk to me more, though through no fault of his own.” I look up to the ceiling and give a shuddering sob. “And as I go through the seemingly endless days now, I will always be thinking of you, my little, so beautiful man, Vince.”
I step off the podium, tears pouring down my face, and I sit down. Naboo touches my shoulder and gives me an encouraging nod. “You did well, man,” He whispers.

After the funeral, we go to the graveyard. As Vince is lifted down, I take one last look at the prison that holds my love, and wonder when we will see each other again. I read the gravestone’s epitaph, written by me:
“Vince Noir, 1976-2007. Little man, you lit up my life, you were too good for this world, now I look forward to the day you light up my death. Until we meet again… your forever love.”

As the dirt is being shovelled back into the grave, I realise I can’t feel anything. My heart died with Vince. All I can feel now is despair and anger at myself.
I stay by Vince’s grave until well after the other funeral guests leave. Suddenly I feel something break within me, and start sobbing.
“Why, Vince, why?? Why did you have to leave me like this, just when we were going to be OK again! You said that night two years ago, you promised, what happened to if anything ever happened to force us apart…?? We’re apart now, and you’ve left me to cope on my own!” I slap the tombstone, again and again, and then stand, still crying, and walk back.

A/N: no worries, it'll soon be over and you can go back to your daily lives and forget about what happened here :)