Rock Me

Warning: Rape, Angst, Slash, Past child abuse, H/C, Non-con, Torture

Disclaimer: I don't own them and I don't make any money off of writing this stuff. I do it for the people who enjoy reading them.

Spoilers: Up to and including Asylum

Sam closed his eyes to process the information. "No you're not."

"Yes...I am."

"John Winchester is our father, Dean!"

"Well you're half right." He sighed as he felt the headache begin to lessen. He knew it had something to do with his brother's presence. Sam had always carried the ability to transfer calm to others, but he was sure he didn't know it.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying John Winchester is your father, but he was never mine."

"I'm gonna be sick." Sam knelt down in front of the altar and put his head on the cool stone.

Dean automatically knelt by his side and rubbed his back. "It's okay, Sammy. This has been the truth from the beginning and it didn't change anything. I promise I'm not like him. I promise!"

The desperation in Dean's voice chased away the nausea and Sam looked up at him. "What do you mean? What are you saying?"

"Just...please don't leave me."

Sam sighed. His vision hadn't been about Dean needing his physical help. It was about Dean not wanting to be abandoned for the sins of his real father. Sam sat back and placed his hand to Dean's forehead, shoving him and sending him backward to land on his ass. "I'm not going to leave you, dickwad. I love you." Sam allowed himself to mean it in a non-brotherly way even if Dean wouldn't know it.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Don't start. I'm not in the flowers and chocolates mood right now."

Sam got up and helped Dean do the same. "You're right. For now we need to figure out how to get out of here."

"No, Sammy."

"What do you mean 'no'?"

"Just what I said. Abaddon has never gone back on his word. I spend time with him and he leaves you alone. I made this deal with my eyes wide open."

"You were five!"

Dean's eyes narrowed. "How did you know that?"

"I remembered one time I overheard you and dad talking. He mentioned you made a choice when you were five. I highly doubt you were able to make that choice rationally."

"Really? I was younger when I made the choice to leave mom and dad inside that house while carrying you out."

Sam walked over to the nearest wall and leaned against it, suddenly weary. "That's not the same."

"It is the same. Both times I chose to save you. I don't regret it."

"Okay, wait...if you're Abaddon's son then why aren't you some all powerful demon or something?"

"Love." He smiled. "God that sounds cheesy."

"Yeah, well, right now normal would be cheesy. I mean look at what we're talking about."

"Alright. We've got a few minutes before I have to leave so-"

"Leave? No, we're sticking together." He straightened up then, determined to convince Dean they had to fight and escape.

"I don't honestly know how things are going to go so I'm just drawing on the experience I have from past years. Usually everything follows a set pattern. This time it's different because you're here. I doubt dear old dad is going to let me sit here for long once he realizes my headache is gone."

"Yeah, what was that about anyway? Me getting stabbed...you getting shot...Jess...."

"I'll answer your questions. Just don't interrupt, alright?" Dean smiled to himself, knowing that was a futile request.

"Okay, go ahead. Fill me in." Sam crossed his arms over his chest, adopting the patient but slightly condescending look he knew Dean was familiar with.

Dean just rolled his eyes again and got comfortable on the altar, not willing to use up any strength he didn't have to by standing. "Ever hear of Lilith?"

Sam nodded. "Of course. Lilith is the lover of Samael and a female demon. Hebrews believe she's a succubus, but legend has her named as the Princess of Hell."

"Right. Abaddon is the King of Demons so you can see how they might hook up."

"Wait...so does that make you the prince of demons?"

"Don't start with that. He says the same thing."

"Oh." Sam frowned, not knowing how any of this made sense.

"Abaddon has a lot of names. At least a thousand. One of them is Samael."

Sam walked over at that point and sat down next to Dean. "Lilith is your mom?"

"No. Mary Winchester is my mother." He couldn't sit so close to Sam, not now that the truth was coming out. He didn't know how he'd react so he began to pace. "Let me start at the beginning. Abaddon and Lilith are lovers. Lilith and Abaddon have been breeding demons for ages, but not with each other. God made it impossible for the two to ever share a child because of their...coupling...underneath the Divine throne in Heaven."

"They did it under God's throne?!?!?"

"Yeah, so the story goes. So they're banished to hell and forbidden to have children with each other. Abaddon thinks it's because any creature with the blood of both of them will be the undoing of all good in the universe. I think it was just because God wanted to piss them off."

Sam smiled. "So we believe in God now?"

"I know we're open minded about all religions, but I'm convinced about the whole heaven and hell aspects. I mean we've seen enough to prove it. I'm not saying there's not a lot more out there, but heaven and hell are two concepts we can verify to be truth."

"Alright, keep going."

"Abaddon always stuck to screwing other demons to get children. Lilith preferred men who were nothing more than victims. They impregnated her while scared and confused. It led to more demons. One day everything changed thanks to Mary Winchester."

"What did mom do to catch their attention?"

"She tried to buy the house."

"This house?!?"

"Yup. She came by with dad...John...and they looked around and loved it. Abaddon and Lilith tried to scare them away, but...well...mom was sort of turned on by the bleeding walls and shit. Granted, they decided not to buy the house because of it, but mom wanted to have some fun I guess. So John and mom-"

"Stop calling him that! He's your father..."

Dean nodded. "Alright." He sighed. "Mom and dad made love up in that front room. It wasn't sex or lust. It was love as pure as you can get. Abaddon had never been with a human, but witnessing it made him want to try."

"He raped mom."

"No, he followed mom and one day he came to her and told her he needed her. Mom was always the believer in the supernatural. Not dad. That wasn't until years later."

"Mom cheated on dad?"

"Not exactly. I mean..yes, she did, but he messed with her mind so she thought she had to. She fell under this spell I guess. She loved dad, but Abaddon made her feel that for him. The emotions were already there. He just transferred the feelings to another recipient."

"It's rape."

"I won't argue that, Sammy. I just don't like thinking about it that way. I was conceived from it, after all."

"Sorry."

"So that's what happened. She became pregnant and I could have been born an evil demon, but it didn't work out that way. Mom loved the man who got her pregnant during the conception. She loved me even though she knew what I was. She told dad about it and he thought just what you did...that she was a victim and he loved her no matter what. Then came the kicker. He loved me, too."

"Even though you weren't his child."

"Yeah, he believed it didn't matter. I was Mary's son and that's all he cared about. He didn't actually think she was raped by a demon, but he did think she was raped and he vowed to love me as his own. Abaddon knew he couldn't have me because of that love. It made him angry and he went to Lilith for help."

"Okay...I'm not sure how you stayed with dad and mom if Lilith got involved."

"Lilith thought she could sleep with me to get her child, but Abbadon reminded her that God nixed that idea when he had first cursed them. Abaddon and Lilith could never impregnate or be impregnated by anyone with the other's blood."

"That's good then, right?"

"It turned out to be. Lilith decided she needed to have a daughter. That way her daughter and Abaddon's son could give them the child who would destroy all creation."

"And did she have a daughter?"

"Nope, only sons. It was their own fault. Back in the day, women were thought to be weak. Abaddon and Lilith had participated in a ritual long ago to only bear sons. God knew that and that's why the curse didn't extend beyond those two."

Sam grinned. "So since men can't create life together....they'd never be allowed to have that child."

"Right. We'll never have to worry about that child because he or she will never exist."

"So she never tried to have a daughter, right?"

"Wrong. She had forgotten that ritual. It had been centuries...millenia actually since she'd taken part in it. She did try to have a daughter once. That's why she did what she did."

"What did she do?"

"She killed mom."

TBC.... Sorry it's short, but I have to study and I wanted some of the facts out of the way before I went on with the story. I hope it wasn't too boring. I know sometimes 'explanation chapters' can be. :-)