The Boys From Tennessee II

The Boys From Tennessee II
Rating: NC17
Author: Chissy_Rose
Author’s Notes/Disclaimer: They’re not mine, I don’t own them. No infringement intended.

The Boys From Tennessee II
Chapter 6
A Beaten Dog

Peter was thinking about the caves and what BDSM they might do there when he realized how this moment was so similar to how he’d been taken into the jungle by a rope around his neck when he’d been kidnapped and raped. Fear and anxiety gripped him and he knew it was taking him over. It felt as though it was choking him. Sayid led Peter up the path and Sawyer brought up the rear. Sawyer heard the tone in Peter’s voice and knew immediately there was something terribly wrong. Peter had stopped frozen in the path and was holding onto the leash attached to his collar.

“Oh God, get it off. Please get it off…” Peter’s voice was a mixture of fear, anxiety and urgency. “Please…” Peter was fumbling with the leash trying to unlatch it but was so upset he couldn’t do it.

Sayid had stopped and moved back to help him but Sawyer beat him to it.

“Calm down, stop! Let me do it. I’ll take care of it!” Sawyer ordered, trying to push Peter’s hands away. He finally got the leash released from the collar and undid Peter’s wrists at the same time. Peter was shaking violently and was very upset and anxious.

“Oh God, oh God… I couldn’t…” Peter blurted out as his eyes teared up. Sayid grimaced. He realized it was too much like when Peter had been taken and raped over a five day period. It had caused him to flashback. Sawyer reached out and pulled Peter to him, wrapping his arms around him, trying to soothe him. Peter was still struggling, still caught up in his anxiety.

“Please don’t hurt me. Let me go. Don’t hurt me again… Please???” Peter screamed, crying and pushing against Sawyer, trying to get away but Sawyer wouldn’t release him. He realized that Peter was in the full throes of an anxiety attack and flashback of when he’d been taken.

“Peter! Peter! Look at me! It’s James! I’m not gonna hurt you. Stop strugglin’ and say my name,” Sawyer said it as an order. “What’s my name? It’s James… say it!” Sawyer held him with one hand and tried to stroke his face with the other. “Who am I? Say my name.”

Peter looked into his face almost without recognition but finally began to struggle less. He was still breathing hard and fast as he finally whispered, “James. You’re James…” He slumped against Sawyer and let out a sob. “Oh God I’m sorry. It was like when I was kidnapped and it was like it was happening again. I was so fucking anxious; I just had to get away. That’s all I could think of…”

Sawyer stroked his head, “Shhhh, baby brother, it’s gonna be okay. It’s just me and Sayid and we won’t let that happen again. We just didn’t think or we’d have never done it that way.”

“Are you okay Peter? I’m so sorry that upset you so badly.” Sayid touched Peter on the shoulder and Peter looked up briefly into his eyes and nodded yes sadly, his face wet with tears. He still had a tight grip on Sawyer.

Sayid looked into Sawyer’s eyes. “I think we should postpone this to another time. Peter’s too anxious and upset. He needs support and comfort now. Why don’t you both head back and I’ll find Jack to let him know?” Sawyer nodded yes.

“I’m so sorry Sayid. I’ll be okay. Just give me a while.” Peter wiped the tears from his face but his hands were still shaking. Sawyer and Sayid both shook their heads no.

“You’re not okay yet, you’re still shaking. It’s best we continue this another time. You need to relax. It’s okay. Go with Sawyer to the beach now and I’ll come to check on you later and bring your things to you.” Sayid gently put his hand against Peter’s face and stroked it. Peter finally nodded and Sawyer gave a relieved sigh. Peter reached up and undid the strap from his neck and handed it to Sayid, followed by his wrist straps. Sayid pulled out his shirt from the backpack and handed it to Peter to put on.

“I’m sorry Sayid. I’m so embarrassed, I didn’t mean…” Peter tried to apologize again but Sayid reached up and put his index finger against his lips.

“There is nothing to apologize for. The last 24 hours have been wonderful. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Go with Sawyer now and try to relax this evening.” Sayid moved in slowly and kissed him on the lips and was encouraged to feel Peter kiss him back. Sayid smiled, checked the time and decided to go ahead to the caves to meet Jack.

Sawyer took Peter’s shirt and helped him put it on. “C’mon, let’s head back to the beach. You just relax. We’ll talk about something else.” Sawyer reached over and took his left hand and gave him a small smile. Peter nodded and smiled back. Funny how a gesture could be so reassuring.

Sayid sat out in front of the caves. He’d called out and checked the caves to see if Jack or anyone else was there, but he was alone in this place. He thought about Peter’s reaction on the trail and cursed himself for not having the forethought to know how Peter would react to being led that way. Peter had told him how the Others had tied a rope around his neck, bound him and led him to their camp to be raped repeatedly over days. Sayid shook his head. It made him feel sick, especially after the great sex they’d just had over the last 24 hours. He heard someone approaching and put his hand on his gun until he saw Jack come into view. He called out to Jack who came his direction.

“Hey Sayid, where’s Peter and Sawyer? Are they in the cave?”

“No, there’s been a change in plans. We had an unforeseen complication.”

Jack’s forehead wrinkled immediately. “What happened? Are they both alright? They’re not hurt are they?”

“No, they’re okay. They were heading back to the beach. Peter had an anxiety attack and got really upset. He’s okay now I think.”

“What set him off? Do you have any idea?” Jack was really concerned. Libby had said this could happen to Peter.

“Well we’d just had sex at the lagoon and everyone was in a good mood. As you know, we were going to come here to the caves for some BDSM. I fastened a long leash to Peter’s neck collar and the three of us had started up the path. Apparently it was the leash and being led here that put him into a flashback of his kidnapping and rape when they led him by a rope around his neck. He begged to be let go and was so upset he couldn’t unfasten himself. Sawyer had to do it, and it took several minutes of struggling with Peter and talking to him before he got Peter to say his name and calm down. He was shaking and crying and kept saying that he was sorry. He apologized for ruining the plans. I told him it was okay and to go back to the beach with Sawyer.”

Jack stirred the cold remnants of a fire with a stick as he listened to Sayid. “Sounds like he had a full blown panic attack. Sawyer was lucky to have gotten him out of it. He’s done real well to not have more of them. Libby warned us that we might think he was okay and he could have one.” Jack paused and thought a few moments. “He’s gonna be wild for a while now I suspect. He’s warned us both of how he is when he gets too anxious.”

“What do you mean Jack? I don’t understand. How is an anxiety attack related to him being wild?” Sayid was frowning slightly.

“Apparently, when he gets real anxious he starts masturbating a lot and has sex with just about anyone he can seduce. He says it makes him feel in control and less anxious. The last time he had sex with five of us within 24 hours.”

“Five of us here on the island? Huh. Was that the time that Sawyer abused him?”

“Crap! I hadn’t even thought about that yet. I’m going to have to talk to Sawyer as soon as possible. I don’t like Peter being that promiscuous either but if we’re gonna keep him as a lover we’re going to have to make some allowances for his behavior. Tearing him up isn’t the answer. I need to talk to Sawyer tonight.” Jack stood up and Sayid followed.

“Let’s head for the beach then, while we’ve still got daylight.” Sayid said as he gathered his things.

Sayid and Jack arrived back at the camp at sunset and saw Peter and Sawyer seated at the fire. It was obvious that there was still something going on as Peter was sitting 6 feet away from Sawyer. Jack watched them both carefully as they approached. He said hello and walked over and gave Peter a kiss on the forehead. Peter gave him a small smile and said hey but then looked again into the fire as though mesmerized. Jack noticed Peter kept fiddling with the ring that Sawyer had given him, taking it on and off and turning it. He was obviously sad and very anxious both. Jack put his stuff down and sat down close to Peter but not touching him. Peter’s breath hitched and it seemed all he could do to not move off. Jack felt as though someone had put their hand around his neck. It was upsetting to see Peter like this.

“So Sayid told me about what happened earlier. How are you feeling now?”

Peter shrugged his shoulders, thought about it more and said quietly, “Okay I guess.”

Jack sat quietly just watching Peter, worrying. Finally he said, “You don’t seem okay. You still seem anxious and upset. It’s like you don’t want us here.”

A grimace went across Peter’s face and he leaned over resting his elbows on his knees and put his face into his hands. His voice sounded bitter and hurt. “Just leave me the hell alone then. I’ve told y’all I’m fucked up over and over. Sawyer watched me go to pieces in the damn jungle and thinks I’m supposed to be magically okay now too. I’m still hurtin’ and I hate y’all saw me that way. I can’t even control my own emotions or what I think. I’m never gonna be fucking okay.”

“We’re just worried about you and tryin’ to be here for you Pete. We care about you.” Sawyer looked cheerless and worried. It had already occurred to him how Peter was going to respond to all this. Jack felt helpless. He reached out to rest his hand on Peter’s shoulder and was surprised when Peter pulled away from him, got up and ran past Sawyer towards the beach. He got about 25 yards away when he went down on his knees and threw up on the beach. Jack, Sawyer and Sayid all watched him sadly. “God he’s so anxious he’s throwin’ up again,” Sawyer said sorrowfully.

“Should someone go after him? He doesn’t seem like he should be alone right now.” Sayid looked at them both.

Jack sat back down and gestured for Sawyer to sit again. “Can you watch him for a while Sayid without him knowing you’re watching him? I’m worried that he might try and hurt himself in this state of mind. I don’t care if he has sex with anybody - that actually will be a sign he’s trying to cope with it.” Sayid nodded yes and asked Jack to put his things in his shelter and moved off into the darkness up the beach to keep an eye on Peter.

“So you don’t care if he has sex with anybody here?” Sawyer sounded incredulous.

“You know I don’t mean that exactly, but you know how he’s dealt with being anxious in the past. I think we just have to stay out of his way and let him come back to us. You know he’s going to be having sex with somebody or be jerking off. Neither one of us can react to this like we have in the past. If we still want him, we’ve got to accept him even if we don’t like or accept his behavior. There’s no medicine here, nothing I can give him to help him with his anxiety or depression. We can suggest he talk with Libby, but if he’s too upset I don’t think he’ll want to. I worry about him attempting to kill himself Sawyer and I don’t want that and I know you don’t want that either.”

“You know I don’t want that either. It’s just upsetting to know how outa control he’s gonna be. Why can’t we be enough for him? Why can’t he rely on us?”

“Because he’s been so abused it’s hard for him to trust anyone, even us. Peter’s told me that he’s like a dog that’s been badly beaten repeatedly. He called it ‘beaten dog syndrome’. Now if someone raises a hand, even to help him, he cringes and moves away because he believes he’s going to be hurt again. He says the hardest thing is for him to trust someone. And you and I both have broken that trust with him already. So we’ve just got to wait for him to come back to us and be ready with open arms.” Jack looked Sawyer in the eyes and Sawyer nodded back at him and sighed heavily. He knew Jack was right.