To Feel

A/N: I know its been forever but with the end of school I didn’t have time and then I was off working in NY all summer, which was fun. But I have decided to continue this story it will just be slow in updating. Sorry to everyone who has been waiting patiently and many many thanks to those who were nice and reviewed and encouraged me not to drop this story (just don’t tell the people reading my other two stories that I updated this one first since I was supposed to be focusing on my HP stories) Also just a warning that the story is drifting more into the NC-17, sexual content, slash, direction in the next chapter so if you’re reading this and weren’t expecting that all I can say is… that really shouldn’t have been a surprise, what is wrong with you?


Chapter 5

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This new high that Lex gave me kept me going for two hours before reality returned to me. Back to chores, and homework, back to pretending to be happy with my life.

Like my friends, my parents were grateful that I was getting back to the ‘old’ me, but my father was less than enthusiastic that it was ‘that Luthor boy’ who I was now spending my time with.

For the next few weeks every moment that I didn’t have to be at my house I was at Lex’s. I would do my homework there and talk to him as he ran more tests on my blood, or asked more questions. He also kept a close eye on me, wanting to know every time I cut so he could record it like a good scientist, but he never made a move to prevent me. I had noticed though that he would try to distract me at times to see if my need to cut could be put off for a longer amount of time. In someway it seemed to be working, having someone who knew the truth, who I could be myself around. Sometimes it even felt like he was flirting with me. Making different innuendos, and though some made me want to blush there was still that coldness inside that stopped me as well as the knowledge that no one would ever want a creature such as I for that.

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Everything seemed to calm in my life, falling into a nice routine, and then I began hearing whispers. The first time I was walking towards the school entrance with Pete and Chloe when I heard it. The sound made me stop and turn which was weird because we were surrounded by talking students, but for some reason that whisper stopped me. I couldn’t see anything out of place or suspicious so I brushed it off, maybe I’d imagined it.

The next time was while I was fixing the fence on the far-side of our pasture. The wind stirred around me, a dark cloud grumbling in the sky, but I couldn’t see or hear anyone near me. The whispers were still there and though I thought of them as whispers it wasn’t like those of one friend to another in class. It was like trying to listen to some foreign language or something just too soft or muffled to comprehend it. I could hear something but not understand it. Suddenly it cut off, and I felt a chilly ache of loneliness. I flashed through my chores and ran to Lex’s, the only place I seemed to be able to find any comfort lately.

If it wasn’t for the whoosh of air Lex probably wouldn’t have noticed me curled up on his couch until he looked up.

“Clark?”

I didn’t respond and couldn’t think of anything to say, still puzzling over this new issue.

“Clark?” A touch on the shoulder accompanied my name this time and I jerked slightly before focusing on Lex.

“Something weird’s going on… or I’m going insane.” I said morosely, I suppose it was only a matter of time.

“Clark you’re not insane, are you seeing things?” Lex asked mockingly.

“No.” I mumbled.

“Hearing things?” He asked, a smile quirking his lips.

I paused for a moment, “yes.”

The smile faded to be replaced by a more serious look. “Oh, what are they saying?”

“Nothing, I don’t know. I… I just hear whispers, I can’t understand them. The first time was in front of school, the second I was alone in our pasture.”

Lex sat down beside Clark, one hand reaching up to card through the dark curls to calm the younger man, an act that had been occurring more and more frequently over the last few weeks. Clark relaxed beneath the hand, able to calm with the knowledge that Lex was there and would take care of him.

“Relax. You’re not crazy. This could be some new ability, maybe some higher frequency that humans can’t hear. Don’t worry, we’ll see how this progresses and figure what it is.”

I relaxed further at the clear logic. “How do you always know what to do and say to make me calm?” I asked looking at him earnestly. “You’re an amazing person. I just wish I could do more for you. You know that I would give you anything you asked right?”

“Would you?” He asked cautiously, a strange glint in his eyes as he looked up slightly from beneath his lashes.

“Yes. You’re the only thing that matters to me Lex, anything you want.” I admitted staring straight back at him. No on else knew nor would they understand the real me, Lex was the only one who was of any importance in my life and I swore to myself weeks ago that I would always protect him and aid him in whatever he wished. When I first started thinking this way the thought of him asking me to do something illegal passed through my mind and I balked at first, but then reconsidered. If Lex was truly the only one I cared about what did anyone else matter? I just knew I wouldn’t be able to bear disappointing him.

While I had been momentarily lost in thoughts Lex had moved and it was only then that I realized his lips were on mine. I froze for a second, eyes wide and thoughts whirling, before my eyes closed and I responded. My first instinct was to pull away from the dead touch but the main part of my brain knew such an act would deeply hurt Lex. I attempted to move my lips and tongue in an appropriate way from my limited knowledge but had no guidance from feelings. A moan from Lex assured me I must be doing something right, but I barely acknowledged the thought before a rush of tingles shot through my body. The surge was so strong it caused me to gasp and break the kiss, it hadn’t lasted that long, but for a moment I had definitely felt something, but even more amazing than that, for a second I could have sworn that there was a stirring in my groin.

That was one thing that I had been too ashamed to talk to Lex about. I came to terms with the fact that I would never be aroused over a year ago, and therefore never have a serious relationship, but I had definitely just felt something. One of my hands was stroking compulsively on my stomach where there was still a faint echo of tingles.

“Clark. Clark! What is it?” Lex asked looking confused, a shadow in his eyes showing that the pessimistic part of him was just waiting for rejection.

“I felt something.” I said in wonder, finally getting my hand to stop.

There was surprise in Lex’s eyes, all signs of hurt vanishing and a proud pleasure showing through. Lex leaned in again, placing a chaste kiss on my lips before leaning back and watching me curiously.

“Anything?”

I reluctantly shook my head with a frown, which Lex echoed before he leaned in again.

This time the kiss was long and languorous, Lex putting all his skill into making it pleasurable for me before pulling away, a question in his eyes.

Regretfully I gave another negative, angered and saddened by the hurt look that clouded Lex’s eyes. “I guess we’ll just have to try more… for the sake of science.” I was pleased once more at seeing the disappointment fade again and enjoyed his smirk of a smile.

“Mmm, science.” He mumbled with a slightly dreamy look in his eyes making me chuckle softly. He leaned forward quickly and gave me a quick kiss before he slipped back into full science Lex and grabbing my hand led me down to his lab. “There is something I figured out the other day after you left.” He said, opening the door to his private lab and guiding me over to one of his tables and handed me a paper that looked like gibberish.

I just gave him a look and he gave a sigh snatching the paper back from my hands. “What it says is that you have almost three times as many base pairs than a human does, your DNA is so full of information so far superior to ours I don’t know how to describe it.”

“Well for being such a superior being this conversation is making me pretty damn sure you’re the superior one in the room.” I admitted, making note in my mind to look up some of the things he’d mentioned.

“I don’t think you give yourself enough credit, I’ve seen how fast you learn, I could probably had you a few books to read tonight and by tomorrow you’d be explaining things to me.” Lex admitted making me feel a little better. “Which is why I’m not giving you any books.”

“Hey!” I protested, unable to prevent the huge smile on my face at seeing his grin. “I wouldn’t want to be a snobby scientist anyway.” I said with a mock sniffle.

“Snobby!” He protested taking a swing at me but I was at the door in a flash.

“I’ll leave you to your fancy words and shiny machines and go workout my farm-boy muscles doing chores. Try not to strain anything looking through a microscope.” I said before sticking my tongue out at him childishly, and walking swiftly up the hall.

“As long as you watch out for those three syllable words!” I heard shouted through the halls causing me to grin even wider, it was nice to act childish sometimes. “Damn, next time I’ll show him exactly what to do with that tongue.” I stumbled on nothing, my hearing somehow picking up Lex’s mumbled words, causing me to blush bright red and sprint home in the hopes that no one would notice.

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The next day I woke at the normal time but by 4:00 I was pacing my room restlessly. I wasn’t even sure why, nothing had changed, and yet I could feel this pressure building inside of me. I went through my morning routine with a distracted air, not even focusing as my body performed the usual chores. Jonathan (I could no longer think of the man as my father) harassed me, trying to figure out what was wrong, at first I brushed him off but when he persisted I snapped at him, yelling that it was none of his business.

My action surprised us both; never before had I lost my cool like that. I caught his eyes flash down to my fingers, clearly checking for any red kryptonite, and I fought to keep the sneer off my face until my back was turned and I left for school.

My ‘friends’ picked up on my tension by second period but after a snapped comment dropped it and just eyed me for the rest of the day. At break I escaped to the restroom, not even bothering to wait until lunch, assured that my blade would fix everything, but as I drew another slice into my arm it was still there. The blade gave me a since of life as normal but that building pressure didn’t waver. By the end of the day everyone was giving me a wide berth, even the teachers even seemed too afraid to call me on my inattentiveness, but all I could think about was that sense of wrongness now accompanied by a nauseous feeling in my stomach.

When the bell rang I walked to Lex’s mansion, all thoughts focused inward, trying to decipher what this was. When I finally walked through the mansion doors it was to see Lex pacing in an unusual display of emotions.

“Where have you been? School was out an hour ago!”

A low growl rumbled from my chest before I could think of anything to say, my narrowed eyes meeting Lex’s surprised ones. His body had frozen at the sound I made but I couldn’t get my mind to care, it was consumed with what this tension of wrongness was.

Instead I resumed the restless pacing that he had stopped. Muscles tensing in relaxing, feeling like I should be getting ready for a fight, but against what or who I didn’t know.

“Clark.”

My eyes flicked to him for a second before disregarding him once more

“Clark, what’s wrong?”

Why was I feeling this? Never before had I felt such tension before fighting a meteor mutant. Did it mean that this one would be unusually powerful, were they some kind of thereat? Maybe this was a new ability developing? Pretty shitty one if all it was going to do was drive me insane. Or maybe something was trying to warn me that I was becoming dangerous and had to get away from humans, but that didn’t really make since either. Maybe…

“Clark!”

The loud shout and hands gripping my shoulders brought my attention back to the human before me. My sharp eyes boring into his as my thoughts flashed to tossing him across the room for daring such impiety. My arm tensed, ready to make the blow.

No, this was Lex!

I stumbled away from him in surprise, my mind clearing for a moment as I stared at him wide-eyed. I couldn’t believe I had almost hurt him.

“I… Lex I…” What could I say? ‘Sorry I almost swatted you across the room and most likely break your neck or some other bone?’

“Clark, relax, talk to me.” Lex said gently, completely unnerved by the whole thing.

“I don’t know, something’s wrong but I don’t know what.”

“Sit. Describe it.”

The sharp orders reached my mind and my body collapsed to the couch before automatically bringing my legs up and curling into as small a ball as I could.

“It’s this tension, pressure, wrongness feeling. It has been growing all day, it’s all I can think about, something’s wrong but I don’t know what.”

I felt a slight pressure on my arm but flinched away, for some reason my discomfort at any touch amplified today. I could almost sense Lex’s hurt at my actions as usually I allowed his touch, but before I could say anything he had pushed it away and was talking again.

“Lets go down to the lab, I’m sure we can figure out what it is that is wrong.

Two hours later I was pacing across the pristine lab as Lex ran test after test. I felt so nauseous now that if it weren’t for the impatient restless feeling I would be curled over holding my stomach.

Unable to stand it anymore I scrambled for my blade, ripping it out of it’s sheath and slammed it into my leg. I gave a whimpering moan, pleased with the distraction not even caring about the shout of my name from Lex as he ran over.

The reprieve from the pressure was only momentary before I it came back full force and somehow I new whatever it was was about to happen.

“Lex, please. Stop it.” I begged of him and then I felt it and. I moaned in anguish as felt something tearing inside me, something crying out in pain, something I was supposed to protect, something I had failed. The thing cried out in pain and I voiced the cries it was unable to. There was a deafening roar in my ears, or perhaps it was only in my ears, all I knew was that I felt like an older brother watching his little sister get hurt and unable to stop it.

The pain continued for nearly 10 minutes before it began to lessen but I could still feel it throughout my trembling body.

“Clark! Clark! Talk to me!”

I slowly glanced up to Lex who was hovering over me, for once all his masks gone, clear worry showing on his face. A lone tear slipped from my eye as I looked at him but didn’t know what to say, this he wouldn’t be able to understand.

He must have understood something in my eyes because he remained silent and just pulled me into his arms. After a few minutes he pulled me from the room and led me up to his bedroom and had me lay down. He remained for a while stroking my back to calm me but when he tried to leave I held on fast to his sleeve until he got the message and laid beside me. It was the first time I remembered letting myself be held in years, for once the lack of tactile interpretation not bothering me, satisfied with the fact that he was beside me.


A/N: Hope it was somewhat worth the wait, please review and if there were any mistakes let me know. ‘Tis much appreciated.