Numb

Luka woke to the soft sounds of breathing and a moment of panic at his unfamiliar surroundings seized him. He shifted slightly, moving as little as possible so as not to wake the bed's other occupant. It wasn't until his eye caught a glimpse of soft blond curls peeking above the sheet that the night before came back to him and he realized who's bed he was sharing.
He reached out and lightly brushed the unbelievably smooth skin of Sam's cheek and a slow smile spread across his face. Absolutely beautiful, the words entered his brain without forethought. Tracing his fingertip over her full red lips, he ached to kiss her, but restrained himself from waking her from what appeared to beery ery peaceful slumber.
Sliding out of bed, he stood and stretched his long frame languorously. Then he grabbed his slacks from the discarded pile of clothing on the floor and donned them before making his way to the bathroom.

Standing on front of the sink, he watched the smile slip from his face and turn into a frown. The guilt began to plague him as he watched himself.
How can you let yourself be happy without her, his mind badgered his reflection. How can you let someone else put a smile on your face ?
" Danijela, " he murmured softly as his eyes turned skyward. " How can I let myself feel joy without you here to share it with ? "
nglengle tear streaked down his cheek and he slapped it away, before turning on the sink and splashing water on his face.
He had promised himself he wasn't going to put himself through this anymore. He promised himself this self-imposed torture was over. But that was before Sam and Alex had succeeded in doing what no one else had in so long. That was before he learned he could truly be happy again.
He walked back to the bedroom as silently as he had left and simply stood at the foot of the bed, staring at Sam as she slept.
He watched as a soft sigh escaped her lips and she shifted into a more comfortable position. He found himself smiling unconsciously again and again as soon as he realized it, he stopped.
Raking his hands through his short dark hair, he released a low frustrated sigh. Why couldn't he let himself be happy ? Why couldn't he just let go of the past and enjoy the moment ?
He made his way to the window and sat down on the overly wide sill.
Looking out into the night sky, he let his mind get swallowed up in his memories of his family and home. The tears flowed freely now. He buried his head in his hands and let the emotions take him where they wanted to. He had learned a long time ago not to fight them. It only made it worse when they finally caught up to him.
" Luka, " a soft, low, sleep-filled voice asked from his shoulder.
He jumped, startled and tried to hide the wetness on his face.
Sam reached out and stopped his hands. " Don't. You don't have to hide from me, just tell me what's wrong." she whispered, bending down to rest on her knees beside him.
Luka looked up at her through the tears and couldn't help but smile.
" You know, " she said, as she began to wipe at his cheeks with her thumb. " Talking about things sometimes helps. I'm a great listener. "
" Sam, " he sighed, inclining his cheek into her palm. " I can't yet. I'm sorry. I just can't. " e loe looked at him, concern shining in her eyes. " I'm here for you. Whenever you're ready. I'll listen. Can you at least tell me if this is about us ? "
Luka blinked and took in her uncertain expression. Instead of answering, he pulled her closer and pressed his lips to hers, trying desperately to remove any doubts from her mind with his kiss.
Sam leaned into him and he wrapped his arms around her.
Finally, he pulled away slightly and smiled. " This has nothing to do with us being together. Making love with you earlier was amazing. "
Sam smiled. " It was amazing. Do you think we could top it or is it all downhill from here ? "
Luka chuckled lightly and nuzzled into her hair. " I would love to try. "
Sam pulled away from him long enough to stand, then she took his hand and lead him back to the bed.

" Mom ! " a voice coming from the hall outside the bedroom woke Luka from his sleep. A second later he heard the doorknob turn and a solid body came into contact with it.
" Ouch! " Alex called, " Hey why is the door locked ? "
Luka grabbed his pants from the floor again and went to the door.
" Is Luka back already ? " Alex asked as he heard the door being unlocked and opened.
" I saw his car out front. Are we going to do something together ? "
Alex's excited prattling stopped abruptly as Luka pulled the door opened and he took in the sight of Luka, half dressed in his mother's bedroom.
A second later he was bolting down the hall and a second after that Luka heard his bedroom door slam shut.
" Damn, " Luka muttered under his breath.
" What's wrong ? " Sam asked from her place still in bed.
" I don't think Alex is happy about our slumber party. " he shrugged.
" Damn, did he bolt ? " she asked, sitting up and wrapping the sheet tightly around her.
" Like a rocket. " he answered.
" I need to go talk to him. " she said, looking around the floor, seeking something to put on.
" No, no. You go and do what you normally do in the mornings. " he told her, coming to her and planting a soft kiss on her lips. " Let me go and talk to him. "
Sam smiled and pulled him down for a much deeper kiss. " Man, could ever get used to you being around. "
" Good, cause I think I could get used to being around. " he smiled.
He heard the sound of the shower starting before he got to Alex's door and had to fight an urge to turn around and join Sam.
Blowing out a loud cleansing breath, he racked his hands through his hair and knocked on the young boys door.
" Go away. " came the reply from inside.
" Please Alex I want to talk to you. " Luka said, lifting his voice so that he could be heard through the door.
The door opened slowly and Alex stood there looking at him. " I was expecting Mom. " he muttered under his breath.
" She's in the shower. Can I come in ? " Luka asked.
Alex opened the door all the way and retreated back to his bed to sit indian style in the middle of it. Clothing and books littered the floor. A small television sat on a table at the foot of the twin bed with several wires coming from it. Video game controllers and other paraphenallia cluttered beside it.
Luka came and sat beside Alex on the bed.
" I want to talk about this. " he started.
" I don't. " Alex stated flatly.
Luka racked his hands in his hair again and sighed.
" I don't want this to change anything. " he tried again.
" But it will. " Alex pouted. " You spent the night. Now it's only a matter of time before she makes you leave. "
" Why would you say that ? I'm not going anywhere. "
" You will. Just wait. "
" Alex, I like you and your mother very much. I really do. I don't want to go anywhere. "
" You don't understand. Men never last around my Mom. She always makes them leave sooner or later and most the time they don't even do anything. She just decides one day she doesn't want them around and makes them leave. " Alex explained.
" I'm sure it's a lot more complicated than that. There are things that happen between grown ups that kids don't always get to know about. " Luka answered.
" Dad never does anything, but every time he comes around he only gets to stay for a little while before Mom is packing us up and making us leave. I don't want to leave here. I kinda like it here. "
" Does your Dad come around often ? " Luka asked, feelign a little guilty at delving into Sam's personal life without her knowledge.
" He always finds us eventually. Then he moves in and before long we are moving."
" Do your Mom and Dad fight ? "
" Nah, not really. Least not where I can hear them anyway. " Alex answered.
" I really like spending time with you. You're a cool guy. How about I make a deal with you. How about we say that no matter what happens between your Mom and me I will still be your friend ? " Luka offered.
Alex watched him for a moment, considering this carefully.
" You promise that you won't go away and never come around again, no matter what happens ? " Alex asked.
" Yep, no matter what I will always be your friend. " Luka confirmed.
" I guess I could live with that. " he smiled slightly.
They sat in silence for a long moment. A strange expression came over Alex and he began to fidget.
" What is it ? " Luka asked.
" I was just wondering if you would mind, " he broke off nervously. Then suddenly without preamble he launched himself into Luka's arms and hugged him.
Luka hugged him back.
" I guess everything is okay. " Sam asked from the doorway, wearing a soft blue terry loth robe and rubbing her hair with a towel.
" Everything is fine. " Luka answered, throwing a look at her over his shoulder.
Alex smiled and slowly pulled away from him.
" Well, then how about breakfast ? " Sam offered.
" Yeah, can I help you cook ? " Alex said, bounding off the bed towards her.
" If you want. " she answered. " Why don't you go ahead and get the everything ready for us ? "
" Okay. " he answered, runnign out of the room and disappearing down the hall.
Sam moved to Luka slowly and twined her arms around his neck. " You really have a way with kids, don't you ? "
" I have had a little experience. " he answered smiling and running his hands through her wet hair.
" Really ? " she asked surprised.
Luka froze as he realized what he had said.
" Is this part of what you don't want to talk about ? " she asked, seeing his changing expression.
" A big part. " he answered truthfully.
" Oh, " she said, simply. " Well, breakfast isn't going to cook itself. "
" Yeah, I guess not. " he smiled. " How about you go on back to bed and let Alex and I make it for you this morning ? "
Sam sat back in shock. " You want to make breakfast for me ? "
" Yeah, I think we can handle that. I know my way around an oven too, you know. " he answered.
" No one has made me breakfast in longer than I can remember. " she answered.
" Well then I guess you are due. Go get in bed. " he ordered, planting a quick kiss on her lips.
" All right, I'll go just don't burn my kitchen down. " she teased.
" I'll do my best not to but I'm not making any promises. " he smiled.