Dreams of Exsistence

Chapter Six
Malcolm stood by the door to Captain Archer’s quarters with dread filling his gut. His mind was still reeling from the news of Hoshi’s pregnancy. Anger and fear filled him and touched his soul - anger over the violation both he and Hoshi suffered and fear for Hoshi. He took a deep breath and pressed the comm button, signaling his arrival.

“Come,” Captain Archer shouted.

Malcolm entered to find Archer in civilian clothes playing with his dog, Porthos, on his bed. “What can I do for you, Malcolm?”

“Sir,” Malcolm started, unable to form words.

Archer noticed how tense and straight his tactical officer was. “At ease, Malcolm. What can I do for you?”

“Sir, I needed to discuss a security matter that has come to light regarding Ensign Sato…and myself,” Malcolm blurted out.

Archer sat up, noticeably paying closer attention. “Continue,” he nodded.

“When Ensign Sato and I were on the planet surveying the western ridge we…” Malcolm looked down. “We became… intimate.”

Archer’s eyebrows shot up, but he remained calm and encouraged his officer to continue.

“Ensign Sato and I were overcome by…an entity. While we were overcome …” Malcolm stammered.

“Malcolm, I understand that you and Hoshi were overcome by an ‘entity’ and became intimate,” Archer paused. “And this is a security issue why?”
“Ensign Sato is pregnant,” Malcolm stated, his heart hammering in his chest. “I believe she is still under the influence of the alien.”

“And why is that?” Archer inquired.

“Because she says she is going to have it,” Malcolm exhaled on a rush of breath.

**

Hoshi reclined on the bio-bed with a protective hand over her belly. Numbness was the only thing she felt, as her heart had shattered into a million pieces when Malcolm walked out. As the numbness settled over her, sheughtught briefly about the consequences of her actions. She doubted highly that she was going to be allowed to stay aboard Enterprise, and she felt a sense of loss over her new family, especially Malcolm.

Phlox walked up to Hoshi to run some more scans and stopped, noticing her distress. “Ensign, are you in any pain?” he asked, stumbling for a way to ease her distress.

Phlox’s question shook Hoshi out of her reverie. “No, not at all, Doctor,” she replied. “I was just contemplating… everything.”

Hopelessness filled Hoshi. “I can assure you, doctor that I am in complete control of my faculties. When I was unconscious, I dreamed that the child… the little girl gave me a choice. She has been on that planet for centuries, alone and adrift. She doesn’t know how she got there. She just was and now is. When we arrived on the planet she saw an opportunity …an opportunity to exist. She regrets that she harmed me and… Malcolm. She offered me a choice to refuse her… to … get rid of her. I couldn’t do it. I can’t do it. I - I want her. She’s just a baby…”

Phlox listened to the young ensign ramble as he prepared a hypospray for her. “Ensign, I understand your concerns, but do you not find the growth rate of the fetus a bit distressing, seeing as she was only conceived four days ago? This is just some prenatal vitamins for you and the fetus,” he stated as he inject the hypospray into her neck.

“If there was only some way to prove that she means no harm… a way to prove that I am me,” Hoshi said out loud, trying to find a solution.

Phlox straightened as though he had thought of something. “Perhaps there is a way…” Phlox was interrupted by the arrival of Malcolm, Archer and T’Pol.

Malcolm nodded toward the security detail. "You're relieved."

“Ah, Captain, have you and Sub Commander T’Pol been briefed?” Phlox asked as he activated the monitor over Hoshi’s biobed showing her condition.

“Is she okay?” Archer addressed Phlox as he stood next to the biobed and looked at the monitor.

“Ensign Sato and the… fetus are fine. The fetus is 8 millimeters crown to rump. Also in this week… I mean within the next few hours because the gestational rate is undetermined at this point… the gonads will become either testes or ovaries. We have already determined that the fetus is a girl. The bones are undergoing ossification, which is normal during the eighth week for human fetuses. The only alarming aspect of this pregnancy is the accelerated gestational rate, considering the fetus was conceived approximately four days ago,” Phlox explained.

Malcolm stood there staring at the screen. His expression was a mask of calm professionalism, but his emotions were raging within him as doubt crept in. His reaction to the news had been anything but civil. He continued staring at the screen, not hearing the discussion around him. Ever since they met and the spark had occurred between them, he knew he could love Hoshi. He just wouldn’t acknowledge it… he couldn’t. Now the vision of himself and Hoshi together with children took his breath away. He had always felt that being a career military officer would be enough for him; he was unable to really let anybody close enough to know him as was evident from his numerous relationships over the years. But somehow, Hoshi had wormed her way into his hea
H
Hoshi watched the subtle play of emotions across Malcolm’s face and sighed. Although she was disappointed in his reaction, she was not totally surprised. She knew his protective side would arise. Only Jon’s rivaled his concern for the crew. She loved both of them - Jon as a friend, but Malcolm as an expressive love. She knew Malcolm’s outburst earlier was out of concern, but it still hurt her. Despite that, she wasn’t angry with him. How could she be? He had suffered at the hands of their child more than she had.

“…And that is why I recommend a mind meld to determine the validity of Ensign Sato’s mental capacity,” T’Pol suggested to the group.

T’Pol’s suggestion brought Malcolm out of his daze. “But, what if the…fetus overcomes you as well?”

Hoshi brightened, eager to validate herself and gain acceptance for her child. “She won’t harm you. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone.”

“Then you do this willingly, Ensign?” T’Pol asked solemnly.

“Yes, of course.” Hoshi nodded in agreement.

“Very well, then.” T’Pol nodded, hesitating to initiate the meld. She placed her hand on Hoshi’s face, splaying her fingers in the Vulcan pattern. “You must focus on the sound of my voice and concentrate.”

**

Hoshi focused on the words that T’Pol chanted, breathing deeply. Her eyes were closed. T’Pol’s voice was calm and soothing. She felt a tingling in her mind as the scenery of sickbay swirled around her, changing only in the number of occupants present in the room in reality. Hoshi saw the little girl weeping in the corner, curled into the fetal position. She could feel her daughter’s despair, her loneliness. She wanted so to be loved and accepted. She knelt by the child, hugging her, shushing her whimpers. “It’s going to be okay, sweetie. I’m here and I love you. There is nothing to be afraid of,” she whispered into the raven hair.

The child looked up and sniffled. “But you love him, and he hates me. I have to go. I can not cause you any more pain.”

“Please don’t go. Please stay. I have so much to show you.” Hoshi felt the pit of her stomach give way.

“Ensign?” T’Pol asked behind her. “Is everything okay?”

Hoshi and the child were startled. Then Hoshi stood, holding her daughter in her arms. “It’s okay, sweetie, she's a friend. She won’t hurt you.”

“Ensign, it has come to light that you were overcome by an alien entity while on our last away mission and conceived a child. There is concern that the alien is still in control over you. Is this so?” T’Pol stated, getting right to the point.

“Is my momma in trouble?” the child looked at T’Pol with fear and curiosity in her eyes.

“No, she is not,” T’Pol stated, feeling the emotions radiating off the child. “Where are you from and why did you carry out those actions on the planet?”

The child wiggled out of Hoshi’s arms. “I don’t know where I am from. I just wanted to be able to feel as you do… to be…I didn’t mean to hurt momma or Malcolm. Malcolm is angry with me and he hates me. It makes momma sad and hurt. I don’t want her to hurt. She would stop hurting if I left, but she won’t cut the rope.”

Knowing what her daughter was going to ask before she asked it, Hoshi jumped up. “No, please don’t leave…”

“Could you cut the rope so I can leave? Maybe momma would be better off without me.” The child offered a rope to T’Pol.

T’Pol found herself with a jagged knife in her hand. “It is not my place to cut the rope,” T’Pol explained.

**

Dr. Phlox, Captain Archer and Malcolm watched the two women as they spoke to one another, obviously engrossed in another world. T’Pol spoke in her normal tone while Hoshi alternated between her normal tone and that of a child.

Malcolm felt a burning in his chest as the scene in Hoshi’s mind played out. Guilt swallowed him as he had held on to his resentment and anger toward the alien… his daughter. He felt tears well at the back of his eyes as he realized forgiveness - of the child, their daughter, and most importantly himself. “Please don’t cut the rope… please T’Pol, tell her she doesn’t have to leave. Tell her she is safe here. Tell her that I forgive her. Please tell her not to leave. Tell her that I didn’t mean to hurt Hoshi.” Malcolm kept himself from reaching out and touching Hoshi, afraid of hurting her further. He looked up at the monitor and saw their child, their creation, and awe filled him.

**

Joy filled Hoshi’s heart at Malcolm’s declaration of forgiveness of their daughter. She walked up to their daughter and embraced her. “Did you hear that, sweetheart? Daddy loves you and forgives you.”

The child straightened and hugged her mother back. “Thank you, momma. I will see you and daddy soon.” The child vanished, secure in Hoshi’s womb feeling the warmth of love surrounding her.

**

T’Pol severed the link, seemingly unfazed by the experience. “Is that sufficient proof that Ensign Sato is not a security risk?”

Archer looked at Malcolm quizzically.

Malcolm nodded his concurrence, the rampant emotions he was feeling strictly schooled from running across his face. “Yes, sir.”

Hoshi stirred, coming out of the link. As a feeling of exhaustion exerted its influence over her, she yawned.

Phlox noticed her struggle. “Captain, now that Ensign Sato’s security issue has been cleared up, I believe she should go to her quarters for some much needed rest. It has been a mentally exhausting day and being newly pregnant, she needs her rest."
Turning to Hoshi, Phlox continued, "However, I do request that you come for examinations daily so that I can monitor fetal growth. I am still not certain about your daughter’s estimated due date. You may return to duty tomorrow morning.”

Hoshi went to get down off of the biobed only to feel Malcolm’s hand on her elbow. She smiled at him.

“Sir, with you permission I would like to escort Hoshi to her quarters,” Malcolm addressed Archer.

“In an official capacity or a personal one?” Archer asked, his concern for Hoshi evident.

Malcolm blushed, “A personal one, sir.”

“Then, by all means, take as much time as you need, Malcolm. In fact I order you to take the rest of the day off.” Archer smiled at the younger man.

“Thank you, sir,” Malcolm acknowledged, helping Hoshi off the bed.

Hoshi didn’t know whether to be touched by or pissed at his behavior. She wasn’t a porcelain doll. She was only pregnant. Then she realized he must have been feeling guilty for the way he reacted earlier. Her heart sank, knowing that was the reason for his behavior, but still hoping for more. She decided on being touched by his behavior; after all, he had had a stressful day as well.

Hoshi and Malcolm walked out of sickbay, not caring about the smiles that followed them.

**

They walked in silence, neither one knowing where to start nor what to say. Before they knew it, they were at the door to Hoshi’s quarters. Malcolm took the initiative and keyed in his security code. They walked into her quarters as the door slid closed behind them.

“Hoshi - I…” Malcolm started but was cut off by her fingers on his lips.

“Shh…I understand,” Hoshi whispered.

Relief flooded through him. He lowered his head to cover her lips with his. He had meant for the kiss to be a whisper of one, but it quickly turned into one with razor-sharp passion. Malcolm pulled away first, his breath noticeably changed. “Phlox said you were supposed to rest.” He prodded her to her bunk.

Hoshi sat down on her bunk with a pouting look on her face. Desire still danced in her eyes.

Malcolm kneeled in front of her and movedtaketake her shoes off. “We are having a little girl, right?” He looked up to Hoshi.

“Yes.”

“Have you chosen a name for her?” Malcolm moved to unzip her uniform as Hoshi moved to accommodate his actions, first moving her shoulders, then laying down as he moved her uniform over her hips and down her ankles. He removed her Henley next.

Left only in her undergarments, she laid back, exhaustion her enemy. “I was considering Kamaria, but if you have something else in mind, I’ll take it into consideration.” She grinned, joking with him.

“That sounds lovely. Does it have any special meaning?” Malcolm pulled the covers over her body, seemingly unfazed by her state of undress.

“It means moon,” Hoshi yawned.

Malcolm stroked her hair. “Kamaria it is, then. I can hardly wait to meet her and can only hope she is as lovely as her mother.”

“Malcolm?”

“Yes --” He wanted to add 'love' as an endearment but caught himself, unsure as to Hoshi’s feelings and not wanting to make a fool of himself.

“Would you stay and hold me?” Hoshi murmured.

Malcolm stood, and then lay down beside Hoshi. He continued to stroke the silkiness of her hair. Before long they were both asleep.

*****