In My Enemy's Hands

As Olivia walked back out into the squad room, Munch handed her a copy of the paper. “You made headlines, Olivia.” She looked down at the thick black text:

One of New York’s Finest Singlehandedly Brings Down Kidnapper
The recent rash of kidnappings came to an abrupt halt when the abductor chose to target an NYPD Detective. Initial reports allege that this detective ensured the safety and release of 5 of the 6 kidnapped girls and subdued the kidnapper before backup arrived on scene. NYPD has not yet made any statements regarding this matter, save to announce that the name of the detective involved will not be released for safety reasons.

“Great. This just had to hit the press.”

Fin sat perched on the edge of his desk to join in the conversation. “Yeah, my bet is that it was the local boys from Teaneck. They were kinda over-awed by you, ya’know… Not every day they see a kick-ass detective from the city come and bust some guy’s ass in his own basement.”

“That’s not exactly what happened…”

“Yeah, I know. It’s always more complicated than people make it out to be. Anyway, Cap’n’s trying to keep the press quiet on this one. Besides what little’s already been leaked, they’re not getting anything else.”

A couple of uni’s strolled into the squad room, pushing a large cart filled with electronic equipment. “Hey, unh… we’ve got the computer stuff from the Archer place – where do you want it?” Fin got up to show them where to go.

Olivia looked at Munch. “What computer stuff?”

A weaker man would have squirmed under the strength of her gaze as Olivia stared him down. “Archer had hidden cameras in the basement. He periodically uploaded videos to a website that he sent us and last night he had a live-feed streaming.”

Olivia internally recoiled as the words reverberated in her head. Hidden cameras… videos… live feed. “Cameras…” she whispered. “So you… everybody… saw…?”

“Olivia, I`m sorry…”

She turned on her heel, refusing to lose her composure in the middle of the station. She walked to the crib, her steps even and measured though she wanted to run.

Once in the crib, she shut the door and slid down against it to rest with her head on her knees. She was on the verge of tears but concentrated on taking one slow, even breath after the other, refusing to give way to crying again. The bastard had taken enough from her; he could not have any more of her tears. She wrapped her arms around her knees and willed herself to disappear inside her mind.

She pushed every thought out of her head, mentally hitting Ctrl-A and Delete every time the images of the past events tried to sneak back in. She retreated from the reality of it, pushing away at the pain in her body, the tears in her heart and the scars on her soul. She pushed it all back, further and further, trying to escape.

It was a full hour before a knock at the door disturbed her reverie. Olivia had not moved from her spot up against the door. She lifted her head and called out, “who is it?”

“It’s just me, Olivia.” Huang’s voice was gentle, yet firm. “Can I come in?”

She stood and opened the door, waving him inside. “Sure.”

Huang stepped into the room and waited for Olivia to make the next move. She headed to one of the cots and sat perched on the edge. Huang sat on the adjacent bed, but not directly across from her. He faced her, not wanting her to feel crowded.

“You want to talk?”

“Not really, but does that matter?”

“It does.”

Olivia felt her temper rising inexplicably. “Let’s just get this over with. Cragen said we have to talk, so let’s just talk.”

“Alright. Where would you like to begin?”

Olivia shrugged.

“You were raped.” It was not a question.

There was a small nod, but Olivia did not make eye contact.

“You saved five girls.”

“But not all of them.” Her whisper was so soft, Huang barely heard it.

“No. Maria died. Would you like to tell me about that?”

“What’s to tell? I screwed up and she died.”

Huang leaned forward slightly. “Why do you say you screwed up?”

Olivia evaded the question. “Munch said that he posted things on the internet. Did you see that?”

“No. Everyone was very careful to protect your privacy as much as possible. Cragen ordered everyone out whenever a new video came up. They only watched it because they had to try to find any clues to your location.”

Olivia inhaled slowly, filling her lungs with clean air and then pushing it all back out, equally slowly. “But you know what was on them.”

“Cragen told me briefly before I came in here to talk to you. No specifics. I’d like to hear your side, though.”

Olivia took another breath. “When I woke up there… and I saw those girls… I knew I had to protect them. It didn’t matter that I was chained up or that I couldn’t reach them, they were my responsibility. And that helped me. I’ve seen hostage situations before; I’ve talked with kidnap victims before… I could talk to them and try to help them, even if I couldn’t do much else.

“Then, when he came downstairs, I thought I could negotiate with him… I was hoping I could convince him to let the girls go. I thought… I just wanted to protect them.”

“And Maria?”

“He had a thing for her, molested her more than he did the other girls. His punishment… for me… was that if I did something wrong, he would hurt one of the girls.”

“How did that make you feel?”

“Furious, at first.”

“And later?”

“Guilty.”

“Why?”

“He told me that… if I gave him oral sex, he would let one of the girls go. If I didn’t, he said he would shoot one of them. So… I did it.” Huang wondered if Olivia was even aware of the fact that she was biting her lip with every pause. “I got down on my knees and I closed my eyes and I just wanted it to be over. But I got through it because I told myself that I was just doing what I had to in order to free one of the girls. And so, as awful as it was, I still felt like, in some small way, I had some control. Of myself, my body, the situation. Like if I could somehow manipulate him into freeing one of the girls, it would be worth it.”

“But that didn’t happen.”

“No.” She took another deep breath. “After he finished with me, he shot Maria. None of the bullets were instantly fatal. It took several minutes for her to bleed out. And, while she was bleeding, while she was dying, he sat there and told me that it was my fault. And I wanted to ignore him and just get past him. Maybe if I had been able to get to her and staunch the bleeding, I could have saved her. But he was there, over me and all I could see was him and all I could hear was him saying that I had screwed it up… that I had killed her.”

“Do you believe him? That it was your fault?”

“No.” Olivia shook her head vehemently. “I know that it wasn’t. Damn it, I did what he wanted. And even still… he killed her.”

“What happened afterward?”

“As long as I could focus on how to protect the others, I was fine. I talked to them a lot, tried to keep their minds off things – and my mind off of things. I knew I wanted to get them out of there, so I made sure they knew what to do if they got free.”

“And you did get them out of there.”

“Yes.”

“Tell me about it?” Huang knew that they were getting close to talking about the rape and he didn’t want to push her.

“I knocked the gun out of his hand. I got the keys and threw them to Anna. He and I fought for the gun while the girls unlocked themselves and escaped. I told them to lock the basement door behind them, to make sure that he wouldn’t come after them.”

“But that left you locked in the basement with him.”

“Yes.” Olivia’s face was pale, but she pressed on. “He was so angry. I thought he was going to shoot me, but he dropped the gun and came at me. I tried to fight him, but I was still tied to the wall and my hands were handcuffed. I managed to keep him away for a while, but then... he raped me.” She squeezed her eyes shut for a second as she pushed those memories away again. “And afterward, I heard the bomb go off upstairs. I knew the police were there, but I knew that they couldn’t come down. I knew that I was alone with him still.”

Tears began to well in her eyes, but Olivia blinked them back and struggled to get control of her emotions again.

“The second time was worse.” Her voice was low and carried a note of defeat. “I barely fought him at all. Maybe if I had, I could have avoided it. Probably not. I was… hurt, still from the first time. My legs just shook… and… I couldn’t… I was weak. And he grabbed me and he raped me again and I knew that there was a crowd of policemen right outside the house, but none of them were coming for me. And I cried and screamed, but he just kept… touching me. He made me feel it.”

“How so?”

Olivia’s eyes were locked on the floor. “I had an orgasm while he was raping me. He made me… and I didn’t want to, but my body responded to him in that way and I hate it.”

“Olivia, how many times has a victim told you that she had an orgasm during forced intercourse? You know that it is not at all uncommon; the body’s response to fear is heightened senses and increased adrenaline – both of which are commonly present preceding an orgasm. It doesn’t make what he did to you right or mean that you wanted it or were asking for it in any way. All it means is that your body responded to a stimulus.”

“I know. And I’ve had this same conversation with vics before. It’s just that… I don’t want to be a victim. I never want to be a victim, but now… ” Huang could tell that she was about done. Her face was drawn and tired and her voice was rapidly becoming harried. As good as it was to talk things out, there was also a limit and Olivia’s limit on how much she could stand to talk about feelings had never been high.

“Olivia, you just lived through a traumatic experience and you not only survived, but you fought to ensure the safety of those around you as well. He did things to you that he had no right to do and now you have to learn how to deal with that. Yes, you are a victim of a crime, but you can choose how to live with that. You are strong and you are capable. Recovering from and learning to live with something like this will not be easy, but I know you and I know that you are stronger than anything that bastard or any other of the hundreds of scum you’ve put away can throw at you.”

The corner of her mouth twitched upward. It was not often Huang used such vocabulary. Huang noted the beginnings of the smile, even though a very small one.

“Now, I am going to recommend to Cragen that you are fully fit to return to duty. However –” he regarded her seriously. “I strongly urge that you talk to me or some other psychiatrist – whomever you feel most comfortable with – at least once a week for the next few months. In the meantime, you need to talk to Cragen because I know he wants to restrict your working on this case at least.”

Huang got up and walked to the door. “You know that I am here, any time, if you want to talk. Anything you say to me is completely confidential. You know that I have to give Cragen an initial report, but besides that, everything stays between us.”

“Thank you.”

“Just come on downstairs and get back to work whenever you feel ready.”

~~~
“How’s our girl doing?” Huang and Cragen were in the office with the door closed.

“All things considered, she’s holding up remarkably well. It seems that for now she is trying to fight off the emotional impact of what’s happened, but she is not denying what happened or that it had an impact on her. From what I`ve seen of Olivia in the past, she handles herself remarkably well and will deal with that in stages as it comes. I recommended that she begin some sort of regular therapy immediately as a way to deal with those emotions once they start to slip through. I would ask that you not make this mandatory for her, though… A big thing for her in the coming weeks will be her need to feel in control of her environment. If you were to order her into therapy, that might prove counterproductive. I think she will probably find an outside therapist, rather than one who works for the police force. It will be good for her to separate the trauma from her police work as much as possible. Working again – especially being able to be involved even nominally with this case – will be good for her. It will help her stay balanced in her normal routine. You and I should both keep an eye on her and be aware of potential issues, but my professional recommendation is that Olivia is fully capable of knowing her limits and dealing with what has happened as she sees fit. She knows that she has the option of coming back to work now and that she also is free to take some time off if she wants it. I think we need to allow her to find her own footing.”

~~~

Olivia stayed in the crib for a while after Huang left. She was again on the verge of tears and was furious with herself for it. Get it together, Benson,” she mentally growled. She bit back the urge to cry and instead stood and began to pace. She set a brisk stride, weaving through the bunks and holding her arms crossed firmly over her chest as though that would keep the memories at bay. Eventually the pacing became its own form of meditation as she continued with each successive step.

She bit her lip absentmindedly until she tasted the distinct iron tang on her tongue. She reached up one hand and felt her lower lip. Her fingertips came away with a spot of red on them and Olivia stared at the crimson droplets. Her tongue flicked out to wipe away the welling blood on her lip and she was overwhelmed by a montage of memories.

The cold blade of Gitano’s knife sliced her neck and the ground rushed up to claim her. Her own hand pressed down on the wound as her blood spilled out.

Harris clenched her jaw in his hand. “…what every man wants. And you’re going to give it to me.” The springs on that old, filthy mattress at Sealview poked up at her as Harris flung her down and she scrambled to get away.

She crouched behind a row of boxes as Harris came down the hall, running his baton against the chain link barriers.

She was handcuffed, on the ground; Harris was in front of her. The cold metal clenched around her wrists and cut into the skin as she struggled, her voice hoarse from yelling. Her eyes squeezed shut against the tears and she pressed her lips together as Harris’ voice echoed in her ears: “Bite me and you’re dead.”

The handcuffs biting into her flesh were no longer Harris’s, but Archer’s. It was Archer standing in front of her, Archer pushing his foulness down her throat, Archer’s hands holding her head as he thrust into her.

Then he was on top of her, his hands burned her skin like a brand, marking her. His voice resonated above her, “Mine… dirty, filthy whore…stupid bitch… your fault… you screwed up… I want to see the look on your face… Look at me!”

Green eyes danced above her, searing into her soul. He was all around her – the taste of them mingled on her lips as he released himself within her, the stench of sex and sweat choked her nostrils; his body covered her, leaving not one inch of her skin untouched. His voice, his words – the sickening noises he made as he invaded her body over and over again all rose to a crescendo.

Olivia slammed the heel of her hand against the wall and the string of images running through her mind stopped. Only the memory of Archer’s green eyes remained. She shook her head, trying to free herself from his gaze, but still his eyes remained – cruel, accusing, taunting and amused with her pain.

It was well past noon before Olivia emerged from the crib and slipped down to Cragen’s office. He did not hear her enter but looked up from his work when the door clicked closed behind her.

“Olivia. How are you?”

“I’m fine, Captain.”

“Are you sure you want to come back to work already? You know that you are free to take the time if you feel you need it…”

“I don’t.”

“Alright then. The Archer case – I`ve already said no direct contact with him or any of the evidence. That stands. Also, if you want to look at anything, there has to be someone else with you. You can’t be alone with any of the evidence, understood? I`m not going to let this fall apart if some lawyer says we broke procedure because you’re a detective. And if you want to come back to work now, you’re on desk duty for a bit. No going out in the field, no interviews, nothing.” He saw her displeasure and qualified his last condition. “Just for a week or so. The media’s hunting on this one, they got a hint of a story and want the full scoop. The whole department is keeping a low profile for a bit until this blows over.” Cragen had thought up that excuse on the fly because he knew Olivia wouldn’t like the restriction to desk duty, but really it was a valid point.

Olivia nodded curtly. “Understood.”

“Good.” He had finished what he needed to say in his official capacity as her captain. “Then… is there anything I can do to help you, Olivia?”

“No, I`m fine.” She saw his unbelief. “Really, I`ll be fine. I just need to get back to work.” She forced a smile to reassure him as she stepped out of the office and into the bull pen.

She worked on paperwork for the rest of the afternoon, burying herself in the hum-drum of the bureaucratic side of police work to escape from the business of everyone and everything around her.

Hey.” Elliot’s voice broke her reverie and Olivia realized she had reread the same report from an old case file over ten times. “You want to get a bite to eat?”

Olivia pushed her chair back from the desk. “Yeah, actually… I`m starved.” She glanced at the clock. Somehow the day had passed and it was already well past seven.

“Let’s go; I`m buying.” They left the building together and walked a few blocks to a nearby deli. They sat and Olivia began scanning the menu. By the time the waiter came to take their drink order, Olivia was all set to order a mountain of food.

“Whoa, you gonna make me regret offering to buy?”

Olivia shrugged sheepishly. “Yeah, I guess I haven’t eaten anything in a while.” She paused, trying to remember the last time she’d had food. “Not for two days, actually.”

The waiter brought two beers to the table and set them down. “Thanks.” Elliot ignored the glass with ice and brought the bottle up to his mouth. “Are you telling me you haven’t eaten since before he abducted you?”

“Yeah, so aren’t you glad you’re paying for this one?” Olivia smirked.

Elliot groaned and dramatically rested his head in his hands with his elbows resting on the table. “I’ll be broke before we leave here.”

They carried on a light banter through the meal. Olivia packed away a solid amount of food, but nursed her beer slowly. After they had both finished eating, Olivia leaned forward, her arms crossed on the table in front of her with both elbows resting on the smooth wooden surface.

“So what all is there in the case?”

Elliot did not have to ask which case she was referring to, even though they always had between ten and fifteen open cases just for the two of them.

“The videos are… pretty incriminating. Plus the statements from all the girls and you, the case is a slam dunk. We’ve got him solid on more felony charges than I can count.”

“Well, let’s see… he’s got at least 7 abductions, rape and battery of Lily Attica, 6 counts of sexual humiliation of a minor, one count of sexual assault of a minor, aggravated assault of a police officer, rape of a police officer, murder of a police officer and attempted murder of two others resulting in grievous bodily harm… I`d say that’s a pretty long list.”

Elliot sipped his beer. “He’s looking at death, no questions asked. That man will never see free sky again. Only thing we haven’t figured out is why he did all this. He’s got no priors, no record of any sort. Man doesn’t even have a parking ticket to his name. Then all of the sudden, he goes off and does something like this. And the bastard planned it – he had everything set up, everything planned; he had access to your building a month ago working up to this.”

“El… I think I know him from somewhere.”

“What? Have you seen him following you? Was he stalking you? Where have you seen him?”

“That’s the thing, I can’t figure it out… I know he’s familiar, but I don’t know where I know him from. And… this was not a random attack. He wanted me. He used those girls, he sent the pictures to SVU to get me on the case. He planned in advance to get in my building… Everything was set up to get me; it was almost like the girls were just an afterthought or a way to get things started.”

“Have you checked? Looked into his background at all, see if you can find the connection?”

“No. Cragen doesn’t want me anywhere near the case. And to be honest, he’s right. Anything I go near is tainted.”

“Well, Fin and I are gonna have a little sit-down with him first thing tomorrow… after that maybe you and I can go through and try to see where you know him from. If we figure that out, we might be able to establish motive.”

Elliot paid the bill and they started to head back to the station. Olivia breathed in the cool air. She and Elliot were walking in stride and she decided to take this chance to ask, “El… how bad were the videos?”

Elliot stopped and stood stock still. Olivia turned to look him in the face. “They were bad. He had six different cameras set up; three of them were focused on you.”

“So it showed everything.”

He nodded hesitantly. “There were three videos total. The first two he edited before posting, so he could control which camera angle we saw at any given time. The third was a live broadcast of all six feeds.”

“Was the site… were there any other hits on the site?”

“No, it wasn’t a public site. We only had the URL because he gave it to us. ISPs show that the only computers that connected to it were his and those in the station.”

Olivia nodded but didn’t say anything. She turned and resumed trudging toward the station. Elliot followed a pace or two behind, unsure of what he could do or say to help his partner.


~~~

Olivia scarcely slept that night. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw James Archer’s face mocking her. She felt his hands on her body, felt him move inside of her. When she did drift off to sleep, it was only to wake again less than an hour later. She jolted awake, biting back her screams; her body poured with cold sweat that ran soaked the sheets until they clung to her skin.

Olivia repeated this cycle, trying to find rest only to be forced back to wakefulness by the living nightmare that haunted her. At 4:30, she gave up on trying to get any more sleep and put on a pot of coffee.

She was the first one to arrive at the precinct, at about 5:30. By the time the others arrived, she had downed almost two pots of coffee and was busy working. “Elliot.” He had barely made it into the squad room before Olivia was already there, next to him, leading him over to the computer. “I need to see a background on Archer.”

Elliot took her coffee and gulped it down. “Ok. Where do you want to start?”

Olivia was not going to chance missing anything. If indeed she did know him from somewhere, she was determined to find out how. “At the beginning. Start with birth and walk it forward.”

Elliot sat in front of the computer and Olivia pulled up a chair and watched over his shoulder. “There’s no birth certificate for Archer, James on record… checking name-change records now…” Olivia ran her hand through her hair “Oh, oh, here we go! James Archer was born ‘James McKelvey;’ had his name formally changed on his eighteenth birthday.”

“McKelvey, McKelvey… seems familiar, but I still don’t know.” Olivia searched her memory but was still drawing a blank.

“Let’s see… parents died in a car crash when he was nine, went to live with his uncle, Archer McKelvey –”

“– who I arrested for sex with a minor. He was in his thirties and the girl was sixteen. Her parents insisted on pushing the statutory rape charge and he went to prison for 2 years. His nephew was placed with child services.”

Elliot pulled up Archer McKelvey’s record. “McKelvey died four months into his sentence. Guards said that some of the guys on the block were roughing him up at night. One day he tried to fight back and pissed off the wrong people. A fight started and by the time the C.O.’s got in, he was down.”

“So what happened to James during all this?”

“Well, his records from his time with child services are sealed… but he’ll be arriving shortly. I can ask him.”

“When is he supposed to get here?” Elliot didn’t have to answer.

“Benson!” Cragen beckoned Olivia over to the office, a phone in one hand. As soon as she walked in, he closed the door and spoke into the phone. “Alright, we’re clear. Bring him in.” Olivia looked out the blinds as James Archer was escorted into one of the interview rooms.

~~~

Trevor Langan sat down beside his client. “James, I am going to advise you not to say anything.”

James ignored him and leaned forward. His hands were handcuffed in front of him and rested on the desk. Elliot sat back in the chair directly across the table. “Can I talk to Olivia?”

Fin spoke up from the corner, “Why would you want to do that?”

“I want to see her; want to ask her how she feels.”

“Well, sorry, but I don’t think she wants to talk to you.”

“Don’t I have the right to face my accuser?”

“In trial. This ain’t trial.”

James switched tactics. “I`m sure she wants to talk to me. She’s probably watching right now. Aren’t you, Olivia?” James stood up and walked over to the large one-way mirror that filled almost the whole wall. On the other side of the glass, Olivia sucked in her breath. She knew that he couldn’t see her, but still… Her rapist was standing only feet away from her, looking right at her, talking to her… Huang noticed Olivia’s sudden tension when Archer approached the glass. He watched as she forced herself to exhale slowly and resume normal breathing, her eyes locked on Archer. Alex and Cragen both continued to watch the scene in the interview room.

Elliot had not moved from his chair, nor turned when Archer got up to walk behind him to the window. “Why don’t you sit down and tell us about it?”

Archer circled back around to his seat, but kept his eyes on the glass. “She had to be punished.”

Langan stood. “That’s it. I think my client and I will be leaving.”

“No.” Archer did not move. “No, they need to hear it. They need to know how that bitch ruined everything. It’s all her fault and she deserved everything she got and more.” His eyes met Elliot’s. “She took away the only family I had. She locked him up and let him die. He didn’t do anything wrong and she killed him.”
“He was a grown man, having sex with a sixteen year old girl!”

Archer looked away from the glass and met Elliot’s eyes. “So? She wanted it. They all do. But her…. Detective Benson… she just had to push it. My uncle was a good man. He took care of me; he raised me, taught me to be a man. But that whore Olivia threw him in jail. It’s her fault he’s dead. It’s her fault I ended up in foster homes. And then when I got raped and beaten up by the older boys in group homes, it should have been her that was supposed to protect me, but she didn’t. She never came to the homes, never saw what went on there… she ruined my life and then didn’t care to come around and see the mess she made, the hell she put me into.”

He leaned forward and licked his lips. When he spoke again, his voice had dropped a full octave. “Did you watch? Did you see her? Did you see what a slut she is – how she came to me willingly, to service me? How she loved it when I made her cum? It’s a pity my cameras didn’t have an audio feature… you should have heard her scream. Did you know that she begged? Her! Detective Olivia Benson… she begged me. I had control of that bitch and she begged me.”

Langan rubbed his forehead wearily. Elliot’s voice was low and menacing; “Anything else you’d like to share?”

“If she hadn’t fucked everything up by letting those girls out, I would have broken her until she begged me to take her, until she crawled to me on hands and knees, ready to do anything and everything I wanted. I would have owned her body and soul. And she might have gotten away; she might have saved her body, but…” His eyes seemed to reach right through the glass to Olivia. “I still own her soul.”

~~~

“Your Honor, the people request remand. The defendant has no ties to the community; no family, an online job, and financial resources sufficient to make flight risk an obvious concern.”

“Defense?”

“No objections, Your Honor.”

“Very well then. James Archer, you are hereby remanded without bail. You will be held in custody until trial.”
As Alex stepped out of the courtroom, Langan slipped over and handed her a sleeve of paper. “Our first motion.”

She started to read, her face impassive.

By the time Alex reached the 1-6, she was fuming. All conversation in the squad room stopped when she walked in. “Who Mirandized Archer?”

“What’s this about?” Cragen asked.

“This!” Alex handed him the papers that Langan had given her. “Langan is arguing that his client’s rights were violated because he was improperly Mirandized and he wants to throw out the whole case. Now tell me, which one of you read him his rights?” Her glare was fixed on Elliot and Fin.

“I did.” Olivia stood up.

~~~

Olivia got home that night and locked the door behind her. She sat on the couch and curled up with her knees to her chest, staring blankly across the room. After a while she turned on the TV and flipped through the channels. There was nothing that interested her. She muted it but left it on. She wrapped her arms around her body, hugging herself as her chin dropped and she fought not to cry.

All it took was one wayward tear to start the flood. There was no weeping or sobbing, no fighting it. A cascade of anguish and shame poured down Olivia’s face as she stared with a glazed expression at the silent figures moving on the TV.

She sat there long after the tears dried.