Will Not Remember, Cannot Forget

He knows she’s watching. He doesn’t need to actually see her to know she’s enjoying his discomfort.

Bitch.

His skin is clammy. As he clutches the glass of scotch, his knuckles are white. He’s tense. A slight tremor begins in his leg. He ignores it, as he ignores her.

Of course, that’s difficult. Impossible really. But he’s trying. He wills himself to take steady breaths. She is not going to affect him a second time. Not tonight. Not ever.

She is not there. She is not there. She is not there.

The tremor in his leg grows, becomes an earthquake. He presses his foot into the floor, hiding the telltale sign of weakness. He does not want to give her the satisfaction of seeing him lose his composure again.

Only a little longer, Chuck reminds himself. Just until the end of this infernal game. Then she’ll be gone. Her scent won’t hover in his suite like a poison. Her laugh won’t grate inside his brain. The ice blue gaze he refuses to meet won’t scald his skin.

A private word to Serena afterwards, and he’ll never have to see her again. Not unless he chooses to. When he has the advantage. Once he’s built up an arsenal to defend against her. Once he knows his chest won’t constrict at the mere sound of her voice.

“I can’t think of anything. This is stupid,” Georgina complains, twirling her champagne flute between her elegant fingers. The nails are red, like they’ve been dipped in blood. How appropriate.

“Come on, G! There has to be something you haven’t done,” Serena pleads. Her voice is high and light, way past tipsy already.

“You could always leave,” Chuck suggests.

The words are out of his mouth before he realizes he’s said them. So much for pretending she wasn’t there. He immediately berates himself. Everything he says, everything he does is potential ammunition for her to use against him. Say nothing. Do nothing. Give her nothing.

But he’s given her something all right. He can tell by that predatory show of teeth the others will unknowingly call a smile. This is not good, he thinks. This is not good at all.

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to go home now. Not when things are starting to get fun. Aren’t you having fun, Chucky?” She practically purrs the words at him.

His stomach clenches, but he manages to keep his face neutral. Serena looks at him expectantly, and the corners of his mouth turn up in a semblance of pleasantry.

“Okay, I’ve got one,” Georgina announces. He braces himself. “Never have I ever had a pet.”

He isn’t sure what he expected her to say, but that was not it. Guardedly, he sips his scotch. Nate, Blair, and Serena follow suit, each of them taking a small sip of their drinks. They’ve all had pets, unlike Georgina.

Good thing too, he thinks wryly. She’d probably kill a pet. For fun.

Sick twisted bitch.

“My turn,” Serena giggles. She glances mischievously from Nate to Chuck. “Never have I ever mooned anyone from a limo!”

Nate meets his gaze and breaks into a conspiratorial grin. Then Nate turns and hits Serena with a throw pillow.

“You weren’t supposed to tell!” Nathaniel cries, mock-angry. Serena squeals as he continues pelting her with the pillow.

Blair sulks, watching their antics.

“Don’t pout, princess. We’ll invite you next time. Give you front row seats,” Chuck teases her.

“Ew! You’re disgusting!” she says. Then she, too, grabs a pillow from the couch.

She swings it and the blow catches him across the chest. It upsets the drink in his hand, the scotch splashing into his lap. It looks like he wet himself.

“My pants!” Chuck shouts angrily.

Blair points and giggles. Behind her, Serena and Nate are doubled up laughing. Chuck glowers at them, but in the face of their obvious amusement, he feels his outrage fading. Slowly a grin spreads over his face. Then he too is laughing.

And for a second, it is like that night 27 days ago never happened. The vice around his heart eases and the old camaraderie is back. It’s just the four of them, laughing together, like always.

Then Georgina speaks, breaking them from their reverie.

“Are you going to take your turn or not, Chuck?” she sneers.

Unconsciously, his shoulders stiffen as the awareness of her presence returns in a rush.

“Never have I ever shoplifted,” he answers automatically as his pulse quickens and his breathing shallows.

From the corner of his eye, he sees Georgina drink. That isn’t surprising. Of course Georgina shoplifts. Rules don’t exactly mean much to her, he reflects bitterly as his stomach sours. Neither does the word “no.”

Hesitantly, as if nobody will see her do it if she does it slowly, Blair drinks too.

The reaction is instantaneous.

“WHAT?” Serena exclaims. Nate’s mouth is open so far, his jaw is nearly on the floor. Chuck knows it is a mirror of his own shocked expression. Blair wilts a little under their combined gaze.

“It was an accident! I was looking at some gloves at Neiman Marcus. Then my mother was demanding we go, and I walked out still holding them. When I realized, I went back to pay for them.”

“That doesn’t count,” Chuck scowls.

“Well, sorry. It’s not like I can spit the champagne back out. I already swallowed it, Bass” Blair retorts.

“Whatever Waldorf,” he says.

She looks so cute when she’s angry. He can’t help smirking at the way she purses her lips. After a moment, she smirks back.

“Your turn,” he prompts.

“Never have I ever…” Blair says as she looks at him, a blush rising in her cheeks. “Never have I ever had sex.” She whispers out the final word, as if the word itself were the act.

For a second, no one moves. Then Georgina reaches for her glass.

Chuck remains still. He dares a glance in her direction and meets her steely gaze. Immediately, he realizes this is a mistake. Her lips twist in a wicked smile as she raises her glass in mock salute.

“Drink up, Chuck!” she announces.

Suddenly everyone is looking at him.

“What are you talking about?” Blair implores, confusion evident on her face as she glances from Georgina to Chuck. He shifts uncomfortably under her inquisitive stare.

Turning his head away, Chuck encounters Nate’s astonished expression. He does not like what he sees on his friend’s face. Nate is looking at him as if he was a god, equal parts envy and awe and fear.

Then Serena bursts into drunken, hysterical giggles. She tries to smother them with her hands before burying her face against Nate’s shoulder. Nate pulls her quaking form against his chest and continues peering over her bouncing curls at Chuck.

And for the first time, Blair does not even notice the intimacy between her best friend and her boyfriend. She is too preoccupied. Something else has her full attention.

For once, she is entirely focused on him.