My Guardian Angel

“Donna?”

Donna opened her eyes abruptly when she heard someone saying her name. It took her a moment to realise where she was and why but then, it all came flooding back to her. She was in the Doctor's bedroom, having perched herself on the floor after she had tucked him into his bed. Jumping to her feet, she hurried over to him.

The Doctor was sat up, watching her.

She smiled, reached out and took his hand.

“Are you okay?” She asked him.

His eyes swept his room before finally resting back on Donna.

“What happened?” He enquired, somewhat sharply. “How did I get here?”

“It's fine, nothing to worry about.” Donna told him, hurriedly. She didn't want him concerned. “The White Guardian felt that you needed some rest so he...”

“Knocked me out?” The Doctor finished for her. He didn't look happy.

Donna hesitated. “He thought it would be good for you. He said you would have trouble getting to sleep on your own.”

The Doctor chuckled. “Well, he was right about that.”

He quickly swept the covers away and climbed out of the bed. He glanced down and then at Donna and she knew he was surprised he was still wearing her coat. She hadn't wanted to take it off of him, it was his only warmth. She didn't think to dress him, she just needed to get him to his bed. He undid the coat and tossed it carelessly onto the bed, leaving him as naked as birth. Donna instantly blushed and looked down at the floor. She didn't want to see those bruises again.

The Doctor tutted. “Come on Donna, don't be shy.”

She looked up at him. The look on his face unnerved her.

“There's nothing you haven't already got to see, is there?” He joked, cutting her to the bone. He turned and walked to a door on the far side of the room. “I'm going to take a shower,” he called over his shoulder. Donna watched him open the other door, step through it and slam it behind him. Very soon, she heard the sound of water cascading down.

For one, she was at a loss for words. The Doctor was acting completely out of character. What should she do? She wished the White Guardian was there now. He would be able to cope with this damaged Doctor far better than she could.

She glanced up suddenly. Could she hear...?

Nervously, Donna walked to the door and pressed her ear up against it. Along with the falling water, she heard small yelps of pain along with desperate, anguished sobs. And her heart broke.

How could she have actually been surprised that the Doctor was acting strangely? She was ashamed of herself. How would she act if she had been through the ordeal he had? She reasoned that her friend probably didn't know how to cope. He wasn't used to being a victim, not like this. Well, she would be there for him. She would help him through this, whether he wanted her there or not.

At that moment, the bathroom door opened and a sodden, tormented looking Doctor emerged. He and Donna regarded each other. The Doctor rested his head against the door, stared up at the ceiling and sighed. When his eyes met Donna's again, she could see the tears there.

“I'm sorry,” the Doctor whispered.

“No need to be,” Donna replied gently.

The Doctor sank to his knees, head in his hands. Donna rushed past him, into the bathroom. She grabbed a large towell, returned to the Doctor and draped it around him. He clung to it, trembling.

“You're still soaking wet,” Donna told him, “you'll catch your death.”

The Doctor was shivering. He looked up at her and smiled, teeth chattering. “I keep managing to avoid him,” he muttered.

Donna helped him up and rubbed him dry. He stood still as she fussed around him and then followed without any argument as she led him back to his bed.

As she pulled the covers up around him, Donna said; “You need to sleep now, Doctor. You need to get stronger.”

“I'm too scared, Donna.” He said simply.

She was confused. “Come on Doctor. Just close your eyes. You're exhausted, you'll just drift off.”

“Donna, every time I close my eyes, all I can see is blackness.”

“Well, yes. That's what happens when you shut your eyelids!”

He looked at her. Then she understood. Oh...

Donna took his hand. “He can't get to you again,” She said, firmly.

The Doctor shook his head. “You don't know that.”

Donna moved closer. “Yes I do! The White Guardian is protecting us right now and as long as you keep the darkness at bay, he can't touch you, me or the TARDIS. We're safe.”

“Safe?” He repeated. He winced. “It hurts all the time, Donna. It hurts... inside.”

She couldn't speak. How could she comfort him?

“There's blood,” he whispered. “Blood in the shower.”

“I'll deal with it,” Donna told him. “If you could only rest,” she added, in a tiny voice, “it would hurt less.”

He wasn't listening. “They keep on smiling, in my head. They don't stop. Especially Rose, she never stops.”

The anger boiling inside Donna was threatening to spill out. How dare those monsters do this to him? What right did they have to touch someone as beautiful and innocent as the Doctor? It was so unfair. She knew he was sexually naïve and now to have been used in such a vile way – what do you say to someone who had been so abused? Especially someone as strong and confident as the Doctor?

“How can I help you?” She implored him. “Just tell me what I can do.”

Those sad brown eyes again rested on her. He smiled warmly.

“You've already helped me,” he said. “If it weren't for you, I'd still be there now.”

Donna shrugged her shoulders. “You were the one who found the way to beat them, Doctor. That bright light came from you.”

“It came from us both. Your words got to me, awoke something inside me. Something the darkness was trying to bury too deep for me to reach. You helped me find it and, together with the light inside of you, WE defeated them.”

Donna brushed this away with her hand. “This wasn't because of me, Doctor, it was all you. Any power I had was given to me by the White Guardian.”

“You're too hard on yourself Donna, you know that?”

She nodded. “It's been said. Try living with my mother though, she could bash away at anyone's self confidence, she could. Even yours.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “Worse than the Black Guardian?”

Donna guffawed. “Oh yeah, far worse!”

An attack of pain seized the Doctor and he began to spasm uncontrollably. Donna wrapped her arms around him and held him close. After a few wretched seconds, the Doctor finally stilled. He clung to her though, needing her touch and her love, which she happily gave. If only she could do more though.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She murmured to him.

“You saw it,” The Doctor replied, after a pause.

“I saw Rose,” Donna said. “Maybe if you spoke about the rest, it could help?”

“Even if I told you about that they did to me Donna, that's not really sharing. Not for a Time Lord. I have to live with the pain alone. That's my curse.” He curled up and lay on his side, gazing at the wall.

Donna was beginning to feel hopeless. What good was she? The Guardian had been wrong. She couldn't help him heal. He needed someone stronger, more like him. Someone he could join with and share the burden with...

Donna stopped. That was it! Share the burden.

She turned to him. “Doctor, I want to share this with you. I don't want you to go through it alone.”

“Donna, I just explained..”

“Don't just tell me, show me what happened.”

The Doctor froze, he looked at her in shock.

“You don't mean you want to see into my mind?”

She nodded, her face firm.

The Doctor shook his head. “No Donna, you couldn't even take the Ood song, you're just too pure to such evil.”

Donna grabbed his arm. “And you can't cope with this on your own. You need help, Doctor. I'm here for you. And I can take it, I'm stronger now than I was then. As you said, I did stand up to the Black Guardian, didn't I? Put him right in his place!” Her tone softened. “You do so much for so many people and never ask for anything back. Let me do this for you now. Please.”

He didn't want too, that was clear. But he knew she was speaking truthfully, he did need her help. But, there was still the fear that he would wreck her mind.

“You need to understand the danger. I'm talking horrific dreams, day and night for the rest of your life, regardless if you are asleep or awake, if you're not able to control what I show you. And there aren't many out there who could cope. I just want you to fully grasp what you are offering to do here.”

“A trouble shared is a trouble halved, my Gramps used to say.”

The Doctor smiled. “He's right. Especially for a Time Lord.”

Donna moved across his bed until she was sitting directly in front of him.

“Then what are you waiting for. Besides, you still owe me that Wham gig, remember?”

Despite himself, he couldn't help but laugh. She grinned.

“You always go out of your way to save people. Why can't you let one of those people return the favour?”

The Doctor looked at her with awe. He was very lucky to have met this human. And he actually let her get away. Thank goodness she came looking for him. He knew that he loved her and trusted her with his life. She was risking so much for him and he was sure she had no idea of the gravity of what she was about to see. He prayed she could cope with it. As she stared back at him, waiting for him to begin, he couldn't help but feel dread. Stay strong Donna, he thought, desperately, just stay strong.

He placed his fingers on her head and closed his eyes, flinching at the darkness he suddenly found himself in.

“Just relax,” he murmured to her. “You're okay.”

She waited. She could sense the Doctor, mentally and physically. He was so close to her at that moment. It was an incredible feeling. For the first time, she got a sense of how old the Time Lord was – and how powerful. The strength of his mind joining with hers was just unbelievable. She felt comfortable, happy, safe. Everything was golden and bright. She was in a good place and all was well.

Then – she was in his mind.

The shock of it jolted her. She tried to pull away from his mind and his touch.

“No, Donna.”

Were those his thoughts she could hear? Or was he speaking out loud? It was impossible to tell.

“Stay with me. What you are feeling now, it will pass. Just hold on.”

He was right. The strange haze before her was already clearing and she felt less panicked. There wasn't much to see for her though, the place she was in was bare. It almost felt to her like a corridor.”

“A good description.” So, he could hear her thoughts to then. She suddenly felt very open. She didn't like it, there was nowhere to hide. “It's alright Donna. I'm opening a door for you now. You'll see my memories of the Black Guardian and his minions. Remember, this is going to distress you. If you want me to stop, just say.”

She saw darkness and headed towards it. She was scared but knew she couldn't back out now. He needed her.

She found herself in pitch blackness. She looked around her but couldn't see a thing. She blinked, trying to adjust her eyes to the night. She crept forward, her fears threatening to overcome her. She hated the black, the murkiness and sadness of it. She reached out with her mind for the Doctor, desperate for his company.

“I'm here, Donna.”

In this place, even his thoughts were cold, distant. However badly she felt in being here, she knew the Doctor would feel so much worse. He was reliving his own torture, after all.

That's when she saw him. The Doctor. Sitting in the terrible blackness. He couldn't see her, for him, she wasn't there. His eyes were fixed on something in the darkness. Something prowling, snarling, cruel. Then, she gasped as the Night Crawler sprang out of that night and leapt at him, knocking him down. It took her another two seconds to realise that this was her dream.

And, so it began.

Donna watched, fighting to control her emotions, as the man before her was taken apart. She closed her eyes when the demon thrusted into him and the scream that was torn from his throat ripped into her, making her shudder. She heard the creature say “Good boy,” and she felt like retching. Forcing herself to open her eyes, she saw that the Doctor had passed out. The Night Crawler was still on top of him, licking his blood from a wound on his chest. She wanted to run at it and get it off of him. She wanted to kill it. Then, the Black Guardian was there. He teased and tormented the Doctor. Donna could feel her friend's every emotion. His confusion at what was asked for him and his embarrassment at not understanding. She could feel his hope when the TARDIS materialized before them and then his pain and anger as the Night Crawlers attacked him.

The scenes before her played out in all their horrific glory. The TARDIS turned on the Doctor and she could sense pure despair. Again, the monster attacked him, raping him, feeding from him. His humiliation burned inside and she could feel every devastating jolt. The worst thing was that she came to realise that he was just taking their punishment of him, believing that he deserved it. His loudest thought was echoing round and round in her head;

“If the TARDIS doesn't want me anymore, then what exactly am I worth?”

It took ever ounce of her self control for Donna not to break down and sob.

At long last, the bright light that heralded her own arrival on the scene descended around her, lighting her very soul. Suddenly, 'her' Doctor had hold of her hand. He turned and looked up at him. She gasped, her eyes wide. He was shining so brightly, he really did seem angelic.

“So do you.” He told her. She smiled then looked down, blushing.

“Time to go.” He whispered. “You know the rest.”

She nodded and immediately felt that odd dizzy sensation again. She could feel herself being pulled, away from that darkness and that beautiful light. The last thing she saw was her earlier self running to the Doctor's side and crouching down beside him. It struck her as she was leaving them that she looked right like that; right at his side. That was her place.

They were back. They opened their eyes together. He was so close to her, she could feel his breath on her face. His took his fingers away from her head, not before stroking her hair affectionately first.

“Are you okay?” He asked softly.

She nodded. She couldn't bring herself to form words. If she did, she knew the rainclouds would open and she wouldn't be able to stop the tears.

He leant forward and kissed her cheek.

“Thank you,” he gently told her.

He laid back down and closed his eyes. Within moments, he was sound asleep and breathing peacefully. Donna watched him. He looked so serene, so happy. She was pleased for him, pleased that he could sleep.

She carefully got up of the bed and began to walk to the door, ready to leave the Doctor to sleep alone. She got half way across the room before collapsing to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably. Crouching down, she dry heaved, her breathing laboured. She couldn't put the terrifying images out of her mind. All she could see was the Doctor being raped, beaten, tormented, taunted. It wouldn't go away. And it was destroying her.

When she finally, had no more tears left to cry, a great tiredness swept over her. She couldn't keep her eyes open, she just wanted to sleep. She didn't want to see that darkness but she couldn't help herself so she allowed herself to fall into it. And, within moments, she was sound asleep.

The Doctor opened his eyes abruptly. He quickly got out of the bed, still clutching his towell around himself and moved to her side. He could see that her sleep was anything but peaceful and he knew why. He knew only to well what monsters were invading her dreams. Kneeling down, he reached out and gently stroked her hair.

He sensed his presence long before he heard him. Without even looking up, the Doctor muttered,
“Hello Sir.”

“Doctor.”

The White Guardian approached him. The Doctor stood up straight and bowed. The Guardian returned the greeting.

“You seem better now, my friend.”

The Doctor turned back to Donna.

“It's thanks to her.” He stopped and looked again at the Guardian.

“And to you, so I understand.”

The Guardian waved away his words. “There is so much chaos in the universe Doctor, so much evil. Those who fight for goodness are becoming few and far between. I could not lose you too. You are a champion, like the Black Guardian said, but a Champion for Good.”

The Doctor knelt down again beside Donna. “You made her sleep?”

The Guardian nodded. “I felt that she needed it. She couldn't cope with the despair. A human as emotional as Donna should not face such..”

The Doctor leapt up, his eyes flashing. “You think I don't know that? She gave me no choice. She wouldn't take no for an answer!” The Doctor hung his head, gripped by guilt.

The White Guardian held both his hands up. “Peace Doctor, I meant nothing against you. I was simply stating that Donna is not capable of coping with the pain that you are. She didn't just see what you went through, she felt what you felt. And Time Lords emotions are very different to a humans, much stonger. A lesser human would have been driven mad.”

The Doctor frowned. “And as she's now in turmoil, how long until the Black Guardian senses her?”

The White Guardian sighed. “My opposite remains weak, for now. Once he recovers however, he will sense her immediately. Unless we can bury the darkness beneath the light again.”

The Doctor stared at Donna. “You want me to make her forget.”

“It's the only way to save her.”

“I won't take away how brave she was today, or that she saved me. She deserves to remember how strong she was.” He lowered his voice. “She doesn't have enough confidence in herself as it is. I don't want to take today away from her too. She was magnificent.”

“Fair enough Doctor. Then take away the memories of your attacks. She will know you were taken and she will remember saving you and defeating the Black Guardian. Everything else that has occurred since you returned to the TARDIS, she should forget.”

The Doctor was grim. “And me?”

“You will remain in control Doctor, as you are now. And you will always know that you owe your sanity to Donna.”

He smiled. “She'd love that!”

The White Guardian bowed again. “I must go, Doctor. The Council demands and explanation concerning the Black Guardian and I will provide it. He will be punished for what he did to you. I promise.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“You are most welcome, old friend. Goodbye.”

He faded to nothing but not before leaving one last message;

“Remember Doctor, stay in the light.”

The Doctor moved back to Donna's side and pulled her up into his arms. He touched her forehead and grimaced when he felt the discomfort inside her head.

“I'm sorry,” he told his sleeping best friend. “I'll make it go away Donna, I promise.”

Pressing his fingers against her head as before, he closed his eyes and he connected with her mind. He shivered at what he saw there. It was wrong that by helping him, Donna now suffered more from his memories than he did. Still, only for a few moments longer.

It took him no time at all to find the damaging memories and remove them. As he deleted one nasty image after another, he sensed Donna relaxing. Finally, her dreams were free of the Black Guardian and his evil. The Doctor opened his eyes and moved back. She was safe.

He gently laid Donna on the floor. Hen then shot over to his bed and grabbed his blanket and pillows. He put one pillow under Donna's head and another next to her, for himself. Laying down, he covered both of them with the blanket. He pulled Donna towards him and held her close. He would never forget what she had sacrificed for him, even if she had too.

His own exhaustion crept up on him. He had had quite the day. He closed his eyes one more time, once more facing that blackness. Only this time, he didn't flinch.

~END~