Peanut Butter Banana Sandwiches

“Robbie?”
Robbie grumbled and curled up around his bowl of spilled popcorn more tightly. As usual, he had fallen asleep on his chair the night before. He had a bed… somewhere… but it always seemed such a hassle to go to it.
Besides, the thought of laying in a quiet dark room made him feel uneasy, now.
Sportacus poked his head out of the pipe and spotted Robbie in front of him, in his ridiculous pajamas. Sportacus rolled his eyes. He may sleep in his same outfit all the time, but at least it looked good on him. He didn’t think anyone could look great in that set of sleepwear Robbie had on.
‘Too bad,’ he thought as he jumped out of the pipe. ‘Robbie looked really nice once he got out of those striped pants that go all the way up to his chest…’ He blinked, then shook his head to get rid of the thoughts before they led anywhere. He had come down here because Robbie missed the invitation to lunch Sportacus had given him. He couldn’t say he wasn’t miffed to see Robbie doing nothing but sleeping when he had put so much effort into it… he had made sure it was even going to be at a place that Robbie might like. The Cheesecake Factory sounded scary at first, but when he checked it out it turned out to not be too bad. He couldn’t eat a lot of the stuff on the menu, but… he’d be able to eat a good meal at least. And Robbie would be able to eat all the cake he wanted.
But they couldn’t do that now, because the other man was still sleeping. Sportacus stood over the snoring man, blocking light. Robbie snorted in his sleep and shifted restlessly. Sportacus rolled his eyes again and carefully plucked the bowl of popcorn out of his hands, setting it down on the floor.
“Robbie, wake up.”
“Nnnn,” Robbie whined, trying to curl up further into the chair and sink more deeply into sleep again.
“Dun wanna… go ‘way…”
Sportacus sighed.
“No Robbie, you need to wake up. I don’t feel like playing.”
“Nnnngh.”
Sportacus put one hand on each armrest and leaned forward until his mouth was right above Robbie’s ear.
“Wake up,” he said, and gave the outer part of his ear one long, wet lick.
Robbie yelped, his eyes snapping open and arms flailing. He managed to grab a fistful of Sportacus’ hair somehow during the course of this flailing, and when he did stop and look, he was greeted with a close-up view of a rather annoyed sports elf.
“Oh,” he said, clearing his throat and releasing his hair. “It’s you.”
“What time is it Robbie?” Sportacus asked, straightening up and fixing his hair, fitting his hat back over it and adjusting his goggles.
“Huh? Don’t tell me you woke me up just to ask what time it is.”
“Do you even have a clock?”
“What the heck are you talking about you crazy elf?”
Robbie suddenly felt tiny when the other man leveled a bored glare at him. It didn’t make any sense, since he was actually taller than him, but there it was.
“So… you forgot.”
“Eh? Would you just spit it out already?!”
Robbie felt something pierce his heart at the disappointed look on Sportacus’ face.
“I see,” he said, and turned back to the pipe. That hurt. He tried really hard, and Robbie didn’t even care. Well fine. That was fine. He’d just go back up to his air ship…
Of course, he knew he couldn’t cry, even though his feelings were hurt. Too many people relied on him being in the right state of mind all the time. Maybe he’d just do some more sit ups…
Robbie felt something cold go down his spine. What did he do? The blue elf looked like someone had killed his puppy or dumped out all of his Sports Candy.
As Sportacus climbed slowly back into the pipe, it finally clicked in Robbie’s head.
“SHIT!”
Sportacus startled so badly that he fell out of the pipe and onto his back. Robbie looked genuinely horrified, eyes wide.
“I’m sorry!” he blurted out, not thinking. Panic started to flutter around in Robbie’s chest as he caught the look Sportacus was regarding him with. He didn’t want to lose him, didn’t want the last person who cared about him to leave too, he couldn’t, it would destroy what was left of Robbie Rotten. He started hyperventilating.
Sportacus sat up abruptly, eyes widening.
“Robbie! Breath!” he jumped to his feet, his crystal beeping, and rushed over to him, kneeling next to the chair and grabbing Robbie’s hands, rubbing them.
“It’s okay Robbie,” he was saying over the man’s fast breathing and gasping for air. “It’s okay. Just breathe. In. Out. There we go. In. Out. Good, that’s good, it’s alright.”
Slowly, Robbie was able to get enough air, but he was trembling slightly and Sportacus was doing his best to keep him calm. When Robbie’s breathing finally went back to normal, he looked at Sportacus.
“I-I’m sorry,” he said.
“Shh, it’s fine.”
“It’s not!” he started trembling slightly again. “I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I, I fell asleep, and I didn’t even think, I’m really sorry, I am…”
Sportacus paused for a second before getting to his feet and sitting on an armrest, hugging Robbie, who clung to him immediately.
“Don’t leave,” he heard whispered from Robbie. For being relatively weak, Sportacus thought, the man was certainly squeezing the air out of his lungs pretty quickly.
“I’m not leaving,” Sportacus said, running his fingers through the man’s heavily gelled hair and disrupting the style. He wasn’t angry anymore, not after that. But still…
“Robbie?” he said, looking down at his head. “You don’t normally sleep this late, do you?…”
Robbie loosened his hold on the other man and looked up.
“Why? What time is it?”
“It’s three in the afternoon.”
Robbie looked mildly surprised, then withdrew his arms from around Sportacus.
“Oh,” he said quietly. “No…” He picked at the faux fur on his chair. Sportacus reached out and grabbed his chin, forcing him to look in his direction. Robbie looked slightly startled.
“Robbie, what’s wrong? Are you feeling sick? I know you like to nap, but if you don’t usually sleep this late…”
Robbie glanced away.
“It’s nothing. I just couldn’t get to sleep last night, that’s all.”
“Why not?”
Robbie shrugged, still not looking at him. He wasn’t about to tell him he couldn’t get to sleep because he kept feeling a phantom kiss, and kept shivering because he felt too cold. He had already gone so far as to have a panic attack in front of the man, he wouldn’t humiliate himself further.
Sportacus sighed, and let go of Robbie’s face.
“Alright,” he said, and stood up from the chair’s armrest, stretching. He was willing to stay still for both Stephanie and Robbie, but he had his limits. Swinging his arms slightly, he turned back to Robbie.
“So, you had enough sleeping for today?”


Robbie watched over the edge of his book as Sportacus played with the kids, Stephanie included. He couldn’t help but smile at seeing the huge grin Sportacus had on, between ruffling hair-topped heads that only came up to his stomach, and dunking basketballs.
He felt a twinge of guilt go through him, thinking about how he could have had that smile all to himself for the afternoon if he had just gone to sleep earlier like he’d planned to. He sighed to himself. He was starting to think like the obnoxious yellow child.
“I’m gonna take a break guys!”
He glanced up from the book again to see Stephanie trot towards him, sipping water from a pink water bottle. She plopped down next to him and he couldn’t help but feel the heat that radiated off of her from exercising. He frowned slightly. Was moving around supposed to do that to a person, or was she getting overheated from the sun? Stephanie noticed him studying her and she flashed him a smile.
“Hi Robbie!” she chirped.
“Hello,” he muttered, staring at the diagram in his book again. There was a pause, filled in by the background chatter and laughter coming from the other kids and Sportacus.
“You know,” she continued, sounding almost solemn. “Sportacus seemed kind of upset today.”
She took note of Robbie’s guilty flinch, and how he raised the book higher as if to shield or hide himself.
“But I guess that’s okay,” she said, turning to watch everyone play while she was catching her breath and refueling. “He can’t be happy all the time after all.”
“He should be,” Robbie replied without thinking. The instant the words left his mouth, his eyes got wide and he glanced at Stephanie to see if she caught it.
She was grinning at him like the proverbial cat that ate the canary.
“Don’t you da-!”
“Okay guys I’m ready to play again!”
And she leapt up and ran towards the group before his ill-timed lunge could catch her. He watched helplessly as she rejoined the game, and during a lull in play, tugged on Sportacus’ hand, had him lean down, and she whispered in his ear.
Sportacus looked in his direction with wide eyes.
Robbie thought he would die on the spot. He could feel the hot blush spreading up into his face, and he hid behind the book. Humiliating. That’s what it was. Absolutely and completely humiliating. He might as well buy the man roses and wine.
He paused that train of thought. Did alcohol have sugar in it? He wasn’t sure…
Regardless! He stayed hidden behind the book while play resumed and Sportacus continued playing like nothing had happened. Robbie considered slipping away and going back home, just to get away from it, but then he thought of how Sportacus might react to that, and the thought of the blue elf’s face crumpling in disappointment made him stay rooted to the spot.
It was getting dark and the children were getting tired by the time the playing stopped. Sportacus gave Stephanie a hug before watching her run off with Trixie for a sleepover. Before she ran off, she glanced at Robbie, then at Sportacus, and mouthed ‘good luck’ at him. She giggled and ran before he could recover. Sportacus shook his head. For being only eight… no, nine years old, she was already a handful. Once the kids were all home safely, Sportacus looked at Robbie out of the corner of his eye. The man was still sitting there, hiding behind the thick book. He smiled slightly in the evening light, and did cartwheels away from view.
Robbie abruptly looked up from his book. Where had he?… Had he just left? Robbie’s first feeling was one of relief that he hadn’t been confronted about what he said. But it was quickly getting crowded out by a burning feeling in the pit of his stomach and a small voice in the back of his head.
‘Why… why did he leave?’
Robbie swallowed back the feeling and closed his book. Even though the sun was still going down, he felt like it was getting colder.
He yelped when he felt a warm breath on the back of his neck and two arms encircle him, pinning his own arms to his sides.
“That was really nice,” Sportacus said from behind him. Robbie blushed heavily and shivered at the warm breath on his ear.
“W-what?”
Sportacus chuckled, and Robbie thought he might melt into the ground.
“What you said to Stephanie today while we were playing,” he continued, though he knew Robbie remembered it perfectly. “It was really nice. To know you think that, I mean…” On an impulse, he planted a small kiss on the tip of Robbie’s ear, and he blushed slightly when he heard a strangled whimper come from the man. He shifted slightly, fidgeting. It felt like he should do something else, but he couldn’t figure out what.
“Hey, it’s almost dinner time,” he said finally. “Um… do you want to maybe have dinner with me?”
The butterflies in his stomach were just about to burst out of him when Robbie finally responded.
“Y-yeah… okay.”
Sportacus smiled and kissed the back of Robbie’s neck impulsively.
“My place or yours?”


“I told you not to touch anything!”
“Sorry, sorry!”
Robbie stalked past him to turn off the half-finished machine that was beeping like mad in the pile of other half-finished machines. Truthfully, the majority of them scared Sportacus. They looked like they might snap his fingers off.
Of course, that hadn’t stopped him from poking at one curiously.
Sportacus peeked into the under-used kitchen of Robbie Rotten and saw something steaming on the stovetop. He glanced around uneasily. It looked like half of the equipment had probably been built by Robbie himself. And normally that was decent, because the man was a genius with machinery, but in this case it looked rather haphazard and unsteady. He probably didn’t use it much, after all…
Hearing Robbie curse at the beeping which insisted on persisting, Sportacus carefully stepped into the room. Curiosity won out over caution, and he started opening cabinets.
Disappointingly, most of them were bare, but there were a few half-empty boxes of sugary cereal, and some things that might actually pass as almost healthy. There was a bag of uncooked spaghetti in one cabinet. He glanced over at the steaming pot on the stove. Could that be what Robbie was cooking? He turned to another cabinet, a very large one. He tilted his head curiously at it and swung it open.
A loud scream interrupted Robbie from shoving the now-silent machine back into the pile. He bolted up and scrambled to the kitchen, swearing to himself if the elf burned himself on the stove he’d put a tracking collar on him with a mild shock for whenever the thought “I wonder what would happen if I touched this?” popped into his empty jock head.
He skidded into the kitchen and managed to not injure himself while doing so. Only to be greeted by the sight of a petrified Sportacus, shin-deep in a pile of spilled sugar from the mountain of sugar sacks piled in the cabinet. Sportacus slowly turned his head to look at Robbie, his blue eyes as wide as they could get.
“Help,” he squeaked. Robbie clenched his fists, breathed in and out very slowly three times, and stomped over to the man.
“I thought I told you,” he grabbed his arm and started pulling, and Sportacus clung to him. “To not touch anything,” and Robbie pulled, straining, while Sportacus was still frozen in terror. “But you just go and poke your pointy little ears into everything.” With one last strain, Sportacus was dragged out of the mound of sugar, and he scrambled further away from it, eyeing it distrustfully from the other side of the room. Robbie tapped his foot in an irritated manner, and when Sportacus caught it he blushed slightly in embarrassment and smiled nervously.
“Out of the kitchen,” Robbie said. Sportacus looked at him like a scolded child.
“But Robbie-”
“Out. And I swear, if you touch anything else, I will lace the dinner with so much sugar you’ll be in a coma for months.”
Sportacus paled and darted out of the room.


“You don’t have a table?”
“Oh, sure. It’s just an invisible table. Lost it years ago.”
Sportacus scratched his head and finally just sat on the floor while Robbie brought out bowls. He gave a fork to Sportacus along with the bowl, before plopping down in front of him and digging into his own bowl.
Sportacus went slightly green as he looked at the… meal. Robbie had warned him he didn’t really have healthy food, and that the meal would probably just be something small anyway, nothing fancy…
But… macaroni and cheese? Sportacus swallowed shakily and glanced up at Robbie, who was steadily wolfing his down. It wouldn’t kill him to eat it… and Robbie would get upset if he didn’t…
He closed his eyes tightly and started shoveling it into his mouth as fast as possible and swallowing without chewing. He knew it was bad for him to do that… but maybe not as bad as the meal itself might be. Already he felt his stomach twist uncomfortably. He set the bowl down moments after Robbie did. There was a moment of awkward silence.
“… We suck at this, don’t we?” Robbie asked suddenly, looking at his empty bowl.
“Yeah, we do,” Sportacus laughed. To his surprise and relief, Robbie laughed with him.
Gradually, the laughter died down and Sportacus felt his gut twist uncomfortably again. He leaned back slightly, feeling vaguely ill. It probably wasn’t anything bad, he supposed, just that his stomach was not used to the massive amount of processed cheese. He shuddered slightly. Robbie was looking at him skeptically.
“What’s wrong with you?” Robbie finally asked, breaking the silence. “You look like you’re gonna be sick.”
“No, no,” he replied, smiling somewhat shakily. “I’m fine. It’s just, ah, my stomach. I’ll be fine.” He tried to sit up again, but his stomach told him in plain terms that that was out of the question. Robbie narrowed his eyes.
“I thought I told you to stop lying,” he said bluntly, standing up and moving over next to the mildly pale Sportacus, hoisting him up onto his feet.
“I already told you,” Sportacus muttered as he got his feet under him. “I don’t lie.”
“Then why do you look like you’re about to keel over? Did you get any sugar in your system?”
Sportacus would’ve teased him about his worrying, if he didn’t feel like he might be sick.
“Okay,” he said after a minute under Robbie’s glare. “The food was… it wasn’t healthy, okay, but it was fine, there was nothing wrong, it’s just-”
“If it’s making you sick and not me, I can safely assume it’s not the food’s fault then.”
“Y-yeah.” Robbie was guiding him across the room by the arm. “It’s just me. I… I’m not used to anything but Sports Candy and healthy stuff like that, so it… my stomach doesn’t like it…”
“Uh-huh,” Robbie said, noting that mentally. He opened a door half-hidden by mounds of junk, and led Sportacus in, flipping on a light. Sportacus looked around the room as Robbie let go of his arm to clear off a bed. His bed. He had hardly ever used it, preferring the chair and the hum of the television left on to the quiet of the bedroom. When he finally got the bed cleared off, he turned back to Sportacus.
Only to find the man picking up picture frames on the shelves.
“What did I tell you about touching things?!”
Sportacus jumped, startled, and hurriedly set the photo back in place.
“Sorry.”
Robbie huffed in an annoyed manner and motioned to the bed. Sportacus looked at him uncomprehendingly.
“Lay down, Sportakook.”
“But… why?”
“Because I don’t want you getting sick all over my floor from moving around, that’s why!”
“Oh…”
Sportacus obeyed and laid down on the large bed. It figured Robbie’s bed would be so big. He probably liked to sleep sprawled out. This made Sportacus wonder why he slept in a chair so often. Before he could voice this question, Robbie sat on the other side of the bed, cross-legged and facing him.
“So,” Robbie started. “Is that an elf thing?” Sportacus blinked.
“Huh?”
“Your diet, Sportaflop. I’ve never seen you eat anything but all those stupid fruits and vegetables.” He made a disgusted face. “And bread, I suppose. No human can survive on just that stuff. It’d be a miserable existence anyway. So is it an elf thing then?”
“Oh,” Sportacus said, mildly surprised. He wasn’t used to talking about this stuff. “Um… pretty much… I just usually eat plants or things made from plants… I mean, I can eat other things, so long as they don’t have sugar in them, but… my body doesn’t like it too much.” He smiled apologetically to Robbie, who rolled his eyes.
“You could have told me that before, you know.” He said. “It would have saved me the trouble of having to clean off the bed.”
“Yeah,” Sportacus replied, seeing an opportunity. “Speaking of that, how come you sleep in your chair instead of in this bed? It seems comfy enough,” and he wiggled around slightly for emphasis on how comfy it was. Robbie sighed and didn’t look at him.
“It’s hard to fall asleep in here,” he said. Sportacus looked at him carefully, recognizing when Robbie was getting serious.
“How come?”
Robbie shrugged, still not looking at him.
“Too quiet. And it gets dark.”
“You’re afraid of the dark?” the words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop them.
“You tell anyone I swear I’m going to replace all your sports candy with cupcakes, and don’t think I won’t, beca-”
“I won’t I won’t!” Sportacus assured him, holding his hands up defensively. Robbie fell silent, eyeing him suspiciously.
“Really though,” Sportacus continued, ignoring the look. “It does seem like the bed would be a lot more comfortable. I would think you of all people would like it, being able to nap all day in this.” Robbie snorted, but Sportacus caught the sad longing look that flashed on his face. He sat up.
“You do want to sleep here,” he stated. Robbie moved closer and tried to push him back down the mattress.
“If your stomach is bothering you so much, why is it so difficult for you to keep still?”
Sportacus frowned up at the man and grabbed him, pulling him down fully onto the bed too.
“It’s better for you to sleep in a bed. Everyone knows that,” Sportacus said, keeping Robbie down with one arm. “So, in order for you to do that, I have to help you, right? It’s my job to make sure everyone is safe, healthy, and happy. That means you too.” Robbie scoffed.
“I’ll take up all your kitten-saving time.”
“No, she only gets stuck during the afternoon. I already saved her two times today, so she won’t need it anymore.”
Robbie stared at him incredulously. Sportacus smiled.
“Now, first step is your fear of the dark.”
Robbie tried to sit up, but the arm across his chest kept him pinned.
“You could leave the light on, but I don’t think that’s very healthy either…”
“Sportacus, what are you…”
“So, we’re just going to have to get you used to it.”
Robbie’s eyes widened, and Sportacus reached behind his back, producing a small ball.
“I’m going to turn the lights off now Robbie.”
“No, wai-!”
The ball smacked into the light switch and the bulb in the ceiling went dark. Sportacus physically felt the way Robbie tensed up under his arm, and he gently moved closer to Robbie, touching his face.
“Robbie, it’s okay. I’m right here. Nothing bad is going to happen, see?”
He felt Robbie start trembling slightly, and he frowned, reaching behind him to get another ball to switch the lights back on before Robbie went into another panic attack. But before he could, he felt Robbie turn onto his side and curl up against him, clinging to his vest and shirt. Sportacus paused in surprise for a moment, before rubbing the other man’s back comfortingly.
“See, it’s not so bad. And as long as I’m talking, it’s not quiet, right? Say something Robbie. It’ll help.”
He felt the man shudder once, before he tried to talk.
“It’s too dark. It’s… I feel like there’s something watching me.”
Sportacus smiled in the dark.
“Besides me, no. These ears aren’t just for show, Robbie. The only thing in here is you and me, and all I can hear is us breathing and talking. Don’t worry, you’re safe. My crystal would go off if you were in trouble, remember?” He felt Robbie nod slightly, and he pressed his lips against the man’s forehead briefly. He felt Robbie relax minutely. Sportacus yawned. He wondered what time it was. The sun went down at six, it had taken an hour or more to make dinner… was it 8:08 already? He wished there were a clock…
“Sportacus?”
He squeezed Robbie briefly, and the man pressed more against him.
“Yes?”
“Could…” Robbie sounded hesitant, so Sportacus ran a hand through his hair in a comforting gesture.
“Could you maybe… stay? Just for tonight I mean.”
The butterflies came back into Sportacus’ stomach. Robbie wanted him to stay?…
“Yeah. I’d love to Robbie.”
He heard Robbie sigh in relief, and then felt the warm breath ghost against his skin. He shivered slightly, feeling too warm all of a sudden.
Robbie’s arm slowly detached itself from his clothes, and hesitantly slid around his back. Sportacus thought his heart might tap-dance out of his chest. This was… Robbie hugging him? Robbie Rotten trying to initiate contact and affection? It was almost too much to take. He suddenly felt an overwhelming rush of affection for the man, and a desire to just meld together. He squirmed, and planted another kiss on the side of Robbie’s face in delight.
Robbie, at this moment, was torn between sheer terror and utter joy. At any moment he half-expected Sportacus to decide he wasn’t worth his time, and walk out. But then he also kept reminding himself, if that was going to happen, he may as well get as much as he could out of what time there was. Truthfully, he felt like he was getting far too much comfort out of listening to his heart beat and steady breathing.
“Mmmm,” Sportacus hummed in contentment. Robbie looked at him through the darkness.
“What was that for?”
“Nothing,” Sportacus replied easily. “I just like this.”
Robbie felt the blush rise to his face. The elf was too damn straight-forward and innocent.
“Really?” he found himself asking.
“Mm-hm,” he felt Sportacus nod. “It feels nice. You’re warm. And I just… like being like this. You smell nice.”
“Yeah, well, you smell like… sports equipment and sweat.”
Sportacus laughed.
“I do not!”
“You do,” Robbie assured him, nodding. He enjoyed teasing the blue elf, when he wasn’t afraid of losing him. “You smell like you haven’t showered all day.”
By now Sportacus was well awake, even if it was past his usual bedtime.
“Oh yeah?” he countered. “Well… you smell like… like sports candy!”
He sensed rather than saw the way Robbie’s face contorted in a mixture of indignant horror.
“I do not!”
“Yes you do!” Sportacus grinned. “Like coconut! Coconut and…” he paused, trying to identify it. “Lime!”
There was a pause.
“… Coconut is a sports candy?”
“Oh… yes, sort of. It’s not really a fruit or vegetable, it’s a nut, but it qualifies.” There was more silence.
“It figures,” he finally heard Robbie mutter. “The little pink child feeding me cake with coconut in it… guh.”
Sportacus paused, and fidgeted slightly.
“But… but you liked it, right? It didn’t taste bad?”
“… No, I guess it wasn’t too bad. I could stomach it…”
“You see? Even if you don’t like sports candy all by itself, some of it isn’t so bad, right?”
“Ugh. Don’t push it, Sportaflop.”
“Says the man who smells like sports candy,” Sportacus teased and poked Robbie in the side playfully. He felt the resulting squirm from Robbie, who immediately curled to protect his sides. He was extremely ticklish there. Sportacus grinned to himself and decided not to incite a tickle fight in the dark. It could get dangerous. He sat up instead, and tossed a ball to the light switch, which flicked on the lights. Robbie groaned and flinched, grabbing a pillow and pushing it into his face to block out the light.
“You’re right though,” Sportacus said, picking up the pillow from Robbie’s face. “I forgot I had to shower today. Thanks for reminding me.” Robbie looked flustered.
“You said you’d stay!”
“I don’t know if you want me using your bathroom, Robbie…”
“You’re right,” he replied, nodding and looking thoughtful. Sportacus cringed slightly. He didn’t have to agree that fast.
“Alright,” Robbie said after a moment, sitting up on the bed. “You go up to your blimp-” “-it’s an air ship Robbie-” “-right, the blimp you live in, and you wash up there. But I don’t feel like waiting around for you to come back, so I’m coming too.”