This Is Not My Home

Warning: Some Season 3 spoilers if you haven’t seen the first six episodes. Remember this is an AU fan fiction (alternate universe with Jack and Sawyer as lovers in other chapters), so it varies at times from the show.

This Is Not My Home, Chapter 5
Rating: NC17, violence, oral sex, M/F sex
Author: Chissy_Rose
Pairing: Sawyer/Kate
Author’s Notes/Disclaimer: They’re not mine, I don’t own them. No infringement intended.

This Is Not My Home
Chapter 5

Sawyer was disoriented when he came to and his head ached tremendously. He held his head as he slowly sat up, trying to figure out where he was and what had happened. He was back in the damn polar bear cage with Kate across the way from him.

“Sawyer, Sawyer – are you okay?” she called out. She was so worried about him. These people seemed to have it out for him.

Sawyer tried to moan quietly so that Kate didn’t hear. He heard her calling his name but his head and chest both were hurting him tremendously. “I’m alive Kate, just give me time to think and recover.” Kate rested her head against the bars, relieved but still troubled at the same time. He only claimed to be alive and had not said he was okay. This place was hell on earth. She hated these people.

Sawyer sat and gently rubbed his head and chest. He felt worse than he’d ever felt in his life. He was having trouble remembering everything that had happened just before. He knew they’d stopped his heart with electric paddles and that he’d come back somehow. He was trying to remember what he’d heard about Jack. It was like a dream you couldn’t remember but wanted to desperately. He felt like weeping for some stupid reason he couldn’t figure out. His emotions were messed up and right on the surface. He was barely holding it together.

“Sawyer, did you see Jack? Is Jack okay?” Kate called out from her cage.

Sawyer bit his lip and turned away from Kate. He sat down behind a rock so he was out of her sight. Tears rose in his eyes and streaked down his face. She had no idea how worried he was about Jack and what Jack meant to him. He tried to compose himself enough to answer her.

“I didn’t see Jack but I remember hearin’ his name. I think he’s still alive Kate. I don’t remember much yet, my head’s killin’ me.” He rested his head on his arms and knees and wept silently. He realized that they’d stopped his heart and brought him back not as a punishment for fighting them but for Jack’s benefit. This was all about Jack. Not them - and they’d figured out that he was the most important person on the island to Jack and not Kate. They’d have never brought him back unless Jack had agreed to whatever they wanted from him. They’d have left him dead.

Kate sat down in her cage and was crying too, from frustration and fear. Whatever had happened to Sawyer had been bad. He didn’t want her seeing it on his face but she could still hear it in his voice. They’d crushed him and taken the fight out of him. He was afraid of them now too. She left him alone. He’d talk to her again when he was ready.

After a long while he got up and got some water to drink and rinsed his face and dried it. He went over to the bars and looked over to Kate’s cage. “I’m okay Kate. I don’t remember much about what happened but I do remember hearin’ Jack’s name so I think he’s okay.”

“What did they do to you Sawyer?” Kate asked. You could hear the concern in her voice.

He decided it was best to lie to her. He could do this. He was used to lying to people; it was a skill after all. He had to protect her. “I don’t remember exactly, I think I was drugged. I’ve still got a terrible headache and can’t think well.”

“You were holding your hand to your chest. You don’t remember anything?”

“My chest hurts some. I musta got hit there.” He hated lying to Kate, but it would only upset her worse if she knew the truth about what had happened.

Suddenly, they heard people approaching and a small group came into view on the edge of their compound. It was a mixed group of men and women who were heavily armed and excited. It didn’t bode well they were carrying so many guns.

When they got out of sight Sawyer spoke, “That don’t look good. That’s a huntin’ party if I ever saw one and I bet they’re huntin’ people.” Kate just nodded. She hoped it meant that Jack had gotten free but a better guess was that they were after Sayid and whoever was in the sailboat that had come behind them. She sat down again and said a prayer for whoever they were going after that they’d survive and not become captives themselves.

Several hours passed when suddenly the “Others” hunting party burst through their compound with a stretcher with a badly wounded woman on it. Pickett was holding her hand and was obviously distraught. She must have been his girlfriend or wife maybe. Juliet was with them and looked upset. Sayid or someone must have wounded the woman in a gun fire-fight. They had no prisoners with them so maybe they’d come out on the winning side or at least gotten away. That’s what they both hoped. They talked about what they’d just seen and what the ramifications might be. Maybe there had been a rescue attempt. Maybe they might be rescued yet. Sawyer kept telling her that if she could get free she should go for it and get herself away from this place without him or Jack.

Suddenly there was a loud siren that went off where they were and they both saw a group leading Jack nearby with a burlap bag over his head. He was bound and apparently in okay condition. They both screamed his name but couldn’t tell if he’d heard them. They both breathed a sigh of relief to see him walking quickly and easily. Jack had felt some relief too as he had heard Sawyer’s voice outside calling for him. So James was still alive. He was thankful for that.

They took Jack into a fully equipped operating room and quickly showed it to him so he could scrub out. Colleen, Danny Pickett’s wife, has been shot by one of the crash survivors and was near death. Pickett was standing by with her in the operating room. Jack assessed her condition and asked Juliet why she hadn’t already taken care of the wound damage. Juliet confessed that she was a doctor but her specialty was fertility. She’d been out of her depth as a physician trying to save her but had thought she should try. It was only when she realized she couldn’t repair the damage that she’d demanded Jack be brought. Jack had seen a set of x-rays on the wall of someone with a spinal tumor that was extremely serious. He’d asked about the x-rays, but she’d redirected him to Colleen’s x-rays. Jack scrubbed up rapidly and tried to help Colleen, but he’d been called too late. If only they’d asked him when she was first brought into camp he might have been able to save her. He took off his mask and gloves and threw them down. It always upset him when he lost someone on the table.

Danny Pickett reacted strongly to her death. He left the room in a rage. He’d hurt somebody Jack Shephard cared something about – Sawyer.

Thirty minutes had passed since Jack had walked by; Kate felt her heart lurch in her chest. Pickett and another man were approaching Sawyer’s cage and Pickett looked livid and out-of-control. He opened the door and challenged him. He struck Sawyer repeatedly and Sawyer wasn’t fighting back. They took Sawyer out of the bear cage and shoved him up against the outside of Kate’s. He asked Kate if she loved him as he pounded him repeatedly. Kate screamed Sawyer’s name. Why in the world wasn’t he protecting himself? He’d always fought, now he seemed to have given up. Pickett asked her again if she loved Sawyer. Kate finally screamed out “Yes, yes, I love him.” She’d wrapped her arms and hands around his head and begged them to stop beating him. Pickett stepped back and looked at them – Sawyer bloody and defeated, Kate hysterical and wrapped around him through the bars.

“You love him huh? Well what about me? I just lost the one person I loved on this whole fucking planet – my wife Colleen. Your people shot her and she just died on the operating table. I’m gonna kill him for what your people have done.” After a couple of minutes the other man pulled Sawyer up and threw him back into his cage. Kate sat and wept, as much for what had just happened, as well as, Pickett’s threat. Whatever they’d done to Sawyer had made him afraid to fight.

That night Jack sat depressed in his glass enclosure. He still had Colleen’s blood on his shirt where it had soaked through the operating gown. He felt so ambivalent about his own life. He wished they’d simply threatened to kill him instead of his friends.

Ben, the man he’d known as Henry Gale back in his own camp, came in to see him and finally told him that he was the one with the spinal tumor and that fate had been with him. A plane had crashed and a spinal surgeon had literally fallen out of the sky as an answer to his prayer. He told Jack he would make sure that he got back to New York safe and sound if he would do his spinal surgery and remove the tumor that was there. Jack was still angry about what had happened with Sawyer and told Ben he didn’t really believe that they would let him go as he was promising. He talked about wanting his friends to be set free and that he didn’t even know if they were alive still. Ben gave him a white shirt to put on and took Jack to witness Colleen’s funeral before taking him back to his enclosure and asking him to think about doing the surgery soon.

The next day, Jack sat depressed for hours behind the glass when Juliet came in and moved a tv/vcr on a cart over to the glass and turned it on for Jack. She told him it was a funny TV show and for him to watch the screen. The sound came on for the show, but what he saw was her holding a sign up for the camera asking him to demand the sound be turned off, but please continue to read the signs as though it was the show. They began talking and he said he’s wasn’t interested in hearing it. She turns down the volume but continues to stand very near the TV. It’s apparent they were being watched and this is the only way she had of getting this message to him. On screen she begged him to accept the surgery and to let Ben die on the table, that there were people there who didn’t want him in control any more. He’s a very bad man the signs say, and that if he lets him live that he won’t get off the island after all. Going back and forth between what she’s saying and reading the signs made Jack feel crazy. She asked him at the end to please consider her plea for Ben and she takes the VCR tape with her and turns off the TV. He felt torn and upset.

That morning, Sawyer and Kate were roused early and taken to work moving the rocks in the field as usual. Sawyer’s bruises and abuse were plainly visible. A young woman who said she is Alex talked to Kate from behind some trees. She asked about a teenager named Karl who had tried to escape with Sawyer when they were first captured. Alex tried to help them escape by shooting the guards with a slingshot and they’d almost been successful, but Alex was captured and hauled off. As Alex was taken she’d called out to Kate, “They’ll kill your boyfriend! Just like they killed mine!” Kate was doubly afraid now for Sawyer’s life if they were killing their own people without remorse; there was nothing to save Sawyer from Pickett.

Juliet came later and took Kate away with a hood over her head. Kate was taken to see Jack. Juliet told her that Sawyer would be a dead man if she did not convince Jack to do whatever it is they demanded of him. They were not going to stop Pickett if Jack didn’t do it.

Kate was taken to see Jack who was relieved to see her uninjured. They talked through the glass and Kate became hysterical and tried to convince Jack they will kill Sawyer if he didn’t go through with what they wanted. He looked up at the flashing camera and it angered him that they would use Kate to try and manipulate him like this. He told them the visit was over. But after they took her away he thought about what she’d said. Her hysteria, tears and earnestness convinced him this was real. They planned to kill him after all. There had to be some way to help them escape he thought. Kate was taken back to her cage. Pickett and another man brought Sawyer to his cage and Pickett gave him a parting blow to the head. Juliet told her she appreciated Kate trying with Jack, but implied it was bad that she was not successful.

They left and Kate and Sawyer talked. She told him he needed to try and survive.
Kate couldn’t stand it any longer. She wanted to be in the other enclosure. She needed him and she wanted him to escape with her. She climbed to the top of her enclosure and due to her tiny frame managed to squeeze out the top bars. She hit the lock on his cage repeatedly with a rock and threw the broken lock on the ground. She asked him didn’t he want to escape and he’d said it wouldn’t do any good, they weren’t on the same island any more they were on another island about two miles away. Kate was upset he hadn’t shared that with her and asked why he’d not told her that earlier. He’d said he didn’t want to take all hope away from her.

Kate took Sawyer’s head in her hands and kissed him. He asked her why she did that and all she could say was that she didn’t know. She didn’t back off from him. He tentatively kissed her back and felt her respond. She wanted him, right then, in this place. He’s more torn about this than anything he’s had happen. Kate’s in his arms, she’s made it clear she’s asking him to fuck her. He thinks about Jack and his love for him. He can’t explain to her that Jack is the one he really wanted all this time, and yet he wants her too. She’s pressed against him kissing him again and running her hand over his cock. He felt it stir to life in her hand. He kissed her back fervently. She pushed his open shirt down his shoulders and off. She thought about how he might be dead in 24 hours and that he didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve to die in this God-forsaken place. This is a gift for him, for them both – to cling together and share themselves before it is all taken from them. His eyes questioned her and she nodded yes at him. Sawyer pushed her arms up against the bars and slowly ran his hands down her body. He took the hem of Kate’s shirt and pulled it up over her head. He pressed up against her and lifted her up, spun her around and headed towards the back of the enclosure. The lust was overpowering. Sawyer felt his cock pressed up against the teeth of his zipper. He undid the button on her pants and she helped get them off. Kate drew the zipper to his jeans down and pushed the jeans down to his legs. His erect cock popped free from his pants. She took it firmly in her right hand and ran her thumb over the head of his cock smearing the pre-cum pearl across it. Sawyer moaned and started kissing her across the side of her face, down her neck to her collarbone. She pushed at his pants trying to get them off him. He broke away only long enough to step out of his pants. He threw their clothes behind her on the ground and asked her to lie down as he took her hand. She sat down and as he lay down next to her she surprised him by leaning the other direction and took his cock in her mouth. Sawyer groaned, not believing she has gone down on him. Her mouth and tongue felt so warm and wet as she firmly stroked his cock up and down. She took his balls in her other hand and caressed them gently. He tried to think of something or someone else so he wouldn’t come in her mouth. He should have known that Kate would give good head. His hips thrust up as though not a part of his own body. “Kate,” he said with a little urgency in his voice. “Slow down honey or you’re gonna make me come now and I don’t want to yet.” He patted the ground hear his head. “Come up here please…” Kate turned slightly to look at him as she slowly circled the head of his cock in circles and then licked down the underside and back up. His head went back and he moaned, “Please?” Kate kissed the top of his cock and slowly moved up and lay next to him. He held her in his arms and kissed down to her chest, taking first one nipple and then the other in his mouth and suckling gently. He had her groaning. Sawyer caressed her face and kissed her again and again. He ran his right hand to each nipple caressed them and gave them each a little squeeze. Both her nipples were erect and pointy. He ran his hand across her belly towards her pussy. “You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted you Kate. I’ve dreamt of doing this with you babe.” He ran his finger tips gently across her clit. She was slick from desire already. He began gently rubbing her pussy in a firm circular motion and dipped towards her vagina occasionally with his middle finger.

Kate groaned and arched up against him. “Oh God Sawyer, that’s so good!”

He increased the tempo as he kissed her deeper. He withdrew his tongue and hers followed back into his mouth caressing his. They were both breathing hard and fast. Kate gasped and jerked hard against him, “Oh God, oh, oh, oh, God.” He smiled; grateful he’d given her a good hard orgasm. He hoped he’d get another out of her when they fucked. She smiled and looked him in the eyes. “Fuck me Sawyer I know you want too.” He kissed her on the side of her face and got over the top of her and pushed her legs apart with his legs. She reached down and fondled his cock and balls as he got in position. He lifted her legs over his elbows.

“I want you so damn bad Kate. God, what you do to me.” He pushed his cock up and down across her pussy getting her juices on his cock before he slowly pushed inside her. She gasped but then smiled at him and ran her hands through his hair and across his shoulders. He tried to begin slowly but gave up as she squeezed her pussy tight and worked her hips against him. She was fucking him back with all she was worth. “Oh God Kate, I’m not gonna last too long. You’re too fucking hot.” He started rubbing her clit and pussy again as he fucked her. It didn’t take long and she was coming again. This time she was louder and it excited him even more. He began thrusting harder and faster and soon his strokes became erratic as he shot his cum into her. “Oh God, fuck, ohhhh, ohhhh!” he moaned. Kate watched his face. He was so damn gorgeous when he came. He slowly opened his eyes and bent over to kiss her. Kate moved to stretch out and pulled him to sit up behind her so she could lie against him. She pulled some of the clothing over them as though she was suddenly chilled. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. She put her head on his chest and listened to his heart pounding. She kissed him a couple of times. “Yeah, I love you too,” he whispered. They sat like that for quite a while until Kate decided she wanted him again. She took his cock in her hand and began stroking it again. It came to life in her hands. He would go again if she wanted too. She kissed him fervently and he wrapped his arms around her and slipped her back up on his lap for a second go. She raised herself up and lowered herself down on his erect cock. He couldn’t believe she wanted him again.

Jack was sitting in the aquarium enclosure and heard the intercom speaker spurt to life, someone was whispering to try the door. Jack went to the door and found it was unlocked. He didn’t know if this was a trap or not, but he felt he had to take the chance that he could escape. He went in a nearby room and discovered an entire TV camera network control room filled with TV monitors and sound. He walked into the adjoining room and found a handgun with ammo. He walked back into the control room and what he saw next he wished to God he’d never seen. Sawyer and Kate sweaty and naked together in a cage, looking like they’ve recently had sex. As he watched Kate moved and began kissing him. Sawyer took her in his arms and shifted her onto his lap. Kate rose up and sat herself upon Sawyer’s erect cock while kissing him. ‘Dear God how could things have come to this?’ he thinks. He put his hand to his head in disbelief. He’s not most upset about Kate finally choosing Sawyer, but about Sawyer having sex with someone else besides him. He knows Sawyer is bi and he knows in his heart this is a life and death struggle for them all. He shouldn’t be upset with him, that he might have sex with Kate if he thought he was going to die soon. He is jarred out of his thoughts by the sound of Ben’s voice.

“Now that’s a surprise isn’t it? If I was a betting man I would have bet that she’d have chosen you to be with…” Ben stood smiling but held his empty hands towards Jack when he saw he had a gun in his hands. Jack pointed the gun directly at Ben’s head. “I guess this will be the final nail in my coffin huh?”

Jack paused, a million thoughts were running through his head, including that he should appear angry like he is leaving them to each other. He hears his voice volunteering and agreeing to do the operation the next morning, tells Ben it’s too critical to wait even an additional day. Jack tells Ben he wants off the damn island and that he wants his word he will see it through. Ben smiles and nods.

The next morning Jack scrubs up to start the back surgery on Ben. Juliet will assist him and there are a couple of other people also in the operating room. Tom is standing watching from the observation deck. Jack begins the operation and has Ben’s back opened up. He glances up at Tom and thinks about what Kate said about them killing Sawyer today. He has to give them one last chance, no matter what they may do to him. He takes his scalpel and slices an incision into Ben’s kidney. The blood pressure monitor begins beeping; Ben’s blood pressure has dropped. He’s got an hour at most before he dies if Jack doesn’t stitch it back up. He demands the two-way radio. Juliet is surprised Jack has taken this route but wonders if he’s just going to let Ben die on the table through overt actions rather than claiming he was too far gone to survive. He’ll be in a lot of trouble taking this path.

In the meantime, life was going to hell for Sawyer and Kate. It was pouring rain and Pickett and another man came to Sawyer’s enclosure and found them there together. Both men were armed with a semi-automatic guns and Pickett seemed intent on killing him this time. He pulled Sawyer away from her into the compound and made him kneel on his knees. Kate begged for his life saying she’ll do anything – what do they want? She’s willing to prostitute herself to buy him time. Pickett laughed at her and said he wants her to watch as he shoots her boyfriend in the head. Kate shrieked. Sawyer ordered her to not look. He’s seen someone’s brains blown out before and knows she’ll never get it out of her head if she watches Pickett kill him this way. She’ll re-live it over and over again. He thought about Jack one last time and wished to God he’d had one last time to be with him so he could have told him he loved him, always had. The two-way radio cackled and it was Tom’s voice demanding to talk to Pickett - that it’s an emergency. Pickett huffed angrily but finally answered the radio. Tom asked him if he was near the cages and whether Kate and Sawyer were there. Pickett said they were with him and he was surprised when Pickett said not do anything else, just hand the radio to Kate. Jack got Kate on the radio and asked her if they were both alright. He heard in her hysterical voice that they were not. Whatever he’d set in motion had temporarily stopped it. Jack asked her if she remembered the story he told her the first time they met when she had stitched his back up. She said she does. Jack told her they had one hour to get away and she’s to take the radio with her. When they are in the clear and have gotten away to radio him and tell him that story. If she tells it wrong or it sounds coerced then someone on his end will die. Kate begged Jack to come with them. She wanted the three of them to escape. Jack saw no way for that to happen. Only in this life and death situation with their leader could he buy them one hour. He heard Sawyer’s voice telling her to leave, to run. It hurt him but he knew that Sawyer would come back for him with reinforcements if he could. They’ve just got to get away now. If Sawyer didn’t escape, Pickett would kill him and he couldn’t stand that. Kate finally agreed that they would run. Jack stared into Juliet’s face. He knew in his heart that if Sawyer and Kate died then he would make sure that Ben did too. Jack thought his own life wouldn’t be worth anything anyway if James was dead. What would be left to live for?