Collection: Part 1

Disclaimer: All belongs to Joss. I worship the ground upon which he walks. Or runs. Or sits.

YES, I know! River/Book???? Just trust me! You'll like it! I promise. Come on, have I ever led you astray before? TRUST ME!

"Taking It In"

Shepherd Book was resting at the kitchen table. It was late, and most everyone was in their rooms. He had been reading his Bible, but now was simply contemplating, enjoying the vibration of the ship through the soles of his feet, the everpresent hum of her engine in his ears. He sipped his tea and relaxed, letting his thoughts wander.

The softest of sounds behind him alerted him that he wasn't alone and he tensed and waited. He knew by the silence who was behind him and finally he said, "River? What are you doing up?"

"Alone." River sighed. She came around and sat across from him, tucking her bare feet under her on the chair, looking for all the world like a lost little girl, "Just like you."

"I'm not alone, River." Book clarified. "That is one of the advantages to knowing God. He makes sure you're never alone."

River smiled faintly, but her disbelief was written on her face. Then she studied him for a long moment. "You don't make it."

Book started. "What?"

"You don't make it." River repeated, as though he were being dense. "Sex. Not ever."

"No." He explained with forced calm, feeling a mite uncomfortable with the entire situation. "My order is strict. I've taken a vow of celibacy."

"Kaylee and Simon." The girl counted off on her fingers, holding them up in pairs. "Zoe and Wash. Mal and Inara, but never ever together. Jayne."

"Jayne doesn't have anyone." Book reminded her, then wished he hadn't as she tilted her head and raised an eyebrow.

"Jayne has Jayne." She accounted, her head nodding with certainty. 'And Jayne's hands. And Jayne's ..."

"That's all right." Book cut her off quickly, raising his hands with his fingers spread. "I really don't want to know."

She shook her head slowly from side to side, her eyes looking seriously into his. "But not you. And not me."

River pushed back from the table and went to the kitchen, rummaging in the cupboards. Finally, she selected an apple and almond Fruity Oaty bar and unwrapped it. With a short paring knife she cut it lengthwise and then sliced it into neat cubes while Book watched closely, alert for any change in her demeaner that might signal a fit. When she finished and dropped the knife into the sink, he breathed a sigh of relief.

"River, can I ask why this fascination with the sex lives of the crew?" Book asked as she arranged her cubes on a plate and came back to the table, placing it between them.

"Not with theirs. With ours." River said calmly, picking up a cube and holding it to her lips but not eating it.

"What do you mean?" Book quizzed, taking a deep breath. He was certain he could try to deal calmly with the situation when he really felt that he should leap up, run to his room and lock the door. It was possible that River was only talking to him because she knew he was celibate and therefore safe. Or it was possible that in the absence of a mother, she was instinctively turning to him as a father figure.

"How does it work?" River countered her question with one of her own. "That you don't?"

"Oh. Well." Book took a deep breath and met her inquiring gaze as calmly as he could. "Desire is a physical urge, the same as the need to run away when you're frightened, or stretch when you're tired. I take that urge and focus it."

"It makes you stronger." River said with conviction, nodding her head.

Book was surprised but he smiled at her. "Yes, it does. I can focus it and let it make me stronger, more centered, more aware."

"And you want to be." She said calmly, but there was something wistful in her tone that made Book look more closely at her. "I understand. It heals you."

"Yes. Yes, I suppose it does." Book answered in surprise. "River, why are you so curious about this? You're young, vivacious. Surely you think about exploring your sexuality?"

But she shook her head, taking a cube and nibbling it slowly. Her eyes met Book's. "Like you. Take it in. Turn it off. Swallow it up."

"They taught you that?" Book asked her, feeling a surge of anger towards the organization that had cut up her brain, and retrained her mind. The thought that they had ripped a normal life from this girl and replaced it with fragments made his mind think all manner of un-Godly thoughts.

Her eyes were on her food, her mouth twisted a little to the side. Her voice was cold, as though she was talking about someone else. "They took it. They twisted it up and made her swallow it. Made her stronger." She popped a square into her mouth, speaking as she chewed. "I'd rather have the dates and walnuts."

Book didn't know what to say. Had she changed topics? Did she mean the sex, or the variety of Fruity Oaty Bar? He simply sat there and watched as she ate, then wiped her hands on her skirt. She stood up and put her plate in the sink. Then she looked up and met his eye for a second. "We're the same. Not the same. Your power heals."

She drifted towards the door and Book turned in his chair. "River? If my power heals, what does yours do?"

River reached the doorway and started to step out of it, her bare toes grazing the threshhold. At the last second, her head raised and she met Book's gaze. Her eyes were black and her hair fell across her forehead as she looked up at him. Her voice chilled the very air as it carried to him in a soft murmur.

"Destroys."

The End