The Owners Maunal

John Black: The Owners' Manual:

Name: John Black, nicknames: fact man, no other known names.
Type: human male, super spy.
Site of Manufactory: small town in Europe.
Height: 6'0
Weight: unknown best guess is about 200lbs.
Electrical Connection: Not necessary

Installation: The John Black comes chained up in a large metal trunk. This is due to safety regulations along with a federal mandate. Once upon opening the trunk unchain the Black unit. Then you should see two sliver pendants, hanging off to the left of the trunk. One will be a Unicorn, the other a Capricorn charm. First place the Unicorn on him followed by the cappy charm. This will finish the start up of your John Black.


Operation: Your John unit is programmed to know damn near every langue on the planet along with so many skills that you will wonder if you haven't found your self a self contained army. When giving intrusions to the John unit do fraise in the form of a command. The John unit likes to be told what to do. This can be a bit of a draw back if you tend to want alone time or just find it annoying to consistently tell someone what to do.


Uses for this unit: The John Black unit can be used for anything from running your household, to pulling off a international rescue. He can also be used for any home repairs that come up. Some of his other uses include being able to bust you out of jail, federal prison and getting you out of the country on a moments notice.

Your John unit can also be used for bedroom fun. At first your John unit will go slow, he will take great care to study your body. With repeated use, the John unit will become a bit kinky if you let him. The John unit has also much like the Tony unit been reported to be an excellent father.

The John unit is also very good with landscaping and other gardening problems or out doors issues. Also much like the Roman unit is perfect for home security and dealing with robbers. Thieves, or other scum that would prey upon single women or a family. The John unit seems to take particular pride in guarding you. He will make sure no one gets anywhere near you or your family. The John unit does work well with the Roman, Abe, Bo, and most of the Lotrs male units. Except for the Aragorn, and Boramiar units. We have been told of excessive violence along with dismemberment of the Aragorn, and Boromir units. The John unit also does not work well with any of the Uruk-hai units or the Captain Jack Sparrow units.



Trouble shooting: My John unit is has started screaming at my neighbor’s Tony unit. I've explained to my John unit that the neighbor's Tony unit is not a threat. The neighbor’s Tony unit ignores him, but my neighbor is becoming rather angry about it. My John unit keeps saying that he's a threat and out to steal me from him. Is there anything I can do on my own to stop this short of moving?

Answer: Your John unit has a faulting fact chip and needs to be send in for repairs before he becomes violent. The John and Tony units will not attack or shout at one another if they are in separate homes. Unless the Tony unit is provoking the John unit while you and your neighbor is not looking. The Tony unit has been known to like to taunt and other wise pick on the John unit. Even if the John unit lives a block away. The easiest way to find out is to stage a formal dinning gathering with hidden cameras. Do not tell your neighbor what you plan on doing. The Tony unit is remarkably good at getting information. Especially when he's not supposed to know about it.

Grooming and up keep: Your John unit will take care of all his own grooming on his own. However he will want to pick out his own hair and skin care produces. Take him along when you go for yours and all should be fine. Also be sure to give him plenty of pets and tell him you love him once a day to keep him happy.


Final Note to customers: If you want a John Black unit and live with in two blocks of someone with a Tony unit. Do not become friends, pals or anything else with the owner of the Tony unit. This is a must do, in order to keep both units form doing harm upon them selves and everyone else.