Sessions

He lay on the couch in the doctor’s office. His eyes were closed. Everything was on his mind. Sara. Heather. Life. It was all bothering him.

“So Grissom, how has this week been?”

“Well…difficult.”

“Care to elaborate?”

He rubbed his forehead; he could feel a migraine coming on. “I ran into an old friend.”

“Who, Grissom?”

“Heather.”

She arched her brow, a bit confused, “Heather?”

“Yes. She used to run the Domain.”

“Oh. Did you have a relationship with her?”

“Not exactly.”

“Well what exactly did you have?”

“We had an arrangement. It was just sex.”

“How did seeing her make you feel?”

“Guilty.”

“Guilty? Why?”

“Sara.”

“Why is that? Do you have feelings for this Heather?”

“Not really, but if Sara wasn’t here…” He paused.

“Do you think there could be something between you?”

“Perhaps, if I would allow myself to love. She is a good friend though.”

“How is your relationship with Heather?”

“I can talk to Heather, she tends to know things I didn’t know, or at least wouldn’t admit to.”

“Elaborate.” She was writing in her notepad. It was making him nervous again.

“Heather has a way with people. She just knows things.”

“Such as…” She always pushed him to go on.

“For one, my hearing. She knew about it almost before I did.” He looked around the room. “She is very observant. I guess she has to in her line of work.”

“What does she do?”

“She’s a dominatrix.” She finally got his connection to her.

“Does she know about Sara?”

“I’m sure she does. Like I said, she is good at reading people.”

“So how is it going with Sara?”

“I sent her another email.”

“What did her last one say?”

“She wrote that she wants to take it one day at a time, but I’m confused as to what she means.”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t know what she is looking for, friends, more.” He rubbed his forehead. “I’m just not sure.”

“So how often have you been going to the brothel?”

“Same. I tried really hard, but I couldn’t do it. I’m sorry.” She could see he was ashamed.

“At least you tried, we’re making progress,” She looked at him. “Remember that.”

“What about masturbation?”

“Its still the same too,” He smiled a half-smile. “I think I should buy shares in lubricant.”

She laughed at his comment. “So it is still going on at work as well?”

“Yes. I try but…”

“Its ok.” She reassured him. “Where do you figure these sessions are going? Do you feel they are helping you?”

“Yes.” He sat up and put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. “At least I can admit I have a problem.”

“Have you ever thought about going to Sex-Aholics Anonymous?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I’d be embarrassed.”

“Why is that?”

“Talking about this to strangers.”

“You talk to me.”

“Yes. But this is different. You are a therapist.”

“You would be amazed at how invigorating it would be for you to find other people with similar problems to you.”

“I…I…just don’t know.”

“Alright. That is our session for today.” She flipped through her notes. “For next week I want you to work on your emailing Sara.” She tapped her pen on the notebook. “I also want you to attend one S – A meeting.” He gave her a glare. “Here is the address. I just want you to try it once, you may be surprised.”

“Ok.” He got up trying to convince himself he could do this.

“Same time next week.”

He walked to his car. He looked down at the card in his hand. 7pm Wednesdays. That was tomorrow night. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for it that fast. He drove home to think.


Sara stared at the computer for what seemed like an eternity before slowly beginning to type.

Grissom, There’s so much history between us that it is impossible to just wave a wand and make it all go away. By going one day at a time, we’re taking slow baby steps to heal. Does that make any sense? I’ve got so many thoughts and emotions whirling around inside of me right now. I feel like a babbling idiot. Sorry to cut this short, but I’m meeting Nick for breakfast.

She reread her mail on the desktop. And clicked on send. She hurried off to work on her case.

Grissom turned on his desktop and loaded up his email. There was a waiting message for him from Sara.

To: ggrissom@vegascrimelab.usa
From: ssidle@vegascrimelab.usa
Subject: Re: Sorry

Grissom,

There’s so much history between us that it is impossible to just wave a wand and make it all go away. By going one day at a time, we’re taking slow baby steps to heal. Does that make any sense? I’ve got so many thoughts and emotions whirling around inside of me right now. I feel like a babbling idiot.

Sorry to cut this short, but I’m meeting Nick for breakfast.

Sara


You don’t babble Sara. What thoughts, what emotions? You want to heal our friendship or our relationship? Am I going to be able to tell you this? What is going on with Nick? Did you move on with him and want to be just friends with me? I…I…

Grissom hit the reply button. You can do this. He urged himself on. So many emotions were running through his mind. This last email had his mind spinning for sure. He had so much he wanted to say but he was apprehensive, if she had moved on he had to try and be happy with that. Nick was a nice guy; he was one of the best. One of the few good guys left. He would prefer her to be with him, but it was his own fault that things were the way they were.

To: ssidle@vegascrimelab.usa
From: ggrissom@vegascrimelab.usa
Subject: Re: Sorry

Sara,

I agree about the history. I don’t want it all to go away. Most of it was amazing and I cherish those memories. There is bitter with the sweet though and that I could use to forget. Healing is definitely something I need to do; I’m not sure about you. It makes perfect sense.

You don’t babble, by the way.

I’m happy you are spending time with Nick. You deserve to be happy.

Grissom

He clicked send and figured he was biting off way more that he wanted to.

He worked with Greg most of the time and Sara with Sofia or by herself. He wanted so much to work with Sara but he figured she didn’t need that and he didn’t need it either. They were taking a baby step, that’s what he kept telling himself. Baby steps meant taking things slow that were how he was taking his whole life these days, baby steps.

He went home after shift and lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. How had things got to this point? His life was so out of control. The only physical contact he got these days was either with a whore or himself and neither gave him any type of pleasure. He looked over at the piece of paper on his night stand. Wednesday at 7pm. I guess I should go tonight. Baby steps.

He got up and disrobed himself. He was so frustrated. He grabbed himself and started pumping madly. He didn’t want to do it, but the urge wouldn’t go away. He pounded himself until he released. He cleaned himself up and went to sleep.


He stood in front of the professional building. The meetings were held in the conference room. The butterflies were taking over his stomach. He was so nervous. He took a deep breath and walked inside. He followed the signs until he found the room. He reached the door and wanted to run. Baby steps Gil, Baby steps. One breath in and he opened the door and steeped inside. All eyes in the room were on him, he felt like he was on display. He took a seat near the back and scanned the crowd.

Dr Duluth was there. She was the facilitator. Looking to his right he saw Judge Reinhardt. He is a sex addict? There were two lawyers. A few college professors there were even a Baptist Minister. Maybe I’m not so different.

Dr Duluth went to the front of the room. “Good evening,” She began. “I’m Peggy. I’ll be your facilitator. I’m a recovering sex addict.”

Grissom’s head shot up. She is a sex addict, or was a sex addict.

“I want to welcome you all here. We have a few new members here with us tonight, will you please stand up and tell us a bit about yourself, please.” She looked to Grissom.

Hesitantly Grissom stood up. He cleared his throat. “I’m Gil. And I’m a…” He swallowed hard. “I’m a sex addict.” He sat down quickly.

“Welcome Gil.” Came from the crowd.

He felt like he was on display but at the same time he felt liberated. The guy in front of him stood up. “I’m Dave. I’m a sex addict.” Dave was a tall, thin man with a beard. His brown eyes were lighter than Sara’s but darker than Nick’s. His beard was longer than Grissom’s and his hair was lengthy in the back and thin on top. He was dressed in an old pair of jeans and cowboy boots matched with a denim jacket. He spoke with a Texas drawl. It reminded him of Nick but thinner with way more hair. All he was missing was the horse; Grissom was sure his hat was here somewhere.

Welcomes came from the crowd. They went on to discuss many different things. Seemed most of them had similar habits. There were some with worse habits than him. He was beginning to finally feel better about himself.

At the end of the session Dr Duluth pulled him aside to talk to him. “Grissom, it is nice to see you. I’m glad you came.”

“Me too.” He admitted.

“Do you feel better about things?”

“A little yes.” He looked at the floor. “I didn’t know you were a sex addict.”

“Yes, I was worse than you at one point in my life. It took me a while to get over it. The best people to teach about things like this are the ones who have been through it themselves. They make much better counsellors.”

“I guess.”

“Well, Grissom, I will see you next week.”

He nodded. “I have to be going to work.”