A new start

''Oh my god! My eyes hurt! I will never be able to cope with that view! Oh, oh!'' Greg held a hand over his eyes, pretending to be shocked for life. But the big grin on his lips gave his words the lie.

''Make yourself scarce, Greg! You're unnerving!'' Luka groaned, his face an angry mask.

John didn't want anything else than to hide completely, till to his last lock, under the blanket. But unfortunately the corners were stuck firmly between Luka's cramped fingers and it didn't look as if the man would volunteer to let loose.

''I see.'' Greg took his hand away from his eyes and began to giggle. „But please...“ Greg became serious. „Stop doing it here. If the boss or one of our patients notice that you use every break to get busy... Well, I don‘t want you to lose your jobs. Besides, you are here to save lifes, not to scare people to death.“

''GREG!! GO!'' Luka seemed seriously mad now. But Greg didn't care. At all.

''Oh guys, you're such a cute couple. So sweet and a big girly love. That's so funny.'' He chuckled, starting to make a little silly dance. ''John and Luka are sitting on a tr...bed.''

''Fuck the shut up!'' Luka shouted and threw his shoe at the black man.

''Ugh Luka, don‚t freak.'' John shook his head. ''What's gotten into you?''

''NOBODY calls me cute! Or says I would be in a girly relationship! I am a man. A man! Don't you understand?!'' Luka hissed angrily in John's ear.

Greg, who was still in a very silly mood, was not even aware of Luka being REALLY cross. ''Okay I don't want to disturb you two lovebirds any longer. I'll go again, and stop to dirty our locker room. '' He laughed.

''Dirty the locker room? Huh? What about that?'' Abby suddenly entered the room, looking confused.

''Oh shit, what..?'' She blurted out when she saw John and Luka together. Her chin dropped to the floor and she starred, starred and starred.

''Abby, close your mouth. You look silly.'' Greg smiled and tipped on his friend's jaw-bone.

''You are really together, like a couple? Luka, didn't you tell us that this thing in the patient‘s room was only a one-time-experiment? How many experiments did you already....No wait! I don't want to know it!'' Abby was able to talk again, but she still looked like she just had found the eighth wonder of the world.

''Okay, yeah, I confess we had sex more than one time! Could you go now, you morons?''

Luka was still mumbling obsceneties when Greg and Abby were long gone already.

''Maybe I should go..'' John began timidly.

First it seemed as if Luka hadn't heard him, but then the older man turned to him.

''Why?''

''I thought..''

''John, don't think that much! What can we change now? So they know. Bah! It's not forbidden or unmanly to have good sex“

''Oh. Does that mean you are not mad?'' To say that Luka's reaction was a surprise for John was surely still an understatement. The poor man was utterly shocked, and got even more scared when Luka suddenly yelled.

''I AM mad! Those 'Oh so mature' comments from our colleagues. I want to kick their ass! Badly!''

''I should go.'' John was about to leave when he heard Luka laughing out loud.

''Did you see Abby‘s face? Man we did scare her! Ha, I guess the girl had been too blind to see what was going on between us. I don't know what planet she is walking on. But she never notice anything.'' Luka started to shake with laughter.

John sat there, confused, and didn't know if he should join in the laughter. Was it a good or a bad laugh? But Luka made it easy for him this time. He boxed him slightly on the shoulder, still guffawing till he had tears in his eyes.

''Don't you think that was funny?''

And finally John dared to giggle as well. In fact, this situation was pretty comical. He was so happy that even Luka could see the humour here. And that he hadn't finish their relationship. Perhaps he had appraised Luka the wrong way? Yet he had been sure to really KNOW Luka. But that was finally a good reason to have been wrong.

++++

In the next days Luka seemed to get more comfortable with their relationship. It was true that he still refused to hold John's hand or to show up in public with him, but that was understandable. The 'Hand holding thing' looked too girlish for Luka, and telling everybody about them was not a good idea either. It was too risky for their job and career and they still had so many plans to realize. And they were not only responsible for themselve, but for the good repute of the Hospital as well.

So yeah, that was okay. Since they were caught, Luka was more open and didn't always deny that he was together with John. But the younger man wished that Luka would be a bit more tender sometimes. Yeah, the sex was still good between them, and from time to time Luka even kissed him when one of their friends stood next to them. But John missed the small gestures of affection. Maybe a silly love card or some sweet talking. But nothing ever came! Luka didn't seem to realize that John wanted more. So he had to takes steps and pep up their relationship himself.

It was not easy to choose the right flowers. Several times John grabbed a huge bunch of red roses, only to bring them back again before the saleswoman saw him. He got a credit note for a romantic candle-light dinner in a small, but fantastic restaurant on the beach. The breath-taking view over the sea must Luka make slip into a romantic mood, and maybe he would even say the famous three words.

John smiled and starred at the flowers in the bucket again. He wanted to hand over something with the credit note. But could a guy give another guy something like red roses? Or was it too girlish how Luka would probably say again? John wished he would have more experiences with men. But in his highschool years he never dared to confess himself that he was gay. So he always went out with girls and wondered why he had never fun. And why all of his friends gushed about the great nights with their girlfriends whilst he didn't feel anything special at all. Only later, after several one-night-stands with some random guys, he knew why he never got turned on by girls. But unfortunately he had never had a real relationship with a man. And now he was not sure what guys liked and what not.

He sighed deeply and finally decided to take the roses. After all it was a sign of love. So Luka couldn't flip out, could he? He would be feel loved and that was all what mattered.

---

At the end of his shift Luka had lost his first patient this day. It was only a little boy of 5 years. Luka was sad and frustrated that they haven‘t been able to safe his life. What a Doctor was he if he let a little child dying under his hands?

„I bring you home.“ Abby offered, not wanting Luka going alone in the dark mood he was

Abby still stayed at Luka‘s appartment for a weile, trying to console him. Suddenly the bell rang.

As Luka opened the door, he didn't see anything but red roses. The bunch was so big that the man behind it was almost invisible. Only the brown hair that rose above some blossoms finally told Luka who the bearer was.

''John, what the fuck is that?''

John almost dropped the flowers at Luka's harsh tone. The face of his lover looked everything but enthusiastic. Like so many times lately it was a reaction of Luka that he didn't expect at all.

''I brought you some roses.''

''God yeah, I see that John!'' Luka moaned. ''But why do you bring me those roses?''

''Because you are my boyfriend. And I want to show my boyfriend that I love him with some small gestures.'' John snapped back. He was deeply offended that Luka didn't seem to appreciate his idea of romantic. The atmosphere was perceptibly getting colder.

It was time for Abby to cheer the two hotheads up again. Unfortunately she chose the completely wrong words for it.

''I guess, Luka you are the girl here! Only girls get the flowers. So that is finally cleared. Take the flowers and have a party!''

Luka lost it. First he couldn't save a little patient and now Abby called him a girl. His friends were making fun of him, and unnecessarily his knee began to hurt again because the sex was too rough last night. Everything only happened because of John! He was fed up. Completely and utterly fed up! He didn't need John anymore! He had so much sex in the last couple of weeks that it seemed enough for like the rest of his life. It was time to finish this all here and now!

''John, I'm not your boyfriend! Do you really think I would be in love with you or something, only because I slept with you? God you are stupid! You have been a fuck buddy for me only! Nothing more. And stop with your silly gestures! RED ROSES? John, red roses for a guy? That is such a gay thing. But I'm not gay and I won't ever be! We will break up that...whatever we had in the last weeks. The end!''

John felt like he would die. He could hear his heart breaking in millions of little pieces so that nobody would ever be able to patch it up again.

He threw the roses to the floor. He wanted to scream and tell Luka what a brutal bastard he was, but he couldn't speak anymore. The words got lost somewhere in his tight throat.

What should he do now? He would never be able to forget what happened today. It would haunt him every day and make him die slowly. But John hated slow cruel deaths. He wanted it to be over quickly, never be confronted with his pain ever again! And so his legs suddenly seemed to move from alone.

He still heard the screams of Abby behind him, but his legs didn't stand still. They couldn't. They ran through crowded streets and past big buildings, over meadows and through pools. They brought him exactly were he wanted to be - on the highest bridge of the city.

Here he finally was able to stop. Breathing heavily he bent over the railing and watched the dark widly streaming water.