The Trials of Gods

            “A pretty girl like you shouldn’t be eating all alone.” Tears streamed down her cheeks,
soaking the pillow as fleeting images and sensations cascaded before her eyes in the dark. Alone
and shivering in her bed, she recalled that the silken caress of his gelatinous form had felt so real
against her dream-self’s flesh. Her body tingled with the urgent need that had been awoken by her
vivid dream. As she closed her eyes, she could hear his gravely voice whispering promises of
eternal love and devotion in her ears as he worshiped at the temple that was her body. Sobbing
softly, she rolled onto her side and sought her escape in the dreams that had delivered her so
readily before from the cold reality of her life. Squeezing her eyes shut against the harsh reality of
the memories that was besieged against her, she feverishly clung to the to the flimsy flights of
fancy that carried her away into fantasy where her beloved awaited her only a dream away. The
memories of the day rallied around her, dragging her back into the cold embrace of reality as they
one by one assaulted her and crumbled her fragile defenses.

            Kira Nerys had sprinted down the length of the docking ring until she had reached the
airlock where the Dominion envoy ship was docked at and had waited breathlessly to catch a
glimpse of him as the Gamma Quadrant diplomats had disembarked. She had felt her fragile heart
shatter upon the realization that he wasn’t amongst their numbers. Masking her pain, she had
forced herself to perform her duties in light of the fact that her heart was breaking yet again. After
greeting the Dominion delegation with all the respect that was commanded by Starfleet protocol,
she had escaped to her quarters to cry over his absence once again.

            Admitting that sleep, for the night at least, was going to elude her, Kira rolled over her
bed with a heavy sigh. “Quarter lights,” as soon as the words had left her mouth the computer
responded. In the dim lighting, she wandered aimlessly into her sitting room. The lateness of the
hour reassured her that despite her current state of undress that she wouldn’t be having any
unexpected visitors. Leaning against the wall for support, “raktajino with two measures of kava.”
The replicator hummed in response as it produced her order. Gingerly grasping the mug, she
aimlessly wandered across the room and collapsed on the sofa, tucking her right leg beneath her.

            After Odo’s departure to cure his people of Section 31's engineered plague and to try to
educate them in regards to the modern universe, solids in general; Kira’s restless nights had been
haunted with dreams of her absent Changeling lover. While her mind understood his absence, her
continuously breaking heart could not. She had tried on numerous occasions, with the enthusiastic
support of both Doctor Bashir and Dax, to move on with her life. The problems that she faced
was the fact that where ever she went, Kira would recall a conversation or an incident in this
corridor or that. She would her his voice softly speaking her name as she passed by the Security
Office on the station’s promenade, or remember an off-handed comment that he had made. In
short, the station itself reminded her of what she had sacrificed: what they had sacrificed.

            Late at night, when sleep evaded her, Kira couldn’t help but feel like laughing at the self-pitying figure that she had become. She felt guilty for hating him; Hating him because all she had
to look forward to was an empty cabin and a cold bed. During the day she felt like a traitor to him
when she would cast an appraising eye on one man or another who crossed paths with her. When
she had confided to Dax, the young Trill had seen right through her. “Did he say that he would
return in a year? Two years? Three or four? Nerys, you need to move on. Odo wouldn’t want to
be a source of pain for you, he’d want you to be happy.” Grimacing at the memory, she wiped a
rogue tear from her cheek. Kira rationalized that if anyone knew the truth behind Dax’s advice, it
was herself. To date, Kira never knew the final count on how many times that Odo had sacrificed
chance after chance to let her know exactly how he had felt about her and had placed her own
happiness above and beyond anything else. What little she did know, shattered the remnants of her
broken heart. Kira hated herself, because afterwards she would curse him in every language that
she knew for not speaking up sooner and for not giving them the chance to be together longer
then a few too short months.

            Vivid images of Gaia floated to the surface of her mind, memories of a settlement that had
ceased to exist; too never exist, because she needed a life-saving treatment that could only be had
back on Deep Space Nine. Kira remembered the two hundred plus version of her best friend and
former lover and how the present, the now Odo, had slowly began to blossom in a bittersweet and
ghostly resemblance shortly before his return to the Great Link. In a blink of an eye, the memories
shifted to another set; equally painful in hindsight. Whether it was the generosity of the Prophets
or not, Kira found herself reliving the death of Vedek Bareil as his brain had slowly shut down;
gradually killing him as he lay prone on the bio-bed in the infirmary. His unnecessary loss had only
served to fuel the hatred for the then-Kai Winn, which resulted in the less then sympathetic
feelings of loss when word had filtered back to the station that her body had been discovered in
the now dormant Fire Caves. But through it all, he was there; there to comfort and listen to her
through the tears and frustrations. Odo had been the wall at her back, the rock on which she
leaned on during whatever crisis her life was going through. Through it all, he had been a
constant, one that she had taken for granted numerous times and not that he was gone, Kira felt
herself spiraling into nothingness with no hope of there being someone to catch her.

            Cautiously drawing a test sip from her steaming mug, Kira fought the strong urge to spit
the boiling hot liquid from her mouth as it scolded her tongue and the roof of her mouth. It
seemed to Kira that the Prophets themselves were trying to subtly tell her something, despite the
lack of an Orb for which to facilitate their communications. Wincing at the discomfort caused by
the raktajino’s temperature, she conceded that perhaps Winn had been in her own way following
the will of Bajor’s Prophets despite the fact that she had used the office of her people’s most
powerful spiritual figurehead to further her own gains. “The Prophets work in mysterious ways,”
Captain Sisko had once commented off-handedly during a conversation with the station’s vedek
at the time. Kira found herself agreeing with the man that Kai Opeka had recognized for all time
as the Emissary. Kira blew gently on the surface of the raktajino as her thoughts and memories
continued to take her mind back down the worn beaten path into the past. The surface rippled
gently, tugging on another memory from her past.

            As they made their way to an alien-looking amber lake, Kira absently noted that despite
the obvious evidence of flora there was no sun to light their way on the planet’s surface. As if
they were of a single mind, both she and Odo had come to an abrupt stop at the lake’s edges.
Kira gazed with wide-eyed wonder into the horizon as the calm lake seemed to stretch beyon,
before glances over at her companion. She watched as her Shapeshifter friend gazed into the
golden body before them, seemingly transfixed with wondrous joy. The sound of moving liquid
drew her attention back to the shimmering lake and she watched in a mixture of joy and pleasure
as several pillars erupted from the calm surface. Slowly the columns seemed to melt and sculpt
themselves simultaneously into a rough statuesque form before gradually carving details that
morphed into unfinished faces similar to the one that Odo wore.

            Kira noted that while their bodies were more detailed, mimicking the differences between
male and female by the shape and size of the curvatures, they had fashioned simply Bajoran
style tunics. Perhaps for Odo’s benefit? She had thought at the time as she watched the nearest
one, who appeared to be female, glide across the surface the amber lake without causing the
simplest ripple. Kira bit back the bitter taste of being ignored, unwilling to ruin the moment for
her friend. “Welcome home,” the female shapeshifter had said to an overwhelmed Odo.

            Tears stung Kira’s eyes as the memory was abruptly banished back to the recesses of her
mind. After the life he had been forced into leading, separated from those of his own kind and
then to be persecuted when his choices went against the collective demand, Kira couldn’t stop
herself from wishes that Odo had never found his people to begin with. Long before she had
known of the true extent of his feelings for her, Kira had felt his hurt at the discover of exactly
who his people were. She had tried to show him that despite who his people were, he wasn’t like
them and that he did indeed have very strong links outside of the Great Link.

            Drinking a comforting sip from the cooled off raktajino, she gently rocked herself. While
she still didn’t know the full rationalizations behind his initial rejection of his people, Kira had
finally wrangled it out of him that she had been the catalyst one night after they had been together
for a few weeks. She had accepted that part of his decision had been based upon who his people
really were, but Kira didn’t know the rest. Sighing, “and I probably never will.” She had never
pressured him for answers, answers that he had been obviously unwilling to give, and had settled
for that part of him that he would only share with her in the privacy in either one of their quarters.
By the time that he had decided that it was time to return, there wasn’t a part of him that Kira
didn’t know and she had felt honored that he had shared himself completely with her. Looking
down at the beverage in her hands, Kira set the mug on the table. The raktajino had grown too
cold and she found herself no longer in the mood for it.

            From the corner of her eye, Kira noted something glistening on her prayer mandala.
Turning her head slightly, she gasped as a shimmer of golden liquid shot into the air and was
swallowed by the ceiling over her quarters. Stumbling over her own feet, Kira unceremoniously
crashed to the floor as the liquid disappeared over head. As she cursed at herself, she hobbled into
her bedroom as she called out. “Security, report to Colonel Kira’s quarters, intruder alert! Watch
out, it’s a Changeling!” As she slipped the sash around her robe into a tight knot, Kira wondered
if it had been Odo lurking there. But why would he conceal his presence, Nerys? She shook her
head sadly, remembering that there were only three Founders aboard the station and neither were
hers.

            She had just finished the final loop on her robe when Kira heard her quarter’s door open
and the distinct sound of footsteps. “Colonel Kira, where is he?” Lieutenant Nimoy asked as he
approached her, his phaser hanging limply at his side.

            The Bajoran Colonel stared in exasperation at the station’s current Starfleet security chief.
“The Changeling just disappeared into my ceiling.” The Bajoran deputies quickly set themselves
the task of scanning every micro-inch of Kira’s quarters.

            “With all due respect, Colonel, that’s not possible.” Bajoran Deputy N’eerg said, “I just
spoke with Ambassador Tsubasa outside of Quark’s and he informed me that the other two
Founders where resting in their suites. Sir, I know that they can move fast, but I don’t think that
even they can move that fast.”

            “So, I’m hallucinating then? Perhaps there is more then the three Founders that we are
aware of on this station. And since when do we take the word of a Founder over the station’s
commander?!” Kira snapped as she drew the robe tighter against her lean frame. Whirling on her
chief of security, “question the Founders. Find out where they have been since they’ve come on
board the station. I also what you to speak with Doctor Bashir, have him help you track their
movements using the station’s internal sensors. As I understand, every living thing leaves behind a
cellular trail.”

            “Don’t worry, Colonel. Believe it or not, I do know how to do my job. However, I am
deeply sorry that I am not in the same caliber as your Constable Odo. It seems to me that I lack
his unique...skills.” Lieutenant Nimoy said dryly. He held up his hand to stall her outraged
protests. “But rest assured that I will throughly question our Gamma Quadrant guests, though I
can’t quite believe that they’ve traveled ninety thousand light years just to satisfy a voyeuristic
kink.”

            Kira fumed silently as Nimoy’s personnel quickly wrapped up their scans and followed him
out of her quarters. Feeling exposed and naked, Kira grabbed some clothes from her wardrobe.
She stood in the middle of her bedroom, looking uncertain back and forth between her bathroom
and door to her quarters. Abruptly her started walking of their own accord, taking her through
her quarters and out the door. It was as though an outside force was controlling her, guiding her
way through the officers’ section of the Habitat Ring. Looking up, Kira nearly jumped out of her
skin as she realized where her feet had unconsciously led her to. Fresh tears spilled down her
cheeks as she punched in the access code as she held the small bundle of clothing tightly to her
chest.

            Stepping across the threshold, Kira fell to her knees and sobbed. Despite the lack of
furnishings, she could still feel the ghost of his presence lingering. Sniffling, she crawled through
the quarters and into the bathroom. After starting the sonic shower, Kira peeled off her robe and
tossed it into the recycler before stepping into the sonic shower. The Bajoran slumped against the
stall’s wall as sobs wracked her lean body once agin. “Odo where are you?!” Kira pounded the
walls alternating only to kick out at them before collapsing to the floor, her legs tucked beneath
her as her body assumed a prayer-like posture. “Prophets, watch over him and guide him as his
destiny has taken him far from the gates of the Celestial Temple. Keep my heart in health, ease his
pain and keep him safe.” Kira’s voice broke with emotion before she fell silent, willing the gods of
her people to hear her prayer.

            Turning the shower off, Kira wearily slipped on the bundle of clothes that she’d brought
on her trek from her own quarters. Fresh tears collected at the rims of her eyes as she noticed that
for the first time the quarters wasn’t as empty as she had previously thought. Kira flung herself
down on the bed tucked up against the wall and curled in on herself into a fetal position. The
swell of moisture in her eyes overflowed and spilled down her cheeks to soak into the pillow. In
between gut wrenching sobs, Kira yawned. As sleep crept upon her, Kira’s thoughts stayed with
the shapeshifting thief who had stolen her heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            A groan escaped her lips as her eyes moved rapidly behind closed lids. Kira tossed her
head back and forth as her hands clutched the bedding tightly, her knuckles turning a ghastly
shade of white. Her legs kicked out, trying in vain to strike invisible assailants from her dream.
“No, Odo!” Kira screamed as her sleeping body threshed around in response to the dream events.
Abruptly Kira jerked upright, a fine sheen of sweat coating her body as she willed her racing heart
to slow. “Odo,” she whispered into the darkness engulfing her. Kira’s brow furrowed as she tried
to recall scrapes of dream memory.

            “Shh, Nerys, it was only a bad dream.” A familiar gravely voice whispered into her ear as
strong arms encircled her and held her tightly.

            Surrendering instantly, Kira snuggled against the lean form of her lover. Lying her head on
his collarbone, she sighed contentedly. “I’ve missed you, Odo, more then I can possibly ever tell
you.”

            “I know, Nerys, but must move on and find someone who can make you happy.”

            A soft smile made its way onto her face as she relished the feel of his fingers stroking her
hair. “There’s no one, my love.” Shifting so that she lay half on him, “how could there be? A pagh
has but two pieces that perfectly match in every conceivable way and you’re my missing piece.”

            “Nerys, please...”

            “Odo, let’s not fight. We’ve been apart for four years and I, for one, don’t want to spoil
our reunion.” Kira yawned as her lover rested his chin on the top of her head.

            “Sleep, Nerys, I’ll be here to watch over you.” Odo whispered softly as he drew a blanket
over her.

            Yawning, “but I am.” Sighing softly, she snuggled contentedly against her phantom lover
and drifted into a dreamless sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Disguised as an elderly Vulcan, Odo passed by his old office. Superstitiously, he glanced
inside and absently noted the absence of security personnel manning the office. His pace
quickened as the roar of the crowd from within called to him. Feeling a rush of adrenaline
coursing through his being as beneath the “solid” exterior of his form tiny ripples cascaded
through his body. “Four years is a long time, I wonder...I just wonder what kind of reaction I can
get out of you, Quark.” He muttered softly to himself as he reached the threshold of the Frengi’s
gambling establishment.