Dangerous Infatuation

A/N: I have the feeling that I repeat myself, do I? Gosh, I am confused but I am on a run so I keep on writing.


Chapter21: Waking up with hope

He had slept for hours. Waking up was difficult and he felt weak and drowsy. His body seemed to need more time to respond to him since his mind was becoming impatient struggling to wake. Nobody was there when he opened his eyes.
Adam wasn’t in the lab and for a moment he thought about calling him over his com-link but he’d cast the thought aside. Jesse doubted that Adam would tell him the truth.

Tired, he pulled his hand close to his mouth. Speaking just above a whisper not loud enough to open the Link, he cleared his throat before he was able to speak.
“Shal? Can you hear me Shal?”
His luck not any better then Adam’s; Jesse got no answer.
‘Ok’, he thought, ‘Let’s try the alternative’

Sitting up was a difficult thing to do, every muscle in his body ached and his head started spinning. Desperately, he kept his eyes open while he took one deep breath after the other. The dizziness fading after a while, so he tried his luck and dared to stand up.
His knees felt like rubber but his sheer will held him upright. The first few steps were ok but when he reached the door he was actually ready to sit down again.
‘No. I have to find her!’
Using his hands and the wall as support, he stumbled more then he walked through the hall. He was almost there. He could already see the door to Shalimar’s room.
For a second he closed his eyes to regain his strength but it wasn’t enough; Jesse lost his balance and fell down, landing hard on the floor, bringing Brennan out from the kitchen.
Somehow, Jesse managed to climb to his feet again before his partner appeared beside him. His body was covered in sweat from the effort it cost him. Breathing heavily, he leaned back against the wall, Brennan’s hands holding him in a strong grip so he wouldn’t fall again.
“What the hell are you doing here? You need to go back and lay down.”
Jesse freed himself from Brennan’s grip, surprising him with the strength with which he had done it pushing him back.
“No!”
He staggered on, leaving the last few yards slowly behind.
“Jesse, don’t…”
Brennan’s voice sounded worried and sad while he took hold of Jesse’s shoulder. He managed to keep him from fallwhenwhen he lost his balance again.
Jesse couldn’t speak anymore. He needed all of his breath to keep on going. Trembling from the exertion as his hand reached for the doorknob. Slowly, he turned the knob, hearing Brennan’s voice again.
“Jesse, please.”
The door opened peering into the dark room.
“Shalimar?”
His voice was barely a whisper, sounding tired and breathless. He switched the light on, squinting from the sudden brightness.
He swayed and would have fallen if it wasn’t for Brennan.
The room was empty. Emma had cleaned the rest of her clothes from the floor away and it looked deserted and almost sterile.
Jesse turned, looking at his friend as he tried to fight back the fear welling up in his gut, fearing the response he would get from his friend.
“She’s gone Jesse!”
That being said and Jesse’s reserves all used up he blacked out, leaving Brennan to break his fall.


Tbc

Chapter22: Behind Blue Eyes

Slender fingers caressed his head and played languidly with his hair. The hand belonged to a woman for its touch was soft, very gentle and it was nice to wake up to. A small sigh vanishing into the warmth of the body holding him close escaped the wakening Mutant.
He felt loved and protected and without clear consciousness, he pushed himself a little deeper into the caring embrace.
‘It’s ok, I am here Jesse.’
The sweet voice filled his mind and would not let him bring back the painful memories, which tried to push themselves into awareness. A relaxing feeling washed over Jesse and bathed him in delicious comfort.
His tired body told him to simply let go and fall back to sleep. His mind just wanted to hold onto the person who was spreading all this love over him like wings, permitting him shelter with them he needed more than anything else in the moment.
Jesse knew that is was not Shalimar holding him. Even through his exhaustion and the support he was receiving, he clearly remembered the empty room he’d seen.
Tears started to dwell in his eyes and another rush of comfort swept through his body. Effortless, Jesse opened his eyes though his body ached and his heart wept with loss. Blue eyes meet his, filled with tenderness and understanding. He couldn’t help it but his tears streamed freely now down his cheeks.
The hand, which had played with his hair before swept over his face and caught the silver drops of water.
Although Jesse had closed his eyes again, he could still see the bright blue ones looking at him. He heard the voice in his head again together with soothing caresses for his wounded soul.
‘I will keep them for you.’
Keep what, Jesse wanted to ask when he saw the hand in front of his inner eye. It opened slowly and on its palm were his tears in form of little crystals.
‘They are too valuable to be shed so easily.’
A silent sob escaped Jesse before he finally surrendered to Emma’s visions and fell asleep again.

~~~~~~~

When Jesse woke up the next time, Emma was still by his side. He laid beside her now but her hand had kept the contact, warm, soothing and comforting. She knew that he was awake but she waited patiently for him to tell her.
“Emma?”
He didn’t move when he finally spoke.
“Yes?”
“What if she’s not coming back?”
His voice was filled with deeply felt pain. His shoulders shivered slightly under Emma’s fingers.
“We will find her.”
She wanted hoiceoice to sound convincing but it was not.
“What if we don’t? What if… she doesn’t want to be found?”
Emma’s eyes grew wide under his words. Slowly, they filled with the sadness heard in Jesse’s voice before the feeling was over floating, streaming in silvery paths down her cheeks.
Her fingers dug almost painful in Jesse’s shoulder without her even noticing. Soft little cries filled the room between them before she answered him.
“I don’t know, Jesse, I don’t know…”
He flinched slightly, as well from her words than from her crying but she only pulled him close into her arms again.
“But whatever will happen, just remember, I’ll always be there for you. We all are.”
Jesse hid his face in the crook of her neck and only the wetness on Emma’s skin spoke of the emotions raging deep inside the young man.


Tbc


Chapter23: Lost and Found

“In moments of fear and darkness, you covered me with light and hope”

The moment when Jesse woke up should not have been the last one full of sad emotions. The days passed by and slowly, Jesse’s body recovered from the devilish wounds forced into him. His soul did not. It was not completed and would not before he could hold Shalimar in his arms, close to his aching heart again. Tell her, what he wanted to tell her desperately.
So Jesse simply waited patiently for the words that would finally heal him. But with every minute of every day that passed he fell more silent. Emma couldn’t find a trace as often as she let her mind wander out in search of the Feral.
The thought that they would never find her began to burn itself into Jesse’s mind.
Adam was very concerned about him. He looked lost and like he’d almost given up hope whenever Adam watched him. Jesse would listen to the comforting and encouraging words Adam tried to give him but at the same time, he showed no hints of believing into them.
Two, three times they thought that one of their spies had found a sign of Shalimar’s hiding place. Anxious, they made Doe Double Helix clear for the start. Jesse couldn’t join Emma and Brennan when they flew out to look for her. His recovery wasn’t that quick so he had to wait impatiently for their return.
Adam thought it would break his heart every time when they came back without her and he had to tell him that she wasn’t where she thought she would be.
Jesse’s face mirrored a mask and he just nodded. He didn’t cry. He never did since the day when he woke up next to Emma. Adam wished that he would.

Six long weeks passed and with every day gone, their hope to find her sank lower. Jesse hid in his room for most of the time, brooding and hoping for a wonder. Adam was surprised to find him sitting by the pond one fine day. Well, he wasn’t really sitting. The look on his face was tense and his body was taut like the string of a bow.
“Hey Jesse.”
Jesse just looked up at Adam with still tired eyes, nodding slightly.
“Let me have a look on your wounds.”
They were healed already and Adam knew this but Jesse didn’t mind the older man taking his hands. Adam’s fingers caressed the scars on his wrist with tendss wss without causing Jesse to relax ever so lightly.
“Tell me what’s on your mind.”
Jesse shook his shoulders. He didn’t know what to say.
“Tell me something. Anything. Jesse open up a little to me or I can’t help you.”
Jesse lifted his head and his eyes met Adam’s. His lips twitched a little and he looked like he would start crying every moment. He didn’t. Instead, he swallowed and pulled back from Adam. But Adam held his hands very tightly. He wouldn’t let him go now when he was trying to spent comfort with his presence.
On the verge of pulling further away he stayed, staring wide-eyed at the man who tried to help him.
“You want to know what’s on my mind? You really want to know?”
Adam just nodded, not letting go of Jesse for a single moment.
“I am scared to death. Every time I was scared so far, she was there to bring me hope and guide me through. She was the light when darkness simply seemed to overwhelm me. Now she is gone and I don’t know where she is. I don’t know if she’s ok or if she’d fallen into darkness like I did in the last few weeks. I wish that I coue the the light for her and bring her the hope she gave me so many times. To give her the strength to turn around and come back home!”
Adam stared at Jesse in shock. The rush of emotions was something he had wished to find but never actually expected to discover.
He took some deep breaths before he had calmed down enough to find a clear thought. Their conversation was disturbed before he could answer Jesse. Brannan ran towards them with an excited look on his face.
“I think we found her.” He told them breathless.
“You said this before.”
Sad, hurt with just the smallest hint of interest in his voice. Adam nodded in agreement but excitement rushed through him.
“I want facts. Speak.”
Brennan looked down on the paper he held in his hands before he answered.
“The man who saw her is one of my old ‘friends’. He knows Shal and he would have sworn that it was she. He gave me the address.”
Jesse reached out for the paper and Brennan handed it to him. After casting a look on it, he faced Brennan again.
“Can you trust him?” Jesse’s voice shivered a little because a small light of hope suddenly appeared in the dark emptiness of his heart.
Brennan only nodded.
“She can’t be hiding that close, or?” Adam asked in wonder about the distance.
“Maybe she thought that we would not find her there?” Brennan suggested.
“Anyway, you and Emma can take the car and…”
Jesse interrupted him fiercely. “No, I will take the car. If she’s there than I will find her and bring her home.”
Adam didn’t approve with Jesse’s idea. But a single look into his face told him otherwise. It didn’t matter how he would ague with Jesse, there was no chance that he was able to stop him.
“All right. I want you to stay in contact and let us know every little detail you see. And if you are not feeling good, you come back immediately.”
Jesse was already on his way to the garage when Adam had finished his last words. All he could do was wait and hope for a good end…

Tbc