Occupation of the Mind

Chapter Four

I longed for a change of scenery.  Anything to escape the incessant gloom.  I listened every day to customers requesting holosuite time, Quark marketing specific programs to interested customers.  I had even been helping Rom service the holosuites as needed.  I wondered if some time away without being away would help. 

At the end of my shift, I waited for Quark to be done speaking with a customer, before approaching.  “Quark? May I use a holosuite?”

“Well that’s a first. Just as long as you’re not expecting a freebie ‘cause you work for me.” 

“Of course not.” 

“Alright then,” he rubbed his hands together.  “What catches your fancy?”

“I’d like to be somewhere scenic. Somewhere on Bajor?”

“That it? I’ve got some very interesting programs you could try. You seem to be a little lonely to be honest.” 

“Thanks, but I don’t need interesting. I just want somewhere quiet to be for a while.”

“Sure… But just in case you change your mind, we have all sorts of programs…no judgments.”  

“Thanks. I don’t think those are for me though.”

“Don’t knock it til you try it,” he advised while scrolling through his collection with a small grin on his face.

-*-

It had been a while since I’d had the sensation of long grass brushing my ankles.  I’d taken off my shoes to feel the earth beneath my feet again.  I closed my eyes and breathed in the fresh outside air, the yellow of the sun warming my skin.  I sat, gentle breeze brushing my hair over my shoulders. 

There was a patch of red-tipped, orange flowers with long pointed petals and purple leaves.  I recognized them.  There were some in the field near where I grew up.  It was a pretty, but hardy plant.  We called them Vedek’s Stars.  I glanced up at the flapping of wings and watched the birds fly overhead.  I smiled.  It had been so long since I’d seen the outside.  Years.  Stuck inside these walls in the middle of space. 

I laid back and got lost in the brush, looking up at the dusky blue sky.  I remembered staring up, dirt sticking to my damp skin as a dull hunger gnawed at me.  I remembered the distant voices, hushed tones, cries, while I tried to disappear for a bit.  I remembered my mother whispering reassurances out of earshot of our “caregivers” that the Prophets would guide us through.  I remembered looking up with the sense that the Prophets were watching over us.  But I knew now that the only ones who had ever been watching were the Cardassians. 

“So? How was it?” Quark asked as I returned to him. 

“It was nice,” I smiled, chest tightening. 

I went back to my room and laid back on the bed closed my eyes and held the fresh memory in my mind.  I remembered my home.  I remembered my parents laid out in front of it. 

Thus began my escapes.  I started using the holosuite after hours during clean-up.  I would walk the same plains and pine away.  I couldn’t remember a peaceful Bajor without Cardassians, but I remembered the landscape—at least our little piece of it.  It’d always be home to me for all its flaws.  For all its tragedies. 

I could probably have asked Gul Dukat what my parents had done, but I doubt I would get a wholly honest answer.  I’m not sure it mattered anyway.  I knew that it was something against the occupation—knowing what it was specifically wouldn’t change anything, wouldn’t give me any more closure or satisfaction.  I think I preferred to leave that behind me.  Just another tragedy on a planet of sorrows.