The Bermuda Triangle

Chapter 4

The strains of Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” blared out from the cassette player as Jackie, clad in her green Adidas tracksuit, performed her step aerobics. She had cooked dinner for Rose, a Shepherd’s Pie, and loaned her some clothes, make-up and an unused toothbrush that she had bought in a pack of two. Rose had now been stuck in the past for three days, and was beginning to worry that the Doctor might never return for her.

“So, have you worked out when you’re going back yet?” Jackie said between breaths.

Rose had told Jackie that she had phoned her fictitious parents and explained that she was staying with a friend for a few days.

"You're welcome to stay for as long as you like, though", she continued. Rose considered the possibility, however, that her mother might just be being friendly.

“Do you really want me to?” she asked, not wanting to outstay her welcome.

“Yeah,” she said quickly, “it’s fine darling, stay as long as you like.”

Rose smiled. It was 7:30 in the evening, and past little Rose’s bedtime. It was no wonder the poor little thing was never tired, Rose realised, for Jackie’s loud music wasn't exactly conducive to winding down and getting ready for bed. The little girl was beginning to get accustomed to her older self’s presence, and was starting to become less shy and get a little chattier around her.

Rose and her younger self were currently building a house out of LEGO bricks. She had adored playing with LEGO as a child, and remembered having a large red bucket of the stuff that her gran had bought her. Sure enough, she had found it sitting on a shelf in her younger self’s room.

Little Rose was far too young for it, she now realised, as the label clearly said, ‘Suitable for Ages 3+’, but she saw no harm in letting the child play with it under supervision. She suddenly wondered what would happen though, if she were to turn her back for a second allowing her infant self to swallow a piece and choke to death. Would she wink out of existence? Would that create some sort of temporal paradox?

She was startled from this morbid line of thinking by Jackie asking, “Do you want a drink?”

“Yes please,” she answered.

“Well, what do you say we get this little madam bathed and to bed, and we can sit and have a drink and a natter?”

Rose wondered now what the woman meant by ‘drink’. “Um, OK. Do you want me to do it?”

Jackie regarded her for a moment. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I don’t mind. I’m quite enjoying her company.” Then, to her younger self, she cooed, “we’re having fun, aren’t we.”

Little Rose returned her smile and, clapping her hands together, replied with an enthusiastic, "Yeah!"

"Yeah!" Rose parroted. “Right, well let’s get you settled.” Their little house was almost finished, and the girl expressed some displeasure at being dragged away from it, especially when she heard Jackie start running the bath water.

She quickly calmed down however, and for the most part cooperated as Rose and Jackie undressed her and sat her down in the bath with her clichéd rubber duck for company.

Jackie then left Rose to supervise while she disappeared, probably to put her feet up after her workout.

Rose then spent ten minutes observing her two-year-old self, splashing about contentedly, while she dwelled on the confusing absurdity of her situation. It was a bit like watching old home movies of herself from her early years... like looking at another person. She was aware that this little girl was Rose Tyler, yet completely unable to relate to her as an earlier version of herself. For one thing, when she looked into the child's eyes, she saw not her own brown eyes staring back at her. Instead, the light blue eyes with which she had been born were already in the process of developing the green hue that had stabilised at around her third year. Rose's eye colour had then altered again at puberty due to an increase in something called melanin, her doctor had said at the time, and she remembered feeling somewhat self-conscious about what she perceived to be a more noticeable change in her appearance than the more usual developments that all her friends had also undergone.

“Right, time for bed,” Jackie said as she reappeared, drawing her daughter's attention - both of her. Rose noticed that she had changed into a tight-fitting top and a short denim skirt, presumably because she had wanted to get out of her sweaty tracksuit and into something a little more comfortable. Together, Rose and Jackie lifted little Rose out of the bath, dried her off and put her into her pyjamas, then Jackie read her a Postman Pat story until she fell asleep.

“Go on, admit it,” Rose said as Jackie reappeared in the living room after a little while, “even after she falls asleep, you still read to the end ‘cause you wanna know what happens.”

Jackie laughed. “Oh, all the time! He did manage to post it in the end.”

Rose giggled. “So… that drink?”

“Yeah, what do you fancy? Champagne or the cheap stuff?”

“Champagne?”

“Yeah, I won it in a raffle a couple of weeks back. School fête. My friend Bev’s little boy.”

“Oh right. What, don’t you want to save it for a special occasion?”

“Like what?” Jackie said. “No, better to share it with a mate and have a laugh.”

Rose smiled. “Why not.”

Jackie smiled back and went into the kitchen to fetch the bottle and two glasses.

“Here you go,” she said, setting them down on the coffee table.

“Thanks,” Rose said.

“I thought about taking you to The Lamb and Flag. That’s my local. You could’ve met Bev and Susie. Thought this would be a little more intimate, though,” Jackie smiled. She then wandered over to the stereo in the corner of the room and scanned the nearby shelf for a cassette. Selecting the one she wanted she slid it into the cassette player - replacing Whitney - and pressed ‘Play’. "I'm in the mood for something a bit different, aren't you?" she said as she made her way back to where Rose was sitting patiently on the sofa, not wanting to presume to open the bottle herself.

"What is it?" Rose asked as a 1950s-sounding number began to play.

"Little Anthony and the Imperials - 'Goin’ Out of My Head'" Jackie replied. "Classic, this. My mum used to listen to this stuff when I was a kid."

"It's nice," Rose said.

Jackie cracked open the bottle, poured the glasses and raised hers. “Cheers,” she said, and chinked Rose’s glass.

“Cheers,” Rose parroted. “So,” she said after taking a sip, “what do you want to chat about?”

“Ooh, I don’t know… anything. Tell me more about yourself, like what are you into? What music do you like? What do you watch on TV? Favourite films?”

Rose hesitated. “Um, well, I like travelling. I’ve been about a bit. I like all sorts of music, R&B mostly. I like…” she paused to think of some TV shows that Jackie would know, “…EastEnders. My favourite films are Dirty Dancing, Titanic, The Shawshank Redemption and, don’t tell anyone but…” she looked around conspiratorially, “Snow White”.

“Oh, I loved that one! So does Rose now! I bought it for her on video a few months back!”

Rose laughed. “Yeah, my mum bought it for me too!”

“Titanic though, which version’s that? It’s quite old too, isn’t it?”

Shit, Rose thought. Nice one, Rose. Out of four movies, she had picked two that hadn't yet been made.

“Oh, yeah, well mum bought me that too.”

Jackie nodded, thankfully not questioning The Shawshank Redemption. “EastEnders, I love it too. Do you think Den’s really dead?”

“Oh, I don’t think so…”

“Nah, me neither. So you like travelling? What sort of places have you been to?”

She wondered what to say. “Oh, just sort of… around… everywhere.”

Off Jackie’s look, she continued, “Just around. My mum used to take me to South Wales every year.”

“Really? That’s weird, so did my mum and dad! Tenby. It’s where I’ll take Rose once I get a bit of money together.”

“Yeah, it’s nice,” she replied absently. “She’ll like it.” Rose stared off into the middle distance, as if lost in thought. “Lately, I’ve been travelling with… this guy.”

“Oh yeah?” She sipped her Champagne. “Boyfriend, is he?”

Rose smiled. “No. I’m not sure what he is. Just a friend, I suppose.”

“Oh, like that is it?”

Rose turned to face her. “What do you mean?”

“Complicated? It sounds like maybe you’d like it to be more…?”

The observation caught Rose off-guard. “I don’t think so,” she said. “Well, maybe. I don’t know.”

Jackie raised her eyebrows.

Rose considered that this was her mother, the woman who knew her better than anyone. Even though Jackie didn’t know the truth about who she was, it still struck her that she had always been fairly astute when it came to her daughter.

Maybe she was right.

“I don’t know,” Rose said again. “He makes me feel safe. When I’m with him, it’s like nothing in the universe can come between us. I mean, he’s not always been the most reliable bloke, and I’m not even sure where he is now, but… I wish he was here.”

Jackie was quiet for a moment. “Sounds to me like you’re a bit in love.”

Rose took a moment to absorb what she had said. “Maybe…” she said finally.

Jackie seemed to deflate, and was quiet for a moment. “I wish someone would come along and make me feel like that,” she finally said wistfully.

Rose knew her well enough to realise that what she really meant was that she wished her husband were still here.

“You do miss him, don’t you.”

Jackie’s eyes seemed far away. “Yeah.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, before Jackie said, “Well, this is bloody cheery. Come on, let’s talk about something uplifting.”

“Yeah. Like what?”

“Bras,” she deadpanned. “They’re uplifting.”

That made Rose laugh. She always enjoyed it when Jackie got silly after she’d had a couple. Usually by now she would get a Biro and start blackening out the teeth of the pretty models on the front of her women's magazines. It was always a good idea to hide the bottle before she got too in the mood for a Conga, though.

“There, you see?” Jackie said with a chuckle.

Rose couldn't help but smile. She suddenly noticed the pleasing scent of Jackie's perfume. She half-recognised it as whatever perfume her mother used to use at this point, from a childhood memory long forgotten.

When they finished the Champagne, Jackie disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a bottle of Vodka, which she claimed had been a present from a friend. They spent the next hour talking about old films, the weather and the upcoming Christmas. They talked about the ‘joys’ of working in Retail, such as when a cute guy would be waiting in the queue to be served by her and Rose would always try to speed up the process of serving her present customer before he could be called to the next till, and usually fail. Jackie listened and laughed, and traded a few stories of her own, some of which Rose already knew, before starting to talk about Pete. She talked about his Vitex tonics and all his daft little moneymaking schemes, his love of The Smiths, and how he had gotten her name wrong at their wedding, all the while downing more and more Vodka.

The more downbeat subject of Pete’s death didn’t come up until after Jackie’s third glass, when her eyes suddenly became hollow and after a brief silence she looked into her glass and spoke. “He just ran out,” she said. “Pete just ran out in front of that car. Why did he do that?”

There were tears in her eyes but she didn’t let them fall. She simply seemed jaded, distant and confused.

Rose didn’t know what to say. Her heart pounded in her chest and she looked at Jackie intently before responding. “He loved you. I know he loved you. Don’t ask me how I know but I do…”

“But if he loved me then why did he kill himself?”

Rose’s mouth hung open. It had never occurred to her that Jackie might see it that way. Of course she does, Rose realised, for as far as Jackie was concerned Pete had no reason to jump out in front of that car. She could never know that her husband had sacrificed himself to save them. She could never know that her Peter Alan Tyler was a hero. Rose could never tell her, for she was responsible for altering the timeline and creating the necessity for Pete to get himself killed. She was responsible for making Jackie feel this way.

“He…” didn’t kill himself, she almost said. “Whatever reason he had, it wasn’t because of you,” she stated firmly, “he loved you to the end.”

Jackie looked up at her. “You don’t know that,” she said. “You never knew him, never even met him. We had our ups and downs and he wasn’t perfect but I loved him, and he left me.” The statement was delivered matter-of-factly, and Rose guessed that this had haunted Jackie ever since Pete’s death, and it was her fault. Pete's death had gone from being a tragic accident to being an apparent suicide. The kid who had killed her dad had gained a better life as a result of the change in the timeline, but Jackie’s pain had been made even more acute by the possibility that Pete had been so unhappy with his life and marriage as to take his own life.

Rose knew she couldn’t argue with her. She also knew that there was nothing she could say without revealing the truth that could allay Jackie’s fears, but she knew she had to try anyway. “I don’t know why he jumped, but he had everything he could want. You might never make sense of it but just know that it wasn’t your fault.”

That was about as much as Rose could manage in her inebriated state, and Jackie was polite enough to force a slight smile. “Thank you,” she said flatly, and took another swig of Vodka.

They sat quietly for a minute. All this talk of her father had dampened Rose’s spirits, and when she tried not to think about him her mind wandered to the Doctor instead. “When I met him… my friend, I went off with him without telling anyone. I just… left.”

The statement had come out of the blue, and Jackie regarded her with a look of concern. “Who? That bloke you were travelling with? What, without telling anyone?”

Rose looked at her and nodded. “I didn’t mean for it to happen like that, I just… I mean, he offered me a whole new life and I just needed to get away. Only now I’m starting to realise that my old life wasn’t as bad as I thought…”

Rose stared into the middle distance, leaving the thought unfinished.

“So, what happened?” Jackie pressed, seeming not to care that Rose had changed the subject to something else downbeat.

Rose hesitated before replying. “I was gone for longer than I was meant to,” she said. “Like I said, it just… happened that way. We went off travelling and I guess we just… lost track of time.” She had often wondered whether her decision to join the Doctor on his travels might have had something to do with her desire to meet her dad. The Doctor had in fact levelled that accusation at her in 1987, that upon hearing that the TARDIS was capable of time travel she had devised some grand scheme to save her father. However, she had always come to the conclusion that even if those thoughts had been there from the beginning, they had not been conscious ones – she didn't have it in her to be that calculating.

Jackie’s eyes burned into Rose’s soul. “So how long were you gone?”

It pained Rose to think about the situation. “Oh, let’s just say… a while.”

“And your family?” Jackie asked.

“My dad’s… away. My mum, well she brought me up alone. My whole life, it’s been just the two of us, and I left her.” Rose’s eyes filled with tears.

Jackie was quiet for a moment. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” she answered, shaking her head. “I guess I just thought it would be better travelling. Thing is, I got… carried away. I didn’t want to just leave my mum like that but I had to get out of that life. It was like I was just existing and not really living. You know? Like I was trapped in a box. All I was doing was getting up, going to work, coming home, eating chips and going to bed. That’s not a life.”

“Sounds like a pretty average life to me. And why won’t you tell me his name?”

“Yeah but that’s the thing, it wasn’t enough,” she said, looking down and ignoring the question about the Doctor. “I left school with no A Levels,” she said quietly. “I shacked up with this tosser called Jimmy, only he left me £800 in debt. I came crawling back to mum and she was there for me with open arms. Then, as soon as… my friend turned up, I just dropped everything and ran. I just can’t help feeling guilty about the way I treated my mum. She spent so long all on her own, not knowing whether I was alive or dead in a ditch somewhere! She brought me up all on her own, and she never gave up, no matter how much of a nightmare I was. It was “us against the world”, and I ran away from her. I don’t think I can ever forgive myself!” Rose struggled to fight back her tears.

Jackie looked at her intently for a moment. “So you’re not a student, then?”

Rose suddenly realised that she had slipped up, and that her earlier lie had come back to haunt her. She crumpled, and tears ran down her cheeks, which had started to flush. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I lied to you. I… didn’t want you to think I was just a waster…”

Jackie reached out and put her arms around her. “Shh… it’s alright mate,” she said soothingly, “it’s alright.” It really was, Jackie thought. She wasn’t sure why but for some reason she just couldn’t feel angry towards this girl. If, anything she felt more of an affinity with her now. “Shh… it’s alright mate,” she said soothingly, “it’s all right.”

“No, it isn’t,” Rose replied forcefully through her tears. “Seeing you with Rose, it… reminds me of me and my mum, and when I see how great a job you’re doing…”

“Look, I’m nothing special. I think we’ve established that I’m hardly the best mum in the world.”

“But you are to Rose,” she said quickly, just catching herself from saying “me”. “You’re the best mum in the world, the only one she’s got and I know you’re gonna be there for her no matter what. She’ll always love you, even when she’s screaming at you for not letting her play her music loud or have her boyfriend stay over.”

“I think you’re a little bit drunk, you’re getting soppy!” Jackie said with a hint of embarrassment, but in truth she was touched by “Rachel’s” words, as she had been in the café. She had suspected then, that her words of encouragement had been just kind words to cheer her up, but there was earnestness to the girl’s voice now that made her firmly believe it for the first time.

“No, I mean it,” Rose sniffled. She had wanted a thousand times to say these things to her mother, and this encounter had provided a fantastic opportunity. Somehow, she found it easier to talk to 22-year-old Jackie than she did to 40-year-old Jackie, her mother. It was as if this girl wasn’t her mother at all, really. One day she would be, but for now…

Jackie leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. “You say the sweetest things.” The voice was not her usual everyday voice, but appeared to take on a flirtatious quality, the one she employed when she wanted to get someone into bed. Rose had of course never been on the receiving end of that tone before and it was more than a little disconcerting. She looked Jackie in the eye. The woman was looking back at her with an expression of confusion.

“Are you OK?” Rose asked somewhat nervously.

Jackie nodded. The blood appeared to have drained from her face. “It’s just that I can’t figure something out.”

“What’s that?” Rose wiped a tear from her face.

“Who you are.”

Rose’s blood ran cold. “What do you mean?”

“When we met, you seemed so familiar to me, like we’d met before. I trusted you almost instinctively. I invited you into my home and let you see to my child. I wouldn't do that with just anyone. Then there was the way Rose took to you… she never lets anyone hold her like that.”

Rose didn’t say anything. She just looked squarely at Jackie, as she had looked at her father in 1987 when he had confronted her with the realisation of her identity.

“I don’t know what you do to me, but… it’s like I feel this… amazing connection to you, like I’ve never felt before. Not even with Pete.”

That last sentence worried Rose. Clearly she had made an indelible mark on Jackie in this time period, one that she would no doubt remember for years to come.

“It’s like I’m drawn to you,” Jackie continued, “and I don’t know why. You’re like this angel who’s walked into my life…”

“Stop,” Rose said quietly, suddenly feeling the need to reach for the sick-bag. “I’m nothing special, I’m no one.”

“Oh, but you are,” she replied placing a hand on Rose’s knee. “You’re incredible. I’m not sure why but you are.” Jackie chuckled.

Rose shifted uncomfortably. “I think we both need to lay off the Vodka!”

Jackie was staring at her now. This was seriously beginning to freak her out.

“What?”

Jackie shook her head and looked at her feet. There was an awkward silence before Jackie reached for her glass and quickly downed the last of her drink. Setting it back down on the coffee table, she took a deep breath and looked coyly at Rose.

“Have you ever thought about doing something a little… kinky? With someone else, I mean.”

Rose looked at her, slightly confused. “What? Like what?” Why was she suddenly asking her this? She thought about the time she had drunkenly let Jimmy Stones - the 'tosser' - finger her discretely in a club, but as she considered whether to answer the question honestly, Jackie sighed, took a deep breath and asked a different, even more direct, question.

“Rachel… have you ever… been with a woman?”

Rose’s eyes widened and something inside her turned to ice.

Oh fuck!

“What, like… slept with?” she asked incredulously.

Jackie’s face flushed. “Oh, forget it, never mind,” she said quickly. “It was a stupid idea. I mean, I was just joking around…”

“Are you coming on to me…?!” Rose couldn’t quite believe this was happening.

“I’m sorry,” Jackie said, tears once again forming in her eyes. “You should probably go now.”

“Do you want me to?”

“No!” Jackie was quick to reply. “I just thought that, well, now I’ve put it out there… Oh God, you hate me. I’m stupid and I’m pathetic. I mean, I’m not a lesbian, I've never even so much as looked at another girl in a funny way, let alone fantasised…”

“Oh my God, you’ve fantasised…?” Rose said, cutting her off.

Jackie’s face turned crimson. “No. Maybe… A little… Yes. Oh God, I’m so sorry!”

Rose recoiled. She couldn’t speak. What the hell was going on here? Her own mother was making moves on her. Except… she wasn’t her mother. Yet she was. This was all so confusing.

As her head cleared for a moment, she remembered cutting her father off from making a suggestive comment in 1987, before he had realised who she was. “We are not going anywhere near… there,” she had said. “You aren’t even aware that there exists. There, for you, is… like the Bermuda Triangle. ” Well, this was an altogether more disturbing and freakier there than that time. Yet, somehow the thought didn’t repulse her as much, now that she was over the initial shock.

What was that about?

She had never seriously looked at other girls either, barring a couple of drunken dares with her friends Shareen and Keisha, but this wasn’t just any other girl. This was Jackie Tyler, and they were a part of each other. Jackie wasn’t yet the mother she knew; yet she obviously felt some kindred attachment to her that went beyond physical attraction. Still, for her to reciprocate would be like, well… fancying your mum…

She remembered once reading a magazine article about a phenomenon called… Genetic Sexual Attraction wasn’t it? Where family members who had been raised apart and had met later in life had become attracted to each other and in some cases even had sex. The thought had repulsed her then, and again when Captain Jack had told her that by the 51st Century, society will have “outgrown” such “quaint little restrictions” as the incest taboo, due to the eradication of all STDs and the infallible methods of contraception of the period. Jack had laughed at her horrified reaction, and she had wondered whether he had ever shagged his mother or his sister?

Probably both…

She reasoned that Jackie must have been feeling some form of unknowing GSA that transcended her sexuality. Her intense loneliness probably had something to do with it too.

Oh, why am I even giving this the time of day?!

“Rachel? Say something. Please.”

Rose snapped out of her reverie. “Sorry,” she said quietly, trying to sound as sober as possible. “It’s just a bit sudden, that’s all.”

“Like I said, I’m sorry. I think I’ve had too much to drink.”

Rose smiled. “You and me both.”

“I wasn’t lying when I said I’m not gay. I don’t normally go around trying to pick up girls, honest! Well, there was that one time…sort of.”

Rose’s eyes widened. No…!? “Seriously?” She shifted uncomfortably. “Maybe I should go.”

Jackie’s expression fell. “Where will you go?”

Rose thought for a moment. “I don’t know.” She really didn’t.

Jackie nodded. “Well, you’re welcome to stay tonight. It’s late, and it’s cold out. I’m not chucking you out on the street. That is, if you still want to stay.”

Rose looked at her intently, and saw the sadness in her face, and the intense look of longing. “Thanks,” she said quietly.

“I’ll make up the couch again. You can disappear first thing if you want. I wouldn’t blame you, I think I need a doctor.”

Yeah, me too.

“Don’t beat yourself up,” she said aloud, quietly. She could see that Jackie was fighting back tears, and it broke her heart. She was feeling light-headed, either from the Champagne or the shock, or both. Suddenly, her world came crashing down. It was as if the full enormity of the last year of her life and the events leading up to this mad little scenario hit her with full force. She clasped a hand to her mouth, and began to sob.

“Oh darling,” Jackie said, getting to her feet and embracing Rose as she had done before. Jackie too let it all out, and began to cry. They held each other for a few moments before Rose pulled back and looked into Jackie’s eyes.

She saw not her mother, but a scared, lonely little girl who had lost the man she loved and been thrust into an adult world far too soon.

Rose wiped away a tear from Jackie’s face, slowed to caress her cheek, and leaned forward and planted a kiss where her hand had been.

Jackie looked a little surprised, but relaxed a little and returned the action. Rose smiled, her heart pounding in her chest. She couldn’t believe or truly justify to herself what she was about to do, but some external force then seemed to take control of her body. In the most surreal moment of her life, she leaned in and kissed Jackie softly on the lips.

The kiss lasted for only a few seconds, but might as well have been a lifetime. Rose’s heart beat faster than it ever had before. She opened her eyes to see Jackie looking stunned.

They sat for a few moments, deafened by the silence before finally, Jackie spoke.

“Wow. I feel all funny...”