Nightmare

"Julian!" Garak howled, and was suddenly joined by the others as they frantically waved, shouted, and gestured at him. Slowly, almost confusedly, Julian turned his head and looked over at them. Their visages blurred briefly, and he blinked until his eyes cleared. "The forceshield! You have to get it open!"

He knew it was true. They wouldn't be freed if he didn't do something, but he was so tired. He inhaled deeply and knew there wasn't anyone else available. His limbs shook from the effort, but he rose onto his knees and hands. He forced his sluggish body to move through the powdery dust and the pooled blood, even as his own blood, what there was left of it, ran from the jagged tear at his throat.

The button on the wall that controlled the forceshield for the cell was only a few feet away, but, to Julian, it could have been miles. His breath rattled in his chest, and he had to stop every few seconds as he refocused his vision. Finally, he collapsed to the floor, and wept. He absolutely could not make it. He had lost too much blood and was far too weak. He closed his eyes, exhaled lightly, and waited for eternal sleep.

"Julian," a quiet voice suddenly spoke, and was relentless. It wouldn't allow him to sleep, and he was so tired.

"Garak. Just another few minutes, please. I'm so tired. I need to sleep," he whispered, but the voice kept calling him.

"Julian, you have to do this. You have to get to the wall. We . . .I can't help you if you don't let us out of here."

"Help . . ." Julian raised his head slightly, and cracked his eyes. "Oh. I'm sorry, Garak, Sir, everyone. I can't. I'm going to die you see," it was amazing to note that he was so calm. He'd only thought about his own death a few times before, and then only in the context that it was something to avoid at any cost. It seemed almost welcome to him at that point.

"Julian Bashir!" Kira shouted angrily. "You are not going to die. Now get up and get us out of here!"

"Blood pressure . . .Major," he cautioned, and she threw her arms in the air disgusted, then turned around and ran a hand over her distraught face.

"C'mon, Julian," Dax pleaded. "You've got to let us out of here. We want to help you. Come to us, Julian. We can't get to you. You're the only one who can do this."

"Someone . . .someone will be by . . . in the morning," Julian sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"Damn it, Julian!" Miles clenched his fists. "Don't make us watch you die!"

The solution seemed deucedly simple to Julian, and also extremely logical, and he blinked at Miles, then looked curiously at him. "Why don't you just turn around? Then you wouldn't see it."

"You've never disobeyed a direct order, Julian . . . Dr. Bashir," Sisko knelt beside Garak, and Julian blinked. "I order you to let us out." He said in what everyone knew was one final effort to give Julian the will to help them escape.

"Yes . . . Sir," he blearily shook his head, and tried. He really did. He pulled his legs up, until his knees were under him, and tried to lift himself onto his hands, but he wasn't strong enough. He landed on his elbows, and his arms and legs scraped against the floor as he tried to pull himself over to the forceshield, almost literally by his nails.

Tears poured down his cheeks from the force of his effort, and the others encouraged him to move. He was within a foot from the wall when his strength gave out, and with it, his last hope.

"I'm . . .sorry," he whispered and collapsed onto his front. "I'm so cold," he shivered. "I . . .I've never been . . .this cold."

"My dear Doctor. Julian," Garak hated himself for what he was about to do, but it was the only way he could think of that might make the young human want to try just once more for their freedom . . .and his life. He knelt by the forceshield, and held his hand until it was only a couple of inches from it. "You say you love me, correct?"

Julian's mouth trembled and his head moved slightly forward. "Do," he said with all the conviction of a dying man, and Garak frowned.

"Then, if you die now, you'll never know if I can love you."

"You don't," Julian's whisper was hard to hear, and Garak frowned, even as the others scowled at him, but no one made any move to stop him.

"Perhaps not now, but what about later? If you allow that woman to kill you, she may also have killed me."

"No . . .Garak. No die." Julian swallowed.

"If you don't get us out of here, Julian, that's exactly what may happen. If you love me, you'll pull what's left of yourself together and get me out of here, and give us a chance."

Julian sobbed convulsively, and he gazed at Garak's face, then the button on the wall above him. He gritted his teeth, panted audibly through his nose, and prepared his unresponsive body for one last try. His entire being was focused on the button, and he pulled his legs in until his knees met his chest. His arms slid underneath him until they too met at his chest, and his body shivered uncontrollably as his breath was forced from him in wails of ever increasing volume.

With all of his might, he pushed himself up, until his upper body rose off the floor. He fell against the wall, and with his body pressed flat against the surface, slowly, inch by inch, he pulled himself to a mostly standing position. He swayed and almost fell, but as he did, his hand brushed over the door mechanism, and the forceshield went off.

They rushed, en masse for him, but it was Garak into whose arms he collapsed, and the Cardassian held onto him tightly.

"Love . . . You," Julian breathed, and didn't hear Sisko as he bellowed for Ops to beam them directly to the infirmary.


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