Another Chance

Lucas walks upstairs slowly, each step harder and harder to take. He knows Jake is up there waiting for him. That he’ll have heard everything. But still Lucas will feel he has to explain. And he doesn’t want to. He wants to forget Nathan and everything associated with him.

Walking into the bedroom, he looks over at Jake, perched on the bed with an unreadable expression on his face.

“You okay?” Jake asks him, tentatively.

Lucas doesn’t say a word, just walks over and stands just that little bit too close, seeing the look of hope in Jake’s eyes as he glances up at him.

“Luke?”

“You were right. About Nathan, about me…about us,” Lucas says, his voice hoarse. “I need somebody who cares about me…”

Jake shifts back, awkwardly. “You’ve had a rough day. Just sleep on it, okay? Things’ll make more sense tomorrow.”

“Don’t want to sleep. Want you.” Lucas leans down, kissing Jake before he can protest. His hand presses against Jake’s chest, slowly pushing him down onto the bed so Lucas can straddle his hips.

Jake’s brain barely registers the movement at first. He’s so shocked and elated all at the same time that it’s easy to forget the glaringly obvious. And the feel of Lucas’ body against his, lips tenderly kissing his own…it’s everything he’d hoped for. But then his brain kicks in and regardless of how badly he wants this, he doesn’t want it this way. “I’m can’t,” he declares, gently pushing Lucas off him. “I’m not going to be your revenge fuck or your rebound relationship, so just stop, okay?”

Lucas backs off, frowning with confusion and hurt. “I wasn’t trying to do that…”

“Lucas, we both know how I feel about you but you’re kidding yourself if you think that using me is going to make you stop loving Nathan,” Jake tells him, climbing off the bed.

“This isn’t about Nathan!” Lucas protests, holding onto his belief that this is what he wants. “You’ve been there for me…”

“As a friend,” Jake points out. “You can’t tell me that seconds after splitting up with a guy you loved so much you gave him a second chance after he broke your heart, you’ve suddenly realised you want me. You know what you’re doing and you know that it isn’t fair on either of us.”

Dropping his gaze, Lucas lies back on the bed and stares up at the ceiling. “I’m so messed up.”

Jake hovers by the bedroom door, wishing he could just curl up next to Lucas and make everything okay. But he can’t…he’s not the one Lucas needs right now. “Just get some sleep. We’ll figure out what to do tomorrow morning.”

“Jake,” Lucas calls as the other boy goes to leave. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jake assures him with a forced smile, before leaving Lucas to his thoughts. As he closes the bedroom door with a faint click, he stands in the hallway, just waiting for a reason to go back inside. He hates himself for always doing the right thing. He’s had a thing for Lucas for so long, his chance is finally here and there’s nothing he can do about it.

After no sound comes from his bedroom, he reluctantly gives up and slips into Jenny’s room, grateful that he doesn’t have to share with Lucas tonight. He’s not sure how long his will power will last.

*~*~*~*

“Morning.” Jake grins at Lucas, as he feeds Jenny the last of her breakfast in the kitchen, the next morning. “Hungry?”

“Not really,” Lucas answers, slumping down in a nearby chair. “I feel like such a dick.”

“That’s because you are a dick,” Jake teases, getting up from his chair to dump the bowl in the sink. “Sure I can’t get you anything?”

“I’ve been thinking,” Lucas begins, awkwardly. “Maybe…I should talk to Nathan.”

Jake stops what he’s doing for a second, glad Lucas can’t see the disappointment on his face. “Yeah? Sure you wanna do that?”

Sighing, Lucas offers his hand to Jenny, who promptly begins covering it the mess she’s already made of her food. “I just think I was too quick to jump to conclusions, maybe I should have heard him out…”

“You’re setting yourself up to get hurt again,” Jake warns him, trying to remain unbiased, despite his own feelings. “If you let him talk you into giving him another chance…”

“I won’t,” Lucas states, firmly. “But maybe…maybe I’m doing it again, aren’t I? No. No excuses, I’m standing by my decision.”

Jake finally turns and smiles, sitting back down beside Lucas. “What about school on Monday? If he tries to talk then?”

“I won’t give him the chance. He won’t try anything in front of people, so all I have to do is stick with my friends. I’ve done it before, I can do it again.”

“I won’t let him near you if that’s what you want,” Jake offers. “Your own personal bodyguard.”

Lucas finally cracks a smile. “My hero.”

*~*~*~*

With the help of Jake, Lucas manages to avoid Nathan for several days. He catches his brother’s eye every now and again, but with great determination, just looks the other way. He knows it won’t last, that at the game they’re supposed to play tonight he’ll have to at least acknowledge Nathan. But he’s ready to deal with it in a calm, rational and unemotional manner.

He’s not, however, ready to deal with Tim, who smugly joins him at his locker as they get ready after school. “What was bugging you Friday night?” He asks Lucas, oblivious to Lucas’ feelings on the subject. “You should be grateful you didn’t show up any earlier. You almost walked in on some serious hand action! Not that you haven’t seen worse…”

Lucas clenches his jaw and tries desperately not to knock Tim out. “Do you mind? I don’t need to know this.”

“Nathan’s in a really bad mood today,” Tim continues, ignoring Lucas’ glare. “I think I’m gonna surprise him later, nothing like a good fucking to…”

“Shut up!” Lucas snaps, shoving Tim into the lockers so hard they almost tip over, the sound echoing loudly around the room. “You don’t know when to quit, do you?”

“What the fuck did you do that for?!” Tim complains, rubbing his shoulder.

“What’s going on here?” Whitey demands, pushing through the crowd of basketball players that have now formed around the pair. “Scott, Smith, in my office, now!”

Lucas shoots a vile look at Nathan as he passes through the crowd, followed by Tim and Whitey. The younger Scott has only caught the end of the argument, but it isn’t difficult to figure out what’s gone on. He looks up to realise he’s being watched by Jake, another nasty look to add to the collection. “What’s your problem?”

“What do you think?” Jake asks, leaning against his locker. “This whole mess is your fault.”

“And I bet you’re just loving it.” Nathan hisses at him, casting a quick look at the other members of the team who have slowly dispersed out of hearing range. “He’s never going to choose you, you know. He might come running when he’s upset, but that’s all you’re ever going to be. A shoulder to cry on.”

“That still puts me in a better position than you right now,” Jake retorts. “I’d rather be his friend than a cheating ex with the same father.”

Nathan doesn’t even think, his fist responds far quicker than his brain.

“Fight!” One of the team yell out as the scuffle starts, fists flying and arms trying to wrap around necks in an attempt to wrestle each other to the floor. A few of the boys try to break it up, but both Nathan and Jake are determined to finish each other off.

The office door opens and Whitey storms out, pushing boys aside until he can grab Nathan by the jersey and pull him away from Jake. “Both of you, in my office!” He demands, letting Nathan go. He waits until they stop glaring at each other and do as their told before addressing the rest of the group. “Is anybody else planning on starting a fight?” No one answers. “Then get your asses in gear! I’ll be back in five minutes and you better be ready to win this game, you hear?!” He turns and storms back into his office, slamming the door behind him.

Lucas and Tim are sat in the chairs, bodies turned away from each other, pointedly. Nathan stands in the corner, away from everyone else, while Jake hovers by the door, nervously. All four are wearing exactly the same sour expression.

“Who’s going to tell me what’s going on here?” Whitey demands. “You’ve got ten seconds to start talking or none of you are leaving the bench this evening.”

Even Tim has the sense to keep his mouth shut.

“Who started it?” Whitey continues, getting angrier by the minute. “Lucas? Do you want to tell me why you pushed Tim into the lockers?”

“Not really.” Lucas answers, shortly.

“Not really.” Whitey repeats, quietly. “Well I don’t give a damn what you want! I care that my team can’t stop fighting!” Whitey yells. “And it always seems to involve you two.” He gestures at Nathan and Lucas. “Well, none of you are playing tonight. And if you want to keep your spot on this team, I suggest this never happens again. Do you hear me?”

“Yes, coach.” The collective mumbled reply sounds.

“None of you are to leave this room until I get back. I find out any of you have been fighting again, I’ll have you all suspended. Sort yourselves out!”

No one dares say a word, they just watch as Whitey leaves the room to deal with the rest of the team and the impending game, muttering about kids and animals. Silence remains, no one saying or doing anything until the team have gone out onto the court, leaving the locker room empty.

Tim immediately speaks up. “Well, I haven’t done anything wrong, so this isn’t my fault,” he exclaims, childishly.

“Tim, shut up,” Nathan snaps at him, from his corner. “I told you to keep your mouth shut but you couldn’t help yourself, could you?”

Lucas shakes his head and walks out, not wanting to hear any of this. It’s bad enough he had to hear it from Tim, but Nathan’s response only confirms Tim’s story.

Jake is quick to follow Lucas out, ignoring the look Nathan gives him. “Luke, wait. We can’t leave, remember?”

“I can’t stay in there.” Lucas pauses, wrapping his arms round his chest defensively.

“What happened with Tim?” Jake asks him. “What did he say?”

Lucas can barely look at Jake he’s so worked up. “Just confirmed what I already knew.”

“So he and Nathan…”

“We didn’t do anything.” Nathan interrupts from the office door. He shuts it behind him, hoping Tim will have the sense to stay in there and keep out of it. “You heard us argue, you heard me tell him to leave, right? I know I shouldn’t have called him in the first place, but nothing happened!”

Jake steps in front of Lucas protectively, ready to use force if Nathan doesn’t back off.

But then Lucas steps out from behind him and puts a hand on his arm, gratefully. “Could you give us a second?”

Jake looks surprised, perhaps even a little worried. “Lucas…”

“It’s okay, I need to do this.” Lucas assures him.

Nathan moves closer, away from the door, as Jake walks past him. Their eyes lock for a second and it’s just about the coldest look either of them have ever been given. The office door opens and closes as Jake joins Tim, leaving the Scott brothers alone.

“You have to believe me…” Nathan begins.

“I’m talking,” Lucas interrupts. “You’re listening.”

“Fine,” Nathan agrees, reluctantly, sitting down on a nearby bench.

Lucas stands a few feet away, arms still held tightly around his chest. “You promised me you wouldn’t see him anymore, but you called him.”

“It was a mistake…!”

“He says something did happen, you say it didn’t,” Lucas continues, trying to ignore Nathan’s protests. “You’re both as unreliable as each other, but considering your track record…I’m gonna believe Tim.”

Nathan can’t argue that one, though he desperately wants to. “He came onto me and I didn’t stop it at first because I felt so bad about what had happened and…”

“No excuses, Nathan!” Lucas loses his temper, only to be interrupted.

“No, if you’re going to do this, you need to hear my side of the story first. Then you can make your mind up,” Nathan snaps at him. “I keep messing everything up. I know that. And this is going to sound so stupid, but the reason I keep doing it is because I’m so scared of hurting you.”

Lucas snorts, sarcastically. “You mess up because you’re scared of messing up?”

“Yeah,” Nathan answers, pathetically. “I used to screw up all the time, just because I hated how badly my dad pushed me not to. Then when you and I got together, I started being a better person. I wanted to be…” He breaks off, not daring to look up at Lucas’ face in case all he sees there is the cold expression he knows he deserves. “The first time you walked in on us was the only time it ever happened. I know you don’t have any reason to believe me, but it’s the truth. I could tell you about the shit week I’d had and how low I felt with everything going on between my parents and school, but I know it doesn’t excuse it. Then you forgave me and I swore I’d make it up to you. On Friday, things were going well between us and I really believed I could make everything better…”

“And I hurt your feelings because I wouldn’t sleep with you,” Lucas finishes for him.

“No! I fucked up, I didn’t think, I was too busy trying to get things back to the way they were, I didn’t think about where we were and how fast we were going…I saw the way you looked at me and I hated myself so much! You have no idea…I just…” Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Nathan shifts in his seat. “I called Tim because it’s what I do when I do something stupid. He doesn’t care if I’m a screw up…he doesn’t need me to be a better person or do things right. He just helps me forget all that stuff.”

“So this is my fault? Because I want you to act like a decent human being, I drove you to it?” Lucas scoffs. “I never asked you to be perfect.”

“But I wanted to be. For you,” Nathan miserably tries to explain. “The second something started with Tim that night, I knew I didn’t want it to happen. It felt wrong and I knew that I couldn’t risk hurting you again. I stopped it immediately and told Tim to leave. That’s what you saw.”

Lucas shakes his head, his doubt and confusion clouding everything all over again. He honestly believes Nathan’s guilt, he can see it in his brother’s eyes, can see all the pain and hurt and everything that Nathan’s feeling. But he can still feel his own. And wanting to kiss Nathan and make it all better is only going to make his own problems worse. He can’t make that sacrifice. “I’m sorry.”

Nathan looks up at him with confused hope.

“You’ve got to stop being this person, Nathan!” Lucas pleads with him. “I know you’ve got issues with Dan and that you spent more time cheating on Peyton than actually dating her…but if you cared about me at all, you’d either change…or let me get on with my life.”

Nathan drops his head into his hands, this isn’t what he wants. He can’t believe he’s blown the one good thing in his life. Again.

“I can’t keep hurting like this.” Lucas’ voice shakes. “Don’t ask me to.”

Nathan nods and stands up, his eyes red and filled with tears as he avoids looking at his brother. “Tell Whitey I couldn’t…tell him something.” He takes off, not looking back.

Lucas lets him.

*~*~*~*