Within Me

Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: NC-17 (this chapter...PG)
Warnings: Rape, violence, angst. Not really any in this chapter.

Dean awoke the next morning and could feel the change around him. He wasn't sure what it was, but he had this odd feeling that he should be more afraid than he was at this point. He glanced over at the door, not wanting to open it and not wanting to leave the comfort and safety of sleep.

Slowly he got up and walked to the door, reaching out and then flinching as if expecting someone to kick it in. He shook his head. "Come on. Get a grip."

He opened the door and sighed in relief. "What did I think was going to happen?" He grinned. "And why am I talking to myself?"

He walked down to Sam's room and opened it just a bit. When he saw that Sam was still sleeping he decided that maybe Sam needed a bit of TLC to get their relationship back where it should be. He quickly dressed and ran downstairs. He opened the door and stepped onto the porch and a chill wind raced against him seeming to scream the word, 'Don't!'.

His eyes widened and he shivered. He looked back into the house and had this horrible feeling that if he left he'd be making a dreadful mistake, but he also knew that they couldn't do a good job with nothing to eat.

He shrugged off the feeling and hurried to the car, wanting to make sure that he got back before Sam woke up. He bit down on his lower lip and came up with a plan. As he sped into town he kept checking his radio. He could swear he heard a woman crying.

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Mae glanced up as someone came through the door and grinned. "You look happy. What's going on?"

Dean smiled his award winning smile. "I'm treating Sammy to something if you can help me."

"Sure, sweetheart. What did you need?"

"Cinnamon toast and hot chocolate?"

She nodded. "Coming right up. You want that order for two or just one?"

"I'm not a fan of toast. Can I have just one?"

"Only if you order something for yourself, too." She gave him that stern mother look that he would have recognized if he'd had a mother. At least he still knew what it meant.

"Okay...how about just a couple of scrambled eggs. And coffee."

"Cream and sugar?"

"Both, yeah. I hate the taste of coffee." He started looking at the paper just glancing through it.

She rolled her eyes and tried not to laugh, muttering something about no point in drinking something you didn't like as she went to the back room to fix the breakfasts.

Within 20 minutes everything was wrapped up and ready to go. "Mind if I ask why the specific breakfast?"

"It's silly...." He tilted his head as he remembered. "I've known Sam for a very long time."

"I gathered that by the way you are with each other."

"Cinnamon toast and hot chocolate was the first breakfast that I made for him all by myself and it became his favorite. I just thought we needed to reconnect a little bit."

Mae just smiled. "Oh hell...you're going to get me all weepy here in a minute." She winked. "You wait right here, honey." She hurried to the back again.

Dean felt this odd itch in the back of his mind that it was dangerous to be away for so long, but he shook it off. Sam would call his cell if there was a problem.

Mae returned with a single pink carnation in a small white bud vase. "I get these from the florist in the next town to put out on the tables when I want things to look nice. I just got an order in yesterday and I suppose I can do without one."

Dean grinned. "Thanks! He'll get all mushy on me if I do it, but I guess we're due for a good heart to heart." He kissed her cheek and ran out to the car, trying to figure out why he was starting to feel panicked.

He pulled into the drive and gathered his packages of food, tucking the bud vase into one of the bags to hold it upright. "Okay...here we go."

He climbed the stairs and carefully opened the door leading to Sam's room. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that Sam was still asleep by the lump under the covers. He walked in and set the things on the bedside table. He set the bud vase nearest to Sam and then took a deep breath.

He reached out and shook a very soft Sam. He frowned and pulled the covers down to find that only pillows were where his brother had been. "Sam?" He stood up, terrified, but with a different type of fear than just worry. He was truly scared and couldn't figure out why. He backed up slowly from the bed.

"Something wrong?"

Dean spun around and gasped. He'd had his back to the door since he'd come in. Sam seemed to have been standing behind it the whole time. Usually he'd make fun of him or punch him for sneaking up on him, but that part of Dean seemed to have taken a vacation.

"Sam...you startled me. I was...I was just trying to surprise you."

"You did. I was very surprised to wake up and find that you had left without so much as a word."

Sam was acting so calm, but there was also something very menacing beneath the surface and it unnerved Dean even more.

"I didn't mean to alarm you." I didn't mean to alarm you? "I wanted to get you something to eat. I thought we could have a nice breakfast together...and talk." Dean reached out to touch Sam's arm in comfort and...something else.

Sam looked down as Dean's hand trailed down his bare arm and then smiled. "Well, that sounds innocent enough." He walked over to one of the chairs in the room and pulled on a black robe that was sitting there.

"Where did you get that?"

"It was in the closet. It suits me I think." He walked over and sat on the bed and then patted the spot next to him. "Sit down. You wanted to talk, didn't you?"

Dean nodded and slowly walked toward the bed, feeling a sense of dread. "Yeah, I did." He handed Sam the toast. "Do you remember?" He opened his own container and took the fork inside and began to eat.

"Remember?" Sam smiled his usual smile. "Yeah, that first morning that dad wasn't there because of a case you made this for me. I love it." He started eating vigorously, enjoying it almost as much as Dean's version. He glanced at the cup on the table. "Hot chocolate?"

"You know it!" Dean laughed and the two ate in peace, happily talking about their memories and how much fun they had as children.

When the meal was finished, Sam went to get dressed and Dean took everything downstairs to throw away. He stayed down there to wait for Sam and smiled when his brother finally came downstairs. The odd feelings of earlier were gone and he felt comfortable once again.

The boys headed outside and looked everywhere for any indication of graves, but found nothing. Dean looked at Sam and frowned as they headed toward the house. "You know what this means..."

"Yeah, the basement." He sighed. "I hate basements."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, damp and dark."

"Well, no...I mean, I hate them because..."

Dean stopped and turned toward Sam, caressing his cheek to try and calm him. "Sammy? What is it?"

"When I went down into that basement...I thought you were dead. I thought you'd never open your eyes again and when I saw you...lying there so still...I thought I'd died, too." He let the tears fall then. All the pent up fear and sadness from the last month broke through.

Dean just dropped the shovel and equipment and pulled his brother into his arms. "Shit...I was knocked out so I never actually thought about how you found me. Sammy...Sammy...I'm sorry. I'm not going to leave you. I love you too much." He didn't know how it happened or why, but he found himself with his head tipped back and Sam's mouth firmly on his. He had expected to feel shock or revulsion. That's what a normal man would feel in this situation. Instead it felt more right than anything that had come before in his life and as Sam's tongue pushed to gain entrance into his mouth, Dean just sighed and accepted.

Their tongues fought for control of the situation until they couldn't stand anymore. Sinking to their knees in the dirt, they pulled at one another's backs, trying to crush each other into one being. They already discovered they shared one soul and the separation was killing them both at the moment.

Devouring each other with their mouths was only part of the melding they were experiencing at the moment. Tears converged and moans mingled. Not even the spirits within them could stop this joining because they were trapped only a few feet away within the confines of the house. One raged while the other rejoiced.

Anna turned to Barnabas. You won't have them. He will never hurt this man. He will never betray him.

He already has. Don't be such a romantic. There is no such thing as a perfect love. Not since the love I held for you.

Anna sneered. What you had for me was sick! You think you take me over and over, but you stopped having the power to truly touch me long before my death.

Barnabas took a swing at her and, of course, connected with nothing.

She laughed. Fool. She shoved at him with her energy and smiled as his spirit stumbled backward. When are you going to realize that it was always I who had the power over you?

Barnabas fumed and turned away from the sight, disappearing to gather his strength for later.

Anna frowned and fought down her anger at herself. He had gotten to her and she'd used a great deal of energy to punish him for it. Now she could only hope that Dean wasn't the one to pay the price for her loss of control. She faded from the doorway and planned her next move.

Dean reluctantly broke the kiss between himself and Sam. "Sammy...that was..."

"Perfect?"

"Yeah. Look, why don't we take care of this and then...then we'll get the hell out of here and find a nice place to stay and just...figure out how far this goes?"

"I think we both know the answer to that."

Dean just nodded his head. "I think so, too, but let's put it on hold for now. I don't want anything to mess this up, as dysfunctional as it is."

Sam grinned. "Well, considering our upbringing I think that it would be more dysfunctional for us to not do this."

Dean laughed and helped Sam up before gathering their things. "Look, it won't be so bad. No tasers this time, right?"

"Right." Sam hugged his brother tightly and then followed him back into the house.

TBC...