Frozen Hearts

DISCLAIMER: See chapter 1.


SPOILERS: Nope.


A/N: I'm extremely and awfully sorry for the fact that it's taken me this long to update - again. I've been really busy with my studies and it's been pretty awful at work and stuff. But now, I'm back and I'm going to wrap this story up. :/

The second "half" of the story (Scully's POV) is shorter than the first (Mulder's POV) but I think you'll live with it.

As I already hinted earlier, this is the last chapter of 'Frozen Hearts'. I've probably mentioned it million times already but the story was originally meant to be one-shot. It's not every day that I write 4-chapter one-shots, you know. ;)

Enjoy!

Love,
MrsSmeagol


CHAPTER 4


It took me almost two hours before I finally realized what had happened. I had had sex with my partner and then left her naked and crying in my apartment. You could say that I had ruined it all - again.


It wasn't until two hours of mindless walking around the streets before I finally realized what Scully had said. She wanted to have a relationship with me. She wanted me of all the men she could get.
"I love you, Mulder," she had said and I had turned her down and left her there, in my apartment, crying and naked. My shirt was still damp from her tears, for heaven's sake!


Had I really left her there just like that? Had it really happened between us?


Unfortunately, the answer was too easy even for me to come up with. Yes. Fox William Mulder, you are an idiot, I told myself kicking an innocent lamppost that happened to be right next to me. It didn't really help, though.


When am I going to learn that letting Scully close to me only ends up hurting both of us. I had been confused, she had been tired - it had all gone straight to hell. It was all my fault. How could I ever face her after what had happened today? On the other hand, the only option was to lose her for good. Maybe there was a way I could gain her trust again. Unfortunately, I had no idea whatsoever, what that way would be.


With an almost audible groan, I sped up just enough to make thinking a whole lot more difficult. I ran and I ran and I ran until I was so spent that I it most definitely took me by surprise when I noticed where I was at.


I was standing in front of Scully's house.


I could not help noticing that the lights in her apartment weren't on, which could mean two things. Either she was already asleep or she wasn't home yet. If she wasn't home yet, she might still be at my apartment and if I hurried back, I just might be able to apologize. The little voice inside my head was screaming to me, telling me not to get too hopeful if I didn't want to end up alone - as always - but I ignored it - as always. The only thing going through my mind at that moment was that if I was fast enough, she still might forgive me.


If you are fast enough, she might still forgive you. If you are fast enough, she might still forgive you. If you are fast enough, she might still forgive you. If you are fast enough, she might still forgive you.


As quickly as I humanly could, I turned around and managed to take but a couple of steps before I quite literally bumped into something - or actually someone. Before I could apologize, I heard an all too familiar voice ask, "What are you doing here, Mulder?"
Had my partner's tone been any colder, it would have made an iceberg feel chilly. Obviously, she was none too happy about the way I had handled the situation earlier. With a soft sigh, I took in the sight in front of me.


Had I not known better than well that she had been through, I would have sworn that nothing was out of ordinary. Not a single lock of her amazing, auburn hair was out of its place. Her clothes were darn close to perfect. It was her eyes that gave away what was truly gone inside that beautiful head. She was absolutely furious. With me, I would guess.
"Scully," I managed. The word itself held so many different meanings and I was sure that she would get them all.


I was silent for a while, trying to find out the right words to say - the words that would grant me her forgiveness.
"I - I came to apologize. I came to explain."
"Did you?"
Her tone wasn't exactly as cold as it had been but seconds ago. It was even colder.
"Yes, I did."
"There is nothing to apologized, Mulder. There is nothing to be explained. Now, if you'll excuse me, I would like to go home and get some sleep."
With that, she stormed past me.


I grasped her wrist before she managed to get out of my reach, pulling her closer to me.
"Don't, Scully," I asked with a voice raw with emotion. "Please let me apologize to you. I was being a complete jerk and -"
"Stop it," she cut me off, took her wrist from my grasp and began making her way towards the front door.
"I should have never left you there like that. If there was a way I could go back and make the right decisions, I would. Unfortunately, there is none. You are my partner, Scully. You are my only friend, the only person I trust - the only person I love or will ever love," I shouted after her. It seemed to do the trick - or if not, at least it made her stop, just long enough for me to catch her again.


This is it, Foxy boy. All or nothing. Don't mess this up, okay?


Her back was still turned to me. I inhaled slowly before resting my hand on her shoulder.
"I could never bear to lose you, Scully."
She did not answer. She did not even breathe.
"I know how sentimental this sounds but... it would kill me."
She drew in a shaky breath but did not move or say a word.


Please, please, please, Scully, turn around and say that it's alright. Tell me that you still love me.


"Good night, Mulder," was all she said.


- - - - - - - - - -


I have no idea how I was able to drive home from Mulder's place - that upset I was. The only thought going through my head during the drive home was that it was all over now and I would never ever see him again. During these years, he had become not only my partner but also my best friend - my only friend -, the only person I could trust and the only person I loved or ever would. I could not bear to lose him. No matter how sentimental it sounded, I would die if I lost him.


And he was there! Standing in front of the house, staring at my windows, obviously trying to figure out if I was already back at home. Shaking my head slightly, I tried to organize my thoughts. I could not let him see how much I was hurt. I could not let him see how much I cared. After taking a quick look into the mirror, I got out of the car, locked the door and began walking towards the front door - only to be quite literally bumped into by my partner - my Mulder.


"What are you doing here, Mulder?" I asked in the coldest tone I could muster.
My God, the look on his face as he realized that it was I! He looked so lost, so confused, so sad and so sorry - all at once. When he finally called my name, it was barely audible - not much more than a breath. Had it held even one more tone, one more meaning, it would have been too powerful a word to be said aloud. It might have been enough to make me cry in a different situation - but not tonight.


He told me that he had come to apologize and explain but I would have none of that. I was not too happy about the way he had handled the situation but I would never ever blame him for it. I was as guilty as he was. Telling him that I needed to go to sleep, I tried to get past him but he was too quick. Before I actually realized, he had grasped my wrist and pulled me slightly backwards - towards him. He tried to apologize but I managed to free my wrist and began heading towards the front door, hoping that I might get inside before my emotions would overcome me.


Oh, how wrong I was!


He shouted the very words I had thought while driving back after me. He told me that I was his only friend, the only person he could trust and the only person he could ever love. Suddenly, he was there, right behind me, his large hand warm on my shoulder. I could hear a plea in his breath as clear as it would have been if he had said it aloud.
"Please, Scully, turn around and say that it's alright. Tell me that you still love me."
"Good night, Mulder," was all I said before going inside.


He had left me crying and naked at his apartment after I had ruined it all. Now, I left him crying and exhausted in front of my apartment after having ruined it all again. Way to go, G-Woman!


Immediately after getting in my apartment, I collapsed on the floor, crying my eyes out for the hundredth time that night. Since when had I cried this much? The answer was simpler than I would have wanted it to be. Ever since I fell in love with my partner.


After I had cried for an eternity and a half, I dimly realized that something was out of its place. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that at some point someone had took me into his arms - crying as well - and was still holding me tight against him. I recognized his heartbeat, his scent, the feel of his arms around me and the pattern of his breathing immediately after realizing that he actually was there. His name escaped my lips.
"It's ok, Scully, I'm here."
Had I left the door open or had he used his key? Did it really matter?
"And I won't be leaving unless you really want me to."
No. Not as long as he was here, holding me.
"Scully?"
"Stay."


And stay he did.