Spirals of the Mind

Title: Spirals of the Mind: Chapter 4
Author: JadeHeart
Archived: If anyone would like it, please ask me first!
Fandom: Highlander
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: angst
Timeline: Not sure exactly when, but they’re in Seacouver, after Tessa’s death.
Characters: Duncan/Ritchie/Joe/Kaiya (OC)
Feedback: Feedback is always welcome!
Summary: The crossing of lives and loves; they come and go.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, they belong to the creators of ‘Highlander’ , nor am I making any profits from this.


Chapter 4


The weeks passed by, and Kaiya was happy living with Ritchie. He, of course, was ecstatic, and could hardly believe his luck. He could barely believe that his dream had come true, and sometimes he felt like pinching himself just to be certain that he wasn’t dreaming.

It wasn’t all smooth sailing though. There were adjustments to be made for each of them, but they were working their way through these and seeking a common ground for their relationship to continue to grow. In this new life, he found a maturity in his love for Kaiya that he hadn’t had in his previous relationships. Yes, there was still the lust, the wildness, but now there was the soothing companionship of finding a partner you are comfortable with, one you don’t have to impress or prove yourself to. It was the sort of love that could sustain itself over many years, and he even began to wonder if he had finally found his perfect match to be with for all his years to come as an Immortal. These were heavy, serious thoughts- but he still had the light hearted ones that belied his age.

“I’ll be back later on.” he promised, standing on the steps as she leant down to kiss him goodbye with a smile.

“Okay.” and she waved goodbye as he left on his motor cycle. She turned to go back inside, when she felt a tingle. Looking around but not seeing anyone, she went inside. Not long after, there was a knock at the door. Opening it, she found Duncan on the other side. She paused for a moment before stepping aside, allowing him to enter.

“This is where you are staying?” he asked gruffly, not even saying hello.

“Yes.” she answered simply.

“Are you and Richie….?” he couldn’t continue. It felt like his throat was threatening to close up on him, choking his words.

“Yes.” she filled in for him calmly, her face expressionless..

“I see.” He looked around and cleared his throat. “I guess there’s nothing more to say.”

She shook her head. “No.” and followed him out the door. He heard her say then as he left. “I did love you, Duncan. It was only you.” and the door closed.

Duncan stood at his car, feeling anger, hurt and resignation. He had tracked her down to here, eventually realising she must have been staying with Ritchie. He had come with the intention of pleading with her to return to him, to accept his apology. He had missed her terribly and worried constantly with not knowing where she was.

When he had realised that she was staying with Ritchie, he had originally assumed that she had just needed somewhere to stay, and Ritchie was her only friend in the city.

Perhaps that had been extremely naïve of him to think that, but he had still believed it was the case whilst he had driven there that morning. However, when he saw them standing on the steps together, he had immediately realised his misconception. He had felt his heart freeze in his chest as he watched their brief kiss, brief but no less passionate, even from where he had sat in his car further down the street.

He had almost just turned around and left then, but a part of his mind still didn’t want to believe the truth before his eyes. Perhaps he had been mistaken? Perhaps there was nothing more than friendship between them. He had had no choice but to the apartment to find out for certain.

When she had opened the door, he knew he hadn’t been mistaken, knew it even before anything had been said. It was in the way that she held herself, the sense of a barrier around her own personal space and he no longer had permission to enter. He had still asked the question though, still hoping against hope that he was wrong and that she would return with him. However, her simple acknowledgement of their relationship confirmed it. He realised he had lost her. His only surprise was that she hadn’t run further.

Back out on the street, he took one last look at the apartment, before getting in his car and he left.

**********

Joe went to the bar to meet his friend, clattering up the steps a little awkwardly with his walking stick. It wasn’t his usual type of club, he tended towards the slightly quieter places and definitely those that had some good rhythm and blues. However this particular club was nice enough, with the advantage of a live band which Joe believed was the only way to go. He was looking forward to being out on the town and not stuck in his own club for once. Running his club took up a lot of his time, and it wasn’t often that he managed to have a night off.

He had found lately that it had seemed very quiet. Macleod hadn’t been in for a long time nor Ritchie, and he had found himself missing their company more than he had realised.

When Mac had eventually turned up one evening looking the worse for wear, Joe knew that something was up. As part of the conversation, Joe had asked after Kaiya. Joe didn’t know much about Duncan’s latest girlfriend, though it had seemed to last a long time and they had looked good together, so Joe had been hoping that this time it would lead to something a little more permanent.

“She’s gone.”, had been Mac’s brusque reply to Joe’s query, and his tone didn’t invite further discussion so Joe had left it at that. He also didn’t ask after Ritchie, not with Duncan’s current frame of mind, but reading between the lines it would seem that perhaps there had been a falling out between the two of them. It wouldn’t be the first time, nor probably the last.

Joe sipped his whiskey at the table with his friend and watched the crowd of dancers on the floor. It was old time swing and dance music from the 40’s, quite catchy in its own way and Joe’s fingers tapped on the table top in time to the beat. A number of young people were here, reliving the old days, though most of them would have been born many, many years after this era.

Then, through the dim lighting, he spotted Ritchie on the floor, dancing. As the young man swung his partner around, Joe recognised Kaiya swinging back into Ritchie’s grasp. As that song finished and the band swung into a slow dance tune, Joe watched Ritchie pull Kaiya in close, cheeks resting against each other, eyes closed. He could see the obvious closeness they shared which was much more than just that inspired by the music being played.

“So,” he thought, “that’s what’s been the problem with Mac. Looks like the student beat the teacher this time and stole the girl.” When the music ended, he watched the couple make their way to a table a little further down from where he sat. Joe excused himself from his friend for moment, and went over to say hello.

“Hi, Ritchie.”

“Joe!” Ritchie exclaimed, standing to grasp his hand. “Good to see you!”

“You haven’t been around much lately.” Joe said.

“Ahh, no.” Ritchie replied, rubbing his chin a little in a nervous gesture.

“Kaiya.” Joe said to the seated girl. She acknowledged him with a nod and small smile.

“Take a seat, man.” Ritchie indicated the spare at their table and Joe did so carefully.

“So how’s things been?” Joe asked.

“Oh, you know.” Ritchie hedged, glancing at Kaiya.

“Guess the student won the prize this time.” Joe put in, waiting to see what response would come back.

“It was never a game, Joe.” Ritchie looked him straight in the eye, his voice quite serious. Joe was a little taken aback. He couldn’t remember the last time that Ritchie had seemed so…mature.

“Hey, don’t sweat it, Ritchie. All’s fair in love and war and may the best man win. Mac knows that.” He took a sip. “So how did it happen?”

“Things got out of hand.” Ritchie looked away.

“How?”

Kaiya spoke up for the first time. “Duncan made an assumption - incorrectly so - and his actions then made it a self fulfilling prophecy.”

“Huh?” Joe was a little confused by that. He had found before that Kaiya quite often seemed to talk in riddles and cryptic phrases.

“Mac thought we were having an affair, which we weren’t. Then he kicked us both out.” Ritchie deciphered for him.

Joe was stunned. He could think of Duncan telling Ritchie to go, but he would never have believed he would have let go of Kaiya. Duncan had seemed to believe that she was a woman he could be with for quite some time, just like Tessa, and it had been a long time since Joe had even seen signs of that from his friend.

“So he drove you into each others arms?” That just sounded so clichéd, even to him!

“In a way.” Ritchie said with a shrug.

“We already had feelings for each other. We were then free to choose to act upon them.” Kaiya put in.

“Well, that’s a surprise.” Joe said, taking it all in. He rubbed a finger down the side of his nose. “Look, come round sometime, and say hello. It would be good to see you sometime.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Ritchie said, noncommittally. “Look, Joe, it was good seeing you but we’ve got to go.”

Joe got the hint. “Okay. See you around?”

“Yeah.” Ritchie stood and held out a hand to assist Kaiya to her feet.

“Take care. Both of you.” Joe said, looking up at them.

“We will. Thanks. See ya.” and the turned to go.

Joe watched them leave, as he walked back to where his friend had been patiently waiting for his return. He had to admit that Ritchie and Kaiya made a lovely couple. He had noted before that Kiaya had seemed a bit like a chameleon. When she was with Duncan she seemed around his age, but when she danced or played pool with Ritchie, she had seemed as young as he. Joe had known that she and Ritchie were close, but had never believed for a moment that she didn’t love Duncan fully.

He could understand Duncan’s reactions – he was a man after all, and as prone to jealousy as the any other. It just seemed that this time, in his effort to hold on tightly to her, he had driven her away and straight into the arms of his rival. He wondered how this episode would resolve itself, or if it could. Whilst Kaiya was here, she would always be between Mac and Ritchie. Joe wondered if this was the final end of that particular friendship.

***********

Joe looked up as the door swung open. It was outside of business hours, so he wasn’t expecting a patron. The dim figure moved from the darkened doorway, and Joe was delighted to recognise Ritchie.

“Joe, my man!” Ritchie said with a smile, holding his hand out to clasp Joe’s.

“Good to see you here again!” Joe said, as Ritchie perched himself comfortably on a stool.

“I was in the neighbourhood and so thought I would stop by.”

“Glad you did.” Joe said, placing a beer before him. “It’s just not been the same without you here drinking my profits.”

“Ah, come on, Joe!” Ritchie said. “What’s one beer? I leave the spirits to you and …” he didn’t finish the sentence and hurriedly took a swallow. “So,” he continued, trying to recapture the mood. “How’s business been?”

“Good. Steady crowds, good music. We’ve been doing alright. And you? Where are you working at the moment?”

“Down at the wharves. It’s a smelly job, lousy hours, but the pays good. Gives me days off, and most afternoons free.”

“How’s Kaiya?” Ritchie paused a moment to scrutiny Joe’s intentions. “Just asking.” Joe said, holding his hands out. “And only for me.”

“She’s good.”

“She working too?”

“Yeah, lecturing at the University. Never been to a school in her life, but loves teaching, and what she doesn’t know on some subjects will never be known.” Ritchie took another swallow. “She practices her lectures on me. She says if she can keep me interested, a lecture theatre of Uni students will be a snap!” He chuckled to himself as everyone knew that academia was not Ritchie’s strong suite.

Joe could hear the enthusiasm and warmth in Ritchie’s voice as he spoke of Kaiya. Things must be good between then, he thought. Haven’t seen Ritchie looking this relaxed and comfortable for a long time. Joe and Ritchie made some further small talk as the beer was finished.

“Gotta make tracks, Joe.” Ritchie said, standing. “Thanks for the beer. It was good to catch up.”

“Don’t leave it so long next time.” Joe said to him.

“Promise.” he said, making his way to the door. Joe then saw the change come over Ritchie’s face, the searching eyes to the doorway. Another Immortal, Joe knew, reaching under the bar for his gun. It wouldn’t stop an Immortal, but it would slow him down so Ritchie could get away.

A figure darkened the doorway, and a voice called out, “Hey, Joe!” and both Joe and Ritchie recognised Duncan’s burr.

Duncan stopped. He had sensed there was another Immortal around and wondered if Joe was in trouble, only to find it was Ritchie standing there. Joe watched the two of them eyeing each other like two fighting dogs, each just waiting for the other to make a move.

“Ritchie.” Duncan finally said in acknowledgment. He didn’t want to make trouble for Joe.

Ritchie nodded to him. “Mac.” and he began to move forward again, Duncan stepping aside and making his way to the bar. “Thanks for the drink, Joe.” Ritchie called as he exited.

“Anytime.” Joe called out and then turned to Duncan. “Wasn’t expecting you.” he said.

“Is that a problem?” Duncan said, prickly.

Joe didn’t reply to that, and Duncan apologised. “Sorry, Joe. Just thought I’d drop in, and see how you’re doing.”

“That’s all Ritchie was doing.” Joe said, wiping the bar.

“Hmm.” was Duncan’s reply as he took a drink. There was a pause. “How’s he going?” Duncan finally asked.

Joe had been expecting the question. He had known that Duncan would ask it. He couldn’t distance himself completely, no matter what had occurred between them. “Seems to be doing fine. Working, earning. He seems happy.”

“Good.” was Duncan’s reply, and the conversation moved to other things.

When is this estrangement going to end? Joe thought as they talked.

*************

Joe stood in the empty room, the large windows letting in the bright light. He heard footsteps on the stairs outside and the door opened to admit Ritchie. He smiled when he saw Joe, and strode forward.

“What’s all this then, Joe? Going into real estate? Like the digs!” he glanced around the large room.

“Glad you could make it, Ritchie.”

“Not a problem. I was curious!”

Another set of footsteps sounded outside and Joe saw Ritchie tense as he felt the Immortal’s approach. However, it was Duncan’s broad figure that strode in.

“Joe?” he called cautiously.

“Come on in.”

Duncan saw Ritchie and paused. They both looked accusingly at Joe, who held a hand up. “Don’t shoot the messenger!” he said quickly. “I was asked to bring you both here. There are letters for you both on the mantelpiece.” he said, motioning with a cane. Both Duncan and Ritchie looked and saw two large white envelopes propped up, one at each end of the large mantelpiece, their names clearly visible on each.

“Well, go on!” said Joe. “I’m not getting any younger.”

Hesitantly, they both made their way to their respective letters and took them. Finally Duncan tore his open carefully; Ritchie followed suit though less carefully.

They read: ‘Please forgive Joe for his part in this. He did it as a favour to me, and for his great love and friendship for you. The rift between you both has torn him in two, it hasn’t just affected yourselves. I also ask your forgiveness as this was the only way I could think of to have you both in the same place, to say what needed to be said, to do what needed to be done.

I will tell you now, and hope that you will believe it, as I say it with all my heart. In the time I was with you, I loved you with all I was. This doesn’t mean that I couldn’t care for others, have feelings for others, but I never betrayed you. My love for you was just that – love.

And it is with that love that I do this. The rift between you both has been due to me, over me and my involvement with each of you. It has torn you both asunder, damaged your friendship with Joe, and I have had to live with the knowledge that I am the one to blame for this pain, pain I had no desire to inflict.

This breach can be mended. There is too much between you both – lives, loves, deaths, history. You have given so much to each other, more than I think you both realise sometimes. Father and son, student and teacher, friend and friend. Perhaps it takes an outsider to see all this, and to realise the depth these feelings go. There is too much there for either of you to just throw away. Life is too short, even for Immortals, and death can come at any moment for us, as with anyone. You cannot walk away from each other.

But whilst I am here, I understand that there can never be that mending. So I have gone, to leave you both to recognise what you have. I go because I love you, and I will not be the cause of any further pain and loss to either of you.

Don’t try to find me - you won’t. You know that. I have spent many, many years remaining hidden. That will not change. I hope one day you can find it in your hearts to forgive me for all that has occurred, and know that I have not regretted one moment of being with you, only the pain I have caused you, and I have and still do love you with all my being.

May the heavens shine brightly upon you and your future, and all gods keep you safe.

Kaiya.’

Ritchie and Duncan didn’t realise it, but they read identical letters. Everything Kaiya wanted to say to one, was what she wanted to say to the other, and so she wrote the same letter twice.

Joe watched Ritchie and Duncan read the letters. He didn’t know exactly what was written in them, but he had a fair idea. He had been surprised when Kaiya had walked into the back room of his bar a few days ago, startling him.

“Geez!” he said, holding his chest. “Sometimes I wish I had the spider sense to know when you people are sneaking up on me!”

“Sorry.” she said, taking a seat on the barrel. As he finished packing his crate, Kaiya sat silently, not moving.

“So,” he said, taking a seat opposite her. “What can I help you with?”

“Do I need help?” she questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“When the oldest Immortal I know, and one no less who has managed to stay out of our chronicles all this time, pays a visit and sits in my still room, it isn’t for a chat.”

He saw her lips twitch with a smile. He could remember his consternation at finally finding out of her immortality. Duncan had let it slip first, one night they were getting drunk together, not long after Kaiya had left him. It all made a great deal of sense then. Later he got some more information, just a bit, from Ritchie only after letting on to him that he already knew that secret.

Then he had had the pleasure of Kaiya herself coming to see him, although at that time he hadn’t been certain it was going to be a pleasure. He hadn’t known if she was intending to kill him, to silence him of her true identity.

Discreetly he had been checking the archives and all the chronicles of the Watchers and he had found no reference of her by name. As far as the Watchers were concerned, she did not exist. It made him wonder how many other Immortals may be around with no Watcher, and the Council being none the wiser. She obviously guarded her anonymity well, and she admitted she knew of the Watchers, so Joe couldn’t help but wonder if she hadn’t just killed any Watchers that found her. He found it a little ironic that this thin slip of a young woman scared the pants of him.

When she had first approached him about the matter of her immortality, she had perched on the stool opposite him at the bar and said. “What I tell you is for you and you alone, understood?”

It had taken him by complete surprise. He had immediately given his word. He understood perfectly that what she was saying was that none of it was to go to the Watchers, and what amazed him more, was that she accepted his word. She had obviously read this amazement on his face for she had said, “Duncan and Ritchie trust you. I have watched you. That is enough for me.” and that full trust she gave him was more than enough to keep him silent, than any other form of vow.

So he had listened avidly as she recounted her long life. He heard of Darius, other Immortals she had met, most dead, history, places and times he had only read about. He was enrapt. After their first few discussions - it was impossible to encompass more than 4000 years of history in one evening - he again went back to the Watcher archives. Armed with this further knowledge, he checked and found tantalising references at times to an unknown female Immortal, but she was never identified and the sightings were so long between times that no-one had obviously made the connection that it was the same person. He shook his head in wonderment. He had the find of the century – no, the entire existence of the Watchers, and he could tell no-one - how frustrating! Then he smiled to himself. How great!

After that, Kaiya would often drop in to the bar, and even after the historical lessons were finished, Joe found that they still could speak of things in the present in a companionable way.

“Do you blame me for the rift between Ritchie and Duncan?” she suddenly asked him.

He was a little taken aback, and a glib answer was on the tip of his tongue but he held it back. Kaiya appreciated honesty, and if he started lying to her, however harmless it seemed, he would have destroyed the slow foundations of friendship they had been building.

He took a deep breath. “Not blame.” he said carefully.

She titled her head to one side, looking at him. “But the cause.” she stated.

“Yes.” he was forced to agree.

“Ah.” she said. There was silence for a moment. “I need a favour.” she then stated forthrightly.

“Of course.”

She smiled crookedly, “A wise man should always find out what the proposition is, before accepting.” she cautioned him.

Joe smiled back at her and shrugged. “No-one has ever accused me of being wise. Old, yes, but not wise.”

“Years do not wisdom bring.” she said.

“Who said that?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Someone who was wise obviously.”

“What’s the favour?” he asked, bringing them back on topic.

“I want you to get Ritchie and Duncan to the same place, at the same time.”

“I won’t be able to tell them why, will I?”

“No.”

“What are you up to?”

“Healing the rift.”

“Where?”

She reached into a pocket and pulled out a piece of paper with an address and a key. “It’s an empty property. Actually, one of mine under a different name, of course. Return the key to the property manager after.”

He looked at the address and pocketed it. “What will be there?”

“Two letters. One for each.”

“That’s all?” he couldn’t help but be sceptical. Words alone he didn’t think would solve the problem.

She seemed to read his mind and smiled crookedly. “What will be said in them, will solve the problem. I hope. You’ll do it?”

“When?”

“Two days from now.”

“Okay, I’ll do it.”

“Good.” she said briskly, standing up and brushing her skirt down.

“Do you really think this will work?” Joe called to her as she made to leave.

She paused and looked back. “Remove the cause of the consternation, and there is nothing left to fight over. With nothing to fan the flames, the fire soon goes out.” and she left him there in the coolness of the stillroom.

************

So, yes, Joe had a good idea of what the letters may say. Remove the cause, she had said. She was leaving - would have already left knowing her.

Ritchie reached the end of his letter and with a desperate look at Duncan and then Joe, rushed from the room. They both heard him taking the stairs two or three at a time. Hope the kid doesn’t break his neck, Joe thought, but then it doesn’t really matter to him if he does. They heard the sound of a motorbike roar into life and scream down the street.

“He’ll have an accident.” Joe said to Duncan.

“Ritchie can handle himself.” Duncan said without looking up. “He rides a bike like a pro. We’ll wait.”

For what? Joe wondered. Twenty minutes later they heard the sound of a bike returning, far more sedately than it had left. Slow, steady steps mounted the stairs and Ritchie entered.

“She’s gone.” he confirmed, walking in further. Joe guessed then that Ritchie had rushed to their apartment, hoping to prevent Kaiya leaving. Duncan had guessed she had already gone though.

“Sorry.” Duncan said awkwardly.

Ritchie shrugged. “I half knew she wouldn’t be there. She wouldn’t have planned all this,” and he waved a hand around him, “and not have already gone.”

“How long have you known?” Duncan asked Joe.

“I didn’t ‘know’, not for certain. She just asked me to get the two of you here today.”

“When?”

“Two days ago.”

Ritchie closed his eyes. Two days ago she had held him closely in bed and whispered she loved him, and he was never to forget that.

Duncan looked out the window. Two days ago he had received a bunch of perfectly fresh heather from Scotland, tied with the Macleod colours. There had been no card. She had been preparing.

Ritchie looked at Duncan, who returned the look. There were no joyous shouts, or clasping of hands, it was too soon and too much had happened. Joe watched this silently. Ritchie finally slipped the letter in his pocket – he had dropped it to the floor when he had originally rushed out.

“Catch you round.” he said in general, and left. Duncan watched him go.

“Sure he’ll be okay?” Joe asked. “He loved her.”

“I know.” Duncan said quietly. “See you, Joe.” and he, too, left.

Joe stood alone in the empty room, looking after them both. I hope this was worth it, Kaiya, he thought, I hope it was worth your sacrifice, and he left locking the doors behind him.

************

The bar was crowded, the band currently playing had become quite popular with his regulars and even brought in a few others as well. Joe looked up with pleasure when he spotted Duncan on a stool.

“Good to see you, Mac.” he said. “The usual?”

Duncan nodded, “That’ll do.” It had been two weeks since Kaiya’s sudden departure. “Thanks, Joe. It’s a good crowd tonight.” Duncan looked over at the busy tables.

“Good for business.” Joe agreed with a smile.

“Glad to hear it. I’ll find a table.” and he wandered off.

Joe beckoned to one of his waitresses. “Pass the word, Macleod’s drinks tonight go on the house tab.” The waitress acknowledged this and went on her way.

“Hey, Joe!” and a hand tapped his shoulder. Joe spun around to see Ritchie’s smiling face.

Joe returned it. “This night gets better and better!” he said with pleasure. He placed a beer on the bar in front of Ritchie and accepted his money.

“How come?” Ritchie asked, taking a swallow. Joe motioned with his head. Ritchie turned and then made out Macleod at one of the tables, a drink before him. He nodded to himself and turned back to the bar. “He been here long?” he asked.

Joe shook his head. “Not long.”

Ritchie took another long swig and finished his beer. Joe raised an eyebrow. Ritchie didn’t usually throw it back like that. “That one didn’t even touch the sides.” he commented.

“Give me a bottle of that scotch.” Ritchie said, pointing to the one he wanted, “And a glass.”

Joe was puzzled. Ritchie rarely drank spirits, and the times he had touched scotch Joe reckoned would come to less than the fingers on one hand. Ritchie put some money on the bar and picked up the bottle and glass.

“Mac always reckons this was mother’s milk. All I can say is his mother must have been a strong old warhorse, with a hairy chest, but I’m willing to give mother another try.” and he walked over to Mac’s table.

Joe watched from the bar, saw Duncan motion Ritchie to take a seat and reach for the bottle, opening and pouring it into two glasses. Joe could just imagine Duncan lecturing Ritchie in its history, making, and all its virtues - and Ritchie’s quick response to all the seriousness with words to the effect of, “Just drink it!”. He watched them raise their glasses, touch and drink.

Finally, Joe thought. Where ever you are, Kaiya, it worked. You were right, God bless you.