Bitter Enemies

Title: Love Conquers All
Series: Bitter Enemies (Final Installment)
Author: Darkestangel
Summary: Sheppard attempts to forgive and forget the past mistakes made by McKay
Author’s Website: Darkness Prevails (http://home.bellsouth.net/p/s/community.dll?ep=16&groupid=137913&ck=)
Comments: angela9in@ureach.com
Archive: yes to pegasusgate.net, Area 52, and all others with permission
Warnings: language, talk of non-con situations, angst, an insightful Ford giving advice, cheesy ending
Pairing: Sheppard/McKay
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: They’re not mine. I am only borrowing them from the brilliant creators of the show, MGM, and the Sci-Fi Channel.
Author’s Notes:
1. This is the fourth story of “Bitter Enemies” (http:www.geocities.com/angela9in/bitterenemiesoct2004.txt.htm). You will need to read the first two stories for this story to make sense. Part II, The Healing Begins, can be found here (http://www.geocities.com/angela9in/BitterEnemiesPART2.txt.htm), Part III, The Ultimate Betrayal, can be found here (http://www.geocities.com/angela9in/bitterenemiesPARTIIIDec2004.htm)
2. Also, I write mostly non-con stories, but this is my first attempt at writing an aftermath story. I have had an overwhelming response for an aftermath to Bitter Enemies, so I hope you enjoy it.
3. I wrote Bitter Enemies before “The Eye” aired in Canada, so for those of you who have seen the new episode, you will just have to ignore the fact that Kolya is alive and returning later on in the season.
4. The Reawakening(http://www.geocities.com/angela9in/TheReawakiningAug2004.txt.htm) discusses the conversation between Steve and John on Atlantis. You might find this story useful since it discusses the Wraith intentions towards Sheppard.


****************************************************

Day Twenty One PX5-875:

It had only been 21 days since the whole Kolya incident, but Carson had given him the thumbs up for off-world missions, and it had only been six days since the man he trusted betrayed him. John hadn’t talked to Rodney about the Puddle Jumper fiasco and he had avoided Rodney like the plague. He was understandably disturbed that McKay had taken advantage of their friendship. He had no idea that Rodney could be so calculating and deceitful about his motives. He felt more hurt and angry about McKay’s intentions than he did about Kolya’s. At least Kolya had never made him think he wanted anything more than sex. He had not tried to seduce him with kindness and friendly words. He had taken what he wanted and didn’t try to mind-fuck him. On the other hand, McKay had done everything in his power to play with his head and his emotions. He had made him believe that he cared and that he wanted a lasting friendship, and that left a larger scar on his psyche than the rape he experienced at Kolya’s hands.

******************************************************


It had been more than three weeks since they had all gone off-world as a team, and instead of feeling excited about their new mission, Rodney felt sick to his stomach with dread. He had not had the opportunity to talk to John about the Puddle Jumper incident, but he knew that John would never forgive him. He had made the mistake of thinking with his heart rather than his head, and he had lost John in the process. They had not talked about the mission to PX5-875 or the preparations needed for the mission to succeed. All orders from John relating to the operation had been delivered by Ford or Teyla, and he wasn’t sure that it was a good idea for him to tag along on John’s first off-world exercise, but he couldn’t bare the thought of letting him go off-world alone. Sheppard didn’t exactly have the best track record when it came to staying out of trouble, and he had every intention of being there incase John needed bailing out.


*****************************************

They had been trekking through the thick vegetation of PX5-875 for nearly two hours homing in on a faint energy reading that McKay had picked up when they arrived through the gate. The Puddle Jumper had been abandoned at the gate; due to some sort of Navigational malfunction, which interfered with flight, and McKay speculated that the energy reading had something to do with the malfunctioning Jumper. Sheppard had decided that it would be safer to walk to the unknown energy source, and so they had spent the last two hours trudging through the thick blanket of foliage.

“How much further McKay?” Ford complained.

“Ford, perhaps if you would spend more time concentrating on walking rather than asking me the same question every five minutes, we would get there sooner!”

“Just answer the damn question McKay!” Sheppard warned.

Rodney was surprised that John had actually spoken to him, even if it was a little harsh, “Another two-thousand yards Major.”

“That’s what you said fifteen minutes ago McKay,” Ford corrected.

“I know that’s what I said earlier, but it’s like this thing keeps moving on its own.”

“How is that possible Dr. McKay?” Teyla asked.

“Well, either it got up and walked away, or this stupid device is wrong.”

Sheppard looked at the confused scientist and noted that he was using an Ancient directional device, “Is it possible that the energy source is interfering with it? I mean it did cause the Puddle Jumper to malfunction.”

Rodney didn’t appreciate the Major’s condescending tone, “Of course it’s possible Major. I’m not stupid!”

“Than why the hell are you relying on it? For all we know this energy source could be hundreds of kilometers away.”

“Is it not true that we have experienced something like this before? Could we be dealing with another shield powered by a ZPM that is blocking the use of Ancient and Wraith technology?” Teyla interrupted.

“No, it’s not the same. Last time Ford’s magnetic compass could register the ZPM, and it stayed in one location, but this time the Ancient devices are registering the energy, but it keeps changing location. If there was a shield blocking the use of Ancient devices, than this one would obviously not be working,” McKay explained.

“But the Puddle Jumper malfunctioned,” Teyla added.

“Yes it did, but it still works. This thing is causing the Ancient technology to malfunction, but it’s still working, and Ford’s magnetic compass is not picking up any unusual magnetic energy like the last time,” McKay impatiently clarified.

John’s patience was running thin, and he didn’t appreciate the tone of voice the back-stabbing prick was taking with Teyla or Ford, “Then what are we dealing with here McKay? Is the energy really moving or is your device malfunctioning?”

“I don’t know. Believe it or not I don’t know everything Major. I’m not infallible. I make mistakes!”

“Yes, I’m aware of that fact McKay”, John smiled thinly, “You don’t make mistakes often, but when you do they tend to be unfixable and memorable.”

Teyla and Ford looked at each other in understanding. Something had obviously happened in the last few days to make the duo angry with each other, but this was not to time to deal with the resentment, “Why don’t we concentrate on figuring out the problem rather than biting each others heads off? The heat is getting to us all, so why don’t we just try to avoid conflict, and work together to solve the problem,” Teyla encouragingly suggested.

“That sounds like a great idea Teyla,” Ford calmly replied hoping the Major and McKay would stop their arguing. He knew that Sheppard had been under a lot of stress over the last three weeks, and he knew that he didn’t have the energy to deal with a snarling McKay.

McKay rolled his eyes in disgust, “Whatever…I don’t understand what type of energy would be strong enough to cause the Ancient technology to malfunction, but not strong enough to cause it to not work at all, and I don’t understand why it seems to be moving further away.”

John looked ahead into the thick jungle-like vegetation in concentration, “Is it possible that the energy is really some sort of beacon sending out information to someone. Strong enough EMF signals on Earth can cause devices to malfunction.”

“I suppose there could be something to that, but it still doesn’t explain why it’s moving away or what it’s transmitting,” Rodney reasoned.

“Well, maybe it’s not transmitting, but it is used to interfere with the Wraith’s ability to come here and feed,” Teyla suggested.

Rodney stared at Teyla in thought, “If it is only interfering with our devices, than it is safe to assume that it would only interfere with the Wraith devices, not incapacitate them or stop them.”

John grimaced in dread, “What if it is a Wraith beacon that was put here to scan for Ancient technology?”

“Why would you think that Major?” Rodney asked.

John ignored the question, “And what if it is moving because it knows that we will follow it?”

“Follow it where?” Ford asked.

“To a trap?” John suggested.

McKay was astounded, “A trap for Ancients? Aren’t you being just a little paranoid Major?”

John arched his brow in surprise, “Am I? We know that there is at least one Wraith device that only the ATA gene can activate and it transmitted our location. What if they had built a device that registered Ancient technology? It would serve the same purpose, and what if the device was made mobile, so that it could keep the user of the technology occupied searching for its signal, while the Wraith traveled to the location?”

“That is absolutely ridiculous!” McKay argued.

“Why is it ridiculous? It’s perfectly reasonable that the Wraith would have made traps for the Ancients. They were their only true enemy,” John reasoned.

“It’s absurd Major. Why would they go through all of this trouble to catch one or two Ancients? And who’s to say that this so-called ‘beacon’ is still capable of transmitting a signal? I say that we keep looking for the energy because it’s probably another Ancient device powered by a ZPM.”

John felt his nostrils flaring in aggravation, “Well, I’m in charge, and I say that we’re going back to the Puddle Jumper and getting the hell out of here before something happens.”

Rodney twisted his mouth up in disgust, “Something happens to one of us or to you?”

Teyla had lost all patience with McKay, “That’s enough Dr. McKay. It is possible that the Major is right about this beacon, and I am sure that he is concerned for all of our safety.”

“I’m sure he is”, McKay snapped in response, “but I bet he’s more concerned over his own ass, since he believes that the Wraith want him because of his ATA gene.”

“McKay…” Sheppard warned.

“Oh, you haven’t told them your theory about how the Wraith desire Ancients, and that Steve told you how attractive you are?”

“What?” Ford asked.

“Oh yeah, he thinks that everybody is out to get in his pants; including the Wraith,” Rodney informed the shocked Lieutenant.

John calmly replied to McKay’s taunts, “And you.”

“Excuse me Sir?” Ford exclaimed.

“Yeah, my good friend here made his intentions quite clear the other day.”

“Dr. McKay, I told you not to use your friendship to your advantage,” Teyla warned.

Rodney ignored the interfering Athosian, “Get over yourself Major! You completely mistook my pity for your situation, and twisted it into this sick fantasy. Does your vainness know no limits?”

John felt tears pooling up at Rodney’s hateful words, “Do you feel better?” He noticed the confused look on McKay’s face, “Does it make you feel better hurting me even more, so that you can forget how you betrayed me? Does it feel good to kick me, while I’m already down for the count?”

“Yes, it does Major!” Rodney lied.

“Would you both stop doing this to yourselves? You’re destroying your friendship,” Teyla pleaded.

“That’s already been done,” John sadly smiled.

Rodney looked at the object of his affection bitterly, “Good riddance! According to you, all I ever wanted was sex anyway, and I can get that from anyone; although I must admit, after what I saw and heard Kolya doing to you, I really wanted to give you a ride too.”

Without thinking, John charged towards McKay determined to choke the cruel words out of him. He lunged for the scientist knocking them both down to the ground. He fell on top of McKay and proceeded to choke the very life out of the bastard that had hurt him more than he ever thought possible. Rodney for his part did not fight John because he knew he deserved the beating. What he had said was unforgivable, and he was disgusted with himself and his vicious words.

John could hear Teyla and Ford screaming for him to stop, and he felt them prying him off Rodney’s still-form, but he held on with a death grip determined to shut the lying, manipulating, sarcastic mouth up for good, “I hate you McKay! I wish Kolya had killed you when he had the chance!”

“Major, please get off of him! You’re killing him,” Teyla screamed.

While the foursome wrestled for control of the situation, a Wraith probe appeared in the sky above. None of them noticed as it scanned the area looking for the source of the Ancient technology that was being read by the energy beacon. It was Teyla who noticed the probe first and she immediately removed herself from the fight and began to chase the probe down. She hoped that Ford could handle the Major and McKay, while she hunted the Wraith device and destroyed it before it had a chance to transmit its findings. She knew that if it got back to the Wraith they would know of their numbers and of their ability to use the Ancient technology.

She ran and shot at the probe that zigzagged through the thick canopy of the foliage. She was so absorbed in keeping eye contact with the tracking device that she didn’t notice the large rock in the path. She tripped over the obstacle, flew through the air, and caught herself with her hands. She heard the unmistakable crack as her left wrist snapped in two. She took a look at the wrist that was twisted in an awkward angle, and she knew that she had failed the team. She attempted to get back up to chase after the probe, but she felt a burning pain in her chest. She looked beneath her body, and saw that she had landed on another rock, probably cracking or even breaking some ribs. She closed her eyes trying to control the pain that threatened to overwhelm her senses. She heard gunfire and a small explosion in the distance, and she knew that someone had destroyed the probe. She just hoped that the Major and Dr. McKay had not managed to destroy each other as well.

“This is so your fault,” she heard McKay say just before she felt herself slipping into darkness.

“It’s both your fault!” Ford corrected. “Let’s get her back to the Puddle Jumper and get the hell out of here.”

“That’s what I wanted to do an hour ago,” John mumbled.

“Not a word McKay! And I can’t order you to shut up Sir, but I really wish you would until we get back to Atlantis,” Ford pleaded with his commanding officer.

As the three men carried their injured teammate to the gate, Ford couldn’t help but to worry about the consequences that the Major and McKay would face upon their return to Atlantis. He wasn’t all that worried about Weir’s wrath, but he was terrified about what they would do to each other, and more importantly what he might do to McKay if what the Major said about inappropriate gestures was true.


****************************************


“What in God’s name happened?” Beckett asked as he saw Teyla being carried down the Puddle Jumper ramp.

“She was injured chasing down a Wraith probe,” Ford answered giving Sheppard and McKay a shameful glare.

“I think she tripped over a rock or something and caught herself with her hands,” John furthered explained.

Carson watched Sheppard and Ford place his patient on the gurney, “Did she lose consciousness?”

“Just for a few minutes,” McKay answered.

Rodney looked over at McKay and noticed bruise marks on his neck, “And what the hell happened to your neck?”

“It’s nothing Carson. Just take care of Teyla for us.”

Beckett looked at all three men in doubt. Something was definitely not being explained, “I want to see all three of you in the infirmary within the next hour. Is that understood?”

They all reluctantly agreed to Carson’s demand, feeling like children being reprimanded by an adult, “I’ll go make my report and I’ll meet you guys down there,” John affirmed.

Ford and McKay watched as Sheppard and Beckett left the Jumper bay, “We need to talk McKay.”

Rodney arched his brow in curiosity, “About what?”

“You know what?”

“No, I don’t. Would you care to fill me in on what you’re thinking in that small brain of yours?”

Ford clenched his fists in anger, “Is it true what the Major said? Did you come onto him?”

Rodney didn’t see a point in lying, “I did try to kiss him, but he pushed me away before I had a chance.”

Ford grabbed McKay by his collar and threw him up against the wall, “You son-of-a-bitch, why in the hell would you do something like that after what he went through with Kolya?”

Rodney grabbed the Lieutenant’s hands and attempted to dislodge them from his shirt, “Excuse me Lieutenant; I didn’t realize that you were appointed as the Major’s Knight in shining Armour. I think he can take care of himself. Now get the hell off of me!”

Aidan tightened his grip, “You made him think you were his friend. He trusted you!”

Rodney’s face was turning red in irritation and in shame, “He’s a big boy Ford. He’ll get over it. I’m sure it’s not the first or the last time he’ll be fucked over by someone.”

“But you were his friend, his teammate, his rescuer. You saved him from that monster only so you could ‘ride him too’…I do believe that is what you said back on that planet.”

Rodney managed to escape Ford’s grip, “Yes, I did say that back on PX5-875, but I didn’t mean it. Do you really think that I am proud of what I said or did? Do you honestly think that I would hurt him on purpose?”

Ford watched as McKay tried to straighten his blue shirt, “So why did you say and do those things if you didn’t want to hurt him?”

Rodney looked up hopelessly at the ceiling hoping for the answers to fall from above, “Because I was thinking with my heart and not my head.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean Aidan that I wanted him to know how I felt about him by kissing him, but he mistook my feelings for sexual overtones.”

“What the hell else is a kiss suppose to mean. Don’t you only kiss people you’re attracted to?”

“Of course, but the kiss wasn’t meant to be sexual it was meant to be reassuring and…loving.”

“Yeah, so…you love the Major. I’ve always known that, but don’t you think that your timing sucks?”

Rodney was stunned, “You knew too? Everyone thought that you were clueless on my feelings for John. When did you figure it out?”

“Duh…the first day we arrived in Atlantis. You were following him around with your tongue hanging out, and you couldn’t stop talking about him. You guys argue constantly, and I have no doubt that you would die or maybe kill for him…”

“I only killed Kolya because he was going to kill me first,” Rodney defensively reiterated.

Aidan smiled, “Sure he was. I don’t judge you for what you did. I would have done the same thing, even if he didn’t have a weapon.”

Rodney wasn’t sure if Ford was trying to get him to admit to murder, so he ignored the comment, “Are you through beating me up?”

“Only if you promise that you will fix this problem.”

“I don’t know what I can do. He won’t talk to me. You saw what he did to my neck.”

“I don’t blame him for wanting to kill you. What you said was unbelievable. It was hurtful and childish to make him feel responsible for your fighting. He has every right to be pissed but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to reconcile with him.”

Rodney rubbed the back of his sore neck in thought, “Who would have thought that you could be so insightful?”

“People are always misjudging me. They take one look at me and assume that I am only a military grunt who can’t think for themselves and I only exist to serve others.”

“That’s not true. People don’t think that about you,” Rodney lied remembering all of the remarks he had heard his fellow scientists making about the young Lieutenant.

“Yes it is, and I’m cool with that for the time being. It gives me the element of surprise.”

Well, you certainly surprised me today,” Rodney grinned.

“Good, now why don’t you go surprise the Major and apologize for your appalling behavior.”

Rodney pouted slightly, “I’ll try, but I can’t promise any miracles.”

“I’m convinced that you can do anything you want to once you make up your mind to do it, and you know that I am right.”

“Ford, remind me to never underestimate you again,” Rodney commented as he headed out the bay door.

Aidan watched the scientist leaving and he thought about what McKay had done to Kolya, and he whispered softly to himself, “And remind me to never hurt the person you love.”


***************************************


Carson sat in his office going through the report that Major Sheppard had made to Dr. Weir only three hours earlier. Sheppard’s team had come down to the infirmary as requested, but none of the men would explain what had happened to McKay’s neck. He knew that they were hiding something, but they refused to cooperate, so he decided to look over the report instead. He noticed that there was no explanation for McKay’s ‘injury’ mentioned in the report, and there was also no mention of why Teyla had been chasing the Wraith probe alone. Unfortunately, his patient was just as closed-lipped about the situation as Sheppard and the others were. He knew that something was going on between Sheppard and McKay, and he had every intention of getting down to the bottom of it.

The opening of the door got his intention, “Excuse me Carson, you wanted to see me?”

“You really should knock before you enter Major. I was in the middle of something.”

“I’m sorry. Sometimes this ATA gene has a mind of its own. It’s too strong to control at times. I can come back tomorrow if you want me to.”

“No, I want you come in and have a seat.”

John slowly sat down dreading the conversation to come, “So, what can I do for you?”

Carson considered jumping right to the matter at hand, but he decided to take a less abrasive approach, “How was your first mission out?”

The standard Sheppard smile, “Just find.”

Carson was familiar with the standard Sheppard smile and answer and he wasn’t accepting it this time, “Teyla was injured, McKay looks like he was choked, Ford is terrified that he’s going to be forced to talk, and you call that fine?”

“It could have been worse.”

Carson sighed in frustration, “What happened out there? I think I have earned your trust.”

Sheppard snorted in disgust, “Trust? You’ve earned my trust? Who’s to say you won’t backstab me too?”

“What are you talking about John? I haven’t told anyone anything unless you gave me direct permission to do so. I gave you the correct treatment, the discretion needed to heal, and I think that I gave you some good advice on how to recover.”

“You’re wrong on one account. You’re advice sucks!” Carson scratched his chin in confusion, “You told me to talk to McKay and that I would heal faster.”

“Yes…”

“Well, do you want to know what your advice caused?”

Beckett’s eyes opened wide in understanding, “Not the bruise marks? Please tell me you didn’t choke him.”

“Bingo, the little bastard pissed me off, and I lost control of the situation. Ford and Teyla tried to pull me off of him and that was when the Wraith probe appeared. We were all so busy trying to kill each other or to save each other that we didn’t notice the probe until it took off. Teyla went after it, while Ford wrestled with me and got me away from McKay. By the time we got caught up with Teyla, it was too late. I shot the probe down, but not before she got hurt.”

Carson was bewildered, “Oh my God…Why on earth did you try to kill McKay?”

“Because he’s a supreme asshole who wouldn’t stop running his mouth.”

“Yes, he can be a tad bit on edge and run his mouth, but did you really have to strangle him?”

John softly laughed, “You had to be there Carson, and this is something that stems from what he did over a week ago.”

“I don’t understand. I thought you two were friends.”

“I thought so too, but I guess I was wrong. All he wanted was what Kolya wanted, but he didn’t have the balls to come out and say it.”

Carson rubbed his temples in annoyance, “What did he do? He didn’t try anything with you did he? He promised that he would try to keep his feelings in check.”

Sheppard looked at Carson in attentiveness, “His feelings? He has feelings for me?”

Carson was dumbfound, “How could you not know that the man has feelings for you? We all knew it before Kolya took you. Whatever he has ever done for you or to you is only because of how he feels for you.”

John sat back into the chair and rubbed his face in confusion, “But he said god-awful things to me today. Why would he say those things to someone he cares about?”

“I don’t know what he said or what he did to upset you, but I am absolutely positive that he is in love with you, and that he would do anything for you,” Beckett conceded.

John nervously began to ramble on with details, “Things were going so well a few days age. We were talking about the assault and what I feared happening to me in the future. We ate meals together, we worked with Ancient technology, we flew the Puddle Jumper together…Why did he have to try to kiss me?”

Beckett shook his head in disapproval, “I told him not to do that until you made the first move, but sometimes the heart outthinks the brain, and I think that he did it on impulse. He doesn’t want a relationship built on sex. He wanted to gain your trust and friendship first.”

Carson’s words finally sunk in and John sat up and placed his elbows on Carson’s desk, “He’s in love with me?”

“Yes…does that offend you?”

“I don’t think so…I just don’t know how to respond to all of this. I’m not ready for any sort of intimacy with him or anyone else. I feel like I’m being self-centered because I am ignoring his feelings, but I have to take care of myself first. I have to make sure that I am okay on the inside before I pursue anything with him…”

Carson interrupted, “Of course you do, but I think that you need to tell him what you just told me. Let him know that you don’t hate him. Give him the chance to tell you what I’ve told you already.”

“You see, that’s the thing, I don’t hate him, but I don’t like him or trust him at the moment. You should have heard what he said to me today.”

Carson couldn’t help but to defend his friend, “I’m sure whatever he said was a defensive mechanism trying to protect himself from your rejection.”

“Does that make it alright to hurt me? I had a right to be pissed at him.”

“Again Major, I think that you need to tell him these things to his face. You will both feel better about the situation if you do so, and besides that, if you two don’t resolve this issue I will recommend that your team be grounded until further notice.”

“You can’t do that!”

“Yes, I can. Teyla was injured because of this conflict, and if Elizabeth was made aware of this I am sure that she would support my recommendation.”

John stood up quickly pushing the chair away, “You are such a bastard…”

Carson smiled, “I know, but someone has to tell the both of you to settle this before someone gets killed, and I am in no mood to take care of your stubborn ass again. Now, get out of here and go find McKay.”

“You know if you were not the only doctor on this base, I would be using another physician,” John joked.

“Well, I’m afraid that I am the only doctor on your HMO plan, so you’ll just have to deal with it,” Carson teased.

As he watched Sheppard leaving the room, he took in a deep breath trying to ease the tension that had tightened up in his chest. He knew that if John and Rodney could not get through this fiasco then he would have to kick Rodney’s ass for fucking up. He had sent Rodney to help John recover, but instead he may have inadvertently hampered John’s progress, and that was the last thing he had intended to do.


************************************************

Day Twenty-five McKay’s Lab:

McKay worked diligently in his lab trying to forget the disaster that had occurred on PX5-875. He had not seen or heard from John in four days, and he had toyed with the idea of taking himself off Sheppard’s team before he was kicked off. What he had said to John was unforgivable, and the bruises around his neck were a constant reminder of the blunder he had made. He had pretty much given up any thoughts of ever getting John to love him in return, and he was trying to keep himself distracted from his heartache through constant work.

“Do you have a moment?”

Rodney looked up from his work amazed that he had not heard the visitor coming into his lab. His heart skipped a beat when he realized that the unannounced visitor was John, “Major Sheppard, I didn’t hear you come in.” He nervously wiped his hands on his pants and pulled out the seat next to him, “Have a seat.”

John looked at the empty chair that sat in close to proximity to Rodney, “I think I’ll stand.”

“Suit yourself.” Rodney said hoping that he didn’t sound too disappointed, “What can I do for you Major?”

“Obviously we need to talk, and I thought that I would make the first move to rectify this situation.”

“I appreciate you coming here, and yes, we do need to discuss the situation. I’m sorry…”

John interrupted, “Don’t! I don’t want to hear that your sorry for what you said or did, because I am too, but I don’t want to spend time discussing how we messed up our friendship. I would rather spend time talking about what we can do to repair our relationship. Before I leave this room, I want to know if we can still work together. The most important thing in my life right now is my team, and I can’t afford for mistakes like what happened on PX5-875 to happen again.”

Rodney nodded in understanding, “I agree. We can’t let another teammate get hurt because of our issues. What happened to Teyla was inexcusable, and we endangered not only ourselves, but Teyla and Ford as well.”

“I’m glad we agree on that, and because of this understanding, I have decided to be completely candid with you about what I feel and about what I think about you.”

Rodney felt his stomach cramping in apprehension, “Good, it will be good for you to get everything out in the open. I can handle whatever you decide.”

John walked over to Rodney’s work area and stood across from him resting his hands on the bar, “Do you love me?”

Rodney let out a shaky breath not realizing that he had been holding it, “Umm…what gave you that idea?”

John rolled his eyes in annoyance, “For once I want you to be honest with me McKay. Are you in love with me?”

Rodney felt like running. He wanted to get away from the intense glare of Sheppard, but he knew that this might be his only chance to tell John the truth, “Yes…I am in love with you John.”

“Did you mean what you said about wanting to ride me like Kolya?”

“God no, I don’t know why I said that to you. I guess I was trying to protect myself from your rejection. I would never hurt you.”

“You already have Rodney.” He put his hand up to silence McKay’s explanation, “But I’m willing to forgive you if you are completely honest with me.”

Rodney couldn’t believe that John was willing to excuse him for what he had said and done, “Why would you forgive me? What I said was cruel and I don’t blame you for attacking me…”

“Rodney, shut up about what you said and did. I told you that I am not here for an apology. I’m here to get the truth from you.”

“What else do you want to know?”

“Why did you really kill Kolya?”

“Because he was hurting you, and I couldn’t let him get away with it,” Rodney explained.

“It wasn’t because you were jealous?”

“What the hell are you accusing me of John?”

“Were you jealous because he took something that you had hoped to make your own?”

Rodney swallowed hard in dread, “I was jealous of him…, but I shot him because he had disgraced you and he was taunting me. Was I pissed because he fucked you? Yeah, I was, but you have to know that I didn’t kill him because of that fact.”

“Don’t you want to fuck me Rodney? What makes you different from him?”

Rodney pushed himself up out of the chair and rubbed at the tension developing in the back of his neck, “Why are you doing this John?”

“Answer the question McKay,” Sheppard snapped.

“Fine, I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about us being lovers, but I would never take you by force. I want to show you how I feel about you, but we don’t have to have sex for me to do that. I showed you how I felt over the last couple of weeks because I was there for you when you needed me.”

“Carson was there for me also, so are you telling me that he loves me too?”

McKay began to pace nervously, “He was there in a different way. He was your doctor caring for you, while I was your friend listening to your concerns and your pain. I tried to help you feel normal again, remember?”

“Okay, I’ll give you that. You have helped me, but do you understand why I now question your motives? I thought that you did those things for me because you care for me like Teyla or Ford does; I had no idea that you wanted more than friendship…”

It was Rodney’s turn to interrupt, “Why is that so bad? Why are you questioning my motives? I love you, but that is not why I helped you. I would have done that for any of my friends. The only difference between me and your other friends on Atlantis is the fact that at the end of the day all I want to be is the one that holds you and makes you feel safe.” Rodney felt the anger from John’s accusations creeping out, “I can’t believe that you would honestly think that the only reason why I listened to you and comforted you was so that I could fuck you!”

“Rodney, you have to understand where I am coming from. What happened to me has changed me forever, and I am having a difficult time trusting men; especially when they have hidden motives, even if they are non-malicious.”

Rodney walked back over to his table and leaned in towards John, “I know that you have trust issues now, but you have to believe me when I say that I could live without ever touching you or loving you. All I care about right now is getting our friendship back in place. I won’t lie to you and say that I can stop loving you, but I won’t act upon my feelings ever again.”

It was John’s turn to pace, “That’s the kicker McKay, I’m not entirely sure that I don’t want you to act upon your feelings.”

“Excuse me?” Rodney squeaked.

“If Kolya had never touched me the idea of being with you would not even be debated over.” John stopped pacing and looked at Rodney, “I’ve always thought that you were attractive…I think that we fight so much because it’s our way of flirting.”

“You are not serious…You want me?”

John’s face saddened, “Wanted you? Yes…but now that’s all messed up thinks to Kolya. I don’t know if I could ever let another person touch me; much less a man.”

Rodney was elated with John’s admittance of attraction, “How long have you been interested in me?”

“I guess I knew for sure I liked you when you saved us all from the big black blob of energy that gave Ford sunburn.”

“Really, all it took was some courage on my part to make you want me?” Rodney asked smiling widely with joy.

John couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Rodney smile so much, “I don’t know if it was really courage as much as it was peer pressure that made you go up against that thing. I think I remember Elizabeth accusing you of being a coward…”

Rodney liked the familiar bantering with Sheppard, “It was not peer pressure that made me save the day Major. It was my desire to be brave and to pull my weight around here.”

“Face it McKay, the only reason why you saved us was to impress me. You obviously thought that being brave would get my attention, and for once, you were right. I was impressed.”

“You think I did it to impress you? You’re assuming that I liked you before you liked me. Maybe, I didn’t find you attractive until a couple of months ago…”

John couldn’t hold in the snort of laughter that came out, “McKay, you’ve wanted me since I sat down in that chair in Antarctica.”

“How the hell did you know that?”

John arched his brow somewhat surprised, “So I’m right? You’ve wanted me for that long?”

Rodney had no choice but to admit defeat, “As a matter of fact I did, but I still didn’t save the day just to impress you Sheppard. I did it for Kavanagh too.”

John was stunned, “What? You want that arrogant prick too?”

Rodney looked at John like he had three heads growing out of his ass, “God, are you kidding me! I don’t want him! I did it to show Kavanagh that I am not a selfish geek who only thinks about himself. He’s always saying that I am more self-centered than him, and I wanted to prove that he was wrong.”

“So, you’re not self-centered?” John asked doubtfully.

“Of course I am, but he’s more so than I am,” Rodney admitted.

Both men laughed at Kavanagh’s expense, but it was John who continued on with the more grim discussion, “Seriously, I do like you, but I can’t make any promises, and I don’t want you to wait on me or to let someone else get away who wants to be with you.”

“When’s the last time you saw someone interested in me?”

“I’m sure there is someone on your scientific team that would like to pursue a relationship with you,” John reassured.

“No, there’s not. Self-centered geek here, remember?”

“Rodney, I’m serious. I don’t want you to be losing out because you’re waiting on me. It could be months, years, maybe even never before I am able to attempt intimacy with a man again. I just want to let you know that I don’t hate you for what you said or did, but I think that it is for the best if we stay just friends.”

Rodney wanted more, but he knew he had to be grateful for John’s forgiveness, “That works for me, and if you ever want more you just let me know.”

“Promise me that you won’t wait for me. I don’t need that type of pressure on me.”

Reluctantly Rodney agreed, “I promise that if someone else comes along that I like and who actually likes me, I will not let them slip through my fingers. Okay?”

John let out a sigh of relief, “Good, so we’re still teammates right?”

“Absolutely, can’t wait to watch you get into trouble.”

“Just so you can rescue me right?”

“It’s what I live for, well… that and coffee.”

“Does Kavanagh know about your obsession with coffee?” John teased.

“Major, I am not obsessed with coffee. Besides, he drinks more of the stuff than me.”

“That explains why the rest of us can’t get any. Both of you are self-centered coffee addicts. Maybe he can be your significant other. I heard that he was available.”

Rodney grabbed his notebook and tossed it towards Sheppard, “Get out! Get out of my lab now!”

Sheppard smiled and backed up to the door with his hands held up in surrender, “Hey, I’m just saying that you should give him a try. Just imagine what you could do with that greasy ponytail.”

“Major, I’m warning you that if I have nightmares about Kavanagh because of your taunting, I’m going to make your life a living hell on our next mission.”

John stepped through the door of the lab, “And that would be different how?”

Rodney watched the door close behind Sheppard grinning ear to ear with relief. It was good to have his friend back, and with any luck John would recover from his ordeal and ask for more.

***********************************

Three months later John’s Quarters:

Rodney looked down into the eyes of his lover looking for signs of discomfort and pain. He had waited three months for this day, and he was determined to make John not regret it. The initial penetration was awkward and John had made him stop several times willing himself to relax, but now that he was fully sheathed inside the man he loved, he knew that he was meant to be a part of John’s life forever.

Their earlier sexual encounters had consisted of mostly kissing, groping, and the occasional hand-job, but Rodney had kept his promise to John. He had not initiated any of the encounters, and he had made John come to him when he wanted emotional or physical intimacy. He never forced the issue of intercourse, appreciative of any physical contact he got from John, and he worshipped John’s mind and body whenever he was given the opportunity.

**********************************

John looked up into the eyes of his lover searching for any repulsiveness or doubt. He had made Rodney wait for months, and he was afraid that Rodney would regret waiting for something that was not worth waiting for. He had tried to make himself relax and enjoy Rodney’s presence inside him, but the doubts nagged at him constantly. He couldn’t understand why Rodney would want him after what he saw Kolya doing to him, and he couldn’t understand why after all this time he still couldn’t get over the assault.

Their earlier encounters had been fun, but John had always kept his doubts to himself. He had made Rodney wait until it felt right, but even now, as he was impaled on Rodney’s cock, he wasn’t sure that it was the right time. He felt tears slipping down the sides of his face in shame. He knew that Rodney would never want to be with him again after this disaster. How could anyone love someone who was so broken?

*****************************************

Rodney could see the wheels turning inside John’s head. He saw the tears, and he immediately stopped thrusting, “What’s the matter John?”

John could feel Rodney’s heartbeat pulsating inside him, and he closed his eyes in disgrace, “I’m sorry Rodney. I really thought that I was ready for this. I want to be ready for this.”

“Baby, I’m already inside you. What are you so afraid of? The worse part is over. There won’t be anymore pain, I promise.” He slowly slid in and out of his lover’s body kissing his lips and his face in the process, “That’s it John…Relax for me. It’s only me and you here. It’s time to kick that bastard out of our bed.”

John knew that Rodney was right. Kolya had disgraced him and humiliated him, but he couldn’t allow him to ruin the rest of his life. He arched his neck allowing Rodney to snake his tongue down to the sensitive spot behind his ear, “Rodney…please make me forget him.”

Rodney pushed aside the images that popped up inside his mind. The last thing he wanted to see was Kolya’s bloody cock slipping out of John’s torn rectum. He knew that John was struggling still with the assault, but he couldn’t allow the dead Genii to sabotage what he had been waiting for since Antarctica, “Let me help you John. Look into my eyes as I take you. Push aside all those doubts and trust me when I say that I love you.” He smiled when John wrapped his legs around his waist demanding more friction, “That’s it baby let me make you feel good. Let me remind you of what it’s suppose to be like.”

John looked into Rodney’s eyes as instructed, “Please love me Rodney…” He tried to catch his breath as Rodney angled his hips and hit his prostate just right, “Yes…that feels good…”

Rodney reached down in between their bodies and began stroking John’s erection, “Do you like that John?”

John devoured Rodney’s mouth moaning a response in between kisses, “It feels so good Rodney.” More fevered kissed followed, tongues dueling for control, “God, I love you Rodney. I love having you inside of me like this…Do you like being inside of me?”

Rodney chuckled, “You’re kidding me right? Of course I love being inside of you…You’re so hot…” He felt the familiar pressure in his testicles threatening to explode, “You’re so tight and you’re mine aren’t you?”

John felt Rodney’s cock swelling inside him, and he knew that they were both nearing a climax, so he squeezed Rodney’s dick with his internal muscles pulling out an orgasm from him. He felt Rodney’s release coating him on the inside and he felt Rodney stroking out his own release. John took a moment to catch his breath, “Rodney, I’m only yours…He’ll never share our bed again.”

Rodney felt his own heart threatening to burst out of his chest. He wasn’t sure if it was from the sex or from John’s statement, “I’m going to hold you to that. I don’t want to ever see doubt in your eyes again, and I don’t want you to flinch when I reach out to touch you.”

“I trust you Rodney. I know that you wouldn’t ever hurt me,” John squeezed his lover tenderly.

Rodney returned the hug, “Can I stay inside your body for the rest of the night? I don’t want to let you go?”

“Only if you get hard again,” John enticed.

Rodney felt his dick respond to John’s words, “Oh, I think I can manage that.”

“You better or I might just have to find me a certain other self-centered geek to do the job.”

Rodney grinned like an evil kitten, “The closest Kavanagh will ever come to you is in his dreams, and besides,” he bent down and bit John’s left nipple, “you promised that no one else would be in our bed again.”

John arched his back in mock pain as Rodney bit down on chewed on his other nipple, “Only if you can keep me satisfied…”

“I promise that you will never be disappointed because Dr. Rodney McKay always delivers.”

John sucked on his lower lip seductively, “Do you offer some sort of guarantee?”

Rodney pulled John’s legs apart and pushed them up to his chest, “One hundred percent satisfaction is guaranteed. Now would you like a sample of what I have to offer?” He slowly pulled his dick out of John’s tight hole and sunk back in quickly.

John shuddered in pleasure as he was impaled once again, “Dr. McKay, you can give me all the samples you want…”


************************************************

I know the ending was cheesy, but I wanted John and Rodney to be happy. It sort of made me sick to my stomach because it was too campy, but I can’t help where the muses lead me…

This is the end of Bitter Enemies. I have enjoyed writing this series, and I want to thank all those who have supported me and encouraged me to finish this story. I hope that you all enjoyed the John’s and Rodney’s painful quest for happiness.

Darkestangel