On the Subject of Morals

She Said Yes

Simon went over to the engine room and sat on the top step. "Kaylee, this is very important. I'm going to stick my foot in my mouth, so let me first say you're brilliant and pretty. You dozingzing things with the Serenity. No matter what stupid insulting thing I say, please, listen. Hear me out. Just remember I think you're pretty and intelligent."

Kaylee sat down with him and took his hand. "I'm pretty and intelligent."

"It's very important to the Alliance to have my sister alive," Simon started. "They don't have another girl to take her place."

"They may not like loose ends."

"They had opportunities to blow up the ship. I don't need to tell you that. I'm figuring that they want to breed us."

Kaylee looked at Simon like he grew another head.

"Early said that they wanted me too, but they weren't as fussy about the condition." Simon took Kaylee's hand. "They can clone from tissue culture, but fresh tissue works best. All my previous test tissue would have been bio hazard."

Kaylee patted his hand. "I follow."

"Why is this so difficult?" Simon smiled at her. "Kaylee, will you marry me?"

Kaylee kissed him. "Yes."

"I'll never be free and any children we have would be seen as subjects to experiment upon." Simon looked at their hands touching.

"I understand all that. I'm brilliant."

"And knowing all this. You still want to have a relationship with me." Simon touched her face.

"Shut up." Kaylee kissed him. This time it wasn't a little peek. She had him on the floor of the engine room. She had pulled his polo shirt off and had her hands in his pants. "You're a virgin."

"When I came aboard," Simon admitted.

"You're doing your sister," Kaylee said.

"I just insert my foot in my mouth and you're going to run off again."

"How could you?"

"River read my mind and knew I wanted her. For that, I'm ashamed."

Kaylee sat up then walked across the room. "You don't act on it."

"She would have been insulted and she has paranoid-schizophrenia and you saw what she did with the gun, and her eyes were closed. I have enough guilt. I've always considered myself a gentleman. Gentlemen don't do their sisters. Border world hicks do."

Still at the far end of the engine room, Kaylee said, "You believe if we marry that she'll stop asking."

Simon nodded. "She respects you."

"And she respects marriage."

"If I was still on Osiris, I wouldn't consider dating a mechanic and let alone marrying her. If that angers you, you can leave. As I said before, I do consider you my intellectual equal. By some miracle, if they find someone to replace my sister, then they'll just want us dead to remove any loose ends and we'll be free to establish new identities on any of the border worlds."

"What about your parents?"

"Dead and cloned or imprisoned. I'm sure we have brothers and sisters by now - all under Alliance control. I suspect none of them show the promise of River. We knew she was special before her first birthday." Simon lay down in the hammock.

"You said your piece and I haven't left." Kaylee walked toward him. "Let's go to my room."

"Let me say it this way. I would have loved you anywhere, but if I was still in my social circles, we would have never met."

"The gentlemen were crazy about me at the Persephone Shindig consider yourself lucky." Kaylee smiled brightly. "They saw me as honest and real, not a dress-up dlikelike the others."

"Like the dolls we smuggled." Simon laughed.

"Do you want to see the shepherd first?" Kaylee asked.

"Having sex couldn't change my mind."

"Mine either."

Simon kissed her cheek and let his hand dangle on her face. She put her hands in his pants and pulled down his pants enough to get his penis free. She then lowered her jumpsuit to her ankles. Then she helped him find her hole. Not only didn't they wait until they got married, they didn't wait until they got to Kaylee's quarters.

Kaylee whispered, "Engine rooms make me hot."

Simon just said, "Uh-uh."

The next day, Simon walked over to Book working out in cargo hold. "I want to get married."

"I don't condone incestuous unions," Book stated.

"Kaylee accepted my proposal and River respects marriage."

"Then, I would be honored to marry you."

Simon held Kaylee's hand at dinner. "We have some good news. Kaylee and I are getting married. Book will perform the ceremony. Kaylee, I'll get you a ring at the next world we visit."

Zoe said, "That's great news."

Wash said, "I was telling Zoe life moves forward. We wish you the best."

"Two married couples on ship," moaned Mal. "Three if you count what Book and Jayne are doing," he said under his breath.

After dinner, Mal went to the med bay. Simon was cleaning the bay. "Do you need anything?"

"No. How is the leg?"

"Fine. It hasn't ached for days. Kaylee kissed it all better." Simon didn't want to talk to the captain. "Kaylee and I will share a bunk after we're married and River will be across the corridor. I don't want to impose on Kaylee."

"That is between the three of you."

"River needs so much and none of her medications work in the long run. Unless we make another run to a Alliance hospital, I'll run out of combinations to try."

"I'll talk to Wash about your sister's medical needs. He and Zoe tend to do scheduling. onlyonly the captain."

"Thanks."

The captain left the med bay.

River put her arms around him. "I want some cuddling."

"I'm engaged." Simon put a hand on River's shoulder.

"Your mind says otherwise."

"I don't need to act on my thoughts. We're very lucky that Jayne and Book don't act on their thoughts." Thoughts like torture and killing. He didn't need to read minds to know that Jayne wanted him dead or, at least, off the Serenity. "The shepherd has more secrets than there are stars in the sky."

"It helps me stay calm. I need someone to hold me. Schizophrenics in a sexual relationship do better than ones alone." She moved her hand over his back.

"Mei-mei, I'll hold you. Nothing more." Simon kissed her forehead. Why did River have to use his own words against him? "Jayne wants me. Should he act on his feelings?"

"Would it hurt?" River asked.

"It could." Simon couldn't believe he was thinking about anal sex. Jayne must have thought he wrettretty to go through his clothes when he was taken; it wasn't like Simon's clothes could fit him. "I'm not giving anything to Jayne. I just proposed to Kaylee. I just using it as an example of not acting on everything we think about."

"Situations are so limited here. I need more to be entertained."

"Have Kaylee teach you engineering."

"I know every instrument on this ship. I could name every part and its serial number."

"We'll get you some books at our next stop." Simon stroked her hair.

"I'll read them in one night and be bored again." River licked around ear ear. "Snuggling with you calms my mind for a few moments. I don't think about a thousand and one things when you're on top of me."

"River, you know that this is wrong."

"And killing people and stealing property isn't." River moved her mouth over his throat. "I need to be touched."

"Kaylee has some puzzles in her bunk."

"They're boring to me."

"Let's do a puzzle with her. Kaylee is going to be your sister." Simon got out of the bed and took his sister's hand. He put his boots on. His parents had rules about going about the house without shoes. They had claimed that River and Simon weren't peasants. His boots, jeans and pullover shirt weren't the suit, tie and jacket of a proper doctor. Wearing shoes outside his quarters and using proper English helped to remind him of who he was. He wondered why he still cared about upbringing when his parents refused to help him find out about River because it might hurt their place in society. Kaylee misunderstood so much. He had a lifetime to make it up to her. He led River to Kaylee's cabin.

"River would like to do a puzzle," Simon told Kaylee at the door.

"I have one that I've haven't finished," Kaylee said. "Jayne and the captain buy them for me."

"Sounds good," Simon said.

Kaylee took a puzzle out from under her bed. "This might be a little of a challenge. It has the same picture on the front and back at a ninety-degree angle. I've never been able to put more than three pieces."

"She complains that she's always bored." Simon sat on the floor in front of the bed.

"They always have brain teasers and quiz books at general stores," Kaylee said. "We'll be staying at Whitefall for sometime."

"I promised Kaylee I go landside to get her a ring," Simon said to River as she sat on the floor near him. He started to take the puzzle out of the box. "It looks challenging."

River picked up a piece put it on the floor, looked at the pieces, and felt them. She found a piece and connected it to the piece on floor. She completed the process without error until the puzzle was finished.

Kaylee smiled. "Now, that is scary."

"She's amazing." Simon moved a hand over his sister's face.

River looked at the completed puzzle. "Do you have more puzzles?"

"Of course, but they're easier," Kaylee said.

"More pieces?" Simon asked.

Kaylee nodded and took out a five thousand-piece puzzle. "Jayne brought me this one as a birthday present, saying it would take me months to finish it."

River found this one to be more challenging. She actually made a few errors in picking out the pieces. River yawned. She was getting tired, and Simon needed to take her to her bed and tuck her in. Simon wondered if their parents were still alive. Simon now needed to be mother, father as well as big brother. River needed someone else to play the role of lover. His conscience couldn't handle it.

"Captain says I'm responsible for her." Simon escorted River to her room. He didn't know if Mal still wanted him to watch her constantly, but if she got into trouble, he would be blamed again. River lied on the bed. Simon took off his shoes, lied beside his sister and held her until she fell asleep.

Then Simon returned to Kaylee's room. "Let's do a puzzle together."

Kaylessedssed him. "What was Jayne talking about at dinner a few nights ago?"

"He wants to get into Book's pants. The captain idea of fun is getting into a bar fight and Jayne's idea of fun is bedding a local; these two ideas are mutually exclusive. Jayne says these erotic things to Book to try to wear him down. He thinks sodomizing a 50 something virgin would be the ultimate prize." Simon laughed.

"Where do you hear these things?"

"River babbles."

"I thought brooks babble." The pun was bad considered the shepherd's name was Book, not Brook.

Simon laughed anyway. "Just listen to the things he says when he spots old man."

"I don't want to know."

"I'm only needed when someone is hurt. The selection of books at the border towns leaves much to be desired and all the medical discs we stole on Ariel I've already read."

"Wash has books."

"I read them all. River's care keeps me busy but it gets monotonous and she isn't a cooperative patient."

"Once we're married, I can help you calm her," Kaylee said.

"It's not your responsible. I don't want to burden you."

"And like you, I have so much to do. I can teach you hovercraft mechanics. Another set of hands would increase our spee
"
"River could help. She likes physical activities."

"I don't know if I want her touching high power equipment."

"She's so brilliant; she makes you and I look like ants. Besides, she can kill us all with her mind: she doesn't need a drill."

"That is so comforting." Kaylee put the puzzle back into the box. "Other than the last remark. You aren't putting your foot in your mouth as much as usual."

"You said yes." Simon put his arms around her.

Kaylee touched his face. "We don't have to talk."

"I'm rather tired." Simon climbed into the small bed.

Kaylee got in beside him and turned toward him pressing her body against him. "This is nice."

The next day, Simon and Kaylee came into Shepherd Book's cabin. The two of them had silly grins on their faces.

"Well," said Book.

"We are going planetside to get a ring. Would you watch River for us?" Simon asked.

"I'll watch her this time," said the shepherd, "But I won't watch her for the entire honeymoon."

"Then you will watch her part of the time," said Simon.

"A couple hours," said the old man. "To consummate your marriage, nothing more."

Kaylee hugged the old preacher. "Thank you."

"Where is my charge?" Book asked.

"In her room," said Simon.

"Then I better watch her. Stay out of trouble."

Kaylee squeezed Simon's hand. "No getting kidnapped or getting hit by stray bullets. We promise."

Kaylee and Simon left the Serenity with Zod Wad Wash.

Wash said, "Two marriage couples on board. Mal will have a cow."

"He had a shipload," said Kaylee. "He will just have to get married."

"He is married and his ms gas gave me a headache." Wash felt his head like he was reliving the pain. "His little lady has some kick."

"That doesn't countaid aid Kaylee.

"The naked captain innt snt says differently," said Zoe. "She still affects him. What made you decide to get married?"

"I love being with Kaylee," Simon said. "We're good together."

"You can just have sex," Wash said.

Zoe fake punched him. "I think it's romantic."

"I told Kaylee that if we met by chance, before I became involved subversive activities to rescue my sister, I would still have loved her." Simon squeezed her hand.

"That's sweet," Zoe said.

"It took me a long time to convince her of that. Just because proximity is the main reason people marry, it isn't the only reason," Simon explained.

"You and Mal never married," Kaylee added.

"I despised Wash when I met him," Zoe said.

"And two days later, we were in bed." put put his hand on her hand.

"How romantic," Kaylee said.

"I know captain likes to park away from the towns when we aren't picking up passengers, but are we ever going to get there?" Simon looked down the dirt path to the small town in the distance. "Do you think there is a jeweler here?"

"The town will have silversmith," Kaylee said. "He can make us rings; it will be personal, not a mass-produced ring that you can get in a big store."

"Why are we out here?" Simon asked.

"Inara is meeting a customer. We're far from the Alliance out here so no one should cause you and your sister trouble," Wash said.

"Captain is going to try to get us back into the savage business," Zoe said. "He'll be speaking to his contact during the next several days."

"Do married couples always finish each other's sentences?" Simon teased.

"Only if you've been married a long time," Wash said.

Finally, they reached a town and they had silversmith. He agreed to make rings at a very reasonable price. He said it was very romantic. "What brings you out here?"
e Cae Captain has a long strange relationship with the governor of this planet," Zoe said.

Which usually ends with Mal getting a bullet or two in him, Simon thought. They wouldn't be dealing with Patience this time. "We're just picking up some fuel and other supplies and moving on."

"There are a restaurant in town that serves fusion. The saloon sells sandwiches," the silversmith said. "The noodles aren't too bad."

"Thanks," Zoe said. "We'll be back in an hour or so."

"They'll be done," the man said.

"Zoe, have you thought about children?" Kaylee asked, looking at the silver candlesticks.

"Wash wants them, but the idea having one aboard ship," Zoe said.

"You could settle somewhere," Simon said.

"Serenity is our home," Wash said. "Your sister might make a great babysitter."

"If I find her the right medication," Simon said.

After the rings were made, they returned to the ship. Everyone gathered in the cargo. Inara came out of her shuttle. "I can stay for the wedding."

"We have real cake from a real bakery for the reception," Wash said.

"It even has the little plastic dolls on top," Jayne said.

"Real eggs and everything," said Simon.

"I'm staying for the reception," Inara said. "So where is the bride?"

"River and her are getting dress," Zoe said.

"Are you going to wear that for your wedding?" Inara asked.

"It's my nicest suit," Simon replied. It was worn like all his clothes, but was a very fine tailored suit with a silk waistcoat.

River arrived with Book. In a dress that she borrowed from Inara, River looked very beautiful with her hair done. Book walked to the front of the cargo deck.

Finally, the captain ved.ved. "What's going here?" The wedding was the only thing the crew had been talking about the last few days.

"Can't you tell from the cake?" Jayne asked.

Kaylee, wearing her pink and white dress with hoop skirt, walked down the catwalk. She smiled at the captain. He took arm and walked to her groom's side.

Book opened his Bible and asked, "Are you sure that you want to go through with this?"

"Pronounce them man and wife so I can get some cake," Jayne snapped.

Wash said, "If Kaylee doesn't marry him, Jayne will."

"I know where you sleep," Jayne said.

"I knew there was a reason I married a warrior woman," Wash clung to Zoe's arm. "Protect me and my assets."

"Wash, you can insult Jayne later. Let's get back to the wedding," the captain said.

Book performed the ceremony, they exchanged rings and they both said, "I will." Book then said, "I pronounced husband and wife."

Jayne cut himself a huge piece of cake and started eating it.

"The bride and groom are suppose to cut the cake," the captain yelled.

"I couldn't wait any longer," Jayne said with a mouthful of cake.

"Some people eat to live while other people live to eat," Wash stated.

Simon and Kaylee cut a piece of cake together.

"I left them the dolls," Jayne said.

Inara wiped the cake off the dolls and wrapped them in a napkhilehile Simon and Kaylee were sitting on the steps feeding each other cake with her hoops going up; it wasn't very dignified. Kaylee took the dolls from Inara.

"Best wishes." Inara kissed her cheek.

"I'm getting into something more comfortable," said Kaylee.

"I'm going with you," said Simon.

"That wedding was shorter than mine," said Mal.

"I knew I was getting married," Simon sneered. "Captain, we can talk later. I have a wife to get out of a dress."

"I won't keep you." Mal smiled.