The Beast

Part 4
~Sam’s thoughts – her POV ~
What is wrong with me?
I know damn well what’s wrong. I’m lonely. Why must I always be alone? Am I alone? I keep hearing that voice in my head telling me ‘I’ll always be alone’. Is it right? Everyone I’ve loved dearly has left me before. Dad, George, Mom. Mom? Mom hasn’t left me. She’s been staying away from me lately though. It could be just to give me space to work this through. Mom does know me pretty well. Then there’s Brooke…
Brooke. Even thinking the word ‘Brooke’ makes me feel all warm inside. And sad. Why is it so hard? Why is it so confusing? I think about her and I feel so good inside but then I feel so bad. Why does thinking about her make me feel so bad? It’s tearing me apart inside! I want so much to grab her and hold her forever and ever. But everything about her makes me so sad!
Maybe it’s knowing she’ll never feel the same way about me. Brooke is straight. Even if she wasn’t, why would she ever love someone as screwed up as me.
Maybe she does love me. She has been pretty nice to me lately. No she doesn’t you dope. Just because she’s been nice lately doesn’t mean she loves me. If I ever get through this she’ll be fighting with me again just like always.
Just like always. Crap. She’ll be pissed off at me again, and I’ll be fighting with her all the while wishing I could just hold her. At least fighting with her I can get close to her… even if it’s only being in the same room as her.
I hate being in the same room as her! Just being near her makes me feel bad. And she’s been hanging around me so much lately. She’s been so nice to me lately it’s been bordering on flirting. Why must she be so nice? Doesn’t she know it hurts? Of course not, how can she know? Geez, I’m quoting my own poem now. How did that part go again?
“Doesn't she know, I'll give my life for her?
of course not, can can she know?
she thinks I'm nothing more
than another fool in a row.”
‘Another fool in a row’. That about sums me up pretty well. God it hurts so much! I wish that damn screaming would stop! There’s no human utterance to describe it! I would give anything for it to stop. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Even Nicole. Brooke. God, I would kill myself before I ever made Brooke hear that sound!
Brooke… It keeps coming back to her doesn’t it? I keep feeling this way because I hurt myself. It’s my fault. I was foolish enough to think I could have a family… Mom, Mike, Brooke… But I keep hurting myself and them. Brooke’s sad, Mom’s sad… It’s all because of me. It’s my fault.
I’m a bad person. If I keep this up, I’ll just hurt them further. I’ll hurt Brooke further. I’ve already made her sad and cry. I’m so sorry Brooke! I’m so sorry! I never meant to hurt you! But that’s all I’ll ever do. Hurt you.
I love you. God help me, I love you. And the “curse of my terrible love” will only hurt you further…
… If I stay.
I love you so much and my love will destroy you. I have to take it away so it can’t hurt you any more.
~ End Sam’s POV ~
Taking a copy of the poem from her printer, Sam walks over to Brooke’s room. She had skipped last period of school so she could get this done and be gone before anyone got home. Sam looked around Brooke’s room and inhaled her scent. It was home. But she had to leave it if she was to save Brooke from her. Gently she laid the poem on Brooke’s pillow with a small note.
Returning to her room, she picked up her bags and walked out of the house with tears in her eyes.
* * *
Brooke ran upstairs after returning home from school. She had waited for Sam but she never showed up to get a ride home. After a quick search of her normal hang-outs at school, she sped home.
Brooke ran down the hallway, fear tearing her heart apart. She threw open the door to Sam’s room without bothering to knock.
“Sam?!?!” She cried desperately. She knew something was wrong. She just couldn’t put her finger on it and it terrified her. Sam wasn’t in her room. But something was wrong. Her room was neat. She opened Sam’s dresser and noticed most of Sam’s clothes were gone.
Brooke ran over to Sam’s closet and tearing it open, noticed her luggage was gone. “Sam!” Brooke yelled.
Running to her own room, hoping maybe Sam was in there for some reason, she looked around desperately and failing to see her there, collapsed on her bed, crying openly.
Feeling something rustle under her hand, she picked up two sheets of paper. One was a poem, the other was a note:
Brooke,
I’m so sorry I made you sad the other day. But it’s my own fault. Everyone I care about gets hurt because of me. I don’t want to keep hurting you and I know if I stay, that’s exactly what will happen. The poem is just to show you how I feel inside. I’m so sorry for hurting you. But at least with me gone, I can’t hurt you any more.
I love you,
Sam
Tears flowing freely down her face, she switched over to the poem, reading it several times, she didn’t say a word. Getting up off the bed, and walking over to Sam’s room, she looked at Sam’s now empty bed. Her arms fell limp to her sides, the forgotten pieces of paper falling to the floor. Starting to shake, she threw her head back and screamed, “SSSAAAAAMMMMMMMMYYYY!!”