Love's Sweet Revenge

"Boy, it's about time you two gave it up for the night," Aphrodite observed with a yawn many hours later, as dawn was already beginning to creep over the horizon. All that humping and bumping and moaning and groaning had been getting a little tiresome to observtilltill, to see things had gone so... exhaustingly well with the first part of her plan would make the second part that much better.

"Fun time's over, boys. Time to bring Autobaby back to his senses." Brushing her hand gently over his sleeping face, 'Dite removed the spell as easily as it had been applied. In a few hours, Autolycus would awaken and remember every excruciating detail of what he had done, and with who, but he'd have no idea why.

"Don't mess with the Goddess of Love, honey, unless you're ready to pay the consequences. Remember that the next time you steal anything from one of my temples," she warned. Would he figure out she was responsible for this? She certainly hoped so! But let him suffer a bit first, before he came begging to her for forgiveness, she decided, feeling quite pleased with herself. She left the room as quickly and undetected as she had arrived.

* * * * *

Autolycus drifted slowly out of his pleasant, wonderfully peaceful slumber, sunlight pressing warmly against the outside of his eyelids as it came streaming through the open windows of the bedroom. He breathed in deeply, yawned and stretched, his body aching in that delicious way that only came after a night of hot, satisfying sex. The air around him was still thick with the musky, sweet smell of passion spent, and the warm body of his partner still rested soundly against his side. Strange, how in his sleepy and tired haze he could not quite remember who that partner was, only how utterly amazing the night had been...such fire and desire as he could never remember feeling before. His eyes were barely fluttering open as he tried to put the pieces of his memories together, his hand drifting over the bare skin under his fingers, recognizing finally the flesh of his lover...

Oh Gods.

No.

No. It...can't be...

He froze as the details of the night before started returning in a torrent of images and memories. Not just that night, but the past few days...his irrational, sudden desire to be with this...this...

Joxer?! What in the names of the Gods had gotten into him?

Joxer, apparently, as he remembered in horror how the night had finished before they'd finally fallen into an exhausted sleep.

He felt sick. Nauseous. Embarrassed-no, make that completely and utterly mortified.

The Gods had been playing with him, that was it. Had to be. He'd pissed someone high-up off and they'd played a cruel joke on him in revenge. Made him act like a deranged, lovesick puppy over...over... Oh Gods...

"Heh, heh. Real funny, this is. Oh man..." I have got to get out of here. He needed to vamoose before Joxer woke up, to run off and try to reclaim his dignity. If anyone had seen him acting like...like he'd been in love with...he could barely stand to think about it!

He heard Joxer murmuring something, but the man was still mostly asleep. This was good, Autolycus decided, for he could perhaps sneak out of the room before Joxer awoke. Act like this had never happened, yes, that was what he would have to do.

Carefully, using all his skills to maneuver out from under the body clinging to him (don't think about it...try not to think about his bare skin touching mine, oh sweet mother of Zeus, what did I do to deserve this!), he slipped out from under the covers and skulked across the floor. Trying not to make a sound, he began dressing as quickly as he dared. He was just bending over to lace up his boots when a voice froze him, calling his name, "Autolycus? Whatcha doin'?"

The question was asked in a playful tease. Auto turned around slowly, trying to grin in return. "Oh, hey there. I was...just planning on running out for a quick..." Escape? "...breakfast. Yes. To bring to you. Breakfast in bed, my love."

Joxer gave a catlike smile in response. Auto remembered with a flush the last time he had seen that wicked grin, almost felt his body responding to the thought... Uh uh, stop right there, compadre, he scolded himself. He did not want to think about it-he just wanted to get out of there!

"Auto, you are so romantic," Joxer sighed, then with puppydog eyes, he added, "But don't I get a kiss before you leave? I'll miss you while you're gone."

Oh Gods, don't make me do that... "Uh, sure, but...why don't we both just savor the expectation instead, huh?" He finished lacing his boots and grabbed his small bag of tools, ready to make his break. "I'll be back before you know it."

"What do you need your bag for? You said you were going to be right..." Joxer stopped, confusion giving way to understanding as his expression turned cold.

Damn, he's smarter than I gave him credit for.

"You're not coming back," Joxeatedated, the smile completely gone.

"Hey, listen, it's nothing personal, Joxer, it's just...I've got a reputation to maintain, okay? I don't know what got into me, except I have a sneaking suspicion that either Aphrodite or Cupid was responsible for it. So let's simply...do each other big a favor and forget about last night, okay?"

"No! No, it's not okay!" Joxer exclaimed angrily. Auto hated it, but he actually was feeling...guilty?...for the look of pain on the young man's face. The wetness in his wide eyes was threatening suddenly to turn into a flood of tears. "Last night you told me you loved me! I didn't believe it at first, but you swore to me it was the truth! And I...you seduced me into this bed, you kept telling me how much I meant to you...and now you're telling me it was all a lie? You're just going to run out on me?"

"Joxer, I'm sorry, all right? But you're...you're not my type. What do you want me to say? Should I lie to yoout out that now?"

There was silence for a moment. "Yes," Joxer answered seriously. "I'd really like to be able to believe that lie for a little bit longer, that someone might actually love me."

Damn. There's that guilt again. "Joxer..."

"No, forget it. Go. That's all you want to do. Get out of here."

"Joxer..."

"GET OUT!" Joxer screamed at him, with a rage that shocked Autolycus. He dec he\ he'd better not stick around to find out if it was the psycho-side of Joxer's family finally coming out. He grabbed all his things and headed for the door.

* * * * *

He wasn't going to cry.

Warriors aren't supposed to cry-especially not over wimpy things like love and broken hearts. Warriors are strong, impermeable to the feeble turmoils inflicted by their emotions.

Dammit, I'm no warrior. I can't even pretend to be one very well. And I am going to cry, because no one is here to see what a loser I am anyway.

Joxer curled miserably up into the blankets, grabbing a pillow and using it to mask his sobbing. A few hours ago he'd felt like the luckiest man on the planet, basking in the love Autolycus professed to feel towards him. It quickly had stopped mattering why, or how, Autolycus could have such strong feelings towards him. It had stopped mattering that it was a man who felt this way towards him, not a woman. Not Gabrielle.

He had been loved. For once he'd thought he'd known what it felt like to share passion with someone who loved him-him, not simply the money he'd leave behind on the bedstand in payment.

And it had all been a damn lie.

Just like the time he'd thought Gabrielle had loved him, and then he found out it had only been a misfired arrow from Cupid's bow. He'd felt enough of a fool that time-and now, he'd fallen for the same stupid trick again.

The Gods hate me, he decided. He would never find someone who loved him, because the Gods considered him as much of a fool, a dupe, as the rest of the world.

It simply wasn't fucking fair. As far as he could tell he'd never done anything to deserve this type of punishment. Not even his brother Jayce-not even he had it this bad. If only he knew what he was doing wrong...if he could figure out what was wrong with him and how he could fix it...

The sun continued to rise and spread cheerful light outside, but inside the room Joxer could not see or feel anything beyond the dark clouds tormenting his heart and his soul.

* * * * *

Cupid perched on the windowsill, a golden shimmer in the sun's bright rays. He shook his head in dismay at the havoc his mother had caused. Sure, she'd gottetolytolycus back for the burglary, but had it been necessary to drag this mortal down, too? Or course, he knew full well that 'Dite tended not to worry about these sorts of things, especially when she got herself all worked up and insulted. Her ego was pretty fragile these days, and the minor problems and heartbreaks of mortals were secondary matters, even for the Goddess of Love.

He wondered if there was anything he could do to sort out this mess-without pissing off his mother by interfering with her schemes. He couldn't officially get involved unless one of the mortals asked for his help. That was the way things usually worked. But hopefully, Auto was smart enough to figure out what was going on, and perhaps come calling to him, hoping for an audience with a God who might be able to appease Aphrodite. Or the thief would simply return what he'd stolen and beg for forgiveness directly. Then Cupid might be able to do something to help Joxer out.

Cupid hoped that either way, Autolycus wouldn't take very long. He could sense something a little too dark in Joxer's mind for this situation to have anything close to a happy resolution if the thief took too long.

* * * * *

Autolycus had no particular place he needed to be (except elsewhere) but he set course out of Arta at a determined pace. His only objective was to put distance between himself and Joxer. A few thousand miles would do nicely.

He avoided meeting the eyes of any other travelers he passed, irrationally afraid that somehow, they would be able to tell what he had done-and more importantly with whom-simply by looking at him. He was therefore thankful when he could turn off onto a quiet, growingly deserted path leading east from the village into the nearby forest.

"I'm ruined...doomed..." he moaned miserably to himself, unable to quite believe it all still. "If he ever opens that big mouth of his about what happened..." He shuddered to even think about it. It was too terrible to imagine.

Autolycus' thoughts were a whirlwind. He hadn't lied when he'd told Joxer he'd never been with a man before. No siree. He'd never even given the idea a serious thought. He was a ladies' man, after all. He loved women, and they loved him. End of the story, and he liked it very much, thank you, precisely like that.

But, dammit, there was a catch that was bugging him the more he thought about it-something he seemed unable to stop doing despite his best efforts otherwise.

He'd enjoyed it.

Spell (curse!) of the Gods or not, he'd apparently loved every last second of it. Even now he couldn't deny that it had been one of the best nights of nonstop bootythumping he could remember. His mind plagued him with images, feelings...when he closed his eyes he could see Joxer gazing up at him with those big liquid eyes, while his mouth was wrapped hungrily around his cock...

"Don't do this to me..." he groaned, trying to shake the image out of his head. He had to pause to take a breather, sitting down for a moment at the base of a tree. Merely the memory was beginning to arouse him.

"Don't you realize who you're getting all hot about? Get over it!" he yelled at his body, in particular a certain part of his anatomy which often, he felt, acted with a mind all of its own. Like now. He wasn't going to take the blame for feeling this way. Not over Joxer. Joxer was...well...Joxer! There shouldn't be anything more that needed to be said beyond that.

But it was no use. He couldn't get rid of this strange sensation...he wasn't going to call it attraction, and he sure wasn't going to call it what he'd apparently called it last night-"love". The King of Thieves didn't do love. Especially not with goofy, annoying and scrawny guys...not even if they had impressive equipment...and knew how to do things with that body and that equipment... Oh Gods, what am I even thinking?! I can't be having these thoughts. I've got to be going insane!

Either that, or I'm still be under some God's spell, he rationalized, immediately brightening at that thought. That's it, that's what it's got be! I've got to find out who's responsible for this, and what I can do to get rid of it. Get back to my normal, femaleloving self.

There-he could live with himself and these feelings he was still having if he could convince himself it was still the result of one of the Gods mucking about with his brain. All he had to do was find out which one, and what he needed to do to fix things. That should be simple enough.

He believed there was a temple for Cupid no more than a few hours' walk from Arta, for he remembered passing it when he'd first headed into the town several days past. He got back to his feet and started walking, this time with determination, for now he had a plan and an acceptable answer for his strange feelings.

True, there was a little niggling voice in the back of his mind-something to do with his conscience. But he was used to ignoring that voice, even when it wasn't nagging at him as strongl it it was now.

Joxer was really upset when you left, it was saying to him.

"You don't need to remind me," he answered it. "But I can't do anything about that right now."

Yes you can. Just turn around. Apologize. You can deal with the Gods later. They've got plenty of time to kill.

"No."

Why not?

"Because I'll probably end up jumping him again." The truthful answer came faster to Auto than he liked, so he quickened his pace.

And that would be wrong because...

"Just shut up and leave me alone," he tried to silence those doubts. But he wasn't having very much luck with them. "I don't need any Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes ideas about what I should do. So I hurt someone's feelings. Big deal. I've got an image to protect, for Zeus' sake!"

Alone and brooding, he kept walking, and thinking. Arguing with himself, mostly. What was it that was so bad about Joxer anyhow? he found himself wondering at one point, trying to make himself feel better, thinking that maybe Joxer wasn't the worst person in the world to be having these feelings for. What exactly was wrong with him? Besides, of course, his clumsiness and ineptitude with so many seemingly simple tasks. Fighting. Social skills. Walking. His incredibly, unbelievably inflated image of himself. And that god-forsaken pasta-strainer excuse of a helmet.

Okay, so there were a lot of things wrong with Joxer. And those were the things that had popped into his mind without even thinking hard.

But there had to be some things right about him. Otherwise he wouldn't still be alive, considering his aforementioned ineptitude and love of getting into dangerous situations. Xena and Gabrielle seemed to think he was at least useful for something or other, for if not they wouldn't tolerate him hanging around so much. And Auto did realize that that annoying "Joxer the Mighty" persona was a joke that even Joxer himself was aware of-and probably more painfully so than anyone else.

He remembered some of the things they had talked about in the night, those secrets of the soul that new lovers always shared in quiet, reverent voices in the early days of a relationship. The stories Joxer had shared about growing up as the ineffective son of an important warlord, always in his brother Jett's shadow...always bearing the brunt of the derision from every other successfully deviant member of his extended family. How he'd set off on his own finally, hoping to learn the skills of a warrior that had somehow escaped him at home...

"I've tried...I just can't understand why it never seems to work out. Xena and Gabby make it all look so easy, but no matter how hard I try, something always messes things up for me. I'm not even trying to prove anything to my family anymore-I don't want to be a tyrant like my dad, or a ruthless assassin like Jett. I want to do good things. But I'm beginning to think I'm simply not good enough."

"We can't all be like Xena, Jox. All we can do is try to be the best we can, and do the best we can with what we have to work with."

"Well, what about when your best only seems to cause more trouble than if you'd done nothing at all? Maybe I've got so little to work with, it's not even worth trying."

"I see someone here with a lot to work with. A good heart. Loyalty, perseverance. A kind of innocence most of us lost ages ago...I can't remember ever having any, myself...You just have some...rough edges...to work off, that's all."

"Really?"

"Really."

"...Can you help me?"

"I can certainly try."

Joxer snuggled closer against his body, sighing contentedly. As Autolycus was almost drifting asleep from exhaustion, Joxer jarred him back awake by a sudden questioning, "Auto?"

"Hmm?"

"You really meant it, when you said you loved me, didn't you."

"I did. I do. I love you, exactly the way you are, Jox. Rough edges and all."

Joxer was quiet again for a long moment, his thumb tracing slow circles on Auto's chest. "I think I'm falling in love with you too, Autolycus. So I just wanted to be sure."

Auto blinked and drew himself out of the memory. His regrets over running this morning grew worse, remembering Joxer's complete trust in him, and his words of devotion, words that had sounded and felt so true when they'd been spoken. His anger at the Gods was taking on a new flavor as he quickened his pace to the temple; as mad as he was at the way he'd been manipulated, he was growing angrier that they could toy with Joxer's fragile mind in a perhaps crueler fashion.

But was that cruelty their fault, or his own?

Or were the Gods out to punish Joxer for something, not him, as he'd originally assumed?

Too many questions, and there were no easy answers.

* * * * *