You Can't Fight a Tidal Wave

"Reporting as ordered, Captain." Data said as he stepped up to Picard, where the elder man stood in his ready room.

"Thank you, Mr. Data." the Captain said and motioned for him to sit down on the couch.

Data obeyed, and the Captain sat next to him with a seemingly uncomfortable expression, which the younger man didn't understand.

The Captain looked at him with a tight smile "How are you, Data?"

"Fine, Sir. Thank you." he answered on his usual silent voice.

The elder man nodded "Grand." and gazed away thoughtfully.

After a long, uncomfortable minute of silence, Data decided to take the initiative "Captain. Was there something specific you wanted to see me about?"

The older man turned to him absently and smiled embarrassed "Yes, Mr. Data. Of course there is." he stood up and went to stand with his back to his wide desk - he seemed somehow uneasy to Data. He finally looked into his eyes "I got Counsellor Troi's report on your condition. I was very glad to hear that you've almost fully recovered."

"Yes, Sir." Data nodded still waiting for the Captain to finally get to the point. What was he hesitating about? Did he have doubts about Counsellor Troi's report? Or did he have doubts about him?

The Captain eyed him cautiously: "And how are you feeling?"

Data gave him a small, embarrassed smile "You just asked me, Captain. I feel fine."

"Oh, yes, of course..."

"Captain. If you have doubts about me returning to duty, I can assure you that--"

But the Captain cut in raising his hand "No, no! I don't have doubts, Data. I just..." he shrugged then went back to the couch and sat next to him "Let me speak candidly..." he sighed uncomfortably gazing away "You and I share a very similar experience. And I know about myself that it does haunt me from time to time. This is why I'm asking you: are you sure, you're feeling alright?" he finally looked into Data's eyes "Are you sure you're fit for duty?"

"Captain, I..." Data shook his head unsure how to convince him "In all honesty, I feel fine. My abduction, and my ...connection to the Queen did not leave me unchanged, that is true. I do know I can never be the same person I used to be before I was abducted. I still think about it and about her and about... how she died. Sometimes I feel... a little part of me was lost there in Engineering. However, my memories do not control my life anymore."

Picard nodded, and this time, he fully believed what he heard. He felt exactly the same way, when he finally managed to overcome the after-effect of his own abduction: free of the immediate symptoms but forever changed. After another long minute, he looked at Data with regret in his eyes.

"I owe you an apology, Data." he told him on a low voice.

The younger man just looked at him confused "An apology for what, Captain?"

"I should have gone to you while you were off duty. I should've talked to you, somehow help you through..."

"Oh, I can assure you Captain, I do not hold any grudge about that against you. I know how precious your time is. Please do not feel remorse over it."

"No, Data, I could have found the time. I just... I just couldn't find the courage." he admitted, and Data gazed at him stunned. The Captain went on "Seeing you being so depressed, so isolated because of your abduction, seeing you being dragged deeper and deeper into that dark pit I myself know so precisely... it made me feel... scared, Data." he confessed finally "I didn't want to be reminded of what I went through. I wanted to be as far from it as it's possible. I especially didn't want to talk about it at all. If I went to you... I knew I would have had to talk about my own experiences. And I couldn't find the courage. That's the truth." he gazed away and shrugged slightly "Oddly enough, I find it easy to talk about it now to you. You made me realize you're the only person who can understand it fully." he added silently.

Data waited until the Captain finally looked into his eyes, and he smiled a small, timid smile "I understand, Sir. You need not to explain yourself. Talking about my issues have definitely been the most difficult thing I have had to do ever since I have my emotion-chip. I also wish I could leave all of my experiences behind and return to my life."

The Captain nodded and finally smiled at his friend "I can help you with that. Mr. Data, from tomorrow onwards, you're returned to duty."

They stood up smiling and shook hands firmly.