Infinity

TITLE: Infinity (33/36)

AUTHOR: Master F&M

FANDOM: Law and Order: SVU

RATING: Everything from PG to R—just like life.

SUMMARY: A Fin-based saga to follow his life that isn’t seen on the show.

DISCLAIMER: L&O: SVU and all its characters belong to Dick Wolf, NBC, and whomever

                          else puts the show out for our enjoyment. I just get to play with them.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Sam is a character of my own creation. She does not exist on the show.

FEEDBACK: Please give some. For entertainment purposes only.

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CHAPTER 33

            Fin looked around his old apartment while he waited for Dorian to finish dressing. They
were going out tonight and Fin had offered to pick him up. Dorian really hadn’t changed it all
that much. A few pieces of furniture had been moved, and of course it now held Dorian’s
personal items instead of Fin’s, but for the most part, it pretty much looked the same.

            Fin wasn’t too surprised. He’d discovered a while ago that their tastes tended to run the
same. Dorian was particularly fond of Fin’s clothes, and on more than one occasion, Fin had to
concede ownership of a shirt or jacket that he never got to wear anymore.

            He walked over to the mantle. Here was the most noticeable difference. Where it used to
hold just the picture of Fin and Dorian at the circus, and the Yoruban art figure, it now held a
collection of photos.

            Fin scanned the frames, taking note of their content. Nearly everyone was represented.
There were several shots of him and Dorian alone, including Dorian’s copy of the circus picture.
One frame held a photo of Dorian with the Carvers, while another showed Fin with his hand
protectively over Sam’s now protruding belly.

            Dorian hadn’t been surprised when Fin told him that he was moving in with Sam. Not
wanting her to be alone, he was spending every night there anyway, and wanted to be more on
hand to help her with the everyday little things that she was beginning to find difficult to do.
When Sam suggested he just move in with her, Fin had readily agreed and had bequeathed his
apartment to his son.

            Dorian was more than happy that he didn’t have to find another place to live, and had
agreed with his father that he should pay rent. Though Sam had thought that they should allow
him to live there rent free, Fin had insisted that Dorian would and should want to pay his own
way. He’d been right, and he and Dorian had agreed on an amount that wasn’t a hardship on
either of them.

            Fin moved on to the shot that he himself had insisted they take; the one of him and
Dorian together with Sam and with what Fin was certain was going to be Dorian’s little brother.
He had mentally dubbed it ‘My New Peace’, and had given his copy of the portrait center stage
on his desk at the station.

            Fin lingered over the picture of Dorian posing with his parents and sisters. It still
saddened him that he had no real relationship with them, but he was glad that Dorian at least had
found a place among them.

            He looked at the remaining pictures, noting that there was even one of Sam and Munch.

Conspicuously absent, however, were any pictures of Charlene. Dorian apparently was still at
odds with her and seemed content with maintaining his distance. She, nonetheless, despite her
vow to have nothing more to do with him, was not satisfied with the situation and had made
several attempts to contact him. As far as Fin knew, though, Dorian still hadn’t spoken to her.

            “Okay. I’m all ready to go.” Fin turned as Dorian came into the living room. He cocked
his head to the side and smiled a little as he recognized the leather jacket he’d been missing.

            “I was wondering where this was.” He reached over and adjusted the collar.

            “Oh.” Dorian gave him a guilty grin. “I was just borrowing it for a little while. You
don’t mind, do you?”

            “Nah.” He dusted the shoulders. “It looks good on you.”

            “Yeah? Thanks.” He looked down at himself. “Mom never used to let me wear stuff
like this when I lived with her. She said leather was a material for the masses.” He shook his
head and scowled.

            “She could be such a bitch about stuff like that.”

            Fin frowned. He knew where Dorian was coming from, but all the same . . . He put a
hand on Dorian’s shoulder.

            “I know you ain’t real fond of her right now, and I can’t say that I blame you after what’s
she’s done, but she is still your mother and you need to respect that.”

            Dorian started to protest, but caught the look in his father’s eyes. He knew better than to
argue with it. “Yeah, okay.” Fin gave his shoulder a squeeze then offered him his keys.

            “You wanna drive? Might be fun to operate something a little cooler than that sensible
thing you tool around in.”

            “Hey, I had to buy it. I wasn’t given a choice.” He snatched the keys. “And I guess I’d
better drive your cool-mobile now before you trade it in for what, a minivan?”

            Fin gave him an I-don’t-think-so look. “Naw, boy, you got it all wrong.” He put an arm
around Dorian’s shoulder and led him through the door.

            “Little Fin’s gonna be doped out. I can see him now, kickin’ back with me, riding around
in his Baby Phat gear and listening to some smooth tunes. He’ll be the flyest kid around.”
Dorian laughed at the image.

            “Yeah, that’s cool. But, uh . . . Little Fin? I was thinking you could name him
something with a D. You know, so we could be like Big D and Little D? What do you think?”

            Fin patted his back as they walked down the hall. “I think you’ll be waiting to have your
own kid to name after you.”

.....................................................

            “So I hear congratulations are in order.” Det. Deuthorn approached Fin’s desk and sat on
the edge of it. News had spread fairly quickly around the precinct that Sam was back and
expecting.

            “You got a kid on the way. That’s great.”

            “Thanks.” Fin leaned over his desk and wondered why Deuthorn always seemed to be
around the SVU squad room.

            “So tell me, Dave,” Munch must have been wondering the same thing. “Is there a reason
why you’re always here, or do you just find our company that irresistible?”

            Deuthorn turned to him and smiled. “Actually, I want your job.” Fin and Munch
exchanged glances.

            “Come again?”

            “See, the way I see it,” Deuthorn got up, pulled a chair over to their desks, then sat in it
backward. “You got, what, a few years left before you retire? I figure, I hang out here in my
spare time, familiarize myself with the place, and make nice with the captain, then, when you
decide to call it quits, I’m a shoo-in for getting partnered up with the big guy here.” He gave Fin
a playful punch on the shoulder. Fin looked like he wanted to punch him back.

            “I see.” Munch found Deuthorn’s plan amusing. “You’re an ambitious little go-getter,
aren’t you?”

            Fin wasn’t as amused. “You don’t find Homicide interesting any more?”

            “Sure. But this,” he pointed to Fin’s desk, indicating the unit, “this is where you wanna
be if you wanna study the human psyche. I mean, the minds of the freaks that come out of this
place . . . ” He shook his head.

            “Eventually, though, I want to get into profiling. Maybe even move up to the federal
level, you know?”

            “Ah. Then you should talk to Dr. Huang.” Munch was glad for the reason to send him
on his way. “He’s with the FBI. I’m sure he could point you in the right direction.”

            “You know, I think I’ll do that.” Dave stood up and returned the chair. “See you later,
partner.” He gave Fin another punch on his shoulder.

            Both detectives watched him go. Fin pointed a finger in his direction. “There’s
something wrong with him.”

            Munch laughed. “True.” He looked at Fin and remembered. “Okay, so what did you
want to talk to me about before we were so rudely interrupted?”

            “Nothing, man. Forget it.”

            “But you know I can’t. I’ll just keep bugging you until you tell me anyway, so can’t we
just skip over that part and you tell me now?”

            Fin rolled his eyes, then took a quick look around to make sure no one was listening. He
leaned in closer to Munch’s desk.

            “I was just wondering how you’d feel if Sam and I got hitched sometime. Maybe. Down
the road or something.”

            Munch chuckled over how nervous he’d become. “You mean if the two of you got
married?” Fin just stared at him.

            “Gee, let me see . . . You’re both insanely happy and you have a baby on the way.” He
gave his partner a delighted smirk.

            “I guess I’d be okay with it.” He drew his head back and peered at Fin. “You aren’t, by
any chance, asking for her hand now, are you?”

            “No.” Fin dropped his head and opened a file on his desk. “I was just wondering how
you felt about it, that’s all.”

            “Oh.” They spent the next few minutes in silence before Fin spoke up again.

            “But if I was?” He continued looking at the file.

            Munch smiled to himself. I love being right. He then made a once in a lifetime decision
to not torture his future nephew-in-law.

            “Well, if you were, you’d have my blessing.”

            Munch got no response, and wasn’t sure at first if Fin had heard him. But then he saw the
smile that crept across Fin’s face. He smiled back. I really love being right.

..................................................................

            Fin got home early only to find that Sam had already beaten him there. He hoped it had
nothing to do with her being sick again. He didn’t get why it was called morning sickness when
she seemed to have it all day long.

            Another upsetting thought occurred to him. Sam had had an ultrasound appointment
today. She was concerned about being sick all the time and about having gained more weight
than she thought she should have. Fin knew she wasn’t a vain person, so he had taken her
concerns seriously. He’d wanted to be there with her when she went, but he’d gotten called away
to a case and couldn’t get back in time. Now he wondered if there was a problem.

            Fin walked into their bedroom and found Sam coming out of the master bath. She lit up
when she saw him.

            “Hey,” she walked over to give him a kiss. “You’re home early.”

            “Yeah. I wanted to see how you were.” He rubbed her belly then leaned down and kissed
the baby hello as well. “Everything go okay at the doctor’s?”

            “Sure.” She smiled grandly at him then walked out of the room. Fin narrowed his eyes.
She’s up to something. He followed her into the kitchen.

            “Anything I should know about?”

            “Hmm,” she pretended to think. “Maybe.”

            “Sam . . . ”

            She laughed, enjoying teasing him. “It’s nothing to worry about.”

            “Then tell me.”

            “Well,” she gripped the lapels of his jacket. “Are you and Munch still planning on
putting the crib together this weekend?”

            “I am. He’ll probably just be flapping his gums the whole time.” He looked at her
suspiciously. “Why?”

            “Because according to Dr. Ross, . . . we’re going to need another one.” She giggled then
stepped back to give him a side view of her stomach.

            “That’s why I’m bigger than I should be.” She laid her arms across her belly, the awe
she’d felt earlier coming back to her. “I saw them today. There were two heartbeats. Two
babies.”

            Fin was stunned. Sam laughed at the looked on his face, then pulled him down into a
chair and sat across from him.

            “Breathe, Fin.”

            He came to and focused on her. “Yeah?” She nodded and smiled. Fin placed both his
hands on her stomach and rubbed it, welcoming his other child, before looking back at her.

            “You’re amazing.”

            Sam was warmed by the love she saw in his eyes. “I had some help.” She leaned forward
and kissed him. Fin sat for a moment, then reached into his pocket.

            “I guess now there’s even more reason to do this.” He pulled out a jeweler’s box and
opened it.

            Sam looked at the ring. She stared nervously at the diamond surrounded by smaller black
onyx stones, then closed her eyes. It wasn’t the reaction Fin had hoped for. He looked closely at
her.

            “You don’t like it?”

            Sam opened her eyes to look at him. “It’s not that. The ring is beautiful.”

            Fin straightened up some. “Then I guess there’s a problem with the person giving it to
you.”

            Sam quickly took his face in her hands. “You know that’s not true. You know how
much I love you.”

            “But you don’t want to marry me.”

            Sam felt his disappointment and was sorry she’d caused it. She held his hands while she
tried to explain. “We talked about this, Fin. Right here in this kitchen drinking your
grandmother’s tea. Getting married isn’t something I want to do. I thought you understood that.”

            Fin took his hands out of hers. “And I thought that was how you felt before. Before us.”

He closed the box, returned it to his pocket, then started to get up. Sam held him down.

            “Fin, please.” She pleaded with him to understand. “I’ve seen what marriage does to
people. It changes them. It changes their relationships. My father. Uncle Munch.” She put a
hand to her abdomen when she felt a twinge.

            “I don’t want that to happen to us. We’re happy the way we are now. Couldn’t we just
stay this way?”

            Fin saw her react to the pain. He took a deep breath before taking her into his arms. “It’s
okay, Sam. It’s okay.” He tried to swallow his hurt and disappointment but it stuck in his throat.

            Sam pulled away and searched his face. “I’m sorry, baby. I’d never want to do anything
to hurt you. I just know we’re better off this way.”

            Fin gazed back at her, then dropped his eyes to her stomach. He touched a hand to it. “I
didn’t want to do things this way again. I wanted us to be a family.”

            “We are a family. Why do we need a license to tell us that?” She reached out and
stroked his cheek.

            “Fin?” He sighed then nodded.

            “Okay. I understand. It’s not what I wanted, but I understand. I can live with it.”

            Sam awoke later that night to find Fin’s side of the bed empty. Putting on her slippers
and robe, she walked through the den and sitting room, and out to the balcony. She climbed the
half dozen or so steps up to the roof where she knew she’d find him. It wasn’t the first time he’d
spent a restless night gazing out over the city.

            She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around him as much as she could with
her stomach between them. She snuggled into him for warmth. Fin turned his head to look back
at her.

            “What are you doing out here?”

            “Looking for you.”

            “You shouldn’t be up here. Those steps can be dangerous.”

            “I’m okay.” She paused before asking. “Are you?”

            Fin faced the view again. “I’d be lying if I said I was happy about this, Sam. This isn’t
what I wanted to have happen.”

            He briefly looked back at her. “But I’m okay with it.” He reached behind him and pulled
her in front of him. He enclosed her in an embrace and rubbed her back and shoulders to keep
her warm. “We’re okay.” Sam hugged him back as he continued.

            “You know, when I was a kid growing up in Harlem, we used to always hang out on the
rooftop of our building. Nobody’s family had enough money to take vacations or anything, so
we used to act like it was like our own little cement beach. During the day we’d play some
music, maybe sneak up a couple of beers and check out the girls.” He sighed and his voice
changed.

            “But at night, sometimes I’d be the only one up there. I’d be all alone and I’d look out
over the neighborhood and see those projects for what they were, and I knew I’d have to find a
way to get out of there. To get off that damn rooftop.”

            Sam looked up and felt a sadness for him. “And you still feel that way now when you
come out here?”

            Fin saw her concern for him and felt the lives they’d created pressed against him. He
realized just how far he’d come from being that kid on the roof.

            “Nah, baby. This is a helluva lot better rooftop,” he tucked her hair behind her ear and
smiled to relieve her worry, “and I’m not up here alone anymore.”

            She smiled back. “I’m glad you know that.”

            “Yeah. And don’t go thinking that just because we ain’t married that I’m going to let you
get away from me, ‘cause I don’t plan on ever letting you go.”

            “Well, then, that just works out perfectly because I don’t plan on ever leaving your side.”

            Fin smiled sincerely and walked her back inside. “Good to see we’re communicating
again.”