Infinity

TITLE: Infinity (32/36)

AUTHOR: Master F&M

FANDOM: Law and Order: SVU

RATING: Everything from PG to R—just like life.

SUMMARY: A Fin-based saga to follow his life that isn’t seen on the show.

DISCLAIMER: L&O: SVU and all its characters belong to Dick Wolf, NBC, and whomever

                          else puts the show out for our enjoyment. I just get to play with them.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Sam is a character of my own creation. She does not exist on the show.

FEEDBACK: Please give some. For entertainment purposes only.

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CHAPTER 32

            Sam looked around at the room she was in and sighed. After having lived in her spacious
penthouse, the hotel suite, despite its being one of the more luxurious in town, seemed more than
a little confining. She’d made a few half-hearted attempts at finding a bigger apartment, but she
just wasn’t up to it. She hadn’t really felt up to doing anything since she’d left New York.

            She got up and walked over to the window. She knew she was still living there. Her
body may have been in Baltimore, and since she’d been putting in more than her fair share of
hours over at the Bureau, she felt it was safe to say that her mind had made the trip over as well.
But her heart was still in New York. Everything and everyone she cared about was there.

            Sam had been surprised to find that she was homesick. She’d been even more surprised
when she’d realized that she was referring emotionally to New York as home. As shocking as it
was, she’d had to admit that it was true. She’d felt more at ease there than she had in any of the
other places she’d traveled to with the Bureau, and even more than in Baltimore where she’d
spent most of her life.

            Thank goodness for long distance service. She’d spent every night for the past two weeks
on the phone talking to someone within her inner circle of three, or as Uncle Munch had pointed
out to her, it was more of a triangle of three: he, George, and Tori. None of them had asked why
Fin wasn’t included.

            Sam felt a twinge as she thought about him. Spending the night with Fin before she’d left
probably wasn’t the best idea she’d ever had. She finally had to admit to herself that that was
exactly why she had invited him over that night. She’d hid behind wanting to give him the
family tree document, and had convinced herself that she only wanted to hang out with him a bit,
maybe even give him a parting kiss or two. But as soon as she saw him, she knew she wanted to
be with him again.

            Memories of that night drew mixed emotions from her. Fin had seemed so . . . loving
then. At first she’d thought he was just going along with it because she’d asked it of him, but
later she couldn’t help but feel that there was more to it than that. It hadn’t felt like he was just
being with her. It felt more like he was loving her. Feeling it again had thrilled her into thinking
that maybe things weren’t completely over between them. That if he still had those feelings for
her, then maybe he didn’t want her to go.

            But afterward, he’d said nothing about her staying. Not once during the night while she’d
laid with him hoping he’d ask her to, nor in the morning while she struggled to get through those
last minutes with him.

            Sam closed her eyes and swallowed as the hurt came back. He’d even helped her to go by
giving her a ride to the airport. She’d felt foolish, then, for believing that he still might want to
be with her when it was obvious that he didn’t. And she’d felt sheer humiliation over having
thrown herself at him the night before.

            Once or twice she’d thought about giving him a call like she’d promised to, but couldn’t
bring herself to do it. She imagined his life was pretty comfortable now without her and didn’t
want to spring up again like a weed. Besides, he still had her cell number, and could have called
her if he’d wanted to talk, but apparently hadn’t felt the need to use it.

            Sam turned away from the window at the knock on her door. She glanced at her watch
and sighed. She’d gotten so caught up in her thoughts that she’d forgotten to cancel the room
service she’d ordered earlier. She didn’t know why she kept bothering to order it anyway. She’d
been so upset lately that the mere sight of food made her sick to her stomach.

            Sam answered the door and had the breath knocked out of her when she saw Fin standing
in the doorway.

            “Hey.” Too stunned to speak, she just stared at him.

            “Can I come in?”

            She nodded and stepped back, not wanting to take her eyes off him, and not trusting her
voice enough to say anything. Her first impulse had been to hug him fiercely. But then she
remembered: She’d made a fool of herself once already. It did feel good to see him, though.

            “How have you been? Everything okay?”

            Fin wasn’t sure where or how to begin. He’d tried to think of what he wanted to say on
the drive down, but nothing sounded to him like it was enough. He’d been hoping the right
words would come to him when he saw her, but now that she was in front of him, he was just
plain scared. Nanna had been right; he should’ve worked harder to keep her. Now he didn’t
know what he would do if she turned him away.

            “Everything’s fine, Detective,” Sam tried to keep the turmoil she was feeling out of her
voice. She gave him a baffled look. “How did you know where to find me?”

            “John.” Fin was stung by her use of the informal ‘Detective’. “He told me you were
staying here. I flashed my badge at the desk to get your room number.”

            “Of course.” Sam pursed her lips and made a mental note to give Munch hell the next
time she talked to him.

             “So much for security at this place.” She looked at him and lost her bravado. “Why are
you here, Fin?” she asked quietly.

            “I miss you, Sam.” Fin closed the distance between them and rushed to get the words out
before they stopped coming.

            “It’s more than that. It’s . . .” He changed directions. “Do you remember the place in
my head I told you about? The place where I go when I need a little peace?”

            “Yes.” She was still surprised that he’d said he missed her, and puzzled now by his
question. “Why?”

            “Do you remember what’s there?” he urged. “Why it’s so important to me?”

            She thought for a moment. “You imagine your children there. You can hear them
laughing.”

            “And I can hear her voice, too,” he added. “The woman I’m with, I mean. Their
mother.”

            Sam shook her head, still confused. “I don’t understand. What does any of that have to
do with why you’re here?”

            Fin reached out and stroked her cheek. “It’s your voice I hear, baby. It’s you.”

            He paused, searching for the words. “I know all the reasons why we wouldn’t work, and
all the ones why we shouldn’t even try. I’ve been reminding myself of them since . . . since
forever.”

            He held her face firmly in his hand and looked her in the eyes. “But ain’t none of them
more important than never seeing you again. Or not being with you. You’re the first and last
thing I think about every day. You’re usually even what I dream about in between.” He dropped
his hands to his side, having made his case.

            “I don’t know how to be without you anymore.”

            Sam stared blankly at him, the shock clearly registering on her face. She wasn’t quite
sure what to make of what he’d said, and wasn’t even entirely sure that this was real.

            Fin reached for her and drew her to him. He held her loosely against him as he spoke
above her head.

            “Come back to New York with me. I know I didn’t handle things too well before, but I
promise it’ll be different this time.” He raised her chin to look into her face.

            “I love you, Sam. Being with you made me happy. I should never have let you leave.”
He stopped, searching for whatever else he needed to say, but he’d already said all she ever
needed to hear.

            A small smile started at the corners of her mouth. “I’m not sure I’m up to moving back.”

            She saw the panic in his eyes seconds before circling her arms around his waist. She
smiled at him. “I’d have to unpack all those boxes again.”

            Fin let out a breath of relief and smiled back, enclosing her in his own arms. “I’ll help.”

            “Then, of course, I’ll probably have to take an unpaid leave while the Bureau sorts
through the transfer papers.”

            “I’ll cook dinner for you every night until it’s done.” Fin’s spirit soared as the weight
he’d been carrying lifted. She’s coming back.

            “I don’t know . . . ” Sam’s smile broadened as she toyed with him some more. “Winter
will be here soon. I hear it gets a lot colder up there in New York than it does here.”

            Fin leaned down and kissed her neck. “I’ll keep you warm,” he murmured into her ear.
She shuddered, suddenly covered in goose bumps.

            “Starting now?”

            “Uh-huh.” Fin ran his hands over her back and hugged her tightly to him while kissing
her. She smiled happily when they parted.

            “Deal.”

            Fin began to help her out of her blouse. Sam smiled to herself and made a mental note to
thank Munch profusely the next time she talked to him.

...........................................................

            Fin moved his hands under her hips and lifted her as he felt his climax starting to build.
He pushed and thrust further and deeper into her, faster and more urgently, propelled by a force
he could neither resist nor wanted to, and cried out as release washed over him.

            Sam hadn’t returned to the city with Fin the day he showed up in Baltimore. Instead,
she’d waited until the end of the week to leave. Fin had met her at her door when she finally did
arrive, and they’d spent very little time out of bed since then. Sam had laughed when Fin told
her they had weeks of making up to cover, but she hadn’t argued with him. He felt like a man
who’d been given a second chance at life, and he wanted to take full advantage of every second
of it.

            Fin couldn’t keep his hands off her. She smiled happily as he ran one of those hands
down her stomach, then back up again to fondle her breast. He took her nipple into his mouth
and rolled it with his tongue before releasing it to admire her. He trailed his thumb around the
areola, then seemed to stop to examine it a bit. He frowned a little, then moved his hand to her
other breast and lingered over it as well.

            Fin looked at her carefully for a moment before running his hand over her stomach once
more. This time he found the slight bulge he’d missed before and she had yet to notice. His
head jerked back up again to look at her.

            “What?” Sam sat up, alarmed by his expression. “What happened? What’s wrong?”

            Fin peered into her face. She doesn’t know? He studied her some more, his growing glee
held in check by a degree of apprehension.

            “Fin, what? What is it?”

            He couldn’t stop the smile from emerging as he told her. “I think we’re pregnant.”

            “What?” Sam laughed disbelievingly. “Why would you think that? I mean, I . . . ” She
trailed off as she thought back a couple of weeks and realized she couldn’t completely rule it out.

            “You look different.” Fin tried to gauge her reaction as he touched his hand to her breasts
again, then ran it down to her stomach. “And I can feel it here.” He waited, becoming more
apprehensive with her silence.

            “Sam?”

            Sam shook herself out of her reverie and placed a hand on top of his. “I have been feeling
a little sick lately.” She gave Fin a dazed look, then laughed nervously. “I thought it was the
flu.” She grew quiet again.

            Fin’s apprehension turned to fear. They hadn’t planned it, but now that there was a baby,
he wanted it more than anything. He only hoped he didn’t have to go through the same thing
with Sam in order to keep it that he’d had to go through with Charlene.

            “And since it isn’t?”

            Sam opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again. She looked at Fin with a
measure of uncertainty. She wasn’t sure how he felt about being a father again at this point, but
knew that regardless of how he felt, she was going to keep their baby.

            “I really haven’t given it any thought,” she answered truthfully. Fin gave up trying to
read her.

            “This ain’t the way I wanted things to happen again, Sam. But it’s our baby,” he smiled
again as he heard the words, “and I’m happy about it.”

            Sam gave him a relieved smile. “I’m glad to hear you say that.” She leaned over and
kissed him. “Because so am I.”

            Fin’s fear faded as he kissed her back. He laughed and held up two fingers in the form of
a V. He waved it between them.

            “We gotta work on this communication thing. It’s been a little outta whack lately.” He
laughed a little more then climbed out of bed.

            “Where are you going?”

            “I’ll be right back.”

            Sam leaned back and took a deep breath, her mind reeling. Maybe we should make sure
instead of jumping to conclusions. Fin came back into the room carrying a glass of milk and a
peanut butter sandwich.

            “You need to eat more.”

            “Fin . . . ”

            “I know you know milk is good for the baby, but so is peanut butter. And it won’t make
you sick.”

            “Fin . . . ”

            “Bread is really good for you, too.”

            “Fin.” Sam wanted to stop him before he got any more carried away. “Slow down. No
one knows anything for certain yet.”

            Fin handed her the milk and sandwich and ordered her to eat. He kissed her stomach and
hugged it.

            “I know.”

.....................................................

            Fin walked into the squad room, hoping he’d beaten Cragen there. He relaxed a little
when he saw the lights in his captain’s office weren’t on yet. With the exception of a few on-duty officers roaming around, the room was empty. Just like he’d planned. He grinned
deviously as he took the box from underneath his jacket and placed it squarely on Munch’s desk.
Nondescript, and addressed only with the initials JM on a typed label, it almost looked a little
threatening in a police department. At the very least, it looked suspicious.

            He looked around to make sure no one had seen him, then walked away. Now he’d wait
in the lounge for a while and return to his desk before Munch, but after Cragen and probably after
Benson. Hopefully, by then one of them will have noticed the box. He’d gotten up especially
early to surprise his partner, and wanted to keep him off guard as much as possible.

            Fin sat down in the lounge and smiled into his coffee. He caught himself doing it, and,
not wanting to ruin his plans, had to take a couple of deep breaths before he managed to put his
scowl in place, though he still had some difficulty keeping it there. He was going to be a daddy
again. He’d gone with Sam to the OB’s office to confirm what he already knew. She was
pregnant. Nearly three months along pregnant.

            Despite how sure he’d been, Sam had been stunned. But happily so. Fin permitted
himself a small smile when he thought about the look she had on her face after the doc had
congratulated her. She was in awe: of the baby, and of the fact that they’d produced it together.
Fin didn’t think she’d stopped smiling once the rest of the day. Several times he’d even noticed
her touching her stomach and laughing to herself. He was thrilled. He hadn’t gotten that kind of
reaction his first go around, and was thoroughly looking forward to enjoying this pregnancy
together with Sam.

            He checked his watch then headed back to the squad room. Naturally, Sam had wanted to
tell Munch right away, but Fin had convinced her to let him be the one to tell him. Besides,
Munch had given him back his son. It was only fitting that Fin return the favor by giving him a
grandkid.

            Fin walked into the squad room trying to look the angriest he’d ever been. Several people
saw his face and cleared out of the way, glad they weren’t on the receiving end of it. Fin made a
show of glaring at Munch’s empty desk before he sat down.

            Elliot and Olivia exchanged looks behind his back. Elliot shrugged a ‘I don’t know’ and
walked over to Munch’s desk.

            “Hey, Fin. Saw this on Munch’s desk this morning.” He pointed at the box.

            Fin glanced at it then back at the papers on his desk. “So?”

            “Any idea what it is?”

            Fin gave him his best annoyed look. “How the hell would I know?” He mumbled
something under his breath and went back to his papers. Elliot frowned.

            “Morning to you, too, Sunshine.”

            Fin let him walk back to his desk and tried to remember to apologize when he got the
chance. A few minutes later, he looked up as Munch came in, already all bundled up for winter.
He watched him disrobe, then head over to the coffeepot where apparently someone warned him
that Fin was in a bad mood. Munch walked over a bit warily and sat down.

            “Morning.”

            Fin raised his eyes and glowered at him. “I ain’t got nothing to say to you.”

            Munch drew back a little. “You’re mad at me?” He thought for a moment trying to
remember if maybe he’d forgotten some prank, but came up with nothing. “What I’d do?”

            Fin hunched over his desk, pretending to hold back his anger. “You really think I
wouldn’t find out about it? Or were you dumb enough to think I’d just let you get away with it?”

            Munch drew in a breath and let it out slowly. He was concerned now. He’d seen Fin
angry before, but never at him. And certainly not for something he hadn’t done.

            “Look. If there’s a problem here, you need to let me know what it is because I have no
idea what you’re talking about.”

            “Don’t give me that noise, old man.” Fin raised his voice a little. “You know damn well
what I’m talking about.” He let his eyes briefly drop to the box before looking away.

            Munch looked down at it for the first time. He glanced back at Fin, then picked it up and
tore off the wrapping. His face registered his surprise as he read the name on the box: Doc James
Fine Cigars. He opened the lid and stared, puzzled, at its contents until comprehension slowly
dawned on him. His head shot up in Fin’s direction.

            Fin laughed out loud at the expression on his face. Everyone in the squad room turned
toward the unfamiliar sound and saw Munch sit back in his chair and join Fin in laughing.

            “Son of a bitch,” Munch mumbled under his breath. He nodded, turned his head to the
side, then looked back at Fin. “Are you kidding me?”

            Fin grinned broadly. “I wouldn’t kid about this.”

            Elliot and Olivia came over to investigate. “What’s going on, guys?” She turned to
Munch. “A few seconds ago I thought Fin was about to take a swing at you.”

            Munch reached into the box and handed each of them a cigar. Elliot read the greeting.

             “‘Congratulations, Grandpa’? What’s that suppose to mean?”

            “It means,” Munch sniffed a cigar then twirled it between his fingers, “there’s gonna be a
little Munchola running around soon.”