Infinity

TITLE: Infinity (30/36)

AUTHOR: Master F&M

FANDOM: Law and Order: SVU

RATING: Everything from PG to R—just like life.

SUMMARY: A Fin-based saga to follow his life that isn’t seen on the show.

DISCLAIMER: L&O: SVU and all its characters belong to Dick Wolf, NBC, and whomever

                          else puts the show out for our enjoyment. I just get to play with them.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Sam is a character of my own creation. She does not exist on the show.

FEEDBACK: Please give some. For entertainment purposes only.

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CHAPTER 30

            Fin rode the elevator up to the penthouse. He didn’t know what to think or how to feel.
She’s leaving. He kept going over that day she’d come to the station house to see him. He’d
known then that he needed to do something. To say something to let her know that he hadn’t
forgotten about her. To tell her that he just needed some time. But, instead, he’d done nothing.

            He’d been surprised when she wasn’t at home that night, and even worried when she
didn’t answer her phone the next morning either. He’d gone to work intending to ask Munch
about it, but then he’d overheard Huang talking to her. Apparently, she’d spent the night with
him.

            Sure, they were just friends. Even if it was purely innocent on her part, it damn sure
wasn’t on his. Funny how he kept showing up in the middle of her relationships. Huang hadn’t
even waited until they were completely over before he started making moves on her. Fin had
wanted to beat the crap out of his scrawny little ass, but instead he’d had the sense to just stay
away from him.

            When Fin had talked to her that night, she’d said nothing about having spent the night
with Huang, so neither had he. He’d also stopped himself from explaining to her what he was
doing with Dorian. Nor did he tell her how he felt about her. He’d let his jealousy get the best of
him, and now, tomorrow, she was leaving.

            He had no one to blame but himself. It was true that he’d wanted to make things right for
his son first. He owed him that. So many years of his life with his father had been stolen from
him that Fin felt he needed to make it up to him. He’d tried to cram as much time together as he
could into each day, but he’d come to realize that there was no way he could possibly make up
for fifteen years of being separated. He understood that now. He really didn’t have to exclude
her the way that he did.

            Dorian himself had asked about her. He’d wanted to know why she hadn’t been around,
and why Fin didn’t seem to spend much time with his girlfriend. He’d been worried that he was
coming between them, but Fin had reassured him that everything was fine. That Sam was okay
with the way things were. Dorian hadn’t seemed to believe him. Fin wished now that he hadn’t
talked himself into believing it.

            He’d thought about going to her and explaining everything. At the very least letting her
know that he still loved her and didn’t want her to go. But he couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair for
him to do that to her. He’d pushed her away, and she’d moved on. He couldn’t make things
difficult for her now by asking her to stay with him.

#160#160;          Fin closed his eyes as he thought about her. Images of her laughing floated across his
mind, and he smiled back at them. It was one of the things he loved most about her. Her smile
always seemed to make him happy. She’d made him happy. He thought about all the things
she’d done just for him, and about the times she’d helped him through his pain, and was filled
with remorse. He didn’t understand it. How could he have let this happen? How could he have
lost her when he loved her so much?

            Fin stepped out of the elevator and gathered himself. This wasn’t about him. When
she’d called and asked him to stop by tonight, he had agreed so quickly that he hadn’t given her a
chance to explain why. Not that it would have mattered. She’d wanted to see him. That was all
he needed to know. He owed her that, and whatever else she wanted to throw at him.

            In a way, he wished she had gotten angry with him. Maybe if she had yelled, or raised
any kind of fuss at all, then he might have been forced to see what he was doing. But she hadn’t.
That wasn’t her way. She’d let him make his own decisions, and had kept supporting him for the
sake of his son, even when he was hurting her. He hated knowing that, but there was nothing he
could do about it. Nothing other than whatever she wanted of him tonight.

            Fin finally walked up to the door and rang the bell. Sam answered it looking both pleased
and a little scared.

            “Hey,” she held the door open for him and gave him room to enter. “Thanks for stopping
by.”

            “No problem. I wanted to come.” They looked at each other a moment before Sam
turned away.

            “Come on in.” She led him toward the den. Fin noticed the packed boxes piled against
the walls. It reminded him of the first time he was ever there. The night they’d first had dinner
together.

            “Do you have a little while, or do you have plans?” Sam turned to him again as she took
a seat on the sofa.

            “Nah. I don’t have to be anywhere.” He tried to smile. “I’m all yours.”

            Sam smiled weakly at the attempted joke. It was far too ironic to be funny. She watched as as he worked his fingers, clenching and unclenching them like he usually did when he was
nervous. This wasn’t what she’d intended.

            “Fin.” He looked up at the sound of his name.

            “This isn’t what I wanted to have happen when I asked you to come over: you too
nervous to talk, and me not knowing what to say.” She shifted a little, then tried to look him in
the eyes. “I didn’t want to leave tomorrow with things between us like this.”

            She took a deep breath then plunged ahead. “You’re still very important to me. I’d like
to think we could still have some kind relationship. That we could be friends.” She looked
down, then forced herself to look at him again.

             “We used to be pretty close. I thought if we could just spend some time together, we
might be able to find some of that again.”

            Fin nodded. It was difficult to hear her talk about them in the past tense. He knew they
were over, but it still hurt to hear it. He cleared his throat.

            “I’ll be here, Sam. For whatever you want, or whatever you need. Even if you only want
to talk. Just give me a call.”

            She gave himittlittle smile. “Good. I was hoping you’d say something like that. And,”
she tried to lighten the mood, “I have something for you.” She got up and retrieved a framed
parchment from her desk.

            “Congratulations. You’re famous. Well, related to someone famous, anyway.”

  0;�         She came back to the sofa and held it between them. Fin made out the outline of two
family trees labeled Tutuola, one his, the other belonging to Amos. He ran a finger down his
family line until he came to where it linked with the other. He nodded, then looked up to see her
smiling at him.

            “Now you can tell Dorian, or even your future grandchildren, all about how they’re
related to a famous author. Hey, maybe it’ll even inspire one of them to start writing themselves,
huh?”

            Fin could only stare at her. Why does she keep doing this? Why did she keep looking out
for him after the way he’d treated her? “You didn’t have to do this.”

            He traced his finger down the glass covering again. This time he noticed she’d
handwritten every entry in calligraphy. “It’s beautiful, and I can’t thank you enough.” He put the
frame to the side and turned back to her. “But you didn’t have to do it, and I really can’t
understand why you did.”

<>
>            Sam stared back at him. Something in her seemed to change. “I finished it because I
wanted you to have it – and because I hate to leave a job undone.” Fin smiled as he remembered
that about her.

            “I probably could have sent it to you, or have had Munch deliver it, but . . . ” she sighed
as she told him the truth. “. . . I wanted to see you again before I left.” She closed her eyes and
shook her head.

            “That’s still not exactly it.” Fin swallowed as she moved closer to him. “I wanted . . . ”

            She reached out, taking his face in her hands, and kissed him softly on the lips. Then
again. Fin was too stunned at first to move. But then he could smell her. And taste her.

            Sam let out a small whimper as he kissed her back. Circling her arms around his neck,
she kissed him deeply in an attempt to recapture the hundreds of kisses she’d missed. After a
while, Fin tried to come up for some badly needed air, but she clung even tighter to him, nearly
crying out over her need to not separate from him. Eventually, though, she had to let him go.
She rested her forehead against his shoulder as they both tried to catch their breaths.

            “Baby . . . ” Fin’s arms were around her. She’d shown him everything she felt for him in
that one kiss.

            Sam shook her head, cutting him off. “Please don’t. I know it doesn’t make any sense. I
know that things aren’t the same between us anymore.” He could hear the tears in her voice.

            “I just wanted to feel close to you again.” She found the courage to look up at him. “Just
once more before I have to go, and won’t ever be able to feel this way again.”

            Fin felt his gut rip as he wiped some of the tears from her face. She deserved so much
more than this. So much more than him.

            He leaned forward and kissed her eyes, then her nose before finding her mouth again.
She hesitated at first, but it wasn’t long before she was responding to him with the full degree of
her yearning.

            Fin carried her to her bed and took his time undressing her. He wanher her to feel every
moment of it: every touch, every caress, every graze of his lips. In his mind he told her how
beautiful she was, how much he loved her, and how much he needed to be with her. He was
pleased with the sighs she gave him as he kissed his way over her body, and thrilled at her small
joyful laugh when he climbed over her. They made love like it was their first time, knowing it
was their last.

            Fin wanted to never leave this particular moment. Several times he brought her to the
brink of climax, only to pull her back again, not wanting it to end. Each time became more and
more unbearable until he was unable to hold back his own orgasm; it erupting to match hers.

            Sam nestled next to him and ran her hand over his chest. Fin stroked her back,
determined to keep quiet. He didn’t trust himself to not say the things he’d been thinking, but
was also determined to not hurt her again. She was prepared to move forward after tonight, and
he would let her go. It was the one thing he could do for her- give her her freedom.

     
#160#160;     Sam lay quietly, afraid to say anything that would ruin what she felt. Silently, she
thanked him for giving her this time, and prayed that he would, even just once, ask her to stay.