Long Journey Home

Tommy woke from the soft ‘snick’ as the door fell back into the lock. Thinking that Jason had gone to the bathroom, he curled up under his blankets once more, warming up. His thoughts automatically drifted back to the conversation he and Jason had had during the day. It had been startling to realize that his best friend had experienced sex in so many forms, while he himself was still a virgin. Not that he minded too much; it was just that he’d not felt ready while he was with Kim -- they had both been pretty young, after all -- and with Kat ... he was actually kind of glad they hadn’t taken that step, or he would feel even worse for not being able to commit himself totally to her. They'd experimented a bit, but the right moment just hadn't come.
 
*Guess it's a good thing, after all.*
 
Tommy wanted his first time to be special, to mean something for him and his partner, whoever that would turn out to be. If that set him apart from his peers, so be it. He knew that Jason had sort of stumbled into it in Geneva the first time, but he’d bet any amount of money that his encounters in the other universes had been anything but casual. Jason was not the kind to just hop into bed with someone because he had an itch that wanted to be scratched. But ... if that was so, what would he feel like, now that he’d lost all three of his partners?
 
Tommy conveniently forgot that they had all been his alter egos; more precisely, he didn’t want to be reminded of that. For some reason, the thought made him distinctly uncomfortable the longer he dwelled on it -- especially r Jar Jason had admitted to sleeping with Jay’s Tommy, who was openly living in a same-gender relationship.
 
He pummeled his pillow into a more comfortablape ape and looked at the empty bed across from his own. He frowned. Where was Jason, anyway? This was far longer than a trip to the bathroom should take. He waited a few more minutes; when his friend didn’t appear, he crawled out of his nice, warm, comfortable bed into the chilly night air, grumbling under his breath. Slipping a sweatshirt of David’s over his head, he tried to tame his hair and softly, so as not to wake his brother and Sam, he slipped out of the guest room.
 
Across the hallway, he could just make out the living room; there, at one of the windows, sat his best friend, head leaning against the frame, looking out into the night. He looked so .... lonely, so lost, it sent a chill down Tommy’s spine that had nothing to do with the room’s temperature. He padded over on almost-silent feet, and rested a hand on the broad, naked shoulder, feeling the smooth skin still warm under his fingers. Jason never flinched, just reached up and covered his hand with his own, but didn’t turn around. The two young men stayed like this for a long while, until Jason spoke. When he did, his voice was so soft, Tommy had to strain to hear him.
 
"I didn’t make love with Tommy that last time because I had to. I mean, I did, if I wanted to go home, but that wasn’t it at all. I made love with him because I wanted it more than I ever wanted Tammy. I needed to do it."
 
Tommy froze. He had suspected that Jason was still troubled by his experience, but he certainly hadn’t expected that. He hardly could formulate the question uppermost in his mind.
 
"Why? Why him, Jase?" Tommy’s voice was no more than a whisper, and it had nothing to do with not waking the Truehearts.
 
"Because he understood."
 
Tommy's heart was beating in his throat by now. "Understood what?"
 
"What’s it like -- to love someone like this." Dark, serious eyes turned towards the Red Ranger.
 
"The way I love you."
 
The quiet statement hung in the air, filling the room, drowning out all else. A part of Tommy exulted in the soft admission -- they’d always tacitly taken their feelings for each other for granted, and having it said out loud filled a need he hadn’t known he’d had. Another part was incredulous -- *he doesn’t mean that, not like this, it can’t be* -- and yet another screamed at him to run, to get away from this, from here, as fast as possible. Tommy squelched that particular voice ruthlessly. Abandoning Jason when he’d just laid himself open like this simply was not an option. Nevertheless, his hand fell from the broad shoulder, and he took an involuntary step backwards. Tommy could have cheerfully kicked himself to the moon and back as he saw the small, sad smile flicker briefly around his best friend’s mouth before he closed his eyes and turned towards the window once more.
 
Forcing the words past his suddenly dry mouth, Tommy reached out, but couldn’t quite bring himself to touch Jason again.
 
"J-Jase? I -- I don’t understand ...."
 
"It’s okay, Tommy; I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you." The deep voice was weary, and hurt Tommy deep ins Swa Swallowing hard, he stepped closer again.
 
"Don’t be sorry, bro. I .... you surprised me, is all. I mean ... why? How?"
 
"It doesn’t matter."
 
"I think it does." The quiet certainty in Tommy’s voice, and his nearness, brought the dark head round again. Jason looked into the brown eyes he knew so well, and felt a little bit lighter. Maybe his admission hadn’t cost him Tommy’s friendship, after all.
 
"Talk to me, bro. Make me understand."
 
Tommy went around Jason and sat next to him on the windowsill, so that he could look into his face. Jason searched the angular features for signs of revulsion, or disgust, but couldn’t find any. What he did see was the same desire for understanding he’d read there so often, when they’d talked their problems through with each other. Drawing a deep breath -- the worst was over, after all, and Tommy was still here, willing to listen -- he started to explain.
 
"You know that I’ve always considered you my best friend, right? I mean, we became so close, so soon -- it was scary at times, but I didn’t mind. For all I already had Zack, and Billy, you were the brother I always wanted, right from the start."
 
"I know. It was the same for me -- still is, the fact that I found David notwithstanding." Both smiled; this was as it should be.
 
"I think it started while I was in Switzerland, or maybe shortly before that ... I missed you so much at times, and Zack and Trini couldn’t quite understand ... I think that’s when I realized that what I felt for you was more than friendship -- that I loved you. It wasn’t that hard to accept, really; I think, even though we’d never said anything, I was pretty sure you felt the same."
 
"I do; I’ve known that for a long time, too." It wasn’t hard at all to admit; while Tommy had never stopped to analyse his feelings for Jason, if asked, he would have said he loved him without a single qualm.
 
"Then I came back, and you got me back on the team -- man, I thought things couldn’t get any better. It was so great to be back again, fighting at your side the then, Gasket kidnapped you. Kat and I saw it, and when she tried not to fall into hysterics, I knew that I was going through the exact same thing. I thought for a moment I’d lost you, one way or another, but I just couldn’t let you go. I’d have done anything to get you back. If that had meant letting you kill me in that arena, it would have been worth it. That’s when I knew that I loved you more than as a friend, or even a brother."
 
Tommy couldn’t have uttered a single word if his life had depended on it. Part of him understood perfectly -- it echoed too closely what had gone through his mind while Jason was caught in the reality warp. However, the voice in his mind was shouting questions at him -- *why does it have to be you? what does that mean, exactly? what do you do now?* And very softly, another voice asked him, *what did you do to deserve this kind of love, that Jason would give his life for you?*
 
Jason paused, gathering his thoughts. Tommy was still here; he might as well come totally clean. Summoning all the courage he had, he looked into Tommy’s eyes.
 
"The .... physical attraction came after that. I want you -- I’d like nothing more right now than kiss you and make love with you. I have for quite a while now."
 
Tommy blushed; he’d somehow expected the admission, but not that Jason would come and say it right out loud. Slightly panicked and totally at a loss, he made himself meet the dark eyes.
 
"Jase ... I d-don’t know what to say, or do ..."
 
"You don’t have to say or do anything. I thought I’d never tell you, but talking with Jay's Tommy changed my mind. I don’t want to keep it from you -- but I also don’t expect you to reciprocate. These are my feelings; I’ll deal with them. You won’t have to fear that I’ll jump you one day, or anything. I just want you to understand when I won’t do some things ...."
 
"Huh?"
 
Jason smiled then, and a tiny twinkle crept into his eyes. Tommy heard the serious undertone, though.
 
"I ... uh, I don’t think I’ll be coming for a lot of sleepovers for a while; I’d .... um .... also like to take my showers in private, after practice."
 
"But .... why?" As soon as he uttered his question, Tommy could have kicked himself -- again. Preferably to Mars, this time.
 
"Because you turn me on. A lot." There, it was said. A weight seemed to lift from Jason’s shoulders, and he sat up straighter, chuckling at the fiery blush staining Tommy’s cheeks. He knew his own were probably just as red.
 
Tommy ran a hand behind his neck, under his hair. His mind was reeling, and he was at a total loss for words. Jason’s confession had thrown him more than he realized, and he needed time to think. *And here I thought admitting that I missed him had been hard! What has he been going through?*
 
Finally finding his voice, the Red Ranger quite deliberately laid a hand on the strong forearm. It was a gesture of understanding the two had often shared. Trying to be as sincere as possible, he assured his friend.
 
"Bro -- I don’t know what to say. No -- hear me out," he forestalled the comment he could see forming on Jason’s lips.
 
"You just dropped a real bombshell on me. I can’t give you an answer right now; I need some time to take it all in. But there’s one thing I can say."
 
"What’s that?"
 
"I’m glad you told me. Thanks for trusting me that much."
 
Jason regarded him with warm dark eyes.
 
"I’ve trusted you with my life a hundred times over; why wouldn’t I trust you with my heart?"
 
There was nothing more that could be said after that. The two young men sat silently at the window, close, but not touching, and watched the sun rise on a new day.