Infinity

TITLE: Infinity (29/36)

AUTHOR: Master F&M

FANDOM: Law and Order: SVU

RATING: Everything from PG to R—just like life.

SUMMARY: A Fin-based saga to follow his life that isn’t seen on the show.

DISCLAIMER: L&O: SVU and all its characters belong to Dick Wolf, NBC, and whomever

                          else puts the show out for our enjoyment. I just get to play with them.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Sam is a character of my own creation. She does not exist on the show.

FEEDBACK: Please give some. For entertainment purposes only.

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CHAPTER 29

            Fin entered the lobby of Sam’s apartment building feeling guilty. He couldn’t forget how
disappointed she looked when she’d left the station house earlier that day. He glanced at his
watch to check the time. Make that yesterday. He’d wanted to get here a whole lot sooner, but
after the game, traffic had been a nightmare.

            Fin bypassed the two elevators in the main lobby, and headed for the private one tucked
away in the corner. Using the key Sam had given him, he got in and pushed the solitary button
marked with a P. His conscience was really eating away at him. He knew Sam had gone out of
her way to make things go as smoothly as possible between him and Dorian. She seemed to be
genuinely happy that they’d found each other, and had been very understanding of all the time
he’d wanted to spend with him. Every night she’d listen to what he’d had to say about their day,
offering her own opinions and thoughts, and was very supportive of whatever he decided to do.

            Fin frowned as he got off on the top floor. It had taken Det. Dave drooling over her to get
him to realize that she might not be there waiting for him when he was done rebuilding his
relationship with his son. He believed that she loved him, but knew she was no pushover. She
wouldn’t stand for him taking her for granted, and by neglecting her and their relationship, he’d
been doing just that. Now he needed a chance to explain. He wanted to let her know that his
feelings for her hadn’t changed.

            Fin stepped up to the door and rang the doorbell. He hoped Sam hadn’t already gone to
bed. It wasn’t really that much later than when he normally called her, and she usually stayed up
until then. He waited a few minutes then rang it again. When he still got no response, he took
out his phone and called her. He let it ring a dozen times before giving up. Puzzled, he put the
phone away, wondering where she could possibly be at this hour.

.....................................................................

            Sam sat huddled under a blanket on George’s sofa. Sitting up, crossed-legged, she sipped
the tea he’d made for her while looking around his apartment. It was immaculate and very
artfully done. She wondered if his good taste had more to do with him being Chinese, or with
him being gay.

            George walked into the living room carrying his own cup and sat down next to her on the
sofa. She lifted the blanket to allow him to scoot under it, then leaned her head on his shoulder.

            “You know what I like about you, George?”

            “My fabulous sense of style?”

            “Other than that.”

            “My daring sense of humor?” She laughed. “No? Okay, I give up then. What do you
like about me?”

            “You’re a ‘no questions asked’ kind of guy.”

            He smiled a little. “I’m a psychiatrist for the FBI. Asking questions is all I do.” He let
her sit for a few moments.

            “I suppose by telling me that you’re hoping I now won’t ask what’s brought you to my
door this late at night.”

            Sam straightened up and looked at him. “Do you ever turn that off?” She waved a hand
in front of him. “That whole ‘I’m in your head’ thing?”

            He smiled at her and shrugged. “It’s who I am.”

            “I know.” She sighed and leaned on him again. George raised an eyebrow and waited.

            “Is this working, by any chance?”

            He shook his head. “No. I still intend to ask, but I’m in no hurry.”

            She sat up completely and put her cup down. “It was worth a shot.”

            George scooted over a little so he could look at her. “You came here because you knew
I’d ask, and you wanted to talk. So . . . What’s going on?”

            Sam tried to choose her words carefully. “I’m . . . conflicted.”  

            George looked at her, expecting more. “Okay. How so?” 

            She stared at a print on the opposite wall. “I feel like I’m being unreasonable, but at the
same time,” she spread her hands out, “I don’t know. I shouldn’t feel like I’m . . . unnecessary.”

            She looked down into her lap. “Like he doesn’t need me anymore.” She was quiet as she
considered a thought.

            “I don’t think he even misses me.”

            George wanted verification. “I take it we’re talking about Detective Tutuola?”

            Sam looked up at him. “You can call him Fin, you know.” George looked uncomfortable
with the idea.

   &;
         “Why would he miss you? You see each other all the time.”

            “Actually, we don’t. Not since his son came to town.” She shook her head. “But, see?
That’s why it’s unreasonable. He hasn’t seen his kid in over a decade and wants to spend time
with him, but I’m upset because he isn’t spending time with me.”

            “You don’t see him at all?”

            “I saw him for a few minutes today, but other than that, no. We talk every night, but . . . ”
she trailed off, shrugging her shoulders.

            “...but that isn’t enough,” George finished for her.

            Sam looked up at him. “That makes me a horribly selfish and petulant person, doesn’t
it?”

            “No,” he patted her knee, “it makes you human.” He let her think about it.

            “Have you talked to him about how you feel?”

            Sam laughed sarcastically. “No. I’m not going to make him be with me if he doesn’t
want to be.” She looked down into her lap again.

            “And right now, he doesn’t.” The reality of the statement seemed to catch her off guard.
She shook the thought from her mind.

            “Are you sure you don’t mind me taking over your sofa tonight?” She’d had enough of
the conversation.

            “You’re welcome to it.” George got up and brought over a pillow and some blankets. He
handed them to her.

            “I really think you should talk to him.”

            Sam nodded. “Maybe I will.” She laid the blankets out on the sofa then climbed in.
George waited until she was all set before heading to his own bed.

            “Goodnight, Sam-I-Am.”

            She smiled to herself. “Goodnight, G.”

.................................................................

            Sam walked down the hall to Fin’s apartment. She was nervous. Since her talk with
George a few days ago, she’d made a decision. She wouldn’t try to interject herself into Fin’s
life anymore. He’d chosen to make Dorian his main- his only- priority, and she was going to
have to live with that. She’d thought when, and if, he was ready to pick up their relationship
again, she would be there to welcome him back. Or she wouldn’t. It would depend on how far
she’d managed to move on without him.

            Naturally, her decision had been easier said than done. She really missed him. To pass
the time, she’d tried doing some of the things she used to do before she met him, but somehow
they seemed empty now. Everything reminded her of him.

            Her nights were particularly difficult. She found her body missed him as well. She
yearned for him, and as a result, almost broke her resolve on several occasions. She held out,
though, and learned to work herself into physical exhaustion in order to sleep.

            Sam had little idea how Fin was faring. She assumed, since she heard nothing to the
contrary, that he was managing just fine without her. He still called every night to see how she
was doing, but Sam felt that was more out of courtesy than anything else. With the exception of
those calls, though, she had very little to do with him.

            She did know that Dorian was planning to move to New York permanently. He’d
confided to Fin that Harvard Law had been his mother’s idea, and like his father, he too did not
want to be a lawyer. His dream, he’d said, was to become an architect. Fin had encouraged him
to act on that, and after some consideration, Dorian had withdrawn from Harvard altogether and
was planning to study architecture at Columbia. Charlene had tried to make things difficult for
him by threatening to withhold his trust fund, but since his grandparents were the executors of
that trust, she’d had little to say on the matter.

            Sam came to a stop outside Fin’s door and rang the doorbell. Taking a deep breath, she
placed a hand on her stomach, trying to calm the queasiness she felt. She’d managed to live with
her resolve to wait for Fin to come to her, but that was before today. Before the Bureau had
ordered her back to Baltimore. She’d never put in that request for a permanent transfer, and now
her allotted time in New York was up. She had to go back. She wouldn’t be waiting for him
anymore. Sam steadied herself as Fin unlocked the door.

            “Sam.” Fin was surprised to see her, but pleased. “Come in.” He stepped back, waving
her in.

            Sam entered the apartment but remained near the door. She didn’t feel as comfortable
here as she once did. Fin picked up on it and refrained from the hug he’d wanted to give her.

            “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” She took a quick look around for Dorian, but
didn’t see him.

            “He’s not here.” Fin studied her. “What’s wrong, Sam? What’s the matter?”

            “Can we sit down?” She was beginning to feel queasy again and didn’t trust her legs.

            “Yeah.” Fin took her arm and led her to the sofa. He peered into her face and waited.

            “I’m going back to Baltimore.” Fin froze. It was probably the last thing he’d expected
her to say.

            “My supervisor called and said he couldn’t give me any more time. I have a week to
finish up things here, then I’m expected back.”

            He looked away from her. “I thought you were getting transferred here?”

            “I never got around to putting in the paperwork.”

            Fin got up and walked over to the mantle. Sam noticed it now held several pictures of
him and Dorian together. He fingered the figurine she’d bought for him, then turned back to her.
He knew it was his fault she was leaving. She could probably fight to stay if she’d wanted to, but
he was guessing she didn’t. Because of him. He came back to the sofa and took her hands in his.

            “I’m sorry, Sam. I’m sorry I messed this up.” The look in his eyes clearly showed his
regret.

            “I didn’t know how to handle both.” The words were difficult for him to get out, but Sam
understood what he meant: he couldn’t handle both her and Dorian. She stood up to go.

            “I didn’t come here to make you feel guilty,” she said softly. “I just thought you should
know, and I wanted to be the one to tell you.” She headed for the door.

            “Baby . . . ” Her heart wrenched at the word. He hadn’t called her that in some time.

            Fin caught up with her and swept her into a tight embrace. She hugged him back, and
was suddenly overwhelmed by the smell and feel of him. It was what she’d wanted for weeks,
only now it was too late.

            She pulled away from him and tried to smile. “I’ll call you with my number when I get
settled. You can keep me up to date with what’s happening here.”

            Continuing to the door, she left, and managed to make it all the way to the elevator before
breaking down into tears.