Conquering Fear

 

Chapter 3

 

Victoria stood when Diego brought Alejandro back to the library.

 

“Ah, Victoria, welcome,” Alejandro greeted. “Sit down and we’ll have a talk.”

 

He sat next to Victoria, who looked up at Diego standing frozen in the doorway. “Don’t you have a book you’re supposed to be reading?” Alejandro glowered at his lazy son.

 

Diego looked like he wanted to stay, but with a final lingering glance at Victoria, he excused himself and left them alone.

 

Alejandro gave Victoria his full attention. “So what’s on your mind?”

 

“Alejandro, it’s personal. I’ve been alone so long, but you’ve always been like a father to me. I need some advice.”

 

“Of course,” Alejandro took one of her hands in his. “I’m always here for you. Are you having some sort of trouble?”

 

“No, nothing bad.” Victoria hesitated. “It’s about Zorro.”

 

“I don’t care who he is… if he’s done anything…” Victoria stopped him.

 

“No, he’s always a perfect gentleman.” Victoria blushed. “He’s kissed me a few times, but nothing more.”

 

Alejandro sat back in the couch. “So what happened? Are you still in love with him?”

 

“Yes, I think so.” Victoria stood to pace the room. So many books, she marveled as she looked at the high shelves. “Do you think I know who he is?”

 

Alejandro paused. “I would hope if he kissed you he told you his name. You’re saying he hasn’t?”

 

Victoria shook her head as she ran her finger along the shelves of books. “He says I’d be in danger as long as he wears that mask.”

 

“Do you agree?”

 

Victoria turned to look at him in surprise. “You don’t?” Victoria relaxed a little, relieved that Alejandro was on her side.

 

Alejandro shrugged. “It seems to me you’re already in danger. Everyone knows Zorro loves you, especially the alcalde. But there might be reasons he hides his identity from all of us. Anyone who knew who he was might give him away sometime, or be used against him somehow. I’m not sure. I’ve never asked him.”

 

“I’m not sure either,” Victoria admitted. “I’m not sure about anything anymore.” She idly picked up a book and read its title. Robin Hood. Strange title. She reached high above her head for another. Swordsmanship. Even more strange. She thumbed through the pages, and was horrified to see writing in the margins. Books were treasures to her…why would Alejandro write in a book? She looked closer at the writing. That wasn’t Alejandro’s writing. She jumped when Alejandro called her name again. She closed the book and ran a finger over its title before she placed it carefully back in its spot above her head.

 

“Why does anyone know Zorro loves me? I’m not sure even I know that. How can he love me if he won’t even tell me his name?”

 

Alejandro was at a loss. “Have you asked him?”

 

“Yes. We had an argument this morning. I told him he chose to live his life without me. Then…” Victoria wrapped her shawl tighter around her shoulders and sat back down. She looked at Alejandro, pleading with him to understand. “He said he sees me every day without the mask. That I should be able to figure out who he is, but he says I cannot love the ordinary man.”

 

“Did you slap him?” Alejandro smiled at her.

 

Victoria relaxed some more, glad Alejandro didn’t think she was being unreasonable. “I told him he knew me, but I didn’t know him. I told him to leave.”

 

“If you don’t know his name, you don’t know anything about him. Maybe it is time to let him go. I know you want a family.”

 

“I had little Nadia in the kitchen with me this morning. She reminded me of all I don’t have. But I could see in Zorro’s eyes that he wants a family. If he wants it, why doesn’t he tell me who he is?” Victoria looked over at the bookshelf again, unable to distinguish the swordsmanship book from the others from her seat on the couch. “He made it sound like his identity should be obvious to me.”

 

“Maybe I could help you figure it out. We could work together.”

 

“But I shouldn’t have to figure it out, Don Alejandro! If he loves me, why doesn’t he come tell me without the mask?” Victoria tried to focus on the conversation but other thoughts were intruding. Finally, the ‘figure it out’ phrase was taking root in her mind. Maybe Zorro was right. Maybe she overlooked the ordinary man.

 

“He said he’s afraid I wouldn’t love him. What if he’s right?”

 

“That’s only something you can answer. Only you know why you love him.” Alejandro took her hand again. “And the danger is real. If you married Zorro, he’d be in danger whenever he went out to fight. Would you be able to face that?”

 

“I’ve told him before I don’t care about the danger. I just want to help him. Be there for him. But what if he’s right? How many men in town could be Zorro? He’s tall, he knows how to fight. Someone like that must stick out. What if I overlook him because I cannot love him? Because I don’t even like him?”

 

“Well, Zorro is a lot taller than most people. Can you think of any tall men who frequent your tavern that you don’t like?” Alejandro asked with a smile. “He must come to the tavern. Where else would you see him? Where do you go?”

Victoria shrugged. “I could see him at church. At the bank. Maybe someone who works here or at another ranch where I get supplies.” Victoria looked back at the bookshelf, then walked back over to look at the book again. It was very high up. It wasn’t dusty. If Alejandro read it often, it would be on a lower shelf. But it wasn’t Alejandro’s handwriting. How tall was Diego?

 

“Why didn’t Diego come with you for lunch today?” Victoria asked, still flipping through the pages of the book. There were notations, corrections…someone thought they knew fencing better than this author? She saw a few equations and drawings…she never knew fighting was so scientific…

 

“He was still in bed when I left. Said he was reading a book and wasn’t up to coming into the tavern, as if it was this huge ordeal. He never wants to do anything.” Alejandro scowled.

 

Alejandro offered a guess: “Rodrigo on Don Esteban’s ranchero is tall. He comes into the tavern a lot.”

 

Victoria chuckled. “Rodrigo is also madly in love with Sabrina.”

 

Victoria set the book down and stood on her tiptoes to reach another. “Where did you get so many books?”

 

“Most of those Diego brought back with him from college.” Alejandro watched her stretch, glanced over the wall of books. “All the man does is read. I like to read, but he reads too much. Gets it from his mother I guess.” Alejandro sighed at his hopeless son. “Benjamin the blacksmith is tall. Do you see him a lot?”

 

“He’s also a lot bigger than Zorro.” Victoria flipped through another book, this one on martial arts. She nearly dropped the book when she saw Diego De La Vega’s name in it. She ran a finger over the name and felt dizzy for a moment. She set the book down and joined Alejandro back on the couch.

 

“Are you alright? I’m sorry, I guess neither of us asked if you wanted something to drink. Can I get you something?” Alejandro stood and left for the kitchen when she nodded.

 

Victoria took the time she was alone to try to calm her thoughts, which must be crazy. What was she thinking? She did talk about Zorro often. Since she knew little about the man, she always talked of his bravery and courage. Those were always the traits she expected to find in the man behind the mask as well. But Zorro had to hide. The man would have to disappear when Zorro was needed, and leave no one surprised that he wasn’t around.

 

Diego was always sick. Always reading. Always sleeping late. Getting lost. Getting thrown from a horse. And always hated to hear about Zorro’s exploits. And he was always in the tavern, though he had a huge ranch. Most of the people who lived and worked on the De la Vega ranch didn’t frequent her tavern because the vaqueros had their own cook and kitchen. So why did Diego? She tried to think of a time she’d seen Diego and Zorro together.

 

She heard a noise and turned to see Diego standing in the doorway. “I didn’t want to interrupt.” Diego looked at the bookshelf she’d been staring at. “Did you want to borrow a book?”

 

Victoria glanced down at the book in Diego’s hand. Always reading, but maybe the books he read would surprise her. He’d changed clothes. In the courtyard, he’d been wearing simpler clothes like the clothes his father usually wore. It hadn’t been in pristine condition, either, as if Diego had been active and not so obsessed with appearances or exerting himself. Her eyes trailed from his head all the way to his feet, and she blushed and turned away when Diego fidgeted under her perusal.

 

“No, it’s alright. I was just admiring your library. You have a lot of books.”

 

Now was the time for Diego to say something…maybe how fascinating books were. Or mention something inane he’d read that was so interesting to Diego but would make Victoria laugh at him. He didn’t have it in him today. She was looking at his books. Did she really think reading was so terrible? The tiny, dull ache he’d felt this morning in her kitchen at the sight of Victoria with a child had turned into a clawing pain in his chest.

 

His own words had surprised them both this morning, but they wouldn’t leave him alone. Why couldn’t she see him for who he really was? Every time he saw her, he wanted to take her into his arms and never stop kissing her. He’d stared at himself in the mirror a long time after he’d gotten dressed, wondering what she saw when she looked at Diego versus Zorro. Did she even find him attractive?

 

Diego pulled at the tie which went with the fancy suit he’d put on after coming inside and cleaning up. “Well, I wanted to tell you your wagon is loaded.”

 

“Thank you.” Victoria watched Diego frown at his book. “Not enjoying your book?”

 

“Oh, no, I am,” Diego smiled at her but this time Victoria could see it was forced. “Books are fascinating, really.” Alejandro walked back in with some drinks. “I must get back. Enjoy your visit.”

 

Victoria watched the empty doorway for several moments after Diego left as she took the glass of lemonade from Alejandro. He was oblivious to her inner turmoil as he mentioned another man in the pueblo.

 

“Don Alejandro, if I figure out who he is, shouldn’t I be mad at him for lying to me? For deceiving us all?”

 

“That depends on his reasons. If you gave your heart to a man who wore a mask to defend the people and protect those he loves, you cannot hold that secret against him.”

 

“I don’t think it’s fair that he gets to see me all the time.”

 

“Fair?” Alejandro patted her knee. “You know better than to expect fair in this life, Victoria. Remember he’d place you in danger if you knew. And maybe that just proves his devotion to you. Maybe he can’t stay away. Think of it as romantic instead of deceitful. Especially if he told you he’s afraid you wouldn’t love the real man. Maybe he wants you to love the ordinary man, so he comes around a lot. Can you think of anyone who does little favors for you? Tries to get your attention?”

 

Victoria stood suddenly, thrusting the glass back at Alejandro. “Alejandro, I am sorry but I have to get back to the tavern. Thank you for your help. Maybe I will make a list. We can talk more later. I hope you enjoy the apple pie.”

 

“If I touch your apple pie, Diego will never forgive me.” Alejandro laughed as they walked toward the entrance.

 

Victoria paused at the door. “Did he ask for apple pie this morning or just pie?”

 

“Apple. Andrea made one last night, but he prefers yours. He’s always preferred your cooking. We all do.” Alejandro smiled and gave her a brief hug before seeing her off.

 

Had Diego just wanted apple pie? Or had he seen the apples covering her counter this morning along with the pie shells she’d set aside?

 

Zzz

 

Author’s Note 2: I know Robin Hood is old, but Diego was reading it and I doubt Victoria would have heard the stories. See? That’s not a cruel place to end a chapter, it’s a happy place! So there wasn’t any humor to make you smile, but I hope you review anyway if you’re enjoying the story.