Insights

Insights
By AnitaB
Chapter 3: Nails in the coffin—uh elevator.
Two days hadn’t really helped. Cold beer and sleep hadn’t really helped. But then Hotch, damn him, had gotten in one last shot before she’d escaped, telling her with one of those twisted little smiles about the Quantico Academy job offer.

Like she hadn’t head the phone message, loud and clear. And this morning hadn’t started off any better.

This morning Gideon had been carrying a box down the stairs from his office as she set her purse on her desk.

He was already packing up to leave her, to leave the team. And he wasn’t even going to tell them first. //Goddamnit, Jason.//

Her hands shook as she checked her gun and locked her desk drawer. He wasn’t even going to tell them first. He wasn’t going to say a single damned word to her or to any of them.

But Hotch would. Hotch would make sure to stab her at every opportunity. Like right about … now. “Morning, Elle. Have a good weekend?”

//No, I ran out of beer and had nightmares.// “The wrist is still sore, but I’m fine.” She watched him sit on the edge of her desk and smile at her. //Bastard,// “How are Hailey and the baby?”

At least now the smile was real. “Gets bigger everyday.”

“Hailey? Hotch! That’s a horrible thing to say about your wife.” Now his frown was real too and that just cheered Elle the hell up. “And with her just having your baby boy?” Elle was practically glowing inside as his eyes narrowed. His eyelids dropped a tiny bit with each of her tsk, tsk sounds.

Then Gideon walked by with another box to add to the cart. Elle couldn’t help but watch, and Hotch did the same. Only now she was wearing the real frown and he wore a real smile.

“Feel better, Elle?”

//Hell, no.// “I’m fine, Hotch. I’m absolutely fine.” Elle jerked her hand out from under his, not really caring that this was certainly not the best hiding she’d ever done. Biting his head off was just like admitting anything or everything.

“Good. He’s got about four more boxes packed already, for Quantico Academy.”

//He’s going to take the teaching job. Jason really was going to leave.// “The academy?” She felt the edges of her nails digging deep into the skin of her palms. “He’s not gonna tell us, is he?” Elle forced her hands open and filled her arms with files, hugging the stack like a teddy bear. “He’s just gonna leave.”

“I don’t know, Elle, guess we’ll have to wait and see.” Hotch patted her shoulder like putting a bandaid on an arterial gusher, and then he just walked away from her desk.

“Like hell I’m just waiting.” Elle wasn’t known for her patience with just cause. If Jason was just gonna up and leave, why the hell would she stay to watch him go.

The keys clacked loudly under her fingers as Elle pulled up a transfer request form. Violent Crimes would let her be a useful profiler without the closeness of a small team setting. You don’t get attached to people if you’re one cubicle in an office of hundreds. And if no one got close, then it didn’t, couldn’t matter when they left. And they always left. Elle didn’t know how her time with the BAU had made her forget that. People always left. The next time around she’d remember that.

The screen before her eyes seemed to blur as she filled out every important box in the long request. //Bureaucratic assholes!// Did they really need her employee number and supervisor’s name every fourth fucking question? Jason Gideon, Jason Gideon, Jason Gideon.

When she finished this form, she was going to storm up the stairs to his office, shove the pages down his throat, and go find some hard liquor. Beer just wasn’t gonna cut it this time.

Printing the document, Elle found every spot she needed to initial, sign and date. Rather than the tiny details slowing and calming her down, each stroke of her pen seemed to raise the temperature of her blood. Any higher and she’d explode when she gave him her request.

But then he was leaving, why would he care? Jason should be relieved that he wouldn’t have to deal with her in his last days or weeks with the BAU. He should thank her… not that Elle was going to give him the time.

Papers in hand, Elle stalked up the stairs and shoved open his office door. “Gideon,”

He put the stack of files in his hands into a box on his desk. And then he looked up. Just a glance really, his eyes were down on the files again. He wouldn’t even look at her. “What is it, Elle?”

//Bastard,// If she tried to speak another word, it would come out as a shout. Two steps forward, Elle slapped the transfer against his chest and fled down the stairs to the sound of her name behind her.

Elle didn’t even notice the broad smile on Hotch’s face as she passed him. Hell, she didn’t notice he was there at all. Her entire focus was on getting enough space between herself and Jason to keep from hitting him in the face and yelling that he couldn’t leave her, them. //Keep walking, Elle, just keep walking.//

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Her voice was … weird, strained. When he glanced up, her face was tight, closed down. And almost… betrayed. Elle was hurting and if he looked at her one more second, Gideon would have to cross this room and wrap his arms around her. “What is it, Elle?”

He didn’t even have to see her to know that it somehow had been the wrong thing to say. Under oath, Gideon would swear the temperature dropped ten degrees. Then her hand thudded into his ribs and Elle herself spun on one heel and fled his office.

“Elle?” His hands had automatically caught the papers she’d slapped him with. Something was going on here, something beyond the train and ‘dad’. And it smelled of Hotch’s interference. Gideon dragged his eyes off the stiff set of her shoulders crossing the open floor below to look at the paper crumpled in his hands. It was a transfer to… Violent Crimes. Elle wanted to leave him. She wanted to leave him to be a faceless, nameless brain in a box in violent fucking crimes.

His hands tightened into fists, turning the transfer request into a ball. //Goddamnit, Elle.// His office door bounced off the wall behind him on his way down the stairs.

Hotch, of course Hotch, sat near the foot of the stairs. Gideon had never seen his second in command smile that wide, ever. Might as well give him another reason to smile. “Where is she?”

“Elle?”

“Yes, Elle. Where did she go?” Yup, there was the smile getting even wider. Gideon could hear almost a growl in his voice. Observant Hotch couldn’t possibly miss it.

Hotch pointed towards the elevator doors and waited until Gideon was five steps past him to add on. “Go get her, Dad.”

//I’m not her father.// And once he caught up with her it was going to take every scrap of his patience to keep from shaking sense into her. What the hell did she think she was doing?

She saw him coming, but pounding the close-door button didn’t make it work any faster. Gideon shoved an arm between the doors and grinned at the hiss of them closing…behind him. There was no escaping him now.

“What in the hell is this?” Elle flinched away from the wad of paper in his fist. Or maybe she reacted to the rough sound of his voice.

Either way he’d never seen Elle look so scared as she did right now. Not even at gunpoint, not even handcuffed to the bars under the train seat. Then she buried it, wrapping her arms around her ribs and an interrogation room blank look over her face. “You know what it is, Gideon. You can read.”

Why was she scared? A better question would be why was she leaving? But he was in no state to ask her anything. The only response he could give to that look was her name. “Elle,” His hands opened, caught her arms in a gentle grip. His arms were in on the conspiracy, because they were around her before his brain had any idea what the plan was. Hell, he was holding her close before Elle could have gotten away. “Elle,”

She went stone still in his arms and he just pulled her closer until he could feel the faint tremble of her muscles. He buried his face into her hair. “Talk to me, Elle. Let me help you.”

Then she exploded into words and actions. Both her hands slammed against his chest, knocking him back into the wall. “Go to hell, Jason. You can’t pretend to care and try to fix everyone and then just…” Elle stopped, a hand over her mouth.

//Pretend to care… Bullshit.// “Just what, Elle? After I pretended to care, then what did I do?” Gideon found himself stalking her across the elevator floor. Her shoulders hit the wall between his hands. He knew he was invading her personal space, but he couldn’t seem to help it. “What did I do, Elle, that you want to leave for a goddamn box in Violent Fucking Crimes?”

Her head tilted back and her dark eyes finally locked with his, burning and so close. And getting closer. “You were leaving first, Jason. Why do you care where I am?”

The two sentences seemed to hit his brain separately and out of order. //You’re supposed to be with me, of course I care.// “Leaving?” His hand moved on its own to her shoulder. //I’m not going anywhere.//

“Yes, leaving. Professor Gideon. Packing lots of fascinating case files to teach the kiddies at Quantico Academy. And worst of all, you weren’t gonna say anything, were you?”

She thought he was leaving and that was why she was scared, angry, and trembling. That was why Elle was trying to run. And he couldn’t let her go.

Elle shifted, trying to duck under his arm towards the doors. //No, you’re not getting away.//

Gideon stopped her movement, blocking her in with his arms and chest. His hands moved to cup her face as she tried to push the wall back with her shoulders. “I’m not going anywhere, Elle. Neither are you.”

Her eyes held a mixture of fear and hope and his heart pounded in his chest. //Elle,// This was a horrible idea, but that didn’t make him hesitate for even an instant. Jason Gideon held her still as he leaned in and pressed Elle’s lips under his own. He was kissing Elle and when her hands rose to slide up his chest, she didn’t push him away. She was kissing him back.

Soft, warm, and sweet those beautiful lips opened before his in invitation. Her fingers curled into his shirt. He found his fingers in her hair, changing the angle to better explore her mouth. She felt so good, tasted like heaven, and melted into his arms. //Sweet Elle,//

“Jason,” Her arms tried to pull him back, but he needed to see her eyes. Gideon cupped her face in his hands. She was so beautiful and she was his.

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He was angry, pinning her to the elevator wall, and swearing at her in a low, growly rasp of a shout. Anger was her only hope of getting out of here intact. The other response welling up inside her was need, desire. Elle could feel the urge to cling to his shoulders and lean in for a kiss. If he pushed her away, she’d shatter.

Elle clung to the anger, embraced it, released it in a spill of bitter words. Before her eyes, every word seemed to soften his face, melt away his anger. His hand moved, heating her shoulder with a gentle touch. She couldn’t stand his pity and tried to duck under his arm.

Gideon blocked her, those strong hands cupping her face even as she tried to melt through the wall at her back. //No, pity, Jason, please no pity.//

“I’m not going anywhere, Elle. Neither are you.” His voice was soft but determined, dragging her helpless eyes to his face. It wasn’t pity in his eyes, but that was all her brain managed before he fried it with the touch of his lips over hers. Jason was kissing her, softly, warmly. His hands held her steady for the heated exploration of lips on lips. //Jason,// Her hands lifted to feel his heart pounding behind his ribs. Her knees went weak at the grip of his arms and the urgent heat of his kiss. Elle fisted her hands in his shirt and opened for his taste. Delicious.

His hands sank into her hair, tilting her head to the perfect angle for his tongue to dance with hers. It was heaven, but it wasn’t enough. Especially when he tried to pull back. “Jason,” She found her hands clutching at his shoulders, trying to pull him back into a kiss.

His hands on her face kept a small space between their lips. “I’m not your father, Elle. You know that, right?” His entire body leaned along hers as his eyes trailed over her lips. The heat on his face was igniting nerves all over her body. Jason wanted this, wanted to hold her, kiss her. And there was nothing she wanted more.

“Yeah, I know that, Jason.” Elle slid her arms up around his neck, groaning at the tight grip of his arms. “But what is it you want to be?”

Rough fingertips stroked the line of her cheek to the point of her chin, tilting her face up to his. She had a front row seat to the soul-searching on his face. //Come on, Jason. Please.// “Your man. I want to be your man.”

This time Elle crossed the distance. “You are,” Her lips claimed his urgently, tongue meeting his in a shared groan. His hands burned up and down her back, pulling her body even tighter against his own. Her hands joyously explored the broad strength of his shoulders. She could feel every inch of his body against hers, could taste heat and need on his tongue, could burn in the grip and stroke of his hands. But Jason still wasn’t close enough. And who needed to breathe anyway.

Jason broke the kiss, breathing hard against her neck and holding her even closer. Every inch of her skin gloried in the heat of his body. //Jason,//

“Hotch is never going to stop smiling.” He dropped a kiss against her pulse before pulling back to smile at her, fingers dragging a soft heat up the side of her throat. “He’s going to love grilling me after this.”

“You, too?” Elle ran her fingers through his hair, meeting his smile with one of her own. “He’s been goading me for days.”

“Seems I trained an annoying but insightful matchmaker instead of a profiler.”

He was stalling and she knew it. But Elle understood completely. There was nothing she wanted more than to stay here in his arms. Except maybe leaning in for another kiss.

Eventually, though, someone would actually need to use this elevator and knowing their luck, Hotch would ride it himself to the lobby and back just to interrupt.

At the very least, he’d be waiting at her desk to interrogate them.

“Jason,” She leaned in, brushing a quick kiss over his lips. “We can’t hide in here all day.” Elle found her fingers tracing his lower lip. At least she could tell herself it was to rub off that little smudge of her lipstick. She shouldn’t be thinking about yet another kiss or about getting his arms around her again. And keeping them there. She should be working on getting them both out of this elevator and back to their desks. And then Jason kissed her palm, making any thought even harder. “What… what should we do now?”

“I…I’m having a hard time thinking, Elle,” His hand was warm against her cheek. “When you look at me like that.” Jason wasn’t making it easy for her to think with the look on his face. Elle had never even imagined what that kind of heat would look like in his eyes. “We should get back to work, but I’d like to … see you tonight. Let me make you dinner.”

//Jason,// She adored the faint hint of insecurity on his face almost as much as she loved the feel of his arms around her and his kiss. “I’d love that, Jason.”

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