Ryan and Micki Make a Porno (smootch!)

The synopsis of the film is as follows: The Gozer the Slutstroyer Twins (aptly named Keymaster and Gatekeeper) send Evil Slut Ghosts to wreak havoc on the city. Egon and pals invent photon condoms, when worn, allows you to fuck the slut ghost back into it's own dimension, which, in turn, prompts them to form the Slutbusters. They hire Janine Whoreowitz as their secretary, whom Egon ends up fucking on the reception desk once hired and gets head from continually throughout the film. Meanwhile, Winston gets a call to the Public Library and does battle with photon condom and sexy Librarian Slut Ghost, nailing her against the bookshelf until she dissolves into her own dimension. Elliot's gonna work that one out, he's an effects pro. Peter makes a housecall to Dana, who complains of lesbian ghosts in her refrigerator that are keeping her up half the night, and one thing leads to another after she tries but fails to show him her lesbo refrigerator ghosts. They do the horizontal lambada on the coffee table. After that, we're gonna cut to Ray in a 'hotel' (we'll use the upstairs hallway in the north wing), pursuing and 'battling' the SlimerSlut Ghost, which will be an actress slathered in enough green makeup to come off on Andy and make it appear that he was 'slimed'. We'll cut to Egon and Janine from there; he'll be reading some mythology about the Gozer Twins, she'll be giving him head. Winston and Ray will come back from doing their duty and that's when they'll figure out that it's all coming from Dana's apartment building and the epicenter of activity is in her apartment. They begin to rush over, meanwhile, back at Dana's, Peter's on a bathroom break when Dana gets possessed by an evil demon slut succubi that plans to kill him. He walks in at the end of the possession and puts a photon condom on just in time. The boys burst in to confront the Gozer Twins; Winston and Ray getting sucked into Dana's refrigerator, and they prompt Ray into thinking of the Stay Hard Marshmallow Man, who begins stomping through the city and knocking over buildings with his dick. Possessed Dana drags Peter into the bedroom in tandem and starts to fuck him senseless until she realizes he's wearing a photon condom, but it's too late, because he's overpowered her and has begun to do away with the demon inside. This is where we'll split screen and have Winston sneak up behind the twins as Ray attacks. Janine and Egon will be in front of the fridge, Janine giving Egon head as Ray and Winston pound the Gozer Twins away. Peter simulataneously depossesses Dana, Winston and Ray are freed from the fridge, and the Slutbusters are triumphant. Marshmallow goo covers the model city. End Movie.
"This may be, hands down, the best Idea for a porno, EVER." Andy comments as he, Conrad, Elliot, and myself work on the construction of the model city in Conrad's garage, "I mean, the thing with the split screen fucking at the end, now that's just genius."
Conrad slaps me a high-five wordlessly and we fall right back into painting windows on mini high-rises.
"Shouldn't you start thinking about your porn names?" Elliot asks Andy and I, nudging Conrad, "We got Bart Manpower over here; what about you guys?"
Andy doesn't skip a beat, "Kurt Ilingus." He answers, "I've had that one on deck since I was fourteen."
I chuckle at that as I am hit with my own fitting moniker, "Ed Wood?" I shrug.
Conrad bursts into laughter and the rest of us follow suit. We're still chuckling when Fawnsworth and Micki pull back into the garage in the Towncar. They approach us with armloads of bags of clothing, costume masks, and makeup.
"Ooh, model making!" Micki says as Conrad rings a little bell at his side. His maid Deelicious appears and relieves her of her load, bringing it all inside with Fawnsworth as Micki joins us.
Elliot's still chuckling a little, "What about you? What's *your* porn name that you're gonna use for the movie?"
Micki picks up the storyboard and flips through it, "How about Betty Able, as in, I can't believe I'm even able to do this. Ryan, you have us doing it on a coffee table?"
The guys howl in laughter as I shrug, "Either that or the floor. You just can't bone on a couch in porn and make it good. Not enough decent angles." I explain as she turns about a thousand shades of red.
"Forget that I asked." she mumbles, thumbing through the pages a bit more with her head down. Did I hit a nerve? "Hmm, this does seem to have more of a plot than your average Adult Feature."
"You kidding, Girl? This is gonna be my crowning jewel! I've already pitched the idea to my investors and they are beside themselves, freaking the fuck out. All we have to do now is cast this bitch, build a few extra set pieces, and we got ourselves a *hit*."
"Don't forget we need to pick up a surplus of ecto-green condoms, too, chief." Andy chimes, "Fucking the slut ghosts back into their own dimension; Where do you come up with this shit, Ry?"
"Let's just say I'm prone to strange shit and leave it at that." I half-joke with him, glancing at Micki. She's sporting the cutest little smirk, and she's the *only* one that's really in on the joke. Strange Shit. She knows it, too.

***********************************************************

We finished the model city over the course of yesterday evening, and put in the fireman's pole and platform in the garage this morning. Now, we are in the pool house, setting up a table to interview prospective talent for the feature. Surreal. It's been so long since I've even done the deed, really, that being saturated in sex has been almost too much to really take in. I can't help but feel just a little more excited around Micki. Holy shit. She really is a saint for doing this. Said it before and I'll say it again. Girls have been known to bristle under the same circumstances, even when innocent life is involved, but she's chosen to sacrifice decorum for the greater good. She's such a giver.
Not that we didn't have about a hundred conversations about how this would not affect our current relationship, this was a test to see how much weirdness we could take, and why shouldn't we do this since we like each other as people and we got paid a mad amount of money? And on and on. Every free moment that we're not working on something it seems like we're reassuring each other about this and that. But really, all I want to do now is just get to that scene on the coffee table. What she's wearing today isn't helping me out. The tight black skirt she's got on has this very imagination-inspiring slit high up the back, and every time she bends over I have to look away or I might go cardiac. Plus, her thin grey sweater fits like a glove, but still allows for a little jiggle, so she's basically walking, talking sex today. I am going to have to prepare thoroughly before our big debut in porn, or we're bound to have the shortest scene in history.
Hey, you may think I'm a bit gaga right now, but I have *nothing* on Mr. Andy Botwin. Or even Elliot and Conrad, for that matter. I've had time to allow her overwhelming hotness to sink in. They've been sideblinded, and are practically hypnotized. I catch every one of them staring at her constantly. She's like the elephant in the room, everyone's thinking about it but no one dares to vocalize it, save for Andy. He's a little more openly flirtatious than the rest of us, even though she and I are still letting them think that she's my girlfriend. I convinced her it would be best; otherwise, those three would be on her like a pack of hyenas on a fresh kill. I didn't tell *her* that, though. Instead, I believe I said something along the lines of if we revealed the fact we'd never done it before it might pose a problem. I left it at that and she didn't argue. I was and still am beyond relieved.
So it doesn't bother me as much that Andy's practically tripping over himself to relieve her of the folding chairs she's hefting over to the long table Conrad, Elliot, and I just set up, "Allow *me*, Your Royal Beautiful." he tells her, replete with bow and goofy grin.
"Thank you, Andy." She smirks. We catch glances and she addresses me, "You ready to cast, Mr. Director?" she asks, following behind Botwin to join the rest of us.
"How is the crowd out there, Fawnsworth?" Conrad asks. Fawnsworth looks out the window, crosses over to him, and whispers in his ear, "Sausage Party, huh? But you see a couple few girls? That's positive. You can go ahead and start letting them in, now."
We all take our seats behind the 'judging' table, as it were, Andy and Elliot fighting wordlessly for the seat on the other side of Micki. Elliot wins by a hair, pushing Andy off the edge of the chair with the force of his police training, undoing Andy's firm feet-planted stance with stealth-like strength. Pretty freakin' amusing. The defeated one takes the seat between Elliot and Conrad as Fawnsworth allows in the first ten 'actors'. Can I just say there are some pretty scary people that want to participate in porn? All guys, the first ten, all greasy and all wrong. Micki cringes openly at each of them. The next ten brings about a more positive response from us; there are two quite pretty (and non-scary looking) females in this set. The smiling blonde's name is Laura and her striking brunette friend's name is Audrey. They want to participate together. I think they'd be perfect for the Gozer Twins/Slimer/Librarian Ghost roles. Andy and Conrad look ecstatic right now, and are slapping each other fives under the table. Safe to say that they're in. The rest of those ten are more greasy, porno-stached men that make Micki's nose crinkle in distaste. Bring on the next batch of folks! Which to our surprise, is the last round of people, but at least it seems fruitful. There's a tall guy with sleepy hazel eyes and brown hair who has a studious but mischevious look about him that's caused an approving look to grace Micki's gorgeous face. She leans in to me, "Him. That's Egon."
"You think?" I address him, "Hey you, what's your name?"
"Hank. Hank Moody." he says, stepping before us out of line.
"What compelled you to come here today? Have you had prior experience in Adult Films?" Conrad asks.
"Well, no, this would be my first. I saw your ad in the paper, and I need some extra cash to get through school this semester." he explains in a low, not-exactly-monotone voice that perks me. Micki's right. This guy's a good Egon, "I figured, I like sex, and I like porn; I'm a big fan, actually. So why not?"
"Good answer." Andy says, nudging Elliot, "I like this guy."
A loud knocking interrupts our interview, prompting Fawnsworth to open the door. A stunningly beautiful petite redhead with large blue eyes and beestung lips walks in, "I'm sorry, I hope I'm not too late. I just read the ad about an hour ago, and it took me a while to find this place." she explains apologetically in a voice that's so sexy it curls my toes a little.
Conrad stands up, "You're hired." he says to her immediately.

********************************************************

So now we have our actors together and we're all meeting for the first script read-through in Conrad's living room. The presense of Laura, Audrey, and the redhead named Dana has taken the totality of male attention thankfully off of Micki, and Elliot, Conrad, and Andy, along with Hank (whom we picked to be Egon) are all chatting it up pleasantly fireside together as Micki and I join them. We just checked in with Jack, and all is back to rights with the store; our bills are paid in full and the ten grand was sent to the IRS; so the danger of having cursed objects back out there has been averted. Jack told us to thank Conrad profusely on his behalf for the help. If he only knew. My guess is he'd still say that we should do it. Where else would we procure that kind of money in such a small amount of time?
Conrad is beside himself right now. *Two* redheads in one feature is a major score for his team, apparently. Someone could punch him in the face a thousand times and they still wouldn't be able to wipe the smile off his face. "We should probably begin with introductions; maybe stand up, say our names, and something about ourselves." he starts as Micki and I take our seats next to him, " I'm Conrad Shepard, this is my production, and I'm playing Winston."
"He's also the only experienced pornography actor here." Elliot chimes, "I'm Elliot Stabler, I'll be doing the camera work. By day, I'm working toward becoming an officer of the law."
Andy stands up, "Name's Andy Botwin; I'm a man-about-town, and am also a student of the Culinary Arts. I'm playing Ray."
"I'm Hank Moody. I'm going to the U, majoring in English. I hope to be a novelist of some sort eventually. I'm playing Egon."
"My name is Dana Scully, I'm pre-med, and have no time in my studies to hold down a part-time job to pay my tuition. This seemed a lucrative and logical step toward solving my financial problems. Oh, and I'll be playing Janine."
"Ryan Dallion and Micki Foster." I say, standing, "We own an antique store out west, and we'll be playing Peter and Dana. I'm also the director." I volunteer as Micki gives a shy wave.
"I'm Laura Palmer..."
"...and I'm Audrey Horne. We're both 18 and from a small town in Washington called Twin Peaks."
"It started to get *way* weird there, so we ran away together to Chicago and both work as waitresses in a diner downtown." Laura finishes, "I'll be playing the Keymaster/Librarian Slut."
"And I'm the Gatekeeper/Slimer." Audrey adds, smiling and giving Andy a little glance.
"Laura Palmer and Audrey Horne." Hank comments, "Great porn names, by the way."
Agreed. I thought this too.
"We get to have porn names?" Audrey asks excitedly, "What's yours, Hank?"
What? Those are real? Awesome.
"Mike Honcho. Subtle but effective." he answers, looking at Dana, "What about you? Do you have something in mind?"
"Drawing a blank." Dana answers, "What're yours?" she asks the rest of us.
"Betty Able." (Micki)
"Ed Wood." (Me)
"Bart Manpower." (Conrad)
"Kurt Ilingus." (Andy)
"Those are really good." Laura comments, "I want a cool porn name, too!"
"You can always use the name of your first pet and the first street that you lived on." Andy tells them, "Surefire method."
Dana's eyes widen and a hand goes to her mouth as she stifles a giggle, "Um, Precious Canal." she chuckles, goading us all into full blown laughter.
Laura is doubled over, clutching her abdomen and wheezing, "Oh no! Fluffy Bush!" she states as we all howl.
Audrey practically has tears streaming down her cheeks, "Roscoe....128th!" she manages out. We pause in confusion for a second before erupting again in cackles. For some reason this is the funniest thing I've ever heard. It makes sense, I suppose. We started this out with an introductory note straight from A/A. The awkward bubble has popped, and the funny seems funnier.
I take in the cast; not what you'd necessarily think of when the word "Porn Star" comes to mind, but I have a feeling this is going to work to our advantage. Andy's going to school to be a chef, Hank's going to be a writer, and Dana's going to be a *doctor*, of all things. Wow. The future doctors of America. Not to mention Laura and Audrey, small town girls working in the big city and just throwing caution to the wind for a little extra cash. Or myself and Micki, for that matter, being the proprieters of an antique store. We're all attractive, relatively normal looking people; now in an Adult movie for international overseas viewing. I wonder if this happens all over America, and nobody knows about it because nobody ever sees it?
"Now that's all out of the way, do you want to get this read-through started?" I say after the laughter dies down.
Micki stands after I hand her a stack of scripts and begins to pass them out. She lingers a bit when she reaches Hank, "A writer, huh?" she says as they play a flirtatious tug-of-war with his script.
He nods, giving her an interested look as if to say 'If only I could get you alone' as she releases the pages into his grasp, "The director's girlfriend, huh?" Hank sends right back her way. Smart guy. Know when to say when, Mr. Moody.
Micki casts me a glance of mild irritation that only I catch as she finishes her task and takes her seat next to me. "You know, Ryan," she whispers in my ear, "I think we should start seeing other people." she jokes, shooting Hank another glance.
I pass a look from Dana to Audrey, neither of whom I would kick out of bed for eating cookies (or crackers, hell, anything crumblike, they're forgiven), hoping Micki catches it, "Why don't we at least wait until we get that first scene out of the way." I tell her, "Then we can out ourselves as a non-couple, if you want."
She nods silently, shifting her chair a little closer as she rests her chin on my shoulder, "I guess that'll be alright." she relents.

********************************************************************

The read through went well. We're not going to win any acting awards, but it went smoothly enough. Laura and Audrey didn't even bat an eyelash at the girl-on-girl copulation scenes. "We were sort of anticipating that kind of thing." Audrey had said to the delight of every man in the room. This beats the hell out of directing the High School One Act Play, that's for sure. Our actresses are all top notch lookers, for one; luckily I had my script in my lap when Dana commented that 'it looked like she was going to be on her knees a lot in this movie'. Jesus. I wouldn't mind playing doctor with that one. Between her utterance of that in her phone sex voice of hers and Micki's constant closeness (every time she moves a leg, that slit in her skirt gives just one awesome peek after another), my erection has been uncalmable. I can't even move from my chair now that it's all over. At least most of us, save Elliot because he had to hit the gym, are still lingering and getting to know one another, so it's not like I have to. That's a bonus.
Conrad's already getting pretty cozy with Laura, and she's reciprocating flamboyantly. A smiling blonde with an inner freak, this would be a good description for Laura Palmer. Case stated, she's straddling his lap and they're discussing positions for their scenes together in a flirtatious but casual way. Andy has cornered Audrey and begun his Gomez schtick, which Micki notices and rolls her eyes in my direction in a knowing smirk. She's still at my side; Hank and Dana are sitting on the couch closest to us and we've began an easy, gettin' to know ya repore.
"Have any of you ever been naked in front of anyone out of the confines of privacy?" Hank asks the three of us.
Dana shakes her head no as I shrug, "Does streaking at 12 count?" I quip. Hank nods, "Then yes. Yes, I have."
Micki and Dana giggle, "One time playing Truth or Dare," Micki admits, "When I was 16 my friends dared me to run naked down my driveway and then locked me out of my house."
The image of her description forces me to cross my legs, "What happened?" I ask, "Did they let you back in?"
"I had to crawl in through an unlocked window, but not before a few of the junior high boys in my neighborhood got a real good look. I was mortified!"
"Those were some lucky kids." Hank deadpans, "Do you know what hoops a boy that age has to jump through to see a naked girl? I'll bet you were like manna from Heaven."
We all get a good laugh out of this, and Micki finally makes a response after a few beats, "What about you, Hank Moody? Have you ever been caught with your pants down?"
"My response is a positive, Micki Foster." He laughs, "I was practicing coital contact with a cheerleader in the girl's locker room in High School. It was one of those popular girl slumming moments, being that I was the odd loner. Long story short, the entire girl's Volleyball team piled in fresh from an away game and busted us."
"Lame." I respond in awe. The luck of this guy. I'm tempted to wipe the drool from Micki's mouth right now. Dana's looking a bit starry-eyed herself, gazing at his face like he's the eighth wonder.
"Did you get in trouble?" Dana asks as her and Micki cross their legs in unison.
"I had to transfer schools. It was a bum deal because I was a senior." Hank laughs, "Plus, they didn't give me any time to bask in my legendary status. Not that I'm one to brag." He adds, staring at Dana for a few beats and flashing a smile.
I get hit with inspiration, "Hey, Truth or Dare!" I exclaim, forcing everyone in the room to look in my direction, "What a great way to break the ice! I mean, since we're going to be in a porno together, we need to be comfortable around each other, right?"
"Hey, that's not a bad idea, Ry-D." Conrad says, looking up from the blonde on his lap.
Audrey smiles widely, "Yeah! I love that game!"
Micki throws me a look that reads 'what are you up to?', arching an eyebrow, "As long as no one dares me to run nude down the driveway, I guess I'm in." she says, cautiously.
Andy snaps his fingers comically, "Drat! Foiled my plan!" he jokes.
"Whaddya say, Dana?" Hank asks her, "A little Truth or Dare is good for the soul."
"How does that even make sense?" she cracks.
"It doesn't. So, who's gonna call this sucker?" he addresses the bulk of us.
"I think Ryan should do the honors, since it was his idea." Laura suggests.
"I second that motion." Conrad pitches in.
"Motion thirded, let the Dallion be served!" Andy finishes, "Do it up."
Perverse thoughts cascade through my brain, "Okay. But I want to lay down a few rules before we begin."
"Good idea." Dana agrees.
"Rule #1: Nothing Illegal. We don't need to have the cops called. Rule #2: Open participation is required, and you can choose to opt for Double Dare if the dare or truth given is something you'd rather not share. Rule #3:..."
"Fuck Rule #3 Dallion." Hank interrupts, "Just pick someone, already."
I suck in a breath, "Shit. Truth or Dare....Audrey."
Audrey raises a perfectly arched brow, "Dare." she giggles playfully.
Somehow I knew she'd pick 'dare'. Which is why I landed on her, "I dare you to kiss the girl of your choice in this room for five seconds on the lips."
Her face breaks into a grin as all the men in the room explode with "Niiiiicccce!" and titters of "Hell, yeah!"
"Any girl present that would like to opt out of kissing Audrey should speak now before she decides." I add graciously.
To my utter surprise, not one of them says a word. Audrey does a slow, seductive stroll around the room with her hands folded behind her back in quiet contemplation at the small of her back. She stops when she reaches myself, Micki, and Dana, snatching Micki from our fold and curling an arm around her waist. "Ready?" she asks her politely.
Micki looks a little anxious but has barely given a nod when Audrey's lips graze hers, and the room is treated to a truly outstanding kiss by two intrinsically delicious persons of the female persuasion. It quickly turns rather heated, with what appears to be a little tongue and a lot of nibbling of the lips. They're so near, barely feet away from me. Doing *that*. That marvelous, beautiful act, right in front of me. Andy's wolf whistle, Conrad's applause, and Hank's awestruck "Awesome" bring me back to reality somewhat, yet this still seems rather dreamlike. I mean, come *on*. Micki's kissing another woman right in front of me. Never in an infinity of time did I believe this would happen.
Dana clears her throat, "I believe it's been a little more than five seconds."
They break away shyly, both sporting the cutest little involuntary grins.
"Great way to start things off, Dallion." Hank says, patting me on the back, then glances down, "Fuck, I hope you brought some nails." he chuckles.
I take a look down myself. Shit. I'm growing a hat rack down there. Hank slaps a script against my chest, and I move it down to my offending object in a hurry, "Thanks."
"Can't say I'm not there myself." he cracks. I notice he's also holding a script. So are Conrad and Andy.
This is gonna be an interesting game. Oh, well. I did it to myself. Luckily, my boys have my back.