The Desperate and the Forbidden

Graphic Violence in this chapter.
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The Desperate and the Forbidden
chapter/three: Secret Manifestations

"Would you mind if I handle this solo? I just feel like I wanna be alone with my daughter in there." Sean explianed, scrubbed up and ready to handle her surgery. Christian eyed him thoughtfully, a little unsure.
"Of course. I should check on Darlene anyway, she's had a tough recovery- lot of pain." he had begun his exit, but stopped and turned back, "Everyone's gon' be okay."
Sean nodded as Christian made his way out. He didn't know why, but he was anything but optimistic about leaving Sean. It wasn't Annie's surgery, Sean was the best face man in the country, she was in top-notch hands. But there was something that lingered in the air. Christian tried to shake the feeling and headed to check on the woman who had bared a correct claim to him being the father of her daughter. Operate on another desperate woman just because you felt guilty that you fucked her twice. He didn't know how to feel about all of this. It was complicated and at a loss for repair. At least thinking about how to deal with this, and fix it, was pushing the sick feeling that was washing over him to the side for now.
--
Sean was contemplating finding a house, settling down, not being in the lime-light anymore, and maybe repairing the damage of what Eden had done to him and his little girl. He sent Liz to get more gauze, never realizing he'd regret the decision. He heard the door open and assumed Liz had returned with his order.
--
Christian made his way back from Darlene, she was okay and grateful Christian was concerned with her rehabiliatation. He was more concerned with getting her on a plane and back to Georgia. It wasn't his cruel nature this time, he just couldn't force himself to be okay with this. How was it going to be at Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner with his kids? 'Pass the potatoes. Hey, Matt, you remember that time you slept with your sister?' Yeah, that will make real good conversation.
--
The knife plunged repeatedly into his flesh, sharp, penetrating pain cutting through his body. Through his soul. Each blow stabbing deeper, hurting louder. Four deep wounds were visible on his back, it took seconds, seconds until he tasted his own blood as it rose from his throat. It was nearly causing him to choke. Seconds that felt like hours, that felt like an eternity. He fell to the floor, gasping for air.
He wasn't an idiot, he was a doctor, he knew he was dying. His vision fading, he struggled to focus to keep everything from going black. But the thought remained... even if someone found him and he could be saved, there's no telling the long term damage. Well, he knew the long term damage, but he didn't want that to be his last thought. What a shitty life to look forward to.
No, as his life started to flash before his eyes as he lay on the ground, terrified as he had ever been in his whole existence, he thought about his family, his livelihood, his children. And then he remembered Annie. Annie, the little girl he had affectionately known as his princess, still laying in twilight as a result of the anesthesia for her surgery. What if that bitch goes after her? He can't do a damn thing to stop it. He looked up at Colleen, she was still holding the knife as it dripped with his own blood. The blood still in his veins turned to ice, too bad that can't help him.
'This is it, it's over' he thought, amazed at how much thought can run through one's head when their number was up and they could see that bright light that they were supposed to be walking towards, but didn't really want to. It didn't matter now, nothing did. All the things he should've, could've said. The things he sould've done. It didn't make a goddamn bit of difference, the room was spinning and the light was making all of his conscious dim. The last image that flashed before his eyes, right before his maker sent him to twilight, was Christian's smiling face. He felt a warmness wash over him, his last thought was Christian as he blacked out.
--
Christian knew something wasn't alright, he felt it and now he heard a racket. He knew what Sean said, but he decided it would be better if he had a look for himself. If not only to settle his nerves. Slowly, as if his legs were rubber, he made his way to the Operating Room.
--
Colleen drug Sean's lifeless body to his office. The blood that gaped from his wounds left a horrid trail to be followed.
--
"Sean?" Christian called out.
He recieved an almost crippling silence. His heartbeat was the only thing louder and every thump from it made it difficult to breathe. Fear rose in his gut, nausea induced and wretching at his insides. He didn't know the cause of these feelings, but he didn't like them. He needed to just see that Sean was okay and they would go away and leave him to peace.
He tried the door, fuck it was locked. He knew that something was wrong now, why would Sean lock him out? "Sean?" He tried calling out louder, more closer to screaming. But he recieved nothing.
--
Colleen, that psycho with the big atrocious glasses, dipped her bloody hands in the aquarium. She had drug Sean to his office, he lay slowly dying somewhere near her.
"Wash it away. Wash away what you've done." She cried to herself.
She turned her gaze back to Sean. He was on his back, one hand drapped over his torso, eyes shut, barely breathing. She shook off her hands, water dropped randomly as it flew off her fingers.
"I made you, gave you everything. And look what you....." She grabbed at her hair, voice getting louder, she calmed it down, "Look how you treated me." She finished as if trying to at least help herself understand her psychotic rage. She glared down at him, if she couldn't have him, no one would. She'd kill him. She'd keep a little part of him in the fact that she was the one who took his life. Why not? He plays God, so could she.
--
Christian's foot met the door causing the frame to split and the door to swing open.
"Sean?" Christian called before his eyes met the horrific sight upon entering the Operating Room. A fresh trail of blood and gore leading the way like breadcrumbs in one of Grimm's most twisted fairytales. Christian's eyes scanned the room from the blood trail to Annie, who was still out cold, oblivious to what was happening. Maybe that was a good thing.
That feeling of dread running through him, panic rising higher, deeper. Dread sweeping over his features. Christian fought to function. He wanted to faint, he wanted to vomit, but he had to find Sean.
"Sean?!" He shouted louder.
"Christian?" Liz stumbled out of the supply room, she was okay, but holding her head. 'Ohh, my God! What happ...."
"Liz, tend to Annie." Christian hurried following the tragic lead. He was scared as all shit. Scared of what he might find. He knew something wasn't right, and now he just knows that Sean's in trouble. He hadn't wanted to leave him. Why did he let him talk him into leaving him? He knew that Colleen was nuts, he had helped Sean throw her out. With Colleen and Eden both still running around as active members of society he should of known better. Shit, Sean should've Known better than to want to be alone. Didn't the whole shit with The Craver teach him anything?
Christian followed the trail to Sean's office. Fresh Blood stained the door and the knob. He didn't have time to take a breath, he didn't bother to knock. He kicked the door in and it flung open and the room felt like it was spinning. A foul metallic odor invaded his nose, it was a scent he knew all too well. What his eyes beheld, his mind will never let him forget. He rushed over to his partner, kneeling down to him, his heart felt as if it had stopped in his chest. If Sean was dead, he'd quickly join him. His best friend laid in his own blood, his blood that had soaked in to the carpet, leaving a stain on the floor, but a bigger stain on Christian's soul.
"Liz, get help!" He shouted, he picked Sean up in his arms. A pulse was faint and fading.
He couldn't stop the tears, he didn't notice them coming, but they were running down his cheeks. They almost felt as if they were burning his cheeks, his eyes, his soul.
"Sean, please..." he ran his hand up Sean's face and removed the surgical cap from his head, holding him tighter, "don't leave me. You can't leave me, Sean, you're all I have."
He should've done something, anything, but there was nothing he could do. He felt the last bit of life Sean had in him leave. Sean was dead.
--
They found Colleen wondering the streets, bloody, out of her mind, and still clutching to the murder weapon. Annie and Liz were both fine, minus the psychologial damage. Sean was buried back in Miami.
Christian stood at his grave, wind blowing against him in a gentle breeze. It was almost soothing, but no, he would never be at peace or at ease again. A thousand thoughts raging in his head, those same goddamn thoughts that kept him from sleeping at night. No, he'll never get a good night's rest ever again. All that was good in his life is gone, dead, and buried. Wilbur is all that remains and is all that keeps him tethered to the here and now. If that little boy didn't rely on him so much... well, he just don't know how to finish that statement.
Checking on Darlene wasn't worth it, it could have waited. He knew something awful was going to happen and he was right. He wished he had of been wrong. He could've stayed in the room, quietly. Sean didn't make Liz leave. Christian knew those thoughts were selfish, Liz had to be there incase something went awry and someone needed to assist him, but it was pretty shitty that Sean made Christian leave. Still, he could've waited outside the door.
Christian wished he could see him again. If he were there he'd tell him not to blame himself, Christian can't always hold his hand, it was fate. People die and his number was up, there was nothing Christian could've done to save him. Christian didn't want to hear it, he knew the truth-- It was his fault.
All that time he spent with Julia, all the other times he spent jealous of Sean for whatever reason. Sean was normal, maybe that was hard to accept, he just wanted the American dream. Wanted to be in the spotlight. Christian regreted the jealousy. He had told himself he was jealous of Sean, of his good grades in med school, getting Julia, having a family, and then becoming the star he deserved to be in Hollywood. Maybe he was really jealous that he couldn't have what he really wanted. Moving to Hollywood, chasing Sean out there, maybe it felt like the time was right, finally right. But Sean was too distracted by the flashing lights and glitter of such a ill-faited, tainted town. A town and a dream that had claimed so many lost souls and spoiled so many lives, had now claimed the life of his partner and spoiled Christian's soul forever. Then of course there was Julia, coming in to wreck the moment again. Christian didn't want Julia anymore, wondered if he ever really did. She was a shitty substitute for what he really wanted.
Christian kneeled down at the grave, placing the flowers right at the foot of the stone. He didn't cry as much as he did after it happened. He thought he would, but this feeling was much worse, he was numb, he couldn't feel much of anything-- aside from guilt and regret. He had screamed at the image of Sean in his head, cursing him, calling him a hypocrite, maybe that would make the hole in his heart go away. Maybe it would make him feel better, make him whole again. It didn't, he'll never feel whole again. He knew the truth, he was the hypocrite, he had waited too long.
"Sean.... I have never been the greatest friend in the world, or the one you needed me to be... infact you should have kicked my ass to the curb years ago,"
Christian tried to smile, but it only brought pain, it only brought tears. The wind swept up around him again. Christian gazed to the heavens if only for a second, then back down to the stone. He tried to hold the tears, not let them escape, but the bastards kept making their presence known.
"I just want you to know," his voice came out shakey, "I love you...."
--
The words echoed in his head as Christian snapped awake, he sat straight up, eyes wide and frantically searching the room. He came to the realization that it was just a dream. Another fucking nightmare. He was back in his bed, back in his room, in the condo. He had been having the same goddamn dream about Sean since the accident. He didn't know why. Sean had took a restraining order out on Colleen. That crazy bitch was the number one suspect in the murder of Agent Bob Lovitz. She's awaiting her fate in prison.
Christian was tempted to go see her in jail, make sure she was there and couldn't get out to harm Sean, or Julia, or any of his family. This dream, however, made no sense. But he guessed it was because his worst fear was loosing Sean. Loosing him to a circumstance where Christian wouldn't be able to make him come back.
--
He found himself at Sean's bedroom door, looking in on him as he slept, making sure he was okay. Christian sighed relief as he saw Sean's chest rise and fall in the rhythmic motion of breathing. Seeing him lay there, seeming so peaceful almost made the bad thoughts go away.
Sean snapped awake as he felt Christian pull back the covers, and the bed dip as Christian was already part-way in. He was more on guard since the whole Carver inccident. He was shaken, glad to see it was just Christian and yet, concerned to see that it was Christian.
"What the hell?" Sean started.
"I had a nightmare." Christian was surprised that sounded audible.
"A nig... what are you two?" Sean snickered. He shouldn't be so surprised, Christian was often a child in a man's body. So fragile and damaged at times. It was in those moments that Sean couldn't help but find Christian... cute?
"I was about you." Christian said, still half-way in the bed.
"It was?" Sean replied interested.
Christian told Sean the dream in brutal detail. He knew it by heart at this point. However, he left out a few minor details, namely, the part where he stood at his grave and confessed so much. Sean listened to him, concern rush over his whole being.
"It's okay, Christian. She's behind bars. She can't hurt anyone ever again." Sean yawned, sleep trying with all it's might to reclaim him, "Now, goodnight, we have surgery tomorrow, I need sleep if I plan on making sure Mrs. Camden gets a nose job and not a lobotomy."
"Camden?" Christian asked, wondering if more ghosts were coming back to haunt him.
"Oh, no it's not the woman you once knew." Sean smirked, putting emphasis on the word 'knew' as he rolled over and pulled the sheets up around his neck.
Christian looked over at Sean's form, longing and sadness overwhelming him. He turned away from him and covered himself up, that all too familiar scent coming back to him, he let the calmness and comfort of it claim him and the sleep as well. He drifted off into a better dream, where he and Sean could be with no consequences, no barriers, just them. Or course there was Wilbur and Annie and Conor and Matty, there was even Julia. But she was no longer the object of their desires. Olivia was cheating on her with Liz. This led to new jokes and insults to dish out. Would he tell Julia? Hell no, that'd spoil the fun.
--
Sean had gotten up and walked to the kitchen, he had woke up thirsty, his mouth dry. A couple of minutes later he drudged back to bed, water bottle still in hand incase he needed it later on. He was slightly startled when he saw a Christian in the hall-way.
"Christian, shit! You scared the fuck outta me. What the hell are you...."
Sean was cut off when Christian's arms shot out and grabbed his head, not hard, not dominate. Or he was cut off more-or-less when Christian's lips pressed against his own. Christian pulled back and grazed his lips on Sean's cheek.
"Christian," Sean gasped, his heart racing, "let's not complicate this."
"Look around Sean, it's been complicated for years." Christian responded. Sean knew he was right, it had been. He was distracted from that thought as he felt Christian's hand trailing down to grab the bulge concealed beneath his boxers, who wiggled his fingers abit to get a rise out of his partner. His other hand remained lightly on Sean's neck. He traced his thumb over Sean's lips before he pressed his lips against Sean's again, but Sean pulled away.
"Christian, I..I can't, This isn't right."
"So, you're Mr. Conservative?" Christian grinned.
"No, but what about the business, our kids, our livelihood?"
"Why can't you just give into what you've known for years?"
"Christian, this isn't like you. I know you, you'd never go for this." Sean stated.
"What about you?" Christian grinned a bit too wicked.
"I... I..."
Sean cut himself off that time when he grabbed Christian's head and kissed him, throwing himself into it, his heart pounding so damn hard he felt like he couldn't breathe. He was scared as fuck, but aroused. Christian pulled him closer, grabbing and pulling at his shirt, stretching it, but hell, Sean didn't care. Fuck the shirt.
--
The alarm clock brought Sean to his senses. He opened his eyes and shut it off, then he felt something buried in his back. Soft snoring could be heard, it wasn't his, or some woman's. Then he remembered that Christian had gotten in bed with him last night. Christian was snoring and Christian's head was buried in his back. Sean sat up and rubbed his eyes, then redirected his gaze to Christian who hadn't been phased by the alarm.
The warm feeling Sean had was replaced by one of awkwardness and shire confussion as the dream came flooding back.
'Shit.' he thought. He knew what he'd tell himself; it was the alcohol, or it was that Christian had got in bed with him, it was Julia, it was all the other shit that had been eating at him recently. Dreams are just that, dreams. They are not a real approach to understanding what we really want-- it isn't a manifestation of what we really want hidden in them. He always had odd dreams, and hallucinations, it was normal.
He was lying to himself and even he didn't believe him. Ever since Faith had divested in him that Christian may be in love with him, he saw Christian in a different way. But he knew that they could never be. He had a family and a wife at the time. Christian had Michelle and there was no way. Besides when he was letting Christian 'down gently' he was ignoring the fact that he had secretly hoped Christian would just admit to being in love with him. Christian, however, let Sean down hard.
Sean sighed and pushed away the covers. He needed Christian up, but with as much as he had drank, he may think he did something he didn't want to face that he did. So, Sean got up quietly and found himself in the bathroom, maybe he could hurry and make it out before he woke up. After all he didn't need Christian, he could do a nose job, Christian needed his sleep, he'll come in later, it's alright. Was he buying his own excusses or did he just not want to face Christian? Sean wasn't sure, and he didn't want to argue with himself right now. He got ready in a hurry and left earlier than usual for the office, all with out waking Christian up.

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And there's chapter three, sorry for cutting off the dream, I'm a tease. Hope you like it. Review-- you know you want to :)
I'm sorry if this chapter frightened anyone. I hope no one decided to quit after the death scene. Spoilers for the end of season five; Julia gets shot by Eden, she's okay, but lost her memory. Sean tells her they're still married and happy. Christian takes Annie out and gets into a car crash, thanks in large-part to the 'photogs' trying to get a photo of Sean's daughter. Christian has a broken collar-bone, Annie has a large gash on her head, Sean is going to fix it. But Sean wants alone time with Annie and that psycho Colleen stabs him and leaves him laying. That was the cliff-hanger for the finale. I set this story after that, so I had to address the ending my own way. I didn't want our Seany dead, so I made it a nightmare of Christian's. Sorry for any and all confusion. I've seen the teasers for the season six, I used some and made up my own, but it's not truth in what may happen in the next season. Sorry for the long ass A/Ns-- I just wanted to explain that for those who don't know.