Rise And Fall

Chapter 3 - I Love You Dammit

"Uhh, it's Nate, Lucas. If you get this call, please, please call me back. We need to talk."

Message deleted.

Lucas deleted what had to be the twentith phone call from Nathan that day alone. He knew he was being childish and stupid hiding out in his room and at the river court like this, but he really couldn't talk to Nathan. Especially after what he had said two weeks ago about the HCM and wanting to be with his brother. How pathetic could one guy get?

Simply having a fucking summer time, Lucas thought to himself, staring up at his ceiling. The familiar Christmas song ran through his head, only with different words. This summer was supposed to be the best one of his life. It was supposed to be him and Haley against the world, hanging out for the final time before they went their seperate ways. That had all gone to pot the moment Haley chose Chris over Tree Hill.

"Hey!"

Peyton's voice startled Lucas out of his thoughts. He sat up and smiled at the curly blonde girl.

"Hi, Peyton."

"Do you have plans to sit on your ass all summer or do you think I can get your help with something?" she asked, plopping on his bed next to him. "Because I really need your help."

"What with?" Lucas asked curiously, eager to do anything to get his mind off of Nathan and his impending doom concerning basketball. There was no way possible that he would be playing next season.

"Well, I need some help with a show going on at TRIC. You know, setting up, making sure everything's perfect and all that," she said. Grinning, she added, "I booked another band for All-Ages Night tonight."

"That's great, Peyton!" Lucas said, trying to sound enthused. He couldn't do it though. He was too depressed about Nathan.

"Just call him back already, sheesh!" Peyton said, rolling her eyes. "Every time I go over there he's pining for you and every time I come over here you're pining for him! Just go and kiss and have hot sweaty man sex already!"

"Uh, Peyton? When's Brooke coming home? Cause you seriously need a reality check," Lucas said, getting slightly defensive. He hated it when she got like this. For some insane desire, Peyton wanted her two ex-lovers to hook up.

"She'll be home tonight," Peyton said, looking extremely happy. "I can't wait! Even Jake's coming home. The entire gang is getting back together again!"

"Except Haley," Lucas said sadly. As much as he hated his best friend for destroying Nathan's heart, he still missed her terribly. It was like a piece of him had gone with her.

"You never know," Peyton said, her tone holding a slight edge to it. Apparently, she hadn't forgiven the singer either. "Stranger things have happened. Who knew that Lucas Scott was gay?"

"Hmph," Lucas growled. "What is it that you need help doing? Cause you're not going to get it this way."

"Oh come off it, Luke! You've been in a funk for the past two weeks. Just get over it all ready! So you have HCM! So you accidentally told Nathan that you wanted to be with him! It's life and it happens!" Peyton said passionately. Lucas stared at her. Usually it was he who was getting fancy with the words.

"Wow," he whispered softly. A teasing note entered his voice as he added, "Who knew?"

"Look who I've been hanging out with lately!" she joked, gesturing at him. "Honestly, can you blame me? Think of what Brooke would be saying right about now."

"Hey, sorry to interrupt, but can I talk to Lucas alone?"

Nathan's voice sounded from the open door, making both blondes jump. Peyton let out a small shriek of joy, before bouncing out of the room, leaving Nathan and Lucas alone.

"That girl gets more and more hyper every day," Lucas commented. "She is totally different than when she was dating you."

"Yeah," Nathan agreed. There was an awkward silence.

"Just kiss and make up already!" Peyton yelled from outside the bedroom. Lucas bit back a laugh and shook his head, while Nathan looked embarrassed.

"Did you mean what you said?" he asked, his voice dropping a couple of levels so Peyton wouldn't hear them.

"About the HCM? Yeah. About being with you, though..." Lucas trailed off, staring out the window.

"What?" Nathan prompted. He willed his brother, his love, to say more. At that point, he didn't care about the HCM. He could deal with that later.

"I'm not sure if I'm going to be enough for you, Nate. You have pretty much everything already. I can't help but wonder why me? Why do you want me?"

"Because I love you, Lucas. I love the way you smile, the way you squint when you read, and when you shoot a basket. I love the way you put others before yourself, even if it means your not getting what you want. I love the way you stand up to people when you believe something and never back down from a fight," Nathan said, looking at Lucas, his eyes full of emotion. "I love you. I shouldn't need a reason why."

"But what about Tim?" Lucas asked, stalling. He wasn't entirely certain anymore if what Nathan feeling was true or not. He knew what he was feeling, but didn't want to be teased mercilessly for the rest of his life for going after it.

"Tim is a lost spark. He was merely a distraction," Nathan said, waving his hand away. He took a step foward and sank to one knee. "Please, Luke, I love you."

"I love you too, Nathan," Lucas said softly. "But I'm not sure if I can be in a relationship with you."

"Why not?" Nathan demanded, hurt by Lucas's refusal.

"Do you know how wrong it is for us to be together, Nathan? It would be like Dan and Keith being together or you and Dan being together. It's incest, Nate! And it also goes against the Bible and everything I've ever learned! You love your brother, but as a brother! Nothing more than that. No sex, no kissing, no intimate relations!"

"So what? We already have the odds stacked against us for being gay in the first place! People in ancient times were murdered for it because it was different. They couldn't understand how much someone could love someone else of the same sex!"

"Normally people aren't brothers when that happens, though, Nate!"

"Why are you so against us?"

"I'm not. I just don't think it's going to work. And I'm not sure about you, but I don't want to be in a relationship full of heartache and what-ifs."

"Aren't you afraid you're going to have those what-ifs if you don't do this?"

"I'm more afraid of what will happen if I do get into this."

"What do you mean?"

"What if this ends badly? What if Dan finds out? What if I have a heart attack and leave you? What if you grow bored with me? What if Haley comes back?"

"What if the world comes to a sudden halt and we all fly off and die, huh?" Nathan retorted. "Luke, you will always be able to find reasons not to do this. But I think you should focus more on what you'd gain if you did do this."

"I'm sorry," Lucas whispered, looking down at his feet. "I'm sorry for lying to you about my HCM. I'm sorry for not thinking this could work."

"Hey, when I first thought of this, I thought hell no. This won't work. I had the same doubts you did, I really did. And then I started thinking about what I would gain from doing this and lose from not doing this," Nathan said. He got off his knees and sat down next to Lucas on the bed. "Luke, I love you. I love you more than I should. It's going to be okay, Luke. I promise."

Lucas merely shrugged. "I guess. But-"

"No what-ifing," Nathan said sternly. Sighing he said, "Why'd you do it? And how?"

"I did it so I wouldn't give up basketball, Nate. I love it too much. It's a large part of who I am. I don't think I could survive without it."

"I don't think you can survive with it," Nathan said darkly, loving the fact that he hadn't needed any more explanation as to what he was talking about. It was just another check mark in their relationship. "Please, Luke, you could die! You nearly had a heart attack two weeks ago!"

"I didn't though, did I?" Lucas said, looking over at Nathan. His beautiful blue eyes weren't angry. Instead, they were full of love and another emotion Nathan couldn't read. "It was all thanks to you that I didn't. I love you, Nathan."

"Enough to be with me?" Nathan asked, his voice, if possible, even softer.

"I'll give it a try," Lucas agreed. Leaning in to where his forehead was touching Nathan's, he added, "I know I'm making the right choice."

Nathan smirked slightly, before closing the final gap between them in a soft kiss.

Outside in the hallway, Peyton whooped with joy. She had purposefully left the bedroom door open so she could hear every word. Her two boys had finally gotten together! It was a happy day in Tree Hill.

Her eye caught a picture laying on Lucas's nightstand from where she was positioned. It was a picture of Brooke and Jake, taken by Peyton when they were all at the river court one day. Her heart leapt in her throat at the sight of them, with Jenny bundled between them. I miss them so much, she thought. I love you so much.