Faith Hope and Charity

Part 3..........Confessions.

Vasey did not start Charity's first morning in Nottingham in the best of ways. He had had his accountant count her dowry and found it to be short.
' So your father thought to cheat me did he ?'

' Not at all My Lord.' She answered coolly. I wanted to enter the state of Matrimony with heaven's blessing. So I made a contribution to the poor. I'm sure your need is not so great as theirs.
And why should it be you that is cheated. Sir Guy will be my husband. Is the money not his ? A part of it at least.

Vasey was angry. So much for Clitheroe saying the girl would be biddable. The last thing he needed was Gisborne having a wife with brains.
Still he liked a challenge.

For the next few days Charity and Guy talked whenever they were able.

Guy learned that his bride to be had lost her Mother at the age of 12 and at the same time her childhood ended.
Lord Clitheroe had been devastated and vowed never to marry again. He employed a Governess for Charity who's job was to train the child to run the household.

By age 15 she was doing the job alone. Feeling more and more isolated as her friends all married and had children. Something Charity thought she would never have.

Then her Father had begun to court a young widow finally proposing to her and with their marriage came Charity's freedom. 'Clara sees me as potential competition with lovers'. She chatted. Then Father heard Vasey talking about your needing a wife and that was that'.

Guy was in turmoil. He liked Charity. She talked about her own past with sadness but no self pity and she was listening to him as he slowly and tentatively began to strip layers from his soul before her.
But this sort of emotional stripping felt uncomfortable. He'd done it with Marian and she'd used it..................

Charity's illusions would be dispersed soon enough when she heard the catalogue of his crimes and no doubt it would look less cowardly if he told her himself but he could not yet bring himself to reveal all.

He told her of his childhood in Gisborne, with his hard, cold bully of a Father and his loving, gentle Mother.
This sweet lady had died when her son was 8 when scarlet fever ravaged the village.

' I don't think I've ever got over her death. Not fully'. He found himself saying.
And it surprised him. He'd never admitted this to anyone ever before. Yet here was this woman he'd only just met.............

He continued by talking about the tension between him and his Father. How he was sent to Whalley Abbey to learn his letters, mainly to get him out of his Father's hair.

At 12 he was moved from there to become a squire and learn the martial arts. It was there that he learned of how his Father had run up enormous debts with the crown and had been stripped of his land and title to pay them off.
The disgrace had been too much for this proud, arrogant man to bear and he had taken his own life.
Leaving his only child an orphan, penniless and without an inheritance.

He felt Charity's hand on his arm and her eyes shone with sympathy.

Confused. he snatched his arm away. 'What's that look for ?' He snapped. 'I don't need your damned pity'.

The hurt in her eyes angered him even more. ' I can't think why I'm telling you all this anyway. This is a marriage of convenience. Business. Nothing more'.

And he stalked away back to work. Where he could put his chaotic feelings on ice.


'Bastard.....Idiotic, childish Prick !' Charity was sobbing on Niamh's shoulder.

' It was going really well. He was talking about his childhood.
It was so sad Niamh. He was an orphan at 12 and all his family's property had gone. I just thought of that little boy alone, friendless, no support and now here is a Knight. I wanted him to know I felt his pain and he comes with this stupid macho pride act.'

Niamh wiped her mistress's eyes and nose. 'Had you told him you admire him for becoming a knight after that bad start ?'
Charity though about it. No she hadn't. ' Daft bugger didn't give me a chance. Do you think I ought to yet. Or let him stew for a while ?'

Niamh gave a wry grin. 'One of you has to be adult about this.'

That afternoon Charity's Father and Step mother had arrived for the wedding.
Guy walked to Charity's room to escort her to the great hall for dinner.

' F***ing Imbecile'. He told himself. 'Drive her away from the start why don't you'.

He knocked on the door and it was opened by Niamh. Who curtseyed and let him in.

'Charity. I ought to apologise for earlier and being such a pathetic git'. He gave her a mischievous grin and her innards writhed with lust. ' Heaven help me.' she thought. 'He's irresistible'.

'Shall we walk My Lord'. She said with prim formality. 'And perhaps you'll let me finish what I started to say'.

She could tell he was pleased that she said she was proud of him. Like a child unused to being praised, blossoming when someone finally does.
' So how did you complete your training having no money ?'

He told her that he had come to an arrangement with his Lord to work for his keep. It had been exhausting and the other squires had mocked him for being a 'pauper'.
' I can't tell you how good it felt to get knighted knowing I owed it to no one but myself'.

This time Charity looked at him with awe' and Guy glowed.

With only 2 full days left before the wedding Guy knew he had to let Charity know the shameful details about himself.
He told her about his work with Vasey and why he still chose to be with a man that treated him like filth and had him tarnishing his soul. He couldn't talk about everything he had done. Not yet. The worst deed he told her about was the attempted assassination of the King.
'I want power, status, wealth. All that was taken from me at 12. So far Vasey's my only means'.

'You're not happy though. Are you ?' Charity asked.

Guy's face darkened and he was about to turn angrily from her again but this time she was ready. ' No Guy. Be a man. Stay this time and face the truth. Do me the courtesy of answering my question'.
Gentle she may have been. But Guy could see there was steel in this woman. She made him think of a Guardian Angel, kind and loving, yet giving no quarter when expecting you to be your best.
Perhaps this was what a man with his weakness needed.

He turned back and answered her. ' No. I'm not happy. I find being here......unbearable sometimes.' His mind and face clouded over as he recalled having told something similar to Marian.
He and Alan a Dale had spared her from being hanged as the Night Watchman. He'd asked her to do something for him in return.
'Name it'. She'd said. ' Stay'. He'd all but pleaded. 'And make this place bearable'.
She'd stayed. And he had begun to hope that she was softening towards him.

Then she'd asked him in the Holy land to kill Vasey. Telling him she'd be very grateful. Why had he then told Vasey of her request ? In effect ruining all he'd achieved with her.
Had he always known deep down she wouldn't be his ? That killing Vasey would end all his hopes for advancement...........................

He was tugged back to reality by Charity's voice. Full of anxiety.
' You were in some sort of trance.' She told him fearfully. 'And not in holy bliss either.
You have secrets don't you. Guy of Gisborne ? I knew when I first arrived that you were not merely unhappy. Something is eating you from the inside.
Can you tell me I'm wrong ?'
Guy took her hands. ' You're right. There are things I haven't told you about myself.
Things I would gladly undo but can't.
I half want you to know so you can see me clearly and half fear you finding out because you'll despise me.'

' Do you repent of these things ?' Charity asked. The relentless Guardian Angel again. Does your heart know they were wicked and would give anything to put right what you did wrong ?'

'Yes'. Guy answered. 'Not a day goes by when I wish that. Then Vasey, damn him to hell, dangles another bl**dy carrot under my nose and I'm off doing what he wants again'.

' One thing at a time'. Charity answered. ' Just know that I won't despise you if you repent of what you did. Though I may be appalled by the deeds themselves'.

'I feel I ought to confess to a Priest too'. Guy answered. ' He had little time for the Church but he wanted his marriage to Charity to be a new beginning. Confession to a Priest was formal enough for that'.

Charity pondered. Then smiled and Guy felt a little of the warmth on his heart.

'You could do both at the same time. I know that confessions are meant to be secret but what if I get a Priest to Loxley ? You could make your confession and I'll hide in another room and listen. The Priest needn't know'.

Guy chuckled. It was still half hearted but felt good as it eased the aching of his soul.

' If you can get a Priest My Lady then I'm game'.


Charity told Niamh of the plan. So next morning the 2 women went into Nottingham. They visited all the Churches but Charity did not feel enough at ease with any of the Priests she saw. Considering that she would be listening into something he would regard as sacred trust.

They were on their way back to the castle. They passed through the market, the stalls pitifully lacking in produce.

Charity bought some apples. Then Niamh tapped her shoulder. 'Look over there Milady' and she pointed at a wine stall.
A good natured corpulent man in the dress of a Franciscan Priest had just bought a bottle and blessed the stall holder before taking and savouring a swig.

Niamh went over and curtsied to the holy man. 'Good morning Father.' She said.
' Could my Mistress please have a quiet word with you ?'

The Priest, surprisingly agile for a man of his size came over to Charity beaming with good humour. Charity knew this was who Guy needed.
' This is an unanticipated pleasure'. He said warmly. 'The company of 2 lovely young ladies is not to be despised. My name is Father Percival Tuck How may I be of service ?'

There was 10 minutes to go before Vespers in the village church would be over. After the service, Father Took was coming to hear Guy's confession on the eve of his wedding. New to the area Tuck had nevertheless heard of Guy of Gisborne and was uneasy with what he had heard. He was glad of a chance to meet the man and see if he really was the monster he was painted as. His soon to be Wife seemed quite at ease about him in any case.

As the bell rang from the church for the end of service, Charity squeezed Guy's hand gently giving him her warm smile and went into an adjoining room carefully closing the door. She sat close to it wrapped in her cloak for warmth as she waited for revelation.

Thornton seemed surprised both by the fact that a Priest was visiting Gisborne and that the cleric in question was such a good natured fellow.
'Thank you my friend.' Tuck patted the older man on the arm as he was shown into the hall. 'I wonder if a drink would be possible please ? Incense does make my throat so dry'.

He looked benignly at the tall strapping figure in black leather before him. 'I am Father Percival Tuck. You I take it My Son are tomorrow's Bridegroom Sir Guy ?'

Guy nodded. 'Yes Father. Will you sit down ?' The Priest thanked him and flopped into a chair and smiled at Thornton bringing wine. 'Good man, good man. Thank you kindly. He raised his goblet to Guy ' Good health and happiness to you and your lovely lady My Lord'.

He became more business like now. 'I believe you wish to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation before the Sacrament of Matrimony '.

Guy nodded and began..............Once he started it became easier. Father Tuck listened carefully and it seemed without judgement.
Out poured all he had already told Charity about his work and the misery and suffering he had caused,
Then came the worst of his crimes. The things he could only tell Charity like this, this a door and a Priest between them.
The baby a servant called Annie had by him that he had left to die in the forest lest it ruin his chances of a high born bride. Though he was glad, deeply glad that the child was found and reunited with his mother.
The burning of Knighton Hall after Marian had jilted him at the altar and the final nail in his soul. His killing of Marian after she took all hope from him.

' I make no excuses for any of these things Father. They were done for gain, and I still have nothing to show for them. I want to know what amends I can make. If that is possible.
' My Dear Son'. The priest spoke lovingly. 'Where there is true repentance and a desire to make amends then redemption is always possible. Though it must be won of course.
Can you tell me of any good deeds you have done. Anything on which you can build.
Guy could recall precious few. But he did remember not killing a group of children caught trespassing, returning to Nottingham when he believed it was to be destroyed by the Prince's guard wanting to die with Marian and later sparing Marian's life when she was found to be the night watchman.
'They're feeble things I know Father. I have a lot to do and I wasted so much time hankering for the love of a woman who would never truly be mine and I killed her'.

Father Tuck put a hand over Guy's. 'Then hear your penance. Marry this lady of yours. Who I believe was sent to you for a purpose and strive for a better life.
I don't say you must abandon hope of position and status. However there are ways of winning these things without causing suffering to the innocent.

Guy shook Tuck's hand. 'Thank you Father. Will you be our guest at the wedding tomorrow ?'

Tuck smiled. 'I'd be honoured my Lord. Thank you. Now you should get some rest.
Be sure your repentance has been noted in Heaven'.

When Tuck had gone. Guy opened the door and found Charity in tears.
Banging a hand on the door frame he groaned in despair. 'You hate me now don't you ? Our marriage is over before it ever began.'
He sat at the table resting his head on his arms. A hand came to rest on his back.

'I don't hate you', Charity's voice was chocked by tears but was clear enough. 'I'm shocked and appalled certainly about the baby but these things are in your past.
You know they were wrong, you want to put your life right.
That's the future. Our future. Yours and mine.

She reached up and brushed her lips across Guy's. He returned the pressure with a heartfelt sigh and pulled her onto his lap so they could continue to kiss.

Tears were spilling from his eyes wetting Charity's cheeks and she gently pulled back to wipe them away.

' I'd better get you back to the castle'. Guy told her. Your Father will want you a virgin tomorrow morning for the last time. And I can't guarantee that if we carry on like this.

On the castle steps he lifted her down from his horse and slipped off his glove to stroke her cheek before kissing her fore head. 'Goodnight Charity'.
She kissed his hand. ' Sleep well my brave Knight.' She smiled at his surprise. 'You bared your soul. All those horrible details and that takes courage. I'll be proud to marry you.'

Riding back to Loxely Guy felt as if he were riding Pegasus his heart felt so light.