Another Thin Line

Morning came and Sam wasn’t sure that he could go through with it anymore. It had only been a couple days, but he wasn’t sure that he was ready to let Seth begin life as an outcast just for him. They had talked about it during the night. Many ideas had been discussed, but each had been shot down as quickly as the last for one reason or another. Then they managed to agree on one thing that was so simple that they both wondered why neither had thought of it before. They would walk into the school hand in hand.

At first the idea had elated Sam, but now it terrified him. What would people think? What would they say? It wasn’t Sam’s own image that troubled the teenager’s thoughts, it was Seth’s. Would it all prove to be too much for the boy to handle? Would Sam end up all alone again with only the affection of his brother? Half a dozen different scenarios played themselves out in Sam’s head and every one of them ended the same way: with Seth walking out of his life forever.

Sam felt the tears welling up behind his eyes. He knew that it had been an absurdly short amount of time, but he still felt a connection with Seth. He, Seth, was one of the few people who had spoken to Sam at all without making a joke out of him. And not only had he talked to him, he showed an interest that no one had ever showed in Sam before. The thought of losing him had Sam’s pulse quickening and his heart racing. He retrieved the blade from under his mattress and added one thin line after another. There was sharp pain only for a moment and then a kind of euphoria took over and Sam was feeling better and thinking more clearly. He made a mental note to not become attached to people so quickly in the future and got up to take a shower.

Seth was already sitting on the school steps waiting for him when he arrived. When Sam saw him sitting there, looking gorgeous the way he always did and bathed in sunlight, he was left speechless. Fear grabbed his heart like a fist and squeezed. It must have showed on his face because Seth was up and by his side in a second.

“Sammy, what’s wrong?”

The use of his childhood nickname jarred him back from his self-destructive thoughts. He just stood there and stared at Seth for a moment.

“What’s wrong?” he repeated.

“Nothing,” Sam said, finding his voice at last. “It’s just… I’m not sure I can go through with this.”

“Why not?”

“Because… I’m used to being an outcast. You’re not. It’s like you said yesterday: things have to be a certain way. They just have to be.”

“I’m not worried,” Seth said. “They’re not all bad. You’ll see.” And Seth took his hand and led him up the stone steps. They paused outside the door.

“Are you sure you wanna go through with this?” Sam asked. Seth squeezed his hand for reassurance and then pulled the door open and led Sam inside.

Sam’s face burned as some people’s mouths dropped when they noticed and others instantly took to whispering behind their hands. He felt like he was a circus sideshow attraction and was right in the center of the ring. He tried to pull away, but Seth squeezed his hand tighter and refused to let go. When they got to Sam’s locker, Seth’s hand finally fell away and clenched into a fist. His face twisted into an ugly snarl. There was a blown up picture taped to Sam’s locker. It was grainy and pixilated, but there was no mistaking the image: it was Seth kissing Sam. Over the picture, the word faggots was written in bright red spray paint. Sam’s lip quivered and the tears that had been threatening to spill since he’d woken up that morning cascaded down his face. He turned on his heel and fled the hall.

“Sam!” Seth called after him, finally managing to tear his eyes away from the picture. An exasperated sigh escaped him and he turned back around, the rage coursing through his veins like venom. There were quite a few students staring at him. “What?” he demanded. “What are you all staring at?” The tone in his voice made it clear that anyone who answered would be dealt with. So everyone went their separate ways. The warning bell pierced the air and announced that they had five minutes left to get to class, but Seth didn’t care. He had to find Sam.

He tried three bathrooms before he finally found one where he heard sniffling coming from one of the stalls. He walked up to the stall door and knocked lightly. The sniffling quieted at once and there was silence.

“Sam, I know you’re in there.”

There was another moment of utter silence before Sam said, “Go away.”

“Can you just come out, please?”

“No.”

“Then let me in.”

“No.”

“Sammy, you can’t hide in there forever.”

“Shouldn’t you be in class?” Sam asked after another moment of silence.

“Shouldn’t you?”

“No.”

“Then neither should I.”

“Seth, please just go away.”

Seth sank to his knees and slithered under the stall door. “What was that?” he asked as he got to his feet and brought himself face to face with Sam. “I didn’t hear you.”

Sam looked terrified, and the red puffy eyes didn’t help matters any. “Do you have any idea how many germs there are on a bathroom floor?”

Seth chuckled. “That’s my brain,” he said, reaching out to caress Sam’s cheek.

Sam winced away. “Seth, please.”

Seth pulled him into a tight embrace. “Sam, I didn’t know.” Sam broke down again and Seth held him tighter and let him cry.

“Why?” he sobbed. “Why would they do something like that?”

“Because they’re assholes,” Seth said, rubbing Sam’s back. But he had a strong feeling that there was no “they”. There was only one person responsible for this. Seth wasn’t sure when he’d taken the picture, but he was certain that he was going to make Josh pay. He held Sam at arm’s length. “Oh come on,” he said, smiling despite the raging bull in his gut. “Stop crying before all those tears mess up that pretty face.” He used his thumb to wipe away a tear that was escaping down Sam’s cheek.

“I look like a wreck,” Sam said, looking at the ground. “You don’t have to lie to me.”

“It’s not lying,” Seth said as he wiped away another renegade tear. “It’s looking at things another way.”

Sam smiled. “That means in some way I’m still ugly.”

Seth kissed him lightly. “You could never be ugly.”

Sam’s eyes were still closed. “I don’t wanna go out there.”

“We have to. We can’t hide in here forever.”

Before Sam could answer, his phone started vibrating in his pocket. He fished it out and flipped it open.

I told you to never kiss dudes!

was all the message from Dean said. The phone vibrated again and this time, the message contained a URL.

“We have to find a computer,” Sam said. He opened the stall door and dashed out into the bathroom’s outer chamber.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Seth asked, exiting the stall after him.

Another student entered the bathroom before they could get out and scoffed. “Fucking queers,” he said, and before he could take another step, Seth dropped him. When he looked up again, Sam was already out the door and running up the hall. He followed.

In the computer lab, Sam powered up the computer and entered the URL that Dean had sent him. A small video box appeared on screen with the words JOCKS AND NERDS written over it. “No,” Sam said, and Seth could hear his voice breaking.

“Sam, don’t look,” Seth said. He tried to turn Sam’s head away, but it was too late.

The shot was blurry at first, but even then there was no mistaking to the two of them what it was. The camera zoomed in and now, in focus in the dead center of the shot, was Sam. His lips were pressed brutally against Seth’s and his knees were wobbling slightly. For support as much as for balance, Sam backed into one of the lockers behind him and Seth followed; the kiss was never broken. There was a scoff and a muffled word that sounded suspiciously like “faggots” and then the video ended.

They both stared at the screen in a daze for a moment. Seth heard the sniffling once more. “Sammy, it’s ok. Don’t cry.”

“You don’t understand!” Sam said. “If Dean saw this, then my dad can! And if my dad sees it, then─” He cut himself off, hyperventilating. Seth was at a loss for what to do, so he took Sam’s hand once more, but Sam wrenched his hand away. “No!” he cried.

“Come on,” Seth said, getting up and tugging at Sam’s arm to pull him up. Sam wouldn’t budge. Seth made up in his mind then and there that he would find Josh that night, and the other jock would never walk again.

He finally managed to drag Sam out of the chair and he frog marched the boy down to the health room. The nurse looked up when the two of them entered. “Help!” Seth cried, and the nurse got up and went to work.

Five minutes later, Seth was pacing the hall outside the nurse’s office, Sam’s phone in his hand. He flipped the phone open, found Dean’s number and hit send. The line rang only twice, and then Dean’s voice answered.

“Shouldn’t you be in class?” he asked.

“Dean, it’s Seth.” Seth could hear Dean’s mood shift through the phone.

“What’s wrong?”

“Just get here. Sam’s not feeling well.”

The line was dead before he finished talking.

Ten minutes later, Dean was stalking up the hallway. “What happened?” he demanded.

“He started freaking out after he watched that video.”

Dean’s face hardened. “What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that I wanted to kiss him.” He sighed, exasperated. “We don’t have time for this. Come on!” And he led Dean into the nurse’s office.

The nurse shot up out of chair, looking harassed. “Now wait just one minute Mr. Brown. It was very nice of you to bring Mr. Winchester down here, but as I told you before, you need to go to class!”

Seth smiled. “I was just bringing Sam’s older brother down.”

She blinked. “What are you, the family’s personal escort?”

Dean snorted and Seth shot him a look. “No,” he said. “Sam is just really special to me. I want to be sure that he’s ok.”

She rolled her eyes and pointed them both in the direction of the room that she had placed Sam in.

“Maybe I should go in first,” Seth said.

“Over my dead body.”

“I’ll let him know that you’re here. He might start freaking out again if you just show up.”

“Dean?” Sam’s voice drifted out through the door.

Dean shot a look at Seth. “Yeah, Sammy it’s me.” And he bumped Seth out of the way and marched into the room. Seth followed.

The room was scarcely larger than the nurse’s outer office with three tiny cots stuffed into it. Sam was laying on the one furthest away from the door and when he saw Seth and Dean, he pulled down his sleeve and sat up.

“Dean.”

“Sammy, you’ve got to be more careful.”

Sam asked the questions that had been burning in his mind since he’d seen the video. “Does dad know?”

Dean scoffed. “Please, Sam. You know dad doesn’t do anything on the internet except watch porn.”

Sam had already formulated his theory on how Dean found the video, based on the title alone. “And how did you find it?”

Dean’s face flushed crimson and he scratched at a spot behind his ear. “I was looking for porn,” he muttered. This did nothing to assuage Sam’s fears, but he chuckled anyway.

Seth stayed quiet the entire time that Dean was in the room. His mind was thinking hard about something, and Sam noticed. A few minutes later, the nurse came in and shooed them all out after making sure that Sam was indeed alright. Dean left, informing Sam that John had gone out on a job, so he could stay out as late as he wanted as long as he was home by ten-thirty.

“And Sam,” he called from the end of the hallway. “Keep your pants on.” He danced out of sight before Sam could find something to throw.

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked, now that he and Seth were alone again.

“What do you mean?”

“You haven’t said a word since you and Dean came in. What’s wrong?”

“It’s just interesting watching the two of you together.” Sam raised an eyebrow in confusion. “You were terrified. Then Dean came in and it was like everything was fine again.

Sam smiled. “He’s my big brother,” he said as though this were the most obvious thing in the world. “If he’s not freaking out about it, then it’s gonna be okay.”

The bell rang overhead and students started filing out into the hall. “You really look up to him, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Sam said. “I don’t know what I’d do if anything ever happened to him.”

Someone bumped Sam from behind and his books went tumbling to the floor. Before the guy could get more than a few feet ahead of them, Seth’s hand shot out and seized the back of his shirt collar.

“Pick them up,” he growled. “Now.”

“Bite me,” the guy said. Without turning around, he wrenched his shirt collar from Seth’s grasp and walked away.

Sam could see the internal struggle. Seth wanted to go after the jerk, but he also didn’t want to leave Sam alone. So he bent down and started gathering up Sam’s books for him.

“You don’t have to do that,” Sam said, bending down and taking the books from Seth’s hands.

“I want to,” Seth said. He picked up what was left on the floor and the two of them stood up again.

“Are you really sure that you wanna keep going with this?”

Instead of answering, Seth took Sam’s face in his hands and kissed him deeply. There were gasps and little squeals and then the hallway was silent. The kiss broke and Sam felt one of Seth’s hands move down to the small of his back. “Stop asking me that,” he said. “I want to be with you.”

Sam looked around at all of the stunned onlookers and felt his face burn under their unfaltering gazes.

“That is so romantic,” he heard a girl whisper from somewhere behind him.

The blaring of the bell overhead brought everyone back to their senses and the usual hallway movements resumed as though nothing had interrupted them. Seth took Sam’s hand and led him to his next class.