How Much For Happy?

Chapter Two- Blue Bird

After the night at Marissa’s grave, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Kaitlin that is. Marissa was always in the back of my mind, but now her little sisters broken eyes had permanently been burned into my brain. All I wanted to do was help her, but I didn’t know how.

I didn’t see her so much after that night either, I walked by the cemetery every night though, and I saw her there, but she didn’t see me. Sometimes I caught myself listening to the one sided conversations she had with Marissa and I’d try to pull myself away but her words were so dark and deep, it almost killed me inside to hear this coming from her. She was after all, only 16, and going through so much for her age.

I snapped out of my thoughts at the sound of my phone ringing, I quickly grabbed it and answered it quickly after seeing the name.

“Summer?” I asked a little confused, she hadn’t called me in a month. I’d called her daily for the first couple of weeks, but after the night with Kaitlin, I’d only left a few messages to see how she was, since she hadn’t called me back, I decided just to let her grieve and call me when she’s ready.

“Cohen..” she said softly, it sounded like she had been crying, which would’ve been expected.

“Long time no talk..” I said, with almost a sound of anger in my voice which surprised even me.

“Yeah.. I’m sorry.. I just have been trying not to think about it” she admitted, “how is everything.. Your parents, Ryan and Julie” when she said that I understood exactly what Kaitlin was talking about when she was at the grave, telling Marissa that no one cared.

“My parents are doing okay.. Ryan still isn’t home, and Julie hasn’t left the house in a month..” I said answering her questions, but in the back of my head still thinking about Kaitlin.

“what about you?” she finally asked with a small sigh, I could tell she knew I was being distant.

“I’m okay” I said looking outside my window, I could see Kaitlin clearly, laying by the pool drinking from a bottle of vodka. “I have to go though..” I told her, hearing a small protest before I hung out.

I must admit, I felt kind of like a perv staring out the window at a 16 year old girl in a bikini. But I couldn’t look away. She was so beautiful, sitting there with her eyes closed as she every so often would take a drink of vodka straight from the bottle. I was impressed in the sickest way possible. I finally pulled my eyes away from her and sighed, I had to see her. I don’t know why it was so important to me now, but I felt like I had to help her somehow.

I glanced at the clock, it was almost 1 pm. I tried to think of an excuse to go over there, and finally decided to just go grab lunch and say that my mom told me to bring her some too. Its not like she ever talked to my parents really anyways.

I ran down the stairs and to my car quickly. I decided on Thai takeout. It was the only thing he ever really remembered hearing Kaitlin liked.

After I got the takeout, I stopped by Starbucks, and then headed for home, walking over to the Cooper house and ringing the doorbell. Kaitlin answered a few minutes later, still in her bikini with a towel over her left arm.

“Uh hi” she said looking a little confused.
I smiled a bit before holding up the bag of takeout. She still looked confused so I started to talk.

“I was going to get some lunch.. And my mom thought it’d be a good idea to bring you some.. Its Thai” I offered, she almost looked disappointed when I mentioned my mom and I wondered what that could mean but shrugged it off, “so, hungry?”

She nodded a little before opening the door a little allowing me inside. I looked around, seeing the box of pictures still on the couch. She smiled a little walking towards the backyard.

“I guess since you went through all the trouble..” she said with a small laugh, I was glad to see her smile again though. She sat down at the table outside and waited for me. I followed quickly and sat the food out, before handing her the drink I’d gotten at Starbucks for her.

“I didn’t know what you’d want so I just got you a regular latte..” I explained, she smiled before taking a drink of it.

“Thanks..” she said a little softer than she usually talked, before reaching in the paper bag and grabbing some food. I did the same quickly and we both began to eat in silence. It was a little awkward, but I didn’t really care. A part of me felt really good around her, and the other part of me hated that because she was 16, and was going through so much already she didn’t need anything else on top of it.

“How’ve you been..” I finally asked, even though it was a pretty stupid question to ask a girl who had just lost her older sister.

“I’m okay..” she said shrugging a little, I nodded not sure if I believed her but didn’t want to push it. “What about you?”

“I’m holding up.. Summer called today..” she had probably known that I hadn’t been talking to Summer. It seemed that everyone in Newport always knew everything.

“That’s good.. How is she?” she said a little curious. It then occurred to me that I had no idea how she was. I didn’t bother to ask.

“I think she’s okay.. I kind of had to go so we didn’t talk to for long” I explained and she seemed to understand what I meant. We didn’t say anything else for a while but then I asked another question, “did you look at the pictures..?” I questioned, she nodded a little, she looked a bit upset but I didn’t know why.

“Yeah.. Thanks” she offered a smile, and even though I barely knew her, I knew it was fake.

We sat in another awkward silence, eating and every so often looking up at each other, but then away.

“Have you heard from Ryan..?” she finally asked and I looked up at her, pushing my food away because I was finished.

“No.” I answered honestly, “he hasn’t called anyone.. He won’t pick up his phone either”

“Do you think he found him?” she asked, I knew who she meant, Volchok.

“Not yet.. I think when he finds him we’ll know” I admitted, almost bitterly, she seemed to agree though.

“Is it wrong that I want him to find him..?” she said after a few more minutes, I looked up at her and shook my head.

“I think all of us want him to find him..” I sighed, “ I just don’t want him to get hurt in the process.”

She didn’t really say anything after that, but went over to where she’d been laying and took the bottle that was now half way gone. She returned and sat quietly, very aware that I was watching her every move. I looked a little confused, and she picked up on it, looking at me after she took a long drink, closing her eyes as she followed.

“It helps” she said mumbling a bit but looking away. I kept my eyes on her, as she offered me the bottle. I shook my head.

“How does it help?” I asked curiously, she shrugged a little before taking a drink.

“It makes me feel numb.. It makes the pain bearable.” she explained. I nodded understanding. I couldn’t tell her to stop. Why would she listen to me anyways?

I was about to say something else when my phone started to ring. I jumped a little but looked at it. Summer. I sighed and stood up but pressed ignore.

“I should go.. If you need anything though..” I started and she nodded.

“Thanks for the food” she said as I started to walk away. I looked back a little unsure but smiled, nodding a little.

“I’m right next door if you need anything.. Food.. To talk.. Anything” I said before walking into the house and out the front door. I made my way back to my house and into my room quietly, noticing that my parents weren’t home. I sat there thinking for a while, wondering why she had nobody else. I couldn’t help but wonder why she didn’t hang out with anyone from school, or have a boyfriend. Why was she all alone. It confused me. I sat there thinking for the longest time about it, about her. Wishing I could help her.